(Only percussionists would get this) I play mallets in band class, and so periodically my teacher would see how I was doing.

I always pass the vibe check.

I’ll leave now.

Percussionists started a new nation

'Maraca

Did you hear about the Brazilian percussionist who was severely injured in a conga line?

He made a maraca-ulous recovery.



It came to me while in the elevator. I’m sorry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

call him maestro... or else

many years ago there was an orchestra in omaha whose conductor was notoriously ill tempered. he would fly off the handle at the smallest mistake, yet he would never offer any constructive criticism. he thought he was the greatest, and demanded to be called maestro. but sometimes, he'd give the wrong...

A percussionist tells his fellow percussionists some puns

His group laughs at every pun he makes. He asks a friend:

Hey, are my puns a tenor what?

Do you know that percussionist in the band?

Yeah, he rings a bell.

What's the most difficult instrument for a percussionist to play?

a conundrum

A wise old gentleman retired...

...and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every...

How do you make a flute player a percussionist?

Put another useless stick in their hand.

So there was an angry band director...

His band wasn’t super good, but they managed. One day, they were rehearsing, when a flute player messes up a part. They keep messing it up, and he gets so frustrated he stabs the flautist to death with his baton.
He goes to prison, and gets sentenced to death by electric chair. Before he goes in...

What do you do with a brass musician, that can't play his instrument properly?

You give him 2 sticks, sit him at the back of the band and tell him, he's a percussionist now.

What if he can't do that either?

You take away one stick, sit him at the front and tell him he's the conductor now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saw an Iranian joke and I want to share my favorite.

An ensemble of musicians is auditioning for a caliph's court. After the ensemble is ushered in, they perform a beautiful set lasting approximately an hour, complete with long improvisations. The caliph is very pleased and says, "Servants! I order you to fill these men's music instruments with pricel...

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