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Lute Jokes

Why didn't women play the lute in medieval times?

Because they got minstrel cramps......

I didn't steal your lute

Are you calling me a lyre?

I've been playing my lute for 7 hours and my fingers are sore and stiff

I have minstrel cramps.

What do bards drop when you kill them?

Lute.

Why did the barbarian mug the bard?

So he could take the lute!

What’s a thief’s favorite instrument?

The lute. (Sorry, I’ll see myself out.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To become a minstrel I had to buy dozens of chests, hoping to get a an instrument from one of them.

Fuck lute boxes.

Beware of bards during floods.

They're known for luteing.

Did you hear about the bard that was in the army?

He was a lute-tenant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A party of adventurers walks into an inn.

They start ordering rounds of ales one after another, and quickly end up very drunk.

Soon the fighter gets a bit rowdy, spills a guy's drink, and the two get into a drunken brawl. The landlord comes over and separates them, then throws the fighter out of the inn.

Not long after that, t...

A music store was robbed last week...

The thieves made off with the lute.

Due to the overwhelming backlash, I'm forced to cancel my planned medieval instrument packaging simulator.

Players just don't want lute boxes.

I just got arrested while on stage at a renaissance fair.

Apparently my agent was confused and they actually booked me to perform a lute act on stage.

Two medieval stringed instrumentals meet each other for the first time.

One asks the other, “what type of instrument are you? I’ve never seen one like you before?” The other replies “I’m a lute, lots of strings, fat and folded at the end that’s me. What about yourself, I haven’t seen an instrument like you before either?” The one replies “Oh, I’m a harp.” The other inst...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This dude dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter sees him show up and says “Holy shit, you’re the first person that’s ever come up here that’s exactly at 50% good and 50% evil. Not sure if I should send you to Heaven or Hell. This is crazy. Tell you what, since you’re exactly even I’m gonna let you choose”.

The dude says “Oh, wow...

Plato and Aristotle were in the music room of the Academy in Athens.

Plato was at the piano, and Aristotle was holding a small lute in his hands.

“Plato, do you know the unpredictability and exactitude of ethics and reflective philosophical hermeneutics require phronesis as an ontological counterpoint to peripatetic conjecture?”

“No,” Plato replied. “Bu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saw an Iranian joke and I want to share my favorite.

An ensemble of musicians is auditioning for a caliph's court. After the ensemble is ushered in, they perform a beautiful set lasting approximately an hour, complete with long improvisations. The caliph is very pleased and says, "Servants! I order you to fill these men's music instruments with pricel...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus

A guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says "I bet $100 that no one here has a musical instrument that my octopus can't play."

The people in the bar look around and someone fetches an old lute.

The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing Toss a ...

My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month.

It’s part of her minstrel cycle.

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