What's a drummer's favorite vegetable?

Beats

What did the drummer name his twin daughters?

Anna 1 , Anna 2

What does a ska drummer do when they drop a stick?

Pickitup pickitup pickitup!

How do you know when a drummer is behind the door?

He doesn't know when to come in.

My Grandad was the best drummer in the world

He used to practice 18 hours a day, seven days a week, every day of the year.
Morning, noon, and night he'd be banging away with his sticks, so dedicated he was, he didn't even have a set of drums, preferring instead to play on old biscuit tins, bottles, anything he could lay his hands on.
He ...

What’s the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?

You only need to punch instructions into a drum machine once.

After an orchestra drummer performed particularly poorly, the conductor sarcastically told him, "when they find someone who can't play any instrument, they give him two sticks and make him the drummer."

The drummer retorted, "and if he can't play that either, they take away one stick and make him the conductor."

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Pissed-off drummer is tired of people saying he's not a real musician.

Goes to the music store and says, "I'll show
'em. Gimme that red trumpet and that accordion."

Music store guy says, "You can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator has to stay."

We kicked the drummer out if the band because his timing was awful.

He was so upset he went to the station and threw himself behind a train.

A drummer got a tattoo of their drum kit... [OC]

...it was very cymbalic

Little drummer Boy grew up and became a father to twin girls:

Anna 1, Anna 2

One armed drummer tells a dad joke,

Badum...

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

Why are drummers impulsive?

They never consider the repercussions.

What is a drummers favorite time of day?

12:34!

A drummer needed a car, but only had $200

A drummer desperately needed a car, any car, to get to work, but he only had $200. He called his friend who owned a used car lot and explained the situation.

“You’re in luck,” the friend told the drummer. “I’ve got a brand new Jaguar. Runs great. Looks great. For you, only $200. One small pr...

How do drummers ask if they can take a break?

It’s quite simple

“Hey, you guys think we can work on stairway to heaven for a bit?”

what's the name of those people who are frequently around musicians??

drummers

What do you call a drummer in a heavy metal band who doesn’t have a girlfriend?

Homeless

How do you know a hat belongs to a little drummer boy?

It has a proper pom-pom, proper pom-pom, proper pom-pom...

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Dusty Hill Blinked his eye open.

His head felt fuzzy. His eyes sticky. Dusty Hill Blinked his eyes open. "Wake up Dusty" said a familiar voice. His eyes focused, his brain whirled. It couldn't be who it seemed to be. Jimi mother fucking hendrix?

.

"Wake up Dusty. It's showtime!" Said the coolest voice ev...

How do you know a drummer is on the level?

Drool comes out of both sides of their mouth.

With all this quarantining we have to be especially careful of drummers

When this is over they’re gonna come out thinking they can play guitar and sing

A drummer gave birth to quadruplets. She wanted to name them all Anna

“How are we goman tell them apart?” asked her husband.
She replied “Anna 1, Anna 2...”

I'm addicted to being a bad drummer

I wanted to quit but I just couldn't beat it.

How do you know when a bass player and drummer are at your front door?

The knocking is out of time and they don't know when to come in.

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I ran into the drummer from my old high school garage band...

After the usual "we should get the band back together" bullshit, we started talking about how life has been over all these years gone by.

I told him my wife (coincidentally, also a guitar player) and I have 6 happy and healthy kids now. And how, oh so cleverly, we named them after the common ...

My flatmate is a drummer and his practicing has been getting on my nerves

I told him that if he didn't stop, there'd be repercussions.

What's the difference between a chiropodist and a drummer?

One of them bucks up your feet and the other....

Why didn't the flashy drummer drown?

He was flambuoyant

February 1st, 1234 AD must’ve been the birth of the worlds best drummer

One / two / one two three four!

What do you call a drummer who can’t play in time?

A Russian dragon.

How many jokes are there about drummers?

At least a zildjian

What does coffee share in common with Ginger Baker (drummer)?

They both suck without CREAM

I have a Polish friend who is a drummer.

And a Czech one too.

When I was a kid I told my mother I wanted to grow up and be a drummer

And she said "Well honey, you can't do both"

How do you know a drummer is at the door?

Three taps and he comes in late.

One-night stands are great with drummers

As opposed to guitarists, there's no strings attached.

What chairs do drummers use to drum in?

A rocking chair.

How do you catch a drummer?

By laying down a snare.

Four musicians and a drummer walk into a bar. (Drummer jokes!)

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
*The knocking speeds up and he doesn't know where to come in.*

How do you get the drummer away from your door?
*Pay for the pizza.*

What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
*Gifted.*

Why did the bassist keep drumstick...

A band's drummer decides to quit

So the band has to audition for new drummers. They interview a bunch of people, and they decide to play a gig with the best one that night to see if he'll work out.


It goes great, except after every song, the new drummer says something like "You gotta brush your teeth or else you'll get g...

What do you call a head injury at a drummer's convention in Moscow, Russia?

A concussion at the Russian percussion discussion.

Hey guys, let me know if you hear about any recently deceased drummers....

....No Rush....

What do you call the Beatles' drummer when in Mexico?

Gringo Starr

How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb.

3. 1 to screw it in and 2 others to argue about how Neil Peart would have done it better

What was the last thing the drummer said to the band?

Listen to this guys I wrote us a song.


-curtesy of Dave Grohl

In early The Who gigs their drummer would sometimes go on stage dressed in nothing but a layer of blue paint. However, he didn't do it too often.

In fact, it would only happen once in a blue Moon.

Who is the drummer for the Austrialian Beatles cover band?

ɹɐʇs oƃuᴉp

What’s the difference between a professional drummer and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Why did the drummer's wife stop sleeping with him?

Because he used to snare in his sleep.

How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. Two. ...And a-one two three four!

What does a drummer use for contraception?

Their personality !

When I was in band, there was this one drummer who just kept on swearing...

... they were always per-cussin'.

What's your favorite drink to have during Christmas time? Mine is the Little Drummer Boy.

It's 1 part rum, 3 parts pum.

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An Armenian survived a plane crash in Africa

But it seemed that fate held a grudge against him: he was captured by cannibals and was taken to be served as dinner that same night. When fire got ready, the cannibals brought the poor Armenian to the public eating place, feet and hands tied to the big single barbeque rod, ready to be roasted for g...

Dad joke... Indian drummer

Cowboys are sitting around a campfire when they hear dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum, one cowboys says to the others, I don't like the sound of that drum... A indian brave hollars from the woods.. we don't either but our regular drummer is out sick.

I was going to make a joke about drummers but, um,

tsss!

Two cowboys were riding through a canyon and from far off they heard the sound of drumming.

One of them said, "I don't like the sound of those drums." And a distant voice called out "He's not our regular drummer!"

What do you call a pretty lady on the arm of a drummer?

A Tattoo.

Drummers always have such lame jokes...

I've heard them all like a Zildjian times.

A drummer was standing outside of his car panicking because he accidentally locked his keys inside it.

It was a very hot sunny day and the bassist was still inside the car.

I feel sorry for the first drummer of the Beatles.

All he got was a stupid street named after him, while Ringo Starr got the love and affection of tens of women.

How do you improve the aerodynamics of a drummers car?

Take the Domino's sign off the roof.

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What's the difference between a drummer and a toilet seat?

A toilet seat only has to put up with one arsehole at a time.

And amateur drummer dies and goes to heaven.

Standing outside the Pearly Gates he hears the best drum solo he is ever heard. He asks St Peter "Is that Buddy Rich?" St Peter response "No that's God, he just thinks he's Buddy Rich."

I once met a drummer who's timing was so bad, he began to get depressed...

Eventually, he threw himself behind a train.

What do you call a drummer with no arms and no legs?

A headbanger

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So there’s this farm. On this farm, there’s a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the ...

Why didn't the drummer commit the crime?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

How do you get a drummer off your doorstep?

You pay for the pizza.

How do you confuse a drummer?

Give him sheet music

What's the difference between a drummer and publicly traded stock?

Publicly traded stock will mature and make money.

Today is the 13th day of Christmas. My house is over-run with noisy birds and a crowd of hungry and confused pipers, drummers, lords and ladies. On top of all that...

...my true love was arrested for human trafficking.

Musician's Joke: The guitarist of a band walks into their rehearsal room and sees the bassist and the drummer having an argument

Guitarist: "Why are you arguing?"

Bassist: "The drummer detuned one of my strings."

Guitarist: "So what's the problem?"

Bassist: "He won't tell me which one!"

What does a drummer wear on his head?

A hi-hat.

What do you say when there's a singer, guitarist, bassist, and a drummer in a boat?

Abandon ship

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The Twelve Thank-You Notes of Christmas

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.

With dearest love and affection, Agnes

December 15th

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gi...

Why couldn't the drummer make it to the show?

He locked the bass player in the car.

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