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Fortunate Jokes

I just opened up a fortune cookie and there wasn’t a fortune inside.

I thought to myself, “that’s unfortunate.” -True story

Fortunately her pa is rich

"So you think your daughter has exceptional talent?"

"There's no doubt of it," replied the fond mother, "although we can't exactly locate it. The music teacher says it's for painting and the art teacher says it's for music."

A Redditor became a chemist and decided to seek his fortune making breath mints.

He made one set of mints that were saturated in caffeine. It made him a significant amount of money but people complained about being a little too agitated by them.

He followed up with a heavily alcoholic variety, which was very well received and made him millions, but which had the unfortuna...

99.9% of people are idiots.

Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people

Daniel Craig has narrowly avoided death after falling into an industrial mixer whilst on a Martini factory tour. Fortunately the machine wasn't switched on.

He is reportedly shaken

I'm always looking out for people less fortunate than me.

I don't want them to rob me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm really fortunate for my sphincter muscle.

Without it I'd lose my shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nazi Germany sponsored a program for less fortunate kids to travel to the Far East.

it was called "youth in Asia".

I went into the bathroom, but there was no toilet paper. Fortunately, I saw a stack of napkins and thought to myself...

I'll have to make doo with these.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I accidentally walked in on my roommate and his girlfriend having sex;

fortunately they didn't see me for almost a half hour.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's the time of the French Revolution and they're doing their usual daily beheadings..

Today they're leading a priest, a prostitute and an engineer up to the guillotine.

They ask the priest if he wants to be face up or face down when he meets his fate. The priest says that he would like to be face up so he will be looking toward heaven when he dies. They raise the blade of the ...

I almost lost my job as a DJ at a country music station

I accidentally played the same three songs for five hours. Fortunately, our listeners didn't seem to notice.

I was so fortunate that a Muslim family was able to take me in when Social Isolation when into effect.

Now I am in Quran-tine.

My grief counselor suddenly died.

Fortunately he was excellent so I don't care.

What did everyone say about Nathan when he got fired from the fortune cookie factory?

That’s unfortunate.

I saved a fortune by not vaccinating my child.

Which was fortunate, because kids funerals don’t come cheap.

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car

Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor

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