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The stork is the bird that helps deliver babies. What bird helps prevent pregnancy?

The swallow.

So there was a stork carrying an old man..

..and the old man turns to it and says:
"Would you at last admit it that we are lost?"

A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents, "How was I born?"

His mother awkwardly answers, "The stork brought you."

"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"

"Um, well, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma."

The boy begins his paper, "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact tha...

Yo momma so fat, it wasn't the stork that brought her

It was the crane!

Light babies are delivered by stork, heavy babies...

Delivered by crane.

Smaller babies are always delivered by stork...

but the heavier ones need to be delivered by **crane**.

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The rabbit and the bear

One day a bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods, when suddenly a magic stork flys down from the sky and calls the two of them over.

The stork says he's seen them be aggressive to eachother for weeks now and he'll offer them both 3 wishes each if they stop. The bear being greedy says "I'm...

Yo mama so big, the stork couldn't carry her...

They needed a *crane*.

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A man walks into a bar...

... With a stork and a cat, he sits at the bar and orders a drink, the cat chimes in and says "double whiskey, but I'm not paying" the barman serves the drinks and tells the guy "£12.50 please mate" the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change without looking, hands it over and takes a...

Do storks deliver babies?

An OB/GYN walks into a bar and orders a beer. "So do all those storks delivering babies cut into your business?" the bartender jokes. "That, of course, is a complete myth," the stuffy OB/GYN huffs. "The only thing storks and obstetricians have in common is a large bill."

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The Stork family comes home at the end of the day

The storks sit down for dinner. Mama Stork says "Father Stork, what did you do today?"

Father Stork says "I was out making couples very happy. What did you do today Mama Stork?"

Mama Stork says "I also was out making couples very happy. What did you do today Baby Stork?"


Two storks are sitting in their nest:

A father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy."

The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitt...

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A man walks into a bar with a baby stork and a cat.

Sitting down, the man orders a beer, the stork orders a scotch, but the cat just sits at the bar and eats the free peanuts. The man catches the bartender staring incredulously, and asks him,

"do ya wanna know where I got these animals?"

The bartender nods.

"Well, about a week...

you might think babies are delivered by storks

but fat babies require cranes

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-Mommie, is it true that storks brings babies?

-Yes darling.

-But then... who fucks the stork?

Storks bring babies, but do you know what type of birds prevent babies?


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So my niece ask me where babies come from, I told her that they come from the stork

She then looked at me puzzled and asked, "who fucked the stork."

A man from Baden, an Alsatian and a Swiss are talking about where the little children come from.

The Alsatian says: "The stork brings them here. There is a stork's nest on almost every house roof. The man from Baden thinks again. "Here they do it in the hospital". The Swiss is a little embarrassed. "I don't know exactly, but it definitely varies from canton to canton".

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Dave walks into a bar...

He sits down; Then a Stork walks in, and sits next to him... and a cat walks in and sits on the other side.

He ushers the barkeep over and asks for a pint, handing over a £5 note.

The Barman has seen some shit in his time, so he is unfazed, and pours a nice cold pint.

Then the s...

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My four year old asked me where babies come from. I told him, a stork brings them.

“What kind of pervert fucks a bird?”

"I know where babies come from."

After coming home from school and sitting down on the couch, young Jenny proudly proclaimed "Mommy, I know where babies come from!"

Imagining storks and unicorns, her Mom said "OK, then why don't you tell me Honey."

Jenny says "The Mommy and Daddy take off their clothes and start huggi...

A stork gets home after a bad day at work and is chilling with his wife.

How was work dear? she asked.
I had a really big baby today and I dropped him because he was to heavy.
Oh you silly goose,she says...the heavy babies are always delivered by crane.

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Jesus and Moses are golfing in a threesome.

Moses tees off first and uncorks a high sailing slice. The ball plops into the middle of a lake. Unperturbed, Moses walks to the edge of the lake, raises his club, and the waters part. Moses chips onto the green.

Jesus tees off next. He blades a worm-burner that heads for the lake, skipping ...

FAQ: Can I returned my child and get a refund?

No, but we can give you stork credit.

One day, Johnny comes home from school and asks his mother, "Mommy, how was I born?"

"The stork brought you here," says the mother.

"And how were my brother Joel and my sister Emily born?"

"The stork brought them, too."

"And how were you born?"

"The stork also brought me."

"Did the stork also bring Uncle George and Aunt Ruth and Cousin Evan and Cou...

At an international scout camp, three boys were talking about where babies come from.

A German boy said that the stork brings babies, while a French boy said it involved the mother and father. The American boy was silent.

After some prodding, he finally said “Well, with us it depends on whether you’re from a red state or a blue one.”

A couple is expecting their first child

The father is overjoyed. He goes to the nearest clothing store and gets a little shirt, a tiny pair of pants, an adorable little hat, and the most exquisite (and expensive) pair of shoes for his soon to be child. He and his wife stand on their porch, waiting for 2 whole weeks for the stork to arrive...

If storks bring white babies and crows bring black babies, then what brings no babies......

a couple of swallows !!

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"My boy, soon the stork will come with a little baby sister or baby brother for you."

A dad told his son, "My boy, soon the stork will come with a little baby sister or baby brother for you." Then the boy says "Damn it dad, the town is filled with pussy and you go around fucking birds?!"

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Little Johnny comes up to his mother and asks her

LITTLE JOHNNY: Mom, how are babies born?

MOTHER: Well I told you already honey, a stork brings them

LITTLE JOHNNY: Yeah that's obvious, but who fucks the stork?

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A little boy says 'Daddy where do babies come from?'

His dad says 'a stork'

The boy says 'but who fucks the stork?'

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NSFW: A mom is putting her son to bed and he asks

"Mom, where do babies came from?"

"Well", she says, "They come from a stork."

Confused, he asks "Then who fucks the stork?"

What's another name for a baby adoption center?

A stork market.

What do get when you cross an Imperial cruiser with an abortion clinic?

A Stork Destroyer

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Johnny was watching an adult movie with Mary

Johnny gets a hard-on

Obviously Mary started asking right away: "Johnny what is that?" while pointing at Johnnys dick

Johnny being busy with other stuff answered quickly: "That's a stork"

Mary is still bored and starts asking again: "What is that?" while pointing at Johnnys ball...

Everytime I leave home, I'm being followed by a bird with long legs....

I think I'm being storked !!

Purchased Vs. Homemade

Six year old Annie returns home from school and says she had her first family planning lesson at school.

Her mother, very interested, asks; "How did it go?" "I nearly died of shame!" she answers.

"Sam from over the road, says that the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you ...

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A kid asks of his mother

A kid asks of his mother, "Mom, where do babies come from?" The mother gets frantic, thinking of what to say, "Oh, uh, they, um... they.... they come from a stork!" The kid goes "Yeah? Who fucks the stork?"

My son asked me "how babies are made?" I told him

Babys are delivered by a stork

Fat babies are delivered by a crane

And no Babys are delivered by a swallow

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This kid does a show and tell for his 3rd grade class...

But first he wants to get some research on "where do babies come from". First the kid asks his mother and says "Mum, where do babies come from?" The mother replies, "the stork brought you here."
So the kid goes to his dad and asks him, "where do babies come from?"
The dad replies, "the stork b...

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A father asked his young son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" the
boy exploded, bursting into tears. Confused, his
father asked the youngster what was wrong. Oh
pop," the boy sobbed, "for me there was no santa
claus at age six, no Easter bunny at age seven, no
tooth fairy at age eight and no stork at ten. and
if you'r...

Son asks his father

Is it true that the stork has brought me?

No, son. Yesterday the neighbor brought you- and last week it was some of your friends. It’s time to stop drinking.

3 kids are discussing how they were made

One says, "The stork brought me!"
The second one says, "I was downloaded from the internet!"
The third one hangs his head down in shame and says, "Well, my family is poor, and my parents makes everything themselves."

A young kid asked a question

A young kid asked his parents one how he was made.

The parents ,not wanting to scar him, replied that he was delivered by a stork

Later on in his room the child started on his paper and it read

“Today I learned that I am the only person in the entire world not born regularly”

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The Birds and The Bees

A teacher was giving her six-year-olds class their first lesson about the birds and the bees.

"When you grow up, you will get married and after about a year, a bird called a stork will fly in through the window and deliver a baby." A hand goes up at the back of the class.

"Yes, Little ...

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Even wants to have sex

And she goes to Adam and says to him: "Adam, lets have sex!".
"I can't have sex with you, you have no hole down there.", says Adam, so Eve goes crying to the river and a fairy appears and asks her "Eve, why are you crying?" where Eve replied "Adam can't have sex with me cause I have no hole down ...

Jake wanted a brother

Jake had been asking his father for a brother the whole morning. His dad got annoyed so he gave little Jake some seeds.

"Just put these by the window, it attracts the storks!"

A few months later the neigbors had a baby delivered. Little Jake went to the newfound father and said:

My wife and I have been wanting a baby

.. but we checked and they're out of stork.

A little boy to his father: "Daddy, how did I actually come into the world?" Daddy replies: "Alright my son, at some point we have to to this talking, so watch out:

Daddy got to know mommy in a "chat room." Later, daddy and mommy met in a "cyber cafe" and on the toilet, mommy wanted to do a few "downloads" of daddy's "Joy Stick". When daddy was then ready for the "upload", we suddenly realized that we had no "firewall" installed and it was already too late to p...

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