Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna Jill said yes and lifted then lifted up her dress they had some fun but silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son

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How did you cut a hill billys dick off

Kick his sister in the jaw

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?

To get to the bottom

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Doc, I don't last long in bed.

The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.

The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it,"

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open....

What do you call a bee that falls down a hill?

A stumble bee.

What do you call 100 sheep rolling down a hill?

A lambslide.

I had a happy childhood, my dad used to put me inside a tyre and roll me down a hill.....

......They were Goodyears.

How does Harry Potter get down a hill really fast?

Running. (Jk, rolling)

What did Kermit the frog say when he got to the top of the hill?

A muppet

Did y'all here about the Colombian Hank Hill?

He sells cocaine and cocaine accessories.

What’s Harry Potter’s favorite way to go down hill?

Walking...J.k Rowling!

It’s an oldy but thought I’d share

What does a mountain say when it's sick?

I'm feeling hill

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A man went on the internet at work and read that if you masturbate before sex then you'll last longer.

So he thinks 'Great, me and the missus were planning a good time tonight"
But he runs into a problem he can't do it at work, because he'll get fired, he can't do it at home because his wife would be there. So after much thinking he comes up with a solution, on his way home he'll pull over, go un...

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Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy...

...But Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock cuz Jill's real name was Randy.

Why couldn't the bicycle make it up the hill?

It was two-tired.

An ageing maple and a gnarled oak were standing on the crest of a hill overlooking a verdant glen.

"You see that young sapling down there," said the oak. "I'm thinking it's a son of a birch."

"No," said the maple. "I'd wager it's a son of a beech."

Just then a ruddy woodpecker landed on a branch nearby.

"Hey Woody," said the maple. "Would you do us a favour and fly down to th...

A blonde and a lawyer are sitting next to each other on a plane.

The lawyer asks the blonde if she wants to play a game, "All you have to do is ask a question and if i get it wrong or don't know it i give you five dollars, then i ask you a question and if you get it wrong you pay me five dollars." 

"No," she says, "I just want to sleep." 

He keeps a...

Bill & Hillary are on a trip back to Arkansas..

They're almost out of gas, so Bill pulls into a service station on the outskirts of town. The attendant runs out of the station to serve them when Hillary realizes it's an old boyfriend from high school.

She and the attendant chat as he gases up their car and cleans the windows. Then they al...

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How did Harry Potter go down the hill?

Tumbling.

Fucking wizardry robes ain’t safe.

Jack and Jill went up the hill

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,
I don't know what they did there,
But they came down with a daughter.

Two guys were tandemcycling up a steep hill.

Once they reached the top, the guy in the front while stil panting said:

"If I wouldn't have pedaled as hard as I did we would not have reached the top"

The other guy in the back responded:

"Yeah, and if I wouldn't have held down the brakes so hard we would have rolled down!"

Three men are sitting on a hill...

They decide to have a competition. The goal is to throw your watch up in the air, run down the hill, and catch it.
The first man prepares himself and throws up his watch. He runs as fast as he can down the hill, but the watch gets there before he does.
The second man (who is much faster than...

What does a butcher call a cow on a hill?

High Steaks

A Soviet army is walking through a finnish field in 1939 during the winter war. Suddenly a voice yells at the other side of a hill.

The voice says: "one finnish soldier is equal to ten soviets"

The soviet commander sends ten soldiers to the hill. They hear gunfire, then silence. Soon the same voice yells again:
"One finnish soldier is equal to a hundred soviets!"

Angry soviet commander sends a hundred soldiers ...

We all know the zip code to Beverly Hills, it’s 90210. But do you remember the one for Dawson’s Creek?

It’s 90108 (for our lives to be over)

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Little Johnny was sitting by an ant hill squashing every ant he could

A priest and a nun came upon Johnny doing this and asked Johnny to stop. Then asked why Johnny would do such a thing.

Johnny: These ants are useless, and I'm mashing them.

The nun and priest were appalled at his reply, "No, no! Nothing in God's beautiful creation is useless!"

Jo...

A man seas a boat full of people from atop a hill.

He was very curious as to who was on the boat and had time to waste, so he decided to walk down to the dock and take a look.
When he got down there he did not see a single soul in sight.
Everyone on the boat was a ginger.

Mountains aren't just funny

They're hill areas

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Why do characters in books and movies always prefer walking or running down hills?

Because Rowling makes them gay.

A russian officer during the winter war hears someone shouting from behind a hill

"one Finnish soldier is worth 10 Russian soldiers!"
Wanting to prove a point the officer sends ten Russians over the hill. After some gunshots and screams the same voice shouts "one Finnish soldier is worth 100 Russian soldiers!" Enraged the officer sends 100 Russian soldiers over the hill. After...

What do you call a group of Caucasians rolling down a hill?

A cracker barrel

A blonde and a lawyer

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the gam...

Why did Hank Hill like UFC?

Because he was pro pain

Three vampires were chilling on a hill

The first vampire Steve says "I'm gonna be back in a minute" and transforms into a bat to fly off. After a while, he comes back with a little drop of blood on his lips. Their friends ask him what happened.

\+Do you see the yellow building over there?

\-Yes.

\+OK, do you see the ...

How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

How did Harry Potter get down the hill? By walking.







J.K. Rowling

I once ate a quarter ounce of mushrooms and drove from Flint from Auburn hills while being lectured by a Giant Goldcap on why i'd never do mushrooms again.

Turns out, he was completely right.

Threw myself down a hill the other day

No real reason for it, it's just the way I roll.

What happened to the Spanish man who slid down a hill?

He got a grassy ass.

A beautiful blonde woman ends up sitting next to a professor on a plane.

He's amused by her ditzy attitude, and the two start playing a trivia game. The blonde agrees to pay a dollar for every question she gets wrong, and the professor, feeling pompous, offers to pay a hundred dollars for his incorrect answers.

After missing the first question, the blonde asks so...

What did B-Real from Cypress Hill say when his daughter came downstairs in a skimpy dress...?

You ain’t going out like that, you ain’t going out like that.

A little boy rides his red wagon down the hill in front of the preachers house.

There was a little boy around 8 or 9 that had a little red wagon. One day he mustered up the courage to ride it down the hill in front of his house past the preachers house. Well, he got in the wagon and started down the hill and halfway down a wheel falls off and he goes off the road in front of th...

You should all be ashamed of making fun of Jonah Hill.

The guy’s been through thick and thin.

Two windmills are sitting on a hill. One turns to the other and asks "What kind of music do you like?"

The other windmill replies "I'm a big metal fan."

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A college kid was hitchhiking through the hills of Scotland

A college kid was hitchhiking through the hills of Scotland, when, as is the custom in such areas, an unexpected rainstorm came up. Seeking shelter, he found an old stone pub with a light on, and stumbled in through the front door. The pub was painfully small, with just a handful of stools, a bark...

Why does Cotton Hill from "King of the Hill" like to throw rocks?

Because Jesus said, "Let he who is without shins cast the first stone."

So these two cows are sitting on top of the hill.....

One cow says to the other cow.. did you hear about this mad cow disease? The other cow says what the hell do I care I'm a helicopter

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Bill and Hillary

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I put a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.”
In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In it ...

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A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big st...

TIL the word “Manhattan” means “island of many hills” in the language of the original inhabitants and the hills were leveled as the city evolved.

I guess you could say it was man-flattened.

What do you get when you cross Hank Hill with Bob Ross?

A Pro-painter.

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God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, 'Where have you been?'
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, 'Look, Michael. Look what I've made.'
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, 'What is it?'
'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's...

Researchers rolled an assortment of vegetables down a hill to see which would travel fastest

Stephen Hawking won by a landslide

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So John can't take it anymore, so abandons society and makes to the hills.

He's happy as months go by. One day, a large, gruff looking Hill-Billy type man knocks on his door. "The name is Lars" he said. "I'm having a party tonight... wanna come?"

John: "well... I've been alone for months now, I like it but I do get lonely... Sure, I'll come"

Lars: nod. "Just ...

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The Supreme Court ruled there cannot be a Nativity Scene on Capitol Hill.

This isn't for any religious reason. They just haven’t been able to find Three Wise Men in DC. A search for a virgin was also fruitless. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

I once took this one girl to my favorite spot up in the hill

I once took this one girl to my favorite spot up in the hill, long story short, we start to make out, we are taking off cloth after cloth, when suddenly I hear some strange noise. Well basically she mistook my "wand" with hand brake, so it's needless to say that all went down hill from there.

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The goat at the base of the hill

A man is new to town and steps in the local pub for a drink. After a couple drinks he decides to ask the bartender

"Where are the women around here? I need to get laid."

The bartender says "You're not gonna find any around here, but there is a goat at the base of the hill..."
...

How did the Hill Billie find his sister in the woods?

Pretty good

Age is not an excuse. I just caught an 80-year-old man doing exercise down a hill.

He was very acrobatic too, doing flips in his wheelchair.

What goes on top of a hill with three legs and comes down with four?

A monkey that gets turned on by altitude.

My contribution to the lawyer and blonde joke.

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