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Drummer Jokes

What did the drummer call his twin daughters ?

Anna One, Anna Two

We kicked the drummer out if the band because his timing was awful.

He was so upset he went to the station and threw himself behind a train.

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

10.

1 to change the bulb and 9 to tell you how much better they could've done it

Why can’t George W Bush get hired as a drummer?

Because most songs are in 4/4 but Bush only does 9/11

Did you hear about the drummer who got a cymbal stuck in his rear?

Doc says it was a freak injury. I mean, what are the odds? Must be a Zildjian in one!

How do you know when a bass player and drummer are at your front door?

The knocking is out of time and they don't know when to come in.

Four musicians and a drummer walk into a bar. (Drummer jokes!)

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
*The knocking speeds up and he doesn't know where to come in.*

How do you get the drummer away from your door?
*Pay for the pizza.*

What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
*Gifted.*

Why did the bassist keep drumstick...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pissed-off drummer is tired of people saying he's not a real musician.

Goes to the music store and says, "I'll show
'em. Gimme that red trumpet and that accordion."

Music store guy says, "You can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator has to stay."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the drummer name their daughters?

Anna 1, Anna 2, Anna 3. They were shit at making names.

Did you hear about the drummer Who’s wife who had twin girls?

He named them Anna 1 & Anna 2.

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

Homeless

How do you know when a drummer is knocking on your door? (What are your favorite musician jokes?)

The knocking gets faster as it goes on.



You hear a knock on your door, you open it to find a bass player standing there. What do you do?

Pay him for the pizza!



Two drummers walk past a bar...



How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
Put ...

What's a drummer's favorite vegetable?

Beats

My flatmate is a drummer and his practicing has been getting on my nerves

I told him that if he didn't stop, there'd be repercussions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a drummer and a toilet?

The toilet only has to take shit from one asshole at a time. . .

What chairs do drummers use to drum in?

A rocking chair.

How do drummers brush their teeth?

With tooth Paiste

My family's favorite drummer jokes.

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they have machines for that now.

What did the drummer say before he was kicked out of the band?

Hey, I thought I'd share some song ideas I've written.

How do you count drummers?

1, 2 ... 1, 2, 3, 4.

A good drummer, a bad drummer, a trumpeter and a clarinetist are standing im each corner of a football field

You throw $100 in the middle of the field. Who gets the money first?

The bad drummer. There are no good drummers, the trumpeter doesn’t move for just 100 bucks and the clarinetist didn’t understand the game.

One armed drummer tells a dad joke,

Badum...

Why are drummers impulsive?

They never consider the repercussions.

What was the last thing the drummer said to the band?

Listen to this guys I wrote us a song.


-curtesy of Dave Grohl

Kid says to mom “when I grow up I wanna be a drummer!”

Mom says “you can’t do both!”

How do you get a drummer off your porch?

Pay for the pizza.

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless

Have you tell if the stage Riser is even?
Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

What's the difference between a drummer and a percussionist?
Evolution, the percussionist ha...

What do you call a beautiful girl on a drummer's arm?

A tattoo.

How do you get a drummer off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

My Grandad was the best drummer in the world

He used to practice 18 hours a day, seven days a week, every day of the year.
Morning, noon, and night he'd be banging away with his sticks, so dedicated he was, he didn't even have a set of drums, preferring instead to play on old biscuit tins, bottles, anything he could lay his hands on.
He ...

After an orchestra drummer performed particularly poorly, the conductor sarcastically told him, "when they find someone who can't play any instrument, they give him two sticks and make him the drummer."

The drummer retorted, "and if he can't play that either, they take away one stick and make him the conductor."

A band's drummer decides to quit

So the band has to audition for new drummers. They interview a bunch of people, and they decide to play a gig with the best one that night to see if he'll work out.


It goes great, except after every song, the new drummer says something like "You gotta brush your teeth or else you'll get g...

A drummer got a tattoo of their drum kit... [OC]

...it was very cymbalic

What does a ska drummer do when they drop a stick?

Pickitup pickitup pickitup!

A drummer got sentenced to prison for repeatedly beating up people.

He got his repercussions.

How do you know a hat belongs to a little drummer boy?

It has a proper pom-pom, proper pom-pom, proper pom-pom

What’s the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?

You only need to punch instructions into a drum machine once.

I'm addicted to being a bad drummer

I wanted to quit but I just couldn't beat it.

How do you catch a drummer?

By laying down a snare.

How many jokes are there about drummers?

At least a zildjian

A drummer needed a car, but only had $200

A drummer desperately needed a car, any car, to get to work, but he only had $200. He called his friend who owned a used car lot and explained the situation.

“You’re in luck,” the friend told the drummer. “I’ve got a brand new Jaguar. Runs great. Looks great. For you, only $200. One small pr...

What is a drummers favorite time of day?

12:34!

Dad joke... Indian drummer

Cowboys are sitting around a campfire when they hear dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum, one cowboys says to the others, I don't like the sound of that drum... A indian brave hollars from the woods.. we don't either but our regular drummer is out sick.

One-night stands are great with drummers

As opposed to guitarists, there's no strings attached.

Triplets

I was in a band in college and we sucked, but it was a fun hang so we just liked chilling and playing pop music without worrying about being technically proficient as we were all beginners to our instruments.


Of the three of us, I was the most experienced, as I’d been playing bass for...

How do you confuse a drummer?

Give him sheet music

Who is the drummer for the Austrialian Beatles cover band?

ɹɐʇs oƃuᴉp

With all this quarantining we have to be especially careful of drummers

When this is over they’re gonna come out thinking they can play guitar and sing

What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?

"Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs..."

What does a drummer use for contraception?

Their personality !

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

Irr-elephant

Hahahaha

What did the drummer name his twin daughters?

Anna-one, Anna-two.

Buhahahahaha.

Why didn't the drummer commit the crime?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

What’s the difference between a professional drummer and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

What does coffee share in common with Ginger Baker (drummer)?

They both suck without CREAM

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I ran into the drummer from my old high school garage band...

After the usual "we should get the band back together" bullshit, we started talking about how life has been over all these years gone by.

I told him my wife (coincidentally, also a guitar player) and I have 6 happy and healthy kids now. And how, oh so cleverly, we named them after the common ...

B'dum tsss

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.

**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.

1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you c...

How do you know a drummer is at the door?

Three taps and he comes in late.

Why did the drummer's wife stop sleeping with him?

Because he used to snare in his sleep.

February 1st, 1234 AD must’ve been the birth of the worlds best drummer

One / two / one two three four!

What do you call a drummer who can’t play in time?

A Russian dragon.

My collection of drummer jokes.

My brother is a drummer and I used these jokes on him all the time. These are a few I remember.

What do you do when a drummer knocks on your door? Pay for the pizza

How do you know if the stage is level? The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth

Why is there a drummer in...

And amateur drummer dies and goes to heaven.

Standing outside the Pearly Gates he hears the best drum solo he is ever heard. He asks St Peter "Is that Buddy Rich?" St Peter response "No that's God, he just thinks he's Buddy Rich."

What do you call the Beatles' drummer when in Mexico?

Gringo Starr

I was going to make a joke about drummers but, um,

tsss!

How do you improve the aerodynamics of a drummers car?

Take the Domino's sign off the roof.

What's the difference between a drummer and publicly traded stock?

Publicly traded stock will mature and make money.

How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. Two. ...And a-one two three four!

Hey guys, let me know if you hear about any recently deceased drummers....

....No Rush....

I feel sorry for the first drummer of the Beatles.

All he got was a stupid street named after him, while Ringo Starr got the love and affection of tens of women.

What's your favorite drink to have during Christmas time? Mine is the Little Drummer Boy.

It's 1 part rum, 3 parts pum.

What do you call a drummer with no arms and no legs?

A headbanger

A drummer was standing outside of his car panicking because he accidentally locked his keys inside it.

It was a very hot sunny day and the bassist was still inside the car.

When I was in band, there was this one drummer who just kept on swearing...

... they were always per-cussin'.

How do you know if the stage is level?

The drummer is dribbling out of both sides of his mouth.

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