Hang Out Jokes - 55 Hilarious Hang Out Jokes

Why do Electricians never get to hang out with their friends?

Because they're always grounded!

Where do superheroes hang out?

Cape Town

Where do the smart fish hang out?

A think tank.

Where do the smart fishermen catch em from?

A scholar ship.

Why do white teenage girls always hang out in groups of 3, 5 or 7?

They just, like, literally can't even

Anyone know where a guy can find someone to hang out with, maybe have a few beers with, talk to, and kinda just enjoy spending time with?

Asking for a friend.

What is the favorite place that mathematicians hang out at?

It's the Times Square

Anyone wanna hang out, grab a drink or shoot some pool?

Asking for a friend

Why do teenage girls only hang out in 3’s, 5’s, 7’s, etc.?

Because they can’t even

Where do French gangsters hang out?

The baghetto.

So Spider-Man and Silver Surfer decided to hang out one day

Yeah, I think they surfed the web together

Why don't criminals hang out in front of pubs?

Because they usually end up behind bars.

Where do trumpet players hang out after work?

Hornpub

Where do mediaeval soldiers hang out when they're off duty?

At the knight club

Why don't lions hang out with other species?

**Their pride gets in the way.**

Why do Seagulls hang out by the ocean?

Because if they hung out by the bay, they'd be bagels.

Where can I find someone to hang out with and share a companionship?

Asking for a friend.

Why do cannibals hang out in libraries?

Because Readers Digest

Does anyone want to meet up irl and play games together? Or we could just hang out and talk about life

Asking for a friend.

Why do programmers hang out together?

Because they are codependent

Why does everyone hang out with matches?

Because they're lit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW]I Was Surprised When My deadbeat roommate actually had rent money on time

"Yeah, man, I got a job."

"Doing what?," I asked.

"I hang out in the alley and give blow jobs."

"Sounds like a hard way to make money."

"Nah, man, my very first night I made $300.05"

I scoffed, "Who paid you a nickel?"

He said, "They all did."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whenever I'm constipated, I go hang out with my neighbor

Because, I swear, that guy annoys the shit out of me.

Where do the Sith hang out after school?

The Darth Mall.

Why Don't the Other Olympians Hang Out With Dionysus?

All he does is wine.

What do you call it when fellow javelin throwers hang out?

A Meet n' Yeet

I can’t hang out with people without feet

Sorry, I’m lack toes intolerant.

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven"...

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me.....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never hang out with someone named richard

He's usually a dick

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dwarf was drinking in a bar, when a sexy blonde walked up to him and said "Ive always wanted to have sex with a little person"

**The dwarf replied "Im sorry, but Ive had women say that before, then I go home with them and the husband or boyfriend finds out and I get beaten up" "Its ok" said the woman, "my husband is working away until next week" So, against his better judgement he goes back with the woman. They start having...

Why did the polar bears on Noah's Ark hang out near the insects?

They were looking for the ark tick.

My best friend doesn’t wanna hang out with me anymore because he says I’m “behind the times.”

Wait until everyone on MySpace hears about this.

I went to hang out at a friend's house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I kicked him out, I hate having people over.

What do you call a place where brass musicians hang out and drink?

HornPub

I always hang out with my imaginary friend.

People used to think I'm crazy talking to myself in public.

But everything is fine now; I wear airpods.

Why do people hang out around aspen trees?

They're very *poplar*.

Does anyone want to hang out, chat, and basically just be buddies with a lonely guy?

I’m asking for a friend.

Bill and Fred hang out at the beach . . .

Bill meets a lot of girls, but Fred can’t get anywhere with them. Finally, Fred takes Bill aside and asks him, “What’s your secret?”

“Well,” Bill says in a low voice, “I always put a potato in my trunks. Works every time!”

Fred thinks that it’s a great idea, and the next day, he puts a...

Wife got mad when I told her I must hang out with the guys once a week.

She hates my mandates.

What do you call a high up hotel suite with drunk, nauseous upstairs neighbors who like to hang out on the balcony?

A room with a spew.

What do you call the tone deaf brutes that hang out with rock musicians?

Bassists.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A zoophile, a sadist, a necrophile, a pyromaniac and a masochist hang out together...

Zoophile: "We should fuck a cat"

Sadist: "Yeah and after that we torture it to death"

Necrophile: "Awesome idea! And when it's dead we will fuck it again"

Pyromaniac: "And wenn we're done we just set that molested animal on fire!"

Then the Masochist clears his throat and ...

Where do all the fun guys hang out?

In Mushrooms.

The janitor lady in our apartment building wanted me to hang out with her and smoke pot. I said no.

I tend to avoid high maintenance women.

Why don't anti-vaxxers hang out in bars?

They're afraid of the shots.

Why does Mario prefer to hang out with Toad more than Luigi?

Because he's a fungi.

Where do all the funny people hang out at a party?

In the punch line

I make it a habit to hang out with groups of gymnasts

Because there’s safety in tumblers.

Why does Mr. Hankey like to hang out in bakeries?

Cuz gosh, they sure do smell all nice and flour-y...

Why shouldn't you hang out with zombies?

They make rotten friends

People often say that I hang out with the wrong crowd...

They say things like, "Hey, we're over here," and "Hey, you don't even know those people!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the two ants that liked to hang out on the toilet seat?

One got pissed off.

Where do horses like to hang out?

In the neigh-bourhood.

You know why you should never hang out with that guy from Chicago?

Illinois you.

Where do criminal spiders hang out?

The deep web

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who do grammar nazis hang out with now?

The alt-write.

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