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Tern Jokes

One good tern deserves another

Arctic terns, birds long famous for their thousands of miles migratory habits, have been profoundly affected by climate change. Researchers have determined that as landmarks have disappeared due to loss of ice, some terns get stressed to the point of prematurely ending their flights.

Exposur...

Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds…

They’ve left no tern unstoned…

It's time for some Tern Jokes!

* A group of sea-birds flew over Amsterdam.
No tern was left unstoned.

* Frans just opened up his new Deli and was doing quite well. People came in from miles around to buy his sausages and meats, and they never left unsatisfied. One day a man walks in and orders a pound of sausage. Fran...

Scientists are studying the effects of marijuana on the arctic tern, a species of bird.

The studies are so intense they have stated "We are leaving no tern unstoned."

What's the name of the soap opera about a seabird that moved rapidly around and around?

"As The Terns Whirled."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend just emailed me

"thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative"

Does anyone know what "ternative" mean?

My butcher has started making sausages from seabirds....

Today he has taken a tern for the wurst.

A freighter carrying a shipment of whiskey from Scotland lost power and was blown onto the rocks in Nova Scotia. The entire cargo was lost.

it left no tern unstoned.

At the beach house, we had a major problem with sea birds. I started throwing rocks at them.

I left no Tern unstoned.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mrs Jones has finished her laundry and now she is outside hanging it up to dry.

She looks up and sees a flock of terns flying nearby. She goes in the kitchen for a coffee and when she comes back out she sees that the terns have flown over and crapped on her laundry. Upset with what has just happened, she takes the laundry down, goes back in the house and washes it again. She c...

I thought I saw a sausage fly past my window, but it turns out it was a seabird.

I took a tern for the wurst.

Police are looking for a man selling marijuana to birds.

Eyewitnesses report he left no tern unstoned.

My friend has just fed German sausage to a bird.

He’s taken a tern for the wurst.

I encourage seabirds to date others in their species.

I believe one good tern deserves another.

The government has developed machines that will pick litter up from the beach.

I saw one the other day, but unfortunately it was malfunctioning and was grabbing birds off the shoreline instead.

I thought "Well, that took a tern."

A bird and weed story

In the 1970s, law enforcement officers on the California coast would gather all the confiscated marijuana plants and burn them in a giant incinerator. Terns would fly overhead and inhale the fumes. At the end of the day, they found that no terns were left unstoned.

We were stranded at sea with dwindling supplies of dried food and canned meat. Some of the guys started to catch birds and eat them or barter them for other food,...

...so I took a tern for the wurst.

Saw some sea birds ordering furniture in IKEA today

Last time I checked it was definitely humans only, but I guess the terns have tabled.

A stash of cannabis plants has been dumped in a local Estuary and local seabirds have been seen feeding nearby.

Bird welfare groups are investigating and they say no tern has been left un-stoned!!..

The effect of pot on shore birds...

On the beach yesterday I saw a researcher blowing clouds of pot smoke on shore birds to study the effects of marijuana on their flying. He was very thorough, making sure he dosed every single one he saw.

It was his intention to leave no tern unstoned.

California scientists are studying the impact of cannabis seeds from the farms will have on the local seabird population

Apparently they are being thorough and are leaving no tern unstoned

In other news

Inspired by Colin Mochrie's 6:00 News on Who's Line, I tried to come up with my own.

We now return you to your 6:00 news. I'm your host, Armand Dangerous. Earlier today, a man who lost a digit to his foot after a grievous skiing accident underwent a groundbreaking surgery where he requested t...

What was Vladimir Lenin’s favorite bird?

the Common Tern

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship...

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am. The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor to stop. Upon hearing the sailor's lame explanation for his tardiness, the officer ordered the sailor, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by...

My local butcher switched to using sea birds in his sausage.

It was a tern for the wurst.

Have you heard about the place way up North where birds stop flying North and start flying south?

It's where they make Arctic Terns.

I thought my girlfriend was getting over her seabird-related kleptomania

...then she took a tern for the worse.

A Secluded Beach Spot

I was at the beach with my wife the other day and we took a walk around an area with some pretty big rock bluffs and boulders and things. It was really nice, and surprisingly secluded for the area. Nobody was around but a bunch of seagulls. Terns, actually, my wife corrected me.

We find a spo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy was not looking forward to lunch.

Everyday his mom would pack a liverwurst sandwich and he hated it. One lunch period his classmate looks over and says, "I hate it when my mom packs me a seabird sandwich for lunch. Wanna trade?" Overjoyed, the boy accepted. All of a sudden a teacher grabs him and asks, "Did you trade sandwiches?"...

The FBI made a big marijuana bust recently.

The took the approximately 2 tons of weed to a landfill and had it incinerated. However, the EPA stepped in and showed concern for the multitude of seagulls flying overhead. You know what their study discovered? That there was no tern left unstoned.

Terrible pun...

An elderly German couple that own a butcher shop are minding the store one day, selling all sorts of meats and sausages when in walks a man with a bird under his arm.
The shopkeeper asks the man if he can help him and the man says "Yes, I would like to trade this bird for a few of your famous s...

Drug smugglers tried to take

bales of marijuana to the states by boat. They didn't check the weather and ran into a terrible storm. The boat took water and sank. The marijuana washed up on an island where it was eaten by some seabirds.

It left no tern unstoned.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor joke

(You May only get if you understand the nature of the different medical specialties)

A surgeon, internist, radiologist, and pathologist go duck hunting for the first time.

They are huddled in the duck blind and the first bird goes flying in front of them, but they can’t clearly make o...

A pothead goes to the beach.

It's pretty obvious that he's been smoking earlier that day.
He gets to the beach and it's a quiet day. He notices, however that there are all manner of sea birds squawking and flying around like crazy. They're diving in and out of the water and pestering the few people who were out that day. He ...

A Date on the Beach

A man once took his sweetheart for a Valentine's Day picnic on the beach. All was going well, when suddenly they were attacked by nesting shorebirds. I guess you could say their enchanted evening took a tern for the worse.

I was Washingtons of clothes when...

Adams-el in distress ran up to me and said her boyfriend Jefferson was being not nice and even though I was a bit Madison at the guy I couldn’t help but give her retreat, and boy, she was such a Monroe!

My friend Jack’s son decided to do a van burying on me I was having a leisurely drive. He ...

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