This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a 3.14 centimetre snake?

Your penis.

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Taxi passenger

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t...

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My girlfriend always tells everybody that I have a dick like a baby.

I think it’s nobody’s business that it’s 40 centimetres long and weighs 5 kilograms

What's 16 centimetres long and makes every girl happy?

A €500 bill.

A man went into a hotel and asked to see the boss.

When the boss came, the story began.

- The client: Is room 39 empty?
- The boss: Yes, sir.
- The client: Can I book it?
- The boss: Of course you can.
- The client: Thank you.

Before going to the room, the client asked the boss to provide him with a black knife, a 39 centim...

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A lake and a cat.

There once was a lake. A normal, blue-ish lake. 60 centimetres above that lake, flies a fly. A normal fly. 30 centimetres under the surface of the lake, a salmon is swimming.

The salmon think, if the fly flies 30 centimetres lower, I'll jump and eat the fly.

Close to the salmon, standi...

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Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night with Paddy the Pilot and Seamus the co-pilot.

As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window.

"B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is".

"You're not fookin kiddin Paddy", replied Seamus.

"Dis is gonna be one a de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see" said Paddy.

"...

An old arab in the USA want's to plant potatoes,...

... but being the old age that he is, he cannot. He is sad, so he writes an e-mail to his son, whose studying in London.
"Hello, Ahmad, I'm sad. I'd want to plant potatoes, but I'm old and weak"
The son replies soon:
"DAD, DO NOT DIG IN THE GARDEN!! YOU'LL FIND THE THING!!!"

A week...

A girl goes on holidays in Jamaica

She met a nice local and they start dating.
After a couple of days she tells him:
- I am sorry but you never told me your name.
- I can't, you'll find it ridiculous, I don't want you to laugh at me...
- Oh please, please, I promise. I won't laugh at you.
- Ok, my name is S...

I long time ago in the faraway of land of Sweden, there lived a man who dreamt his entire life of becoming a train conductor...

So he studied hard, and with great joy he achieved his goal, working happily for many years. But in time, he began to feel hollow, empty, unfulfilled, and so he thought long and hard, and a dark, primal anger welled up inside him. He decided to take drastic action, and set the trains to crash. The f...

Falklands Heroes

Three soldiers of the Falklands Conflict saved their battalion from a minefield, and their commanding officer decided to reward them. They were waiting for their CO in his office in London when he strolled in. "Well chaps, since this wasn't officially a war I can't give you any medals. So, I will me...

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