Happy New Year Jokes

A guy walks into a bar on New Year's Eve and orders a glass of champagne. "Happy New Years!" he shouts. "Calm down," the bartender reprimands him. "It's still hours away." "Sorry," the guy apologizes. "My doctor told me I sometimes suffer from premature congratulations."

"It's not even close to midnight yet, you idiot," the bartender reprimands him. "Oh, I'm sorry. I suspect I might have a rare medical condition that makes me yell that," the guy apologizes. "I think I suffer from premature congratulations."

Sorry I suffer from premature congratulation

After this had occurred, the Prime Minister approached him.

*"Dearest Putin, I had a problem. I called my relatives in the east to wish them good night, and they told me they were on the beach enjoying the sun."*

*"And then I called my family in Kaliningrad to wish them a happy holiday... read more

Sent from IE browser

I don’t have 2020 vision

This is the only day you can upvote this

" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."
<... read more

Hey guys I'm sending this through Internet Explorer, hope you guys had a great 2012!

1) Stop writing lists.

B) Be more consistent.

7) Learn to count.

A fizzician!


I’ll see myself out






Edit: I guess adding mentos to this joke was a good idea...

Thanks for the gold and silvers!

Happy New Years y’all!

Happy New Year!

If I intentionally or unintentionally hurt you in any way during 2016, just know that I'm really sorry. I'm really grateful to have you in my life and just know that I'm never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
Never gonna ma... read more

Because today they got into a fight, and 2021!

Happy new year y’all!

Either he had the year wrong, or he made a comment on his fantastic vision.

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post ... read more