UPJOKE
elevationaltitudedistancelevelhighpeaktallwidthlowstatureacmepinnaclesuperlativelengthshort

What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?

A Chicken

What do you call a mountain goat with a fear of heights?

A goat

A young man joins the army.

He promises to call his father every week and update him on how things are going. A few months in he calls home and tells his dad that they started doing parachute jumps this week.

Knowing that his son is greatly afraid of heights, the father asked how it went. "Well, I said I wasn't going t...

Some people have a fear of heights.

Not me, I have a fear of widths.

(Mentions of gore) Once upon a time, there was a very brave but very arrogant man…

This man claimed he could survive anything. He survived falls from various heights, various guns, sharp objects and even acid.

One day, he declared he was going to survive a steamroller. So this brave man went in the roller’s path…

He sadly died that day, but the most important thing ...

Heights Of Insult By A Grammar Freak Girl.

Girl To Boy: "You Are As Useless As Ay In Okay"

I don’t have a fear of heights

It’s just that when I’m up real high, I got a problem with gravity

Starbucks reached new heights this weekend.

They now have a store in Westeros.

Heights of grandiose delusions!

Two criminals (fighting to save their careers) - one dumb and impeached, another indicted - revealing a Middle East “Peace” plan!!

I'm not afraid of heights. I'm not even afraid of falling from heights.

I'm afraid hitting the ground after falling from heights.

Co-pilot: why did you become a pilot? Pilot: to over come my greatest fear. Co-pilot: heights?

Pilot: no, dying alone

Are you at all concerned that the heights of vegetables are rapidly increasing due to the amount of chemicals used on them?

No, I don't carrot tall.

I wasn't afraid of heights until my significant other told me about her bungee jumping accident

I got the fright of my wife.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man joins the Army.

A brave young man during WW2 decides he is going to join Army and show his father he is ready to be a man.
The father who was a veteran himself, and thought this is exactly what his son would need.
His son was always small, scared, and afraid of hard work.

“About time you finally deci...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a bird and a politician?

One shits on people from great heights and the other flies through the air

My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep making comments about her height

So when she gets home from work, i’ve got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I’m going to run her a nice hot sink

Why is jumping from great heights the most influential way to die?

Because you make an impact

My friend is afraid of heights...

I'm more afraid of snakes, but my fear of heights is definitely up there.

A New Yorker Asks for a Cab Ride to Chicago

A man gets in a cab at 33rd St. and Park Ave. and says, "I need to get to the Palmer House."

The cabbie says, "The Palmer House Hotel?"

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "That's on Wabash in Chicago."

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "I'm not gonna drive...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can you tell birds are afraid of heights?

Because everytime they look down they shit themselves.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first military parachute jump

I’m deathly afraid of heights, My best friend and I were scheduled for our first jump. As we rose to 6000 ft.my nerves got the best of me and I slowly moved to the back of the line of ten other Airmen waiting to jump. I watched in horror as my buddy took his leap of faith along with the rest of the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old paratrooper joke

the original one (at least the one that I know) is in Hebrew.
The son is joining the army and his father wants him to become a paratrooper just like he did.

He is not in fit and he is afraid of heights, but his father told him that if he won't become one, he won't be allowed to enter his...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.