UPJOKE
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Given his stature, you’d think that Donald Trump would be a terrible limbo player….

Yet he still manages to bring the bar lower and lower!

How do you call a conductor in the train with the small stature?

Semiconductor

Engineer and an Academic on a plane

An engineer is getting an 8 hour business flight and next to him sits an academic. The engineer is tired and had a crammed week of line side meetings, design meeting, improvement meetings etc. he just wants to get some sleep as its a night flight and he is back in the office in the morning, so forms...

A might King was nearing the end of his life, and knew he needed a suitor for his daughter before he died.

In order to find the bravest, mightiest, most valiant man in the Kingdom (and perhaps cull out a few of the weaker ones), the King decided to host a challenge.

He invited the *entire* Kingdom to gather around a large pool that he filled with snakes, alligators, eels, and every other kind of d...

After being found guilty of massive tax fraud and sentenced to 30 years in prison, a world renowned clairvoyant used his short stature to escape and is currently on the run from authorities.

The headlines read 'Small Medium at Large'

One day at the bar, the warden of a prison and the manager of a football club get into a argument about football.

The warden mocks the manager’s players. Saying they are pathetic, over-payed babies who collapse whenever there’s a slight breeze. He claims that his inmates, could beat them easily as they are made of sterner stuff.

The manager laughs. The inmates are all criminals, they would cheat or even ...

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms ...

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A Priest takes a walk down to the docks one day

and runs into a fisherman that attends his church. Upon hearing that the priest has a few hours off the fisherman invites him out to sea to fish with him.

Out at sea it doesn't take long for the fisherman to realize that the priest has no idea how to fish, so he gives him some quick instructi...

Little person in the grocery line

I was in line at the grocery store yesterday and behind me in line was a dwarf or little person or whatever is the right word to call him. I chatted with him about the weather and during our conversation he mentioned his wife. I couldn’t help but ask if she was of the same stature as him or not. He ...

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There was a king ready to abdicate.

So he brought in his 3 sons. He tells them, "Each of you will receive a trial, the first to complete their trial will become king."

Beginning with his eldest son, a brave and foolhardy man of great stature he says, "You are to bring me your grandmother's emerald ring, lost decades ago in the ...

A man walks into a bar

he notices a jar of cash on the counter, and asks the bartender, ”what’s with the jar” the bartender explains it is the prize for completing a set of challenges, entry is $5. The man orders a few drinks, all the while he contemplates attempting the challenges. After his 5th glass he sets down $5 dol...

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A young man goes on a date with a very short girl.

Despite her stature she is pretty sweet and beautiful. The date is going well and after a long walk he decided to walk her home.

As they are walking they start holding hands, kissing and finally they start making out against a wall in a dark alley. The man is getting horny so he sees a hook u...

There was a pope who was greatly loved by all of his followers

He was a man who led with gentleness, faith, and wisdom. His passing was grieved by the entire world.

As the pope approached the Gates of heaven, St Peter greeted him in a firm embrace. "Welcome, Your Holiness. Your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man during your life has...

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Bancroft was an unimpressive man

he had no viable skills or accomplishments. He has always dreamed of joining the king’s army and becoming a knight but was always rejected as he was too short. He would often complain to his friend, Alcott, about his height. He would repeatedly say, “If only I was taller, I would be able to be a kni...

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A black piece of tarmac walks into a bar..

A black piece of tarmac walks into a bar, he's exhausted after a hard day's graft on the road.

The black piece of tarmac is huge in stature, built like a brick shithouse.. only tarmac.

It's a new bar and as he throws the door open the room falls silent and the ten foot tall monolith ca...

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The Leprechaun Thief

I met a Leprechaun once, in a pub in Ireland. He was just minding his own business when I sat down on the stool next to him and ordered my drink.

"Your favourite Stout, please.", i said to the bartender. The Leprechaun turned his head and sized me up.

"You're a proper lad", he quipped....

The king

Once there was a great tribal king. Fearlessly, he led his troops into battle. He settled disputes fairly, and ruled with grace and compassion. And he lived a humble life. No palaces for this king; he lived in a straw hut just like the rest of his subjects, and shared out the tribes resources so tha...

A panhandler stops a man and asks for some money to buy something to eat...

The man replied, "I'll tell you what I can do, seeing as I'm on my way to the pub, how about I buy you a drink?"


The homeless man proclaims, "but I do not drink, I'm just looking for money to get something to eat."


"Well how about a couple of good cigars I've received from my l...

TIFU by rear ending a car over the holiday weekend

In most states, it's against the law to text and drive and sure enough I was trying to do one of those quick replies to a text I just received by holding the phone down and out of sight.

As fate would have it, the car in front of me stopped short and given I was looking down for that brief ...

[NSFW] Stan had a short father and a tall mother.

As child, he was always worried that he'd be short. So when he hit his growth spurt and became quite tall, he was very happy. Every time he would see a family member they would say *"Look how tall you are, you must get it from your mom!"*

With his considerably large stature came his considera...

A joke my nursing teacher told the class

A new nurse on the psychiatric ward goes into a patient's room to talk the patient and check up on her. The nurse asks the patient "How are you doing today?"

The patient says "That's no way to address me!"

"What do you mean?" replies the nurse

"You should address someone of my s...

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