Why did the guitarist get arrested?

He was caught fingering A minor.

Did you know that Brian May, the guitarist from British rockband Queen, has a PhD on Astrophysics?

Yeah, he started his schooling before Queen formed, and achieved his PhD in 2007. One of his dissertations is heavily criticized by the science community though, and it's because he has an odd theory of what causes the Earth's rotation.

You see, he thinks that 'Fat Bottomed Girls make the Roc...

What's the difference between a jazz guitarist and a rock guitarist?

A rock guitarist plays 10 chords for 50,000 people,and a jazz guitarist plays 50,000 chords for 10 people.

What's a guitarist favour type of cheese?

Shredded cheese

What to you call a Guitarist with no arms?

An Amputee.

Why did police arrest the guitarist in the park who was surrounded by kids?

He fingered the wrong minor.

How does a guitarist change a lightbulb?

Like anyone else. And other guitarists say "Van Halen would have changed it better".

RIP

How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Six, one to change it and the other five to say how they could do it better.

So a horse is in a farm...

A horse is in a farm when one day he finds a website that claims it can teach any farm animal music.

"That's amazing," thinks the horse "I've always wanted to learn to sing."

He signs up for the website, and within a few weeks he is an incredible singer.

Impressed, he tells his ...

Why do women like guitarists?

Because they are good at fingering.

Why are guitarist good with women?

We know are way around a G String.

Why Did Michael Jackson's Guitarist Quit?

Michael asked him to drop the G-string and put the D into A minor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guitarist goes to a bar

He orders a gin and tonic

then pulls out his guitar and starts playing.

The bartender asks, "diet tonic?"

To which the guitarist replies:

"No, Pentatonic."

Why do girls go crazy for guitarists?

Because they're good with their fingering and they know their way around a G-string

I wonder why Kevin Spacey is such a good guitarist.

Probably because he’s had a lot of practise fingering minors

How many guitarist does it take to play stairway to heaven?

Apparently all of them

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What happened to the male stripper who was also a guitarist?

He snapped his G String

What is a Guitarist's Favorite Snack?

String cheese.

How do you know a lead guitarist has entered the building?

Got the wrong key and doesn't know when to come in.

How did the guitarist die?

He crashed his pickup into a bridge and broke his neck.

I heard an Iraqi guitar tutor is offering to teach guitarists songs in obscure tunings

Lessons will be in BAGDAD

What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?

Homeless.

How do you get a guitarist to stop playing?

Give them some sheet music

A horse is sitting at home, bored, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the ...

A band visited the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone without a guide.

Everyone suffered from radiation poisoning, except the lead guitarist.

What's the difference between a lead guitarist and a terrorist?

You can actually negotiate with a terrorist.

What's the difference between a guitarist and a pizza

A pizza can feed a family of four

Why do women throw underwear at guitarists at concerts?

Just in case their G-string breaks.

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What does a pedophile and a guitarist have in common...

They both like to finger A-minor.

They say I play like a prison guitarist

I'm always behind a few bars, and I can never find the right keys

Q. Which shredding guitarist is best for putting out electrical fires?

A. Eddie Van Halon.

For you guitarists out there...

After going through a brutal divorce, a woman decides to get revenge. She goes to get ex's house, and proceeds to destroy each and every one of his guitars. When she gets to court, the judge asks her;

"First offender?"

She replies; "No. First a Gibson, then a Fender."

Why did the anxious guitarist quit the band?

He didn't want to fret anymore.

How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one. He stands there holding the light bulb while the world revolves around him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

guitarists are pretty good as bisexual lovers

on the one hand, their fingering must be pretty good; on the other, their wrist action must be pretty good too.

Why did the ska guitarist take twice as long to fap?

He only knows up strokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a guitarist!

A guy walks into a store, walks up to the counter and says " I would like a set of nylon strings, a set of steel strings, a loop pedal and 3 picks please."

The owner says " You're a fucking drummer aren't you?"

"No, no, I'm a guitarist!"

"You're a fucking drummer!"

"How d...

How many guitarists does it take to cover 'Dust In The Wind'?

Evidently all of them.

What does Roy Moore and a guitarist have in common?

They both enjoy fingering minors.

What do you say when there's a singer, guitarist, bassist, and a drummer in a boat?

Abandon ship

What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a folk guitarist?

A rock guitarist can play all night without tuning and folk guitarist can tune all night without playing.

Bob was a great guitarist

Until the day he stepped in a puddle while playing his Fender Strat, that was the moment he became a great conductor.

How do you invite a guitarist to a party?

Chordially.

My friend was a pretty good guitarist

But that one time he stepped in a puddle while playing his electric guitar on an old, badly grounded amp, he became a great conductor.

How do you become as good a guitarist as Steve Vai?

You take your Vaitamins.

What do you call an acclaimed guitarist who raises chickens?

A Hen-drix

Musician's Joke: The guitarist of a band walks into their rehearsal room and sees the bassist and the drummer having an argument

Guitarist: "Why are you arguing?"

Bassist: "The drummer detuned one of my strings."

Guitarist: "So what's the problem?"

Bassist: "He won't tell me which one!"

Why don't guitarists like ukuleles?

Because they don't fret the small stuff

How much talent did the lead guitarist of Cream have?

A Clap-Ton.

Did you hear the guitarist who got in trouble?

He was fingering a G string but didn't notice it was A minor.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Pete Townshend was lead guitarist for the.

Pete Townshend was lead guitarist for the who?

Yes.

A Guy Walks Into A Bar With An Octopus Under His Arm

He sets the octopus on a stool next to him and announces:
"This is an amazing octopus. I'll bet anyone in this bar $50 that this octopus can play any instrument set in front of it."

 

None of the people could believe this, so one guy brought up a guitar. The octopus took ...

How do you know a guitarist is sad?

They start to fret.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[dirty] what do guitarists wear during sex

G Strings

A date with the lead guitarist

(oc)
This groupie finally got a date with the lead guitarist of her band.

The next day, her friends asked her how things went. "Well", she replied, "it was frustrating... the guy spent half his time tuning up and the other half playing out of rhythm."

What did the guitarist say to the magician...

Pick a chord, any chord.

Why was the guitarist banned from church?

Because he struck a Gsus

Why are bass guitarists always standing at the front door?

Because they don't know when to come in.

In response to the Country Singer lightbulb joke, how many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

13.

1 to do it, and 12 to say they could do it better.

A group of fans are discussing their favorite band members

The newest fan of the group can’t decide whether they like the guitarist or vocalist more. Both are hot and both are great musicians.

One of the older fans chimes in, “Well, then consider who’d be better in bed.”

Confused, they respond,” How do I do that?”

“Do you prefer someone...

A band group was practicing the night before their big performance...

The rehearsal was going great! But the guitarist went up to the band leader.

“I’m not so sure that I’m going to do well tomorrow. I really don’t want to screw it up.”

The leader replies: “our performance will be just fine as long as you don’t fret!”

The guitarist has a puzzled l...

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