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Geriatric Jokes

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Geriatric pick-up lines.

A rather elderly gentleman (mid-eighties) walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is very well-dressed, smelling slightly of an expensive after-shave, hair well-groomed, great-looking suit, flower in his lapel. He presents a suave, well-looked-after image.

Seated at the bar is an elderly fi...

My dad's sister is a geriatric nurse.

With Covid her life has been crazy busy over the past year. She has seen far too many patients die. Now that we have the vaccine she's very excited and gets borderline preachy on why we should all get vaccinated. She talks about it non-stop. It's annoying!

It's like she's become Auntie Vaxx!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Geriatric sex.

An old man and old woman met after both became residents at a retirement home. They began to get pretty friendly, and really enjoyed each others company.

After about 3 weeks of getting to know each other, the old man said to the woman, "I know we are both old and can't do much sexually anymor...

There is a doctor who works with geriatric patients at a rest home.

The first patient comes in and the doctor asks "what's 3 times 3?" The patient responds, "810,958." The doctor jots this down and goes on to the next patient. "What's 3 times 3?" He asks. The second patient replies with "Tuesday." The doctor jots this down and moves on to the 3rd patient. He asks hi...

Unlike past US Elections, the 2024 election is shaping up to be a feisty contest between the GOP and Dems.

The Geriatric Old People's Party and the Dementia Party.

What's a geriatric?

A German footballer scoring three goals.

I made this up today! What do you call a guy who's been left at the old persons home three times in a week?

Jerry hat trick.



(Geriatric)

Why did corona stop on the side of the road?

It helped a geriatric to the other side

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What's 60 foot long and stinks of piss?

A geriatric conga line

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old Mary and Frank have been having some matrimonial issues...

No matter how hard he tries, Frank just can't bring Mary to orgasm anymore.

They decide to visit the doctor for help, because they love each other, in all the ways, and this lack of intimacy is bringing them both down emotionally.

Thankfully the doctor has the answer. He advises Fran...

What do you call it when Jerry sleeps with 3 old women at a nursing home in one night?

A Jerry hat trick.

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[Long] An ex-CIA operative named Arti had a younger sister always getting into mischief...

Arti's sister was beautiful, you see. She would use her looks to get things she wanted, but when she got in over her head, she'd always fall back on big brother Arti's special set of skills to help her out. And since he retired early (after becoming partially disabled saving the President's life fro...

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