How many drummer jokes are there?

At least a Zildjian


... I may have copied and Paiste-d this joke

What did the drummer call his twin daughters ?

Anna One, Anna Two

What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?

"Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I ran into the drummer from my old high school garage band...

After the usual "we should get the band back together" bullshit, we started talking about how life has been over all these years gone by.

I told him my wife (coincidentally, also a guitar player) and I have 6 happy and healthy kids now. And how, oh so cleverly, we named them after the common ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pissed-off drummer is tired of people saying he's not a real musician.

Goes to the music store and says, "I'll show
'em. Gimme that red trumpet and that accordion."

Music store guy says, "You can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator has to stay."

We kicked the drummer out if the band because his timing was awful.

He was so upset he went to the station and threw himself behind a train.

After an orchestra drummer performed particularly poorly, the conductor sarcastically told him, "when they find someone who can't play any instrument, they give him two sticks and make him the drummer."

The drummer retorted, "and if he can't play that either, they take away one stick and make him the conductor."

What does coffee share in common with Ginger Baker (drummer)?

They both suck without CREAM

How do you know a drummer is on the level?

Drool comes out of both sides of their mouth.

How do you get the best drummer in Nashville off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

A drummer got a tattoo of their drum kit... [OC]

...it was very cymbalic

My flatmate is a drummer and his practicing has been getting on my nerves

I told him that if he didn't stop, there'd be repercussions.

With all this quarantining we have to be especially careful of drummers

When this is over they’re gonna come out thinking they can play guitar and sing

Why are drummers impulsive?

They never consider the repercussions.

I'm addicted to being a bad drummer

I wanted to quit but I just couldn't beat it.

I have a Polish friend who is a drummer.

And a Czech one too.

What's the difference between a chiropodist and a drummer?

One of them bucks up your feet and the other....

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

Homeless

What do you call a drummer who can’t play in time?

A Russian dragon.

Hey guys, let me know if you hear about any recently deceased drummers....

....No Rush....

A drummer gave birth to quadruplets. She wanted to name them all Anna

“How are we goman tell them apart?” asked her husband.
She replied “Anna 1, Anna 2...”

How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb.

3. 1 to screw it in and 2 others to argue about how Neil Peart would have done it better

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So, once upon a time......

A horse sees a rock band perform and thinks "Hey, I could do that." The horse calls up his local music store and is like "I wanna learn guitar, just one problem, I'm a horse." The employee says "don't worry we can do that." The horse goes, learns guitar for a few months, gets really good, and is ...

February 1st, 1234 AD must’ve been the birth of the worlds best drummer

One / two / one two three four!

One-night stands are great with drummers

As opposed to guitarists, there's no strings attached.

How do you know when a drummer is knocking on your door?

The knocking speeds up.

When I was a kid I told my mother I wanted to grow up and be a drummer

And she said "Well honey, you can't do both"

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So there’s this farm. On this farm, there’s a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the ...

What was the last thing the drummer said to the band?

Listen to this guys I wrote us a song.


-curtesy of Dave Grohl

How do you know when a bass player and drummer are at your front door?

The knocking is out of time and they don't know when to come in.

How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. Two. ...And a-one two three four!

Why did the drummer's wife stop sleeping with him?

Because he used to snare in his sleep.

In early The Who gigs their drummer would sometimes go on stage dressed in nothing but a layer of blue paint. However, he didn't do it too often.

In fact, it would only happen once in a blue Moon.

Who is the drummer for the Austrialian Beatles cover band?

ɹɐʇs oƃuᴉp

A drummer was standing outside of his car panicking because he accidentally locked his keys inside it.

It was a very hot sunny day and the bassist was still inside the car.

What does a drummer use for contraception?

Their personality !

When I was in band, there was this one drummer who just kept on swearing...

... they were always per-cussin'.

What's your favorite drink to have during Christmas time? Mine is the Little Drummer Boy.

It's 1 part rum, 3 parts pum.

What’s the difference between a professional drummer and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Dad joke... Indian drummer

Cowboys are sitting around a campfire when they hear dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum, one cowboys says to the others, I don't like the sound of that drum... A indian brave hollars from the woods.. we don't either but our regular drummer is out sick.

A band's drummer decides to quit

So the band has to audition for new drummers. They interview a bunch of people, and they decide to play a gig with the best one that night to see if he'll work out.


It goes great, except after every song, the new drummer says something like "You gotta brush your teeth or else you'll get g...

How do you catch a drummer?

By laying down a snare.

What do you call a head injury at a drummer's convention in Moscow, Russia?

A concussion at the Russian percussion discussion.

Four musicians and a drummer walk into a bar. (Drummer jokes!)

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
*The knocking speeds up and he doesn't know where to come in.*

How do you get the drummer away from your door?
*Pay for the pizza.*

What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
*Gifted.*

Why did the bassist keep drumstick...

I feel sorry for the first drummer of the Beatles.

All he got was a stupid street named after him, while Ringo Starr got the love and affection of tens of women.

I was going to make a joke about drummers but, um,

tsss!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a drummer and a toilet seat?

A toilet seat only has to put up with one arsehole at a time.

How do you improve the aerodynamics of a drummers car?

Take the Domino's sign off the roof.

Drummers always have such lame jokes...

I've heard them all like a Zildjian times.

What does a drummer wear on his head?

A hi-hat.

I once met a drummer who's timing was so bad, he began to get depressed...

Eventually, he threw himself behind a train.

What do you call a pretty lady on the arm of a drummer?

A Tattoo.

What do you call a person who likes to hang out with musicians?

A Drummer!

Today is the 13th day of Christmas. My house is over-run with noisy birds and a crowd of hungry and confused pipers, drummers, lords and ladies. On top of all that...

...my true love was arrested for human trafficking.

Why didn't the drummer commit the crime?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

What do you call a drummer with no arms and no legs?

A headbanger

And amateur drummer dies and goes to heaven.

Standing outside the Pearly Gates he hears the best drum solo he is ever heard. He asks St Peter "Is that Buddy Rich?" St Peter response "No that's God, he just thinks he's Buddy Rich."

What do you say when there's a singer, guitarist, bassist, and a drummer in a boat?

Abandon ship

What's the difference between a drummer and publicly traded stock?

Publicly traded stock will mature and make money.

How do you confuse a drummer?

Give him sheet music

Musician's Joke: The guitarist of a band walks into their rehearsal room and sees the bassist and the drummer having an argument

Guitarist: "Why are you arguing?"

Bassist: "The drummer detuned one of my strings."

Guitarist: "So what's the problem?"

Bassist: "He won't tell me which one!"

Who is the drummer for the Mexican Beatles?

Gringo Starr

Why couldn't the drummer make it to the show?

He locked the bass player in the car.

Never marry a drummer...

they beat things for a living.

What do you call a guy who hangs around musicians all the time?

The drummer.

Whats a Drummers favorite Pokemon?

Rattata

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