Panel Jokes - 58 Hilarious Panel Jokes

A solar panel is talking to a wind turbine...

The solar panel says, "So what do you think about this whole renewable energy thing?"
The turbine replies, "I'm a big fan."

A priest opens his confessional panel to a young boy.

The boy says, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned."
The priest asked, "What have you done, my son?"
He replies, "I threw pickles into the well."
The priest seems a little confused but says, "Very well. Say three Hail Marys and you will be forgiven."

Four more boys follow and say the...

What did the wind turbine say to the solar panel?

I'm a big fan.

A solar panel, a wind turbine and a hydro dam are all getting to know each other.

‘What kind of music are you into?’ asks the dam.
‘I’m into trance’, replies the solar panel.
‘Ooh, too intense for me’, dam says, ‘I much prefer classical melodies, maybe a little 60s soul at the weekends.’
‘What about you Mr Turbine? What are you into?’
‘Me?’ He replies, ‘I’m a huge met...

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I headbutted my neighbour’s electric panel.

I now face charges.

Why are solar panels always optimistic?

They always keep their sunny side up.

Solar Panels.

Do you have solar panels on your home yet? I just had some put on. But I’m not sure if I’ll keep them.

The other day I was in my house and the computer and lights are flickering. So I did, what you would do, I went outside to check my new solar cells. I get get outside and look up at the roof...

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I was talking to a scammer the other day.

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”...

I've finally saved up enough for solar panels.

What's holding me back is that I can't afford a house.

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An engineer, physicist, and a statistician in a hotel room...

So an engineer, a physicist, and a statistician are all sleeping in a hotel room when suddenly an outlet catches fire. The engineer wakes up first and says to himself "this is an electrical fire, water won't work!" And runs to grab a fire extinguisher. The physicist wakes up next and thinks to himse...

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What common interests do a horny teenage kid and an interview panel have?

They both prefer someone with great experience :)

A windmill and a solar panel are talking during a storm...

Windmill "Awesome weather we are having!"
Solar panel "I am not a fan."
Added thanks to /r/ChiisaiMurasaki: The nuclear powerplant overhears them feels left out, so he has a meltdown. What an over reactor!

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The Jewish Elbow

A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301.
There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301.
I will buzz you in. Come inside, the e...

Three men hold a contest in front of a panel of women to see who can pleasure a woman best.

The first man, a body builder, is brought up to the stage and announces that he can deadlift 550lbs and can bench 315lbs. Proving it true, the man completes the lifts with ease. Flexing his muscles in front of the women and winking, he leaves the stage.

The next man, a professional chef, impr...

Why are solar panels so trustworthy?

They don't work in the shadows.

My friend hasn't spoken to me since I accused him of stealing some wooden panels.

I think he took a fence.

A scientist is at a panel, discussing the results of his latest study.

He mentions, "You know, without the right context, my findings are absolutely meaningless."

Later on the news...

"On the headlines today, a world-renowned scientist has claimed his findings are absolutely meaningless."

I just read a book on how they join two boat panels together.

It was riveting!

Comic-Con Mysteries Panel

A friend of mine went to Comic-Con in San Diego a few years back, and attended a panel on mystery books and movies. Authors and actors there, a large panel, nearly 20 people. Most of the cast of the Sherlock Holmes movies and a few Agatha Christie adaptation were there. One of the audience members a...

My neighbor told me he was getting solar panels.

Well, he's got my respect. What a power move.

A tale of <insert dumb people>.

Pick whichever dumb people group you like, I'll just call them Pakleds (bonus points if you get the reference).

‐‐-----------

Two Pakleds are building a house, each taking one side and nailing panels to the framework. After a while the first Pakled goes to check on the second Pakled. T...

Found in my Physics text book.

A man lives in a foreign country, and his job is to operate the train that connects one town to another. He is not very good at his job, and he is also very greedy. Since his income does not meet his expenses, he decides to steal from his passengers' fares. At first he steals only a little. However,...

A young man was in town looking for some action with the ladies.....

A taxi driver gave him an address. “Take this. You’ll find everything you want there.”
When the young man arrived at the address he saw a door with a small panel on it. He knocked and the panel slid open. A female voice asked what he wanted. “I want to get screwed,” said the young man.

“Ok...

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Going up?

An old woman gets on an elevator in a very lavish and posh 30 story building, when a young and beautiful woman also gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.

She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, “Romance by Ralph Lauren, $120 a bottle.”

Then another young and be...

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A tale of two friends !!

One was a very bright student while the other one was quite dumb. The brighter one always helped the other passing exams be it a class test or end term exams. The teachers were quite furious with them and at last, called upon a meeting to discuss with the principal what could be done. All came to th...

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Little Johnny was sent to his grandparents farm to spend the summer.

The first morning, grandpa was having coffee and reading his paper when he saw Johnny walking by him with a roll of chicken wire.

“What are you doing with that chicken wire?”

“I’m going to catch some chickens!” Johnny replied.

“You can’t catch no chickens with that chicken wir...

The contestants of the Nashville beauty pageant enter the stage.

Infront of them is an audience of over 2000 and a judging panel consisting of one man, on his own, wearing an eyepatch.

Suddenly, the judge thrusts his arm out infront of him. He opens his hand out, and there, sitting in the middle of his palm is a bee staring intensely at the contestants on ...

The Ultimate Computer

The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. One day, a guided school tour arrived.
The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This," he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ...

As part of its commitment to environmentalism...

Texas is committing to executing people via electric chairs powered only by wind turbines and solar panels.

Electrical Hum - True story

Was working on a Generator switchgear with the factory representative who was from Ireland and we had the generators running and the electrical panel open with all the thick bare copper busbars visible. As most may know anything with a ton of electricity flowing through it makes this humming sound. ...

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The DOD was putting together a new special forces unit...

In response to rising global tensions the Department of Defense decided a new, elite top secret unit was needed. Recruits were assembled from the special forces units of all branches.

A panel of generals, high level intelligence officers and congressmen is formed to begin interviews. The firs...

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A woman visited an Amazonian tribe on a research trip...

She spent several days taking notes on the lifestyle and habits of the tribe and interviewing their ruler, King Paolo, via an interpreter. As the tribe's land was near several rich gold mines, the king and his people were extremely wealthy.

During the woman's time with him, the king fell hop...

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Job Interview

I went to a job interview the other day and they asked me what I thought was my most negative quality,
I replied, “it’s probably my honesty. “
The panel looked and discussed with each other and said, “we don’t think that’s a negative quality at all, we actually think that it’s a positive one...

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I held an elevator door for an elderly patient...

I don't know if this belongs in jokes but I had to post it somewhere.

I am in the main hospital. I am going up to the 3rd floor and I call the elevator. I see an elderly patient coming and hold the door for him.

Patient: "Thank you"
Me: "Absolutely, where are we going?" wondering wh...

Interview (NSFW...kinda....)

Sitting at a promising job interview panel, the moderator asked, "what is perhaps your greatest weakness?" To which I responded, "some people say that I'm brutally honest." She said, "some may consider that a strength." I say, "WELL I DON"T GIVE A SH\*T WHAT YOU THINK, KAREN!

Two men were breaking into a high security software company...

They couldn’t get their code breaker to work for the back door, so, in a last desperate attempt to short circuit the security, one of them peed on the access panel.

It began smoking, a couple sparks flew, and boom, the back door clicked open.

They looked at each other, impressed and r...

A stupid guy and a smart guy have a job interview

The smart guy goes into the interview room first and is met by three people on the panel.

The first one asks, “Who do you think the best soccer player in the world is?”

The smart guy replies, “Before it was Ronaldo but now it’s Messi.

The second interviewer asks, “When did the p...

Yoda is piloting a 747...

Radio tower: Flight 90 you seem to be veering away from your designated flight path. Stay on course. Over.

Yoda: Instrument panels, working not.

Radio tower: Flight 90, stay on course. Is everything okay? Over.

Yoda: Too many clouds, there are.

Radio tower: Flight 90. Ma...

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A man is told by his employer that he has to go see the company doctor in order to keep his insurance...

He reluctantly goes, and is amazed to find no examination table, just a wall full of computer equipment. The doctor walks in and says, "Just place your hand on the scanner here" and shows the man a screen. Bewildered, he places his hand on the screen and immediately the panel glows beneath his hand,...

A conductor asked me if I could help him drive a train...

I said, "yeah of course, how hard could it be?" Then I saw how complicated the control panel was. It was then that I realized that I may have bitten off more than I could choo.

There is no way Facebook is losing the lawsuit

Atleast not after knowing the behavioral profiles of the judicial panel

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One-upmanship

The scene is an era when cockpits had round dials and pilots needed flight engineers and navigators.

A crusty old captain is breaking in a brand new navigator.

The captain opens his briefcase, pulls out a .38 and rests it on the glare panel. He asks the navigator, "Know what this is fo...

A very successful lawyer parked his brand new BMW in front of his office...

... ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the drivers side. The counsellor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialled 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions...

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Old Sven collapsed one chill November Saturday after chopping maple wood near his house in the birch forest, five miles outside of Eagle River, Wisconsin.

He arose, sauntered home and changed into his flannel, tractor-print pajamas. It grew quiet and his breathing became labored. So, Sven lay down on the plaid-quilted single bed in the green guest room. His wife, Lena, tended to his care. He said nothing and sipped only a cup of water or two. On the e...

A Texan Is Walking Around Rural Ireland With A Very Aggressive & Dangerous Looking Pit Bull On A Leash.

He passes a ramshackle farm with an old man standing outside of it leaning on the gatepost & smoking a pipe who is looking very curiously at the pit bull.

Farmer:- "Bejaysus, what kind of dog is that??....NEVER seen one like it before!!"

Texan:- "Well sir, this here is what you cal...

Materialistic

A Banker parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.
As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the curb and takes off the door before zooming off.

More than a little distraught, the Banker grabs his mobile and calls ...

A scientist is in his lab...

So one day a scientist is in his lab, and he's stressed out. How will he get his next grant so he can do an experiment and feed his family for a while longer? He decides to take a small nap...

Then it hit him. After several all-nighters he came up with a prototype for **The World's First Trul...

A Czech man walks into his eye checkup.

Optician: "Please sit down, try to read the letters on the screen."

which were ' G S I R O N V C H Z I T'

Patient: "Uh doc..."

"Why is my name on the panel?"

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An engineer, physicist and mathematician are in an interview (with no accountants) ...

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are in an interview.
The engineer is asked, 'What is 2+2?'. The engineer instantly pulls out his calculator, but since its floating point processor firmware has a bug, 2+2 gives him 3.999 which he tells the panel.
The physicist is asked the same q...

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I made it into the National Pun Championship last year...

I was selected from a radio contest when I called in and submitted a pun to win concert tickets. A week later after the concert they called the other winners and I back to compete for the Maryland Pun Playoffs. There were five of us in all, and I came out on top as the state's winner. I was pumped!<...

So a snail buys a car...

...a Miata actually! You know, small car for small creature (makes sense right?).

So the snail takes his car to a body shop and asks the attendant if he would paint the letter ’S’ on the door panels of the Miata. The attendant is fairly perplexed at the situation.. you know, there's a snail h...

World's smartest man contest.

There was a world's smartest man contest held and only two contestants remained. A book smart college man, and a country fellow from the west. The panel of 3 judges gave the contestants a variety of challenging questions and both always answered correctly.

The contest had been going for day...

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NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:

**NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:**

Please be advised that anyone planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a full Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider wheth...

buying condoms

I was out late at a supermarket looking for a box of condoms. I'm browsing the various available shapes, sizes, flavors or whatever. At the end of the aisle I spot this abnormally large box. I walk over to it and see on the side panel pictures of what's inside, and there were numerous sizes and ...

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A man is flying on an airplane.

Several hours into the flight he needs to go to the bathroom, so he goes to the lavatories but they are all occupied and there's quite a queue. He waits for about 10 minutes until he literally cannot hold it any longer.

Just when he's about to burst he sees lady come out of the ladies room in...

A hotel is holding a convention for chess aficionados...

During the daytime, the chess fans can play each other in the ballroom, watch panels that discuss optimal tactics and long-term strategies, or watch videos of famous chess matches. In the night, many of them gather in the hotel lobby to discuss the game and what they've seen today.

The hotel ...

The Ant and the Grasshopper

CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no f...

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So there's this boy, and he really loves tractors... [xpost from funny.]

He developed an exceptional love for tractors at quite a young age. He had grown up on a farm and his father was a farmer, his father's father was a farmer, and so on. He wanted nothing more than to, one day, buy his own tractor and take over his father's jobs on the farm. The boy maintains his obse...

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