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Guitarist Jokes

Why was the guitarist arrested?

Because he was fingering A minor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do guitarists and ladies with sensitive vulvas have in common?

They both hate G strings.

Why do females prefer guitarists?

Because of their fingering technique

How many guitars does a guitarist need?

Just one more.

What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

A rock guitarist plays 4 notes in front of 1000 people, while a jazz guitarist plays 1000 notes in front of 4 people.

How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

10. 1 to change the lightbulb and the other 9 to say "I could do that".

What do you call a female electric guitarist?

Roxane Rolls

Why are bass guitarists always safe?

Because they stay out of treble.

What’s a cheese’s favorite guitarist?

Curd Cobain

Why did the guitarist get thrown in jail?

He was caught fingering A Minor.

A Guy Walks Into A Bar With An Octopus Under His Arm

He sets the octopus on a stool next to him and announces:
"This is an amazing octopus. I'll bet anyone in this bar $50 that this octopus can play any instrument set in front of it."

 

None of the people could believe this, so one guy brought up a guitar. The octopus took ...

I built a website for kinky guitarists

It’s called FretLife

How many bass guitarists do you need to change a lightbulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him how to do it first.

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a good one from my dad

A guitar player walks into a bar trying to score a gig.
He meets with the bar owner for his audition, and proceeds to play a beautiful melodic song.

"Wow!" Said the owner, "that was amazing! Whats it called?"

"Its called 'You're slapping my wifes titties with a belt'" replies the gu...

Why are guitarist good with women?

We know are way around a G String.

What's a guitarist favour type of cheese?

Shredded cheese

Why do women like guitarists?

Because they are good at fingering.

What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend?

Homeless.

Why Did Michael Jackson's Guitarist Quit?

Michael asked him to drop the G-string and put the D into A minor.

How did the guitarist die?

He crashed his pickup into a bridge and broke his neck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guitarist goes to a bar

He orders a gin and tonic

then pulls out his guitar and starts playing.

The bartender asks, "diet tonic?"

To which the guitarist replies:

"No, Pentatonic."

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What does a pedophile and a guitarist have in common...

They both like to finger A-minor.

Imagine the greatest blues saxophonist and the best jazz guitarist go for dinner, who pays?

Neither. You don't have to pay at the soup kitchen.

What's the difference between a rock guitarist and a folk guitarist?

A rock guitarist can play all night without tuning and folk guitarist can tune all night without playing.

Why do girls go crazy for guitarists?

Because they're good with their fingering and they know their way around a G-string

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a guitarist!

A guy walks into a store, walks up to the counter and says " I would like a set of nylon strings, a set of steel strings, a loop pedal and 3 picks please."

The owner says " You're a fucking drummer aren't you?"

"No, no, I'm a guitarist!"

"You're a fucking drummer!"

"How d...

What is a Guitarist's Favorite Snack?

String cheese.

What's the difference between a lead guitarist and a terrorist?

You can actually negotiate with a terrorist.

How do you get a guitarist to stop playing?

Give them some sheet music

For you guitarists out there...

After going through a brutal divorce, a woman decides to get revenge. She goes to get ex's house, and proceeds to destroy each and every one of his guitars. When she gets to court, the judge asks her;

"First offender?"

She replies; "No. First a Gibson, then a Fender."

How many guitarist does it take to play stairway to heaven?

Apparently all of them

Did you know that Brian May, the guitarist from British rockband Queen, has a PhD on Astrophysics?

Yeah, he started his schooling before Queen formed, and achieved his PhD in 2007. One of his dissertations is heavily criticized by the science community though, and it's because he has an odd theory of what causes the Earth's rotation.

You see, he thinks that 'Fat Bottomed Girls make the Roc...

Why did police arrest the guitarist in the park who was surrounded by kids?

He fingered the wrong minor.

Why are violinists braver than guitarists?

They never fret.

They say I play like a prison guitarist

I'm always behind a few bars, and I can never find the right keys

Bob was a great guitarist

Until the day he stepped in a puddle while playing his Fender Strat, that was the moment he became a great conductor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

guitarists are pretty good as bisexual lovers

on the one hand, their fingering must be pretty good; on the other, their wrist action must be pretty good too.

I wonder why Kevin Spacey is such a good guitarist.

Probably because he’s had a lot of practise fingering minors

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened to the male stripper who was also a guitarist?

He snapped his G String

What do you call a very well mannered metal guitarist?

A Djentleman

Why did the anxious guitarist quit the band?

He didn't want to fret anymore.

My friend was a pretty good guitarist

But that one time he stepped in a puddle while playing his electric guitar on an old, badly grounded amp, he became a great conductor.

How do you know a lead guitarist has entered the building?

Got the wrong key and doesn't know when to come in.

Why do women throw underwear at guitarists at concerts?

Just in case their G-string breaks.

Q. Which shredding guitarist is best for putting out electrical fires?

A. Eddie Van Halon.

Why did the ska guitarist take twice as long to fap?

He only knows up strokes

How do you invite a guitarist to a party?

Chordially.

What does Roy Moore and a guitarist have in common?

They both enjoy fingering minors.

Did you hear the guitarist who got in trouble?

He was fingering a G string but didn't notice it was A minor.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change lightbulb?

One. He just stands there with the lightbulb and the whole world revolves around him.

How do you become as good a guitarist as Steve Vai?

You take your Vaitamins.

What do you call an acclaimed guitarist who raises chickens?

A Hen-drix

How do you know a guitarist is sad?

They start to fret.

I heard an Iraqi guitar tutor is offering to teach guitarists songs in obscure tunings

Lessons will be in BAGDAD

A date with the lead guitarist

(oc)
This groupie finally got a date with the lead guitarist of her band.

The next day, her friends asked her how things went. "Well", she replied, "it was frustrating... the guy spent half his time tuning up and the other half playing out of rhythm."

How many guitarists does it take to cover 'Dust In The Wind'?

Evidently all of them.

What does a guitarist say when he gets to his gig?

"...Would you like fries with that?"

What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians?

Bass guitarist.

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the m...

A band group was practicing the night before their big performance...

The rehearsal was going great! But the guitarist went up to the band leader.

“I’m not so sure that I’m going to do well tomorrow. I really don’t want to screw it up.”

The leader replies: “our performance will be just fine as long as you don’t fret!”

The guitarist has a puzzled l...

Why are bass guitarists always standing at the front door?

Because they don't know when to come in.

Musician's Joke: The guitarist of a band walks into their rehearsal room and sees the bassist and the drummer having an argument

Guitarist: "Why are you arguing?"

Bassist: "The drummer detuned one of my strings."

Guitarist: "So what's the problem?"

Bassist: "He won't tell me which one!"

In response to the Country Singer lightbulb joke, how many guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

13.

1 to do it, and 12 to say they could do it better.

Musicians are perverts.

The drummer sits in the back beating it, the guitarist is constantly fingering minors, the bassist is slapping it around, and they all like the pianist.

A band visited the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone without a guide.

Everyone suffered from radiation poisoning, except the lead guitarist.

B'dum tsss

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.

**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.

1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you c...

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