Why don't lions hang out with other species?

**Their pride gets in the way.**

Where do French gangsters hang out?

The baghetto.

Does anyone know where I could find people with similar interests to regularly hang out with?

Asking for a friend.

Why do teenage girls only hang out in groups of odd numbers?

Because they can’t even.

Why do cannibals hang out in libraries?

Because Readers Digest

Why do Seagulls hang out by the ocean?

Because if they hung out by the bay, they'd be bagels.

What do you call it when fellow javelin throwers hang out?

A Meet n' Yeet

Where do the Sith hang out after school?

The Darth Mall.

What do you call a place where brass musicians hang out and drink?


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever I'm constipated, I go hang out with my neighbor

Because, I swear, that guy annoys the shit out of me.

Does anyone want to hang out, chat, and basically just be buddies with a lonely guy?

I’m asking for a friend.

Why does everyone hang out with matches?

Because they're lit.

My best friend doesn’t wanna hang out with me anymore because he says I’m “behind the times.”

Wait until everyone on MySpace hears about this.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the two ants that liked to hang out on the toilet seat?

One got pissed off.

Bill and Fred hang out at the beach . . .

Bill meets a lot of girls, but Fred can’t get anywhere with them. Finally, Fred takes Bill aside and asks him, “What’s your secret?”

“Well,” Bill says in a low voice, “I always put a potato in my trunks. Works every time!”

Fred thinks that it’s a great idea, and the next day, he puts a...

Why Don't the Other Olympians Hang Out With Dionysus?

All he does is wine.

Why do white teenage girls always hang out in groups of 3, 5 or 7?

They just, like, literally can't even

In high school some kids told me they’d give me $20 to hang out with them.

Turns out it was just clique bait.

What do you call the tone deaf brutes that hang out with rock musicians?


Why do programmers hang out together?

Because they are codependent

I can’t hang out with people without feet

Sorry, I’m lack toes intolerant.

I had the time of my life in quarantine. I did what i wanted, when i wanted. Now that things are opening up where i live, i have to go back to work and feel obligated to hang out with friends.

I feel like my freedoms are being taken away!
Wake up!

I’m from Pittsburgh, originally — and just hang out with my mom for a little bit, you know?

Wanted to go home and hang out with her for a little bit, you know, help her out, cheer her up. But all my mom cares about now is the lottery and me running errands for her. Like, every day. Every day, it’s, “Anthony, go play my numbers. Go play my numbers, please. I don’t want to miss out today.” F...

My buddy was in a motorcycle accident and lost half his foot. So now he's handicapped. He's still the same guy, but I just can't hang out with him anymore. So I realized something important about myself.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never hang out with someone named richard

He's usually a dick

Why does Mario prefer to hang out with Toad more than Luigi?

Because he's a fungi.

Wife got mad when I told her I must hang out with the guys once a week.

She hates my mandates.

You know why you should never hang out with that guy from Chicago?

Illinois you.

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven"...

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me.....

I always hang out with my imaginary friend.

People used to think I'm crazy talking to myself in public.

But everything is fine now; I wear airpods.

Why do people hang out around aspen trees?

They're very *poplar*.

The janitor lady in our apartment building wanted me to hang out with her and smoke pot. I said no.

I tend to avoid high maintenance women.

A group of girls named Karen, Jane and Ruth often hang out. What are Karen and Jane like by themselves?

Completely Ruthless

All of the states in the continental US got together for a party. The only rule was that each state could only hang out with the states it borders. Everybody was having fun except for one state who said

"Is everyone else stuck talking to only one state, or is it just ME?"

To improve corporate rapport , they made it compulsory for guys to hang out with other guys outside of work

I guess that was the "mandate"

How did the beluga respond to their beluga friend asking them to hang out?

“Might as whale.”

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

Two guys, Fred and Bob, liked to hang out at the beach, trying to meet girls. Bob always got dates, but Fred kept striking out.

One day, Fred took Bob aside and asked him, “What’s your secret?”

Bob grinned and said, “All I do is put a potato in my shorts.” Fred nodded and thanked him for the tip.

The next day, Bob showed up and watched the girls running away from Fred, leaving him standing there, looking confus...

Help! I need activity suggestions. I’m going to hang out with my father, first thing tomorrow morning. He’s a retired Naval officer and an alcoholic.

What do you do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning??

People often say that I hang out with the wrong crowd...

They say things like, "Hey, we're over here," and "Hey, you don't even know those people!"

Where do all the fun guys hang out?

In Mushrooms.

Me: You wanna hang out later? / Her: Sorry, I don’t talk to guys under 6’

Me: Please Mom? I miss you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A zoophile, a sadist, a necrophile, a pyromaniac and a masochist hang out together...

Zoophile: "We should fuck a cat"

Sadist: "Yeah and after that we torture it to death"

Necrophile: "Awesome idea! And when it's dead we will fuck it again"

Pyromaniac: "And wenn we're done we just set that molested animal on fire!"

Then the Masochist clears his throat and ...

I told my friend i couldn't hang out because i have the bubonic plague

He just said "aw rats" and walked off

Where do all the funny people hang out at a party?

In the punch line

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn't the fork and spoon want to hang out with the butter knife?

He was just too dull.

Why did the cops hang out at the coffee shop?

In case somebody got mugged.

Who do you hang out with, a strawberry, a celery stick or a mushroom?

The mushroom because he's a fungi.

Why did the Chemist and Physicist refuse to hang out with the Biologist?

Because he had terrible bi.o

Why do the other numbers not hang out with 1, 4, 9, 16, and 25?

Because they're just a bunch of squares.

Where do all the world war 1 veterans hang out?

In the Trench Club

Why shouldn't you hang out with zombies?

They make rotten friends

What was Obi-Wan Kenobi's favorite place to hang out?

The Maul.

I wonder if church musicians and surgeons ever hang out

They could just chill and talk about organs

Why don't anti-vaxxers hang out in bars?

They're afraid of the shots.

If I had to choose to hang out with either Mario, Luigi or Toad. I'd pick Toad.

He seems like a fungi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who do grammar nazis hang out with now?

The alt-write.

Does anybody want to hang out and form a bond over our shared interests?

I'm asking for a friend.

Where do horses like to hang out?

In the neigh-bourhood.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's the first warm Saturday of spring, so I asked my friends if they'd like to have some beer and hang out on my dock for a few hours.

Fucking autocorrect.

Where do hillbillies like to hang out during the summer?

The shallow end of the gene pool.

What's the best part of the library to hang out if you want to get laid?

Adult friction.

Why couldn't Big Bird hang out with the sesame street gang?

Because he was ostrich-sized...

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