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I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

The priest is in jail now.

I was blessed with the gift of hindsight

- But that's not a special ability
- I can see that now

A religious man was thinking about how good his wife was to him, so he prayed to god to give thanks.

To the man’s astonishment, the booming voice of god spoke to him.

**Man:** God, I’m so grateful that you gave me my wife. If I may ask, my Lord, why did you make her so beautiful?

**God:** I made her so beautiful so that you could love her, my son.

**Man:** And why did you mak...

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There was a man named Ray Berkowitz who, unfortunately for him, was not blessed in the looks department.

For a long time he thought he would never meet a woman. But one day he met a nice woman who was also far from pretty and they ended up getting married... and she got pregnant.

They decided that if it was a boy they were gonna name him Charles.

One day while Ray was out of town for work...

I had a vision of a disaster. I'm going to die in a car crash on the way home from holiday today, along with my friend and girlfriend. On the bright side, we all lived blessed lives and will be going to heaven. St. Peter, of course, still mans the gates, and gives us a warm welcome. There's ducks.

He explains that in heaven, we have limitless paradise and can do anything our hearts desire, but that there's only one rule we must obey. "You see, God made all creatures with love, but he kinda loves ducks the most. They're his absolute favorite creature."

We can tell. There's ducks *everyw...

What do you call a blessed blanket?

Holy sheet!

A friend asked me if I felt especially blessed to have the privilege of cleaning out Catwoman's toilet...

"Halle loo, yeah!"

Blessed are the guys......

Without girlfriends, for they shall enjoy their salary in peace.

I'm Blessed

I have enough money to not work the rest of the year.

Since vampires are hurt by holy water, I always wondered why Priests don’t bless storm clouds and kill them from above. Then I realized why most vampires live in Europe

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa

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At age 12, Little Johnny was blessed with a nine inch penis.

And three years later, that priest went to prison.

I was given a bag of peanuts which was blessed by the Pope....

I gave them away. I hate religious nuts.

One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.

Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.

Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and p...

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When I was a younger lad I was blessed with an 8 1/2" penis

Unfortunately it belonged to father O'Malley

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The Golf Fairy

A man was playing 18 holes by himself. On the 15th tee he hooked his ball into some buttercups along the left of the fairway. Being an honorable man, he penalized himself one stroke and moved his ball out of the pretty flowers.

Then a fairy appeared. She said “Thank you for moving your ball o...

Not This Time

A man is blessed with four beautiful daughters but he always wanted a son. So he and his wife get to work and they try and try and finally are able to conceive a son. When the son is born, it's one ugly baby. The husband is visibly upset and suspects his wife cheated on him and decides to confront h...

Jesus said, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."

But I think it'd be nice if God let everyone see him, regardless if you have a coronary blockage.

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I was blessed with a 9inch cock at 9 years old...

... But that priest is in jail now, so we don't talk about it...

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Guy goes to mass at St. Peter's Basilica...

Sitting opposite him in the front row are two hobos. Throughout the entire mass, the hobos are eating peanuts and dropping the shells on the floor.

The man is very angry at this, and decides he's going to give the hobos a piece of his mind after the mass is over.

However, at the concl...

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I was blessed with a rather large penis

That's when my local priest was arrested

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I was blessed with a 10 inch penis when I was 12 years old...

...I really hope that creepy-ass priest is still in jail.

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An Irish man loved his golf, but he was a terrible golfer, it would seem, as he often found himself hunting for his balls in the woods

on one such occasion, he happened upon a leprechaun. whom it would appear he had accidently hit with his errant shot.

Gently shaking him awake, he asks "Are you ok?"

"Aye, you show such kindness to me. I will grant ye three wishes."


"T'is OK, I am already blessed enough...

My wife has a peculiar cooking habit

So, my wife and I are newly weds, and she's a great cook, but I noticed she did something strange when preparing sausages. Just before she puts them in the skillet, she cuts off about an inch on both sides of the sausages.

After having witnessed this a couple of times, I asked her why she di...

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God blessed me with a 20 cm long penis when I was 14 yrs old.

Then they arrested the priest.

These Britishers are great !!

These Britishers are great !!



British PM Boris Johnson has been blessed with a baby boy from his girlfriend.



Johnson and Johnson have come out with a single dose Covid vaccine .



They let out an ad featuring the PM with his kid and their vaccine’s name in...

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A pastor and a nun

had been asked to speak at a catholic seminar out of town. It was quite a long drive, so they had to stay in a hotel for the night. Unfortunately, during the christmas holidays, all hotels were packed. After visiting 3 hotels that were completely full, they finally found one that had a spare room. T...

You could say that I've been blessed with green fingers

Or you could say I pick my nose far too much.

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Roger was very thin because he was afraid to spend a lot of money on food. He looked forward to the day when his grandfather would die and leave him a fortune.

His grandfather was blessed with both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. So he planned that when he finally died all he would leave to Roger was a cookie.

But what a cookie.

It was made with butter, churned from milk from a yak milked by a virginal milkmaid on the highest field o...

Blessed is he, whose mind is clean.

He removed my blouse
I kept quiet

He removed my bra
I kept quiet

He removed my skirt
I kept quiet

He removed my underwear
I kept quiet

Then carefully he removed my panties

Then, I shouted: Bill! Is that space not enough for you to hang your clothes? M...

The blessed arrival of a baby into my life yesterday would have been greeted with a lot more joy...

If I could only figure out who mailed it to me.

Kanye West

After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take...

Blessed Are The Red-Necked

“What’s wrong, Bubba?” asked the pastor.

“I need you to pray for my hearing,” said Bubba.

The pastor put his hands on Bubba’s ears and prayed. When he was done, he asked, “So how’s your hearing?”

“I don’t know,” said Bubba. “It isn’t until next Tuesday.”

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