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French Horn Jokes

I was walking down the street today and got hit by a violin and then a clarinet, and then a French horn…

I was walking down the street today and got hit by a violin and then a clarinet, and then a French horn.

I believe it was orchestrated!

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French Horn

Two women are talking with each other. One asks the other "What happened to the French Horn player that you were dating?"

The other says, "We broke up...he was a little freaky."

"How do you mean?" asks the other

"Well," she answers "let me put it like this. Every time we would k...

Dating a French Horn player

A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?"

"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."

The next night she went out with a tub...

Why do French horns make such a loud noise?

You would too, if someone blew in one end of you and shoved their hand in the other

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Four musicians are arguing about who gives the best blowjobs in the band.

The first says, “Clarinet players are the best, because they can put so much in their mouth and still play beautifully.”

The second says, “No, it’s flute players! They can handle the mouthpiece sensitively while still using their fingers.”

The third still disagrees, and says “It’s oboe...

How many French horn players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

100, 1 to screw it in and 99 to say how they could do it better.

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What's the worst part about dating a French horn player?

Whenever you kiss, they shove their fist up your ass.

A night at the symphony

Many years ago there was a Symphony Orchestra conducted by the great Alistair Baldwick. He was one of the most renowned Symphony conductors of all time, and on this special night he was going to conduct a magnificent piece by Bach. It was one of the most difficult pieces for both players and conduct...

How do you make a trombone sound like a French Horn?

Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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A music joke someone made in my composition class. How do you know you're kissing a french horn player?

You know because she has her fist up your ass.

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I had to break up with my French horn playing girlfriend...

...She was great, but every time we kissed she tried to put her fist in my ass.

Jess loved to date musicians

One night, she has a date with a trumpeter. When she returned home, her housemate asked 'So was the trumpeter a potential keeper?'


'No' replied Jess 'His lips were so tight and dry. He was no fun to kiss'


The next night, she has a date with a tubist. Again, Jess returns hom...

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A lover of the orchestra

A woman is in a hospital, with some teeth missing and a swollen lip. Her friend comes to visit.

“Oh my god, what happened?”

“One of the guys I hooked up with from the orchestra.”

“That’s terrible, I’m so sorry. Was it the trumpet player? I always thought he was a dick.”

...

Some musician related jokes

Why can't a clarinet player keep a girlfriend? Whenever they start talking dirty, his voice cracks.

Why can't a French horn player keep a girlfriend? Whenever they start making out, his hand goes to the wrong place.

What do you call a euphonium player who isn't part of a military band?...

A tradie driving along when he sees a sign outside a house saying: “Talking dog for sale – $20.”

He can’t believe his eyes. He pulls up, gets out and knocks on the door.

“Yeah, he’s just round the back,” the owner says, and sure enough there’s the dog with his elbow on the fence chatting away to the next-door neighbour.
“I can’t believe it!” says the tradie. “You can really talk?”
...

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