What happened to the bard that planned a murder with a lute?

It went all achording to plan.

I didn't steal your lute

Are you calling me a lyre?

Did you hear about the bard that was in the army?

He was a lute-tenant.

What do you get when you play the Lute for too long?

Minstrel cramps!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

English has affixes and suffixes. But, does English have infixes?

Abso-fucking-lutely.

I've been playing my lute for 7 hours and my fingers are sore and stiff

I have minstrel cramps.

Two medieval instruments are having a conversation

"I'm a harpsichord." Says the first.

"I'm a lute." Says the second.

"No you're not!" Says the harpsichord. "You're that other string instrument!"

The second looks at him, shocked, and says, "Sir, are you calling me a lyre?!"

A man with a lute...

..went to the pub for a drink, but the bouncer stopped him and said, "Sorry mate, you're bard."

A music store was robbed last week...

The thieves made off with the lute.

Beware of bards during floods.

They're known for luteing.

Two medieval stringed instrumentals meet each other for the first time.

One asks the other, “what type of instrument are you? I’ve never seen one like you before?” The other replies “I’m a lute, lots of strings, fat and folded at the end that’s me. What about yourself, I haven’t seen an instrument like you before either?” The one replies “Oh, I’m a harp.” The other inst...

Due to the overwhelming backlash, I'm forced to cancel my planned medieval instrument packaging simulator.

Players just don't want lute boxes.

There are two music shops in town...

There are two music shops in town, Smiths' and Bakers'. Joe wanted a new instrument, so he went to Smiths' to pick one out.

After browsing for a long while, Joe decided that a lute was the one for him. He asked the salesman for the finest lute available. The salesman hungrily replied "No prob...

Medieval Minstrels were the first victims of EA’s corporate greed

They could only access their instruments by opening Lute Boxes

I just got arrested while on stage at a renaissance fair.

Apparently my agent was confused and they actually booked me to perform a lute act on stage.

Plato and Aristotle were in the music room of the Academy in Athens.

Plato was at the piano, and Aristotle was holding a small lute in his hands.

“Plato, do you know the unpredictability and exactitude of ethics and reflective philosophical hermeneutics require phronesis as an ontological counterpoint to peripatetic conjecture?”

“No,” Plato replied. “Bu...

What is Baltimore's favourite instrument

The lute

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saw an Iranian joke and I want to share my favorite.

An ensemble of musicians is auditioning for a caliph's court. After the ensemble is ushered in, they perform a beautiful set lasting approximately an hour, complete with long improvisations. The caliph is very pleased and says, "Servants! I order you to fill these men's music instruments with pricel...

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