Romney Jokes

It includes every position.

Romney supporters sign their checks on the front. Obama supporters sign their checks on the back.

And says, I got good news and bad news. Romney says "What is it?" Obama says "Well the good news is I think it's time for a Mormon president." "That's great Barack! What's the bad news?" Obama chuckles and says "My baptism is next Sunday"

A man dies, goes to heaven, stands before St. Peter, and see a huge wall of clocks. The man asks what all the clocks are for and St. Peter explains, "These are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie clock. Every time a person lies, the clock hands move."

Pointing to one, the man says, "Whose... read more

Because he takes too much from the bottom and middle and gives it to the top.

...the mood of the night is very good and after they spent a while talking about what new amazing things they have bought for themselves and the amount of money they managed to acquire in the past year, as well as all sorts of political matters they come to some lighter topics.
So the King says t... read more

I stand by what I said, whatever it is that I said.

I deny saying that, whatever it is that I said.

The one percent

He claimed 47% of America as dependents.

Which is kind of ironic — that Santorum can be brought down by two men forming a civil union.

A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket of furry animals; in her hand was a sign that read: FREE KITTENS. Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall grinning man. "Hi there little girl... read more

A woman passes away and finds herself at the Pearly Gates, with an angel showing her around. One thing she immediately notices is that there are a LOT of clocks in Heaven. Billions. She asks the angel who explains. "Everyone, past or present, gets a clock when they are born. Each time you tell ... read more

MIT Romney.

Mitt Romney has advised everyone in the path of Hurricane Sandy to make their way to their 2nd or 3rd homes immediately.

Snow White, Superman and Pinocchio are walking along.

They see a sign: "Contest for World's Most Beautiful Woman." Snow White goes in, later comes out smiling, wearing a crown.

They walk along and see another sign: "Contest for World's Strongest Man." Superman goes in, later comes out ... read more

Mitt Romney : "8 Million Americans still have no power."

Obama: "8 Million and one."

When was the last time Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, Jon Stewart, Glenn Beck, Bernie Sanders, George Bush, Elizabeth Warren, Mitt Romney, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Al Gore, John McCain, and Hillary Clinton all agreed on anything?

Turns out there really are jobs American's won't do.

Source: Mitt Romney's response to an interviewer's question.