A viola player goes into a music shop

The shop assistant asks what he would like and the viola player says "Well, I've been playing the viola for years and I'm getting really tired of everyone pointing and laughing and acting like I don't know the first thing about music, so I'm thinking about taking up another instrument".

"Do y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You stole my viola, cello, and double bass.

You made me so angry, I'm violint now.

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?

The coffin has the dead person on the inside.



(Disclaimer: I'm a violist. Fellow bratsche players, please don't take offense.)

My wife stopped me on the way out the door with my viola case in hand.

Wife: Where do you think you're going?

Me: I got a gig.

Wife: A gig? I thought all your gigs got cancelled?

Me: I got a new one.

Wife: Who hires a violist when we're all quarantined?

Me: The health department. They want me to walk down the street playing my viola ...

What's the difference between roadkill and a viola in the middle of the road?

There are skid marks leading up to the roadkill.

How does a viola greet a relative?

Cello!

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.

How many viola players does it take to change a lightbulb?

None - they can't reach that high

What did the viola say to her daughter before crossing the street?

You better C^♯ or you'll B^♭

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Why is a viola solo like premature ejaculation?

Even when you know it's coming, there's nothing you can do about it.

How do you keep a violin from being stolen?

Put it in a viola case.

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A violist's 3 wishes...

Joe is a violist in the Kansas Radio Symphony. One day, as Joe is walking home from work, viola in hand, he stumbles across a peculiar looking lamp. Being utterly dissatisfied with his life, Joe rubs the lamp, and a genie appears.



"Waddya want?" the genie asks in a Jersey accent. Joe ...

What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?

Viola.

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