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Lute Jokes

I didn't steal your lute

Are you calling me a lyre?

What do you get when you play the Lute for too long?

Minstrel cramps!

I've been playing my lute for 7 hours and my fingers are sore and stiff

I have minstrel cramps.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A party of adventurers walks into an inn.

They start ordering rounds of ales one after another, and quickly end up very drunk.

Soon the fighter gets a bit rowdy, spills a guy's drink, and the two get into a drunken brawl. The landlord comes over and separates them, then throws the fighter out of the inn.

Not long after that, t...

Why did the barbarian mug the bard?

So he could take the lute!

The museum planned a special exhibit to show off their collection [Long]

The museum planned a special exhibit to show off the collection. They had a wide array of historical music instruments from as far back as the 16th century. The museum planned to arrange a concert with a harpsichord that belonged to Bach and a violin that belonged to Vivaldi, among many other instru...

What do bards drop when you kill them?

Lute.

My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month.

It’s part of her minstrel cycle.

What’s a thief’s favorite instrument?

The lute. (Sorry, I’ll see myself out.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To become a minstrel I had to buy dozens of chests, hoping to get a an instrument from one of them.

Fuck lute boxes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus

A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says "I bet $100 that no one here has a musical instrument that my octopus can't play."

The people in the bar look around and someone fetches an old lute.

The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing Toss a ...

Beware of bards during floods.

They're known for luteing.

Did you hear about the bard that was in the army?

He was a lute-tenant.

Two medieval stringed instrumentals meet each other for the first time.

One asks the other, “what type of instrument are you? I’ve never seen one like you before?” The other replies “I’m a lute, lots of strings, fat and folded at the end that’s me. What about yourself, I haven’t seen an instrument like you before either?” The one replies “Oh, I’m a harp.” The other inst...

A music store was robbed last week...

The thieves made off with the lute.

Did you hear about the guy who robbed the guitar shop?

He made off with a lot of lute.

I just got arrested while on stage at a renaissance fair.

Apparently my agent was confused and they actually booked me to perform a lute act on stage.

Plato and Aristotle were in the music room of the Academy in Athens.

Plato was at the piano, and Aristotle was holding a small lute in his hands.

“Plato, do you know the unpredictability and exactitude of ethics and reflective philosophical hermeneutics require phronesis as an ontological counterpoint to peripatetic conjecture?”

“No,” Plato replied. “Bu...

Due to the overwhelming backlash, I'm forced to cancel my planned medieval instrument packaging simulator.

Players just don't want lute boxes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saw an Iranian joke and I want to share my favorite.

An ensemble of musicians is auditioning for a caliph's court. After the ensemble is ushered in, they perform a beautiful set lasting approximately an hour, complete with long improvisations. The caliph is very pleased and says, "Servants! I order you to fill these men's music instruments with pricel...

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