Well… technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws
Police found a large number of dead crows on the A251 just outside Ashford yesterday morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Bird Flu...
A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and it's been confirmed the problem was not Bird Flu.
The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts, however, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.
What did the man say after getting attacked by crows?
I just got murdered.
what do you call a group of crows who do something out of curiosity?
A tempted murder
Me: A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe movie
Me: No I really miss her.
Saw two crows sitting on a powerline.
If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?
why did the crow land on the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw
A crow was arrested an put behind bars.
His lawyer, a lawyer bird obviously, visited him. "How bad is it?" The crow asked.
"Pretty bad." The lawyer bird replied. "They had a warrant to go through your phone."
"So what?" The crow said. "I've got nothing to hide."
"They found the texts to your friends." The lawyer b...
How do the crows in Texas greet each other?
Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16?
Apparently, the only difference between a raven and a crow is a matter of a pinion.
Russell Crowe & Sheryl Crow walk into a bar…
The bartender calls 911, "I need to report an attempted murder!"
What did the crow say when he was being swallowed by an snake?
Where do crows go to get drunk?
TSA stopped me while I was boarding my flight and said “Sir, you can’t bring that crow onto the aircraft.”
I said “Don’t worry. It’s a carrion.”
Teacher asks her class, "If there's 14 crows on a fence and you shoot 2 off, how many are left?
" One little boy says, "None, the shotgun scared them all away." Teacher says, "That's not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you're thinking." Boy says to teacher, "I have a question for you." "There's 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 is licking, 1 is sucking, 1 is biting. Which on...
Did you hear about the crow that got arrested for trying to throw a party where nobody came?
He got charged with attempted murder
A group of bats is a colony, crows is a murder, sheep is a flock. What is a group of idiots called?
A Freedom Caucus.
What architecture style do crows build their nests with?
A group of dogs is a pack. A group of crows is a murder. What is a group of Karen's?
A Home Owners Association.
During a review of accident statistics, it was noticed that one particular intersection in Boston had an inordinately high number of dead crows, presumably killed by motor vehicle strikes. Further study revealed the oddity that in every case, the dead crow had been killed by a truck—never a passenge...
i own a pet crow . Have you seen my crow ? i bet you didn't cause its micro
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
Crows v. Ravens
A bird watcher walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I've always wondered, what's the difference between a crow and a raven?" the bartender asks. "Well, ravens and crows both have large feathers on their wings called 'pinions'. Ravens have 4 pinions on each wing while crows only have 3," the bird wat...
Little Johnny strikes again
### Teacher: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?
### Little Johnny: None.
### Teacher: Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?
### Little Johnny: None!
### Teacher: Can you explain...
A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.
They charged him with attempted murder.
The difference between ravens and crows
Today I learned there are very few differences between ravens and crows. But one key difference is they have a different amount of tail feathers, so really, the difference is a matter of a pinion.
posted on behalf of my SO
I've been attempting a murder
But I can't get more than 1 crow
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...
LPT: Follow the given three steps in order to successfully accomplish a murder.
1. Set out a few high-mounted boxes with hole in the front of them. 2. Scatter about several boxes filled with cashews. 3. Be sure to do this in a place crows frequent.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet
A crow was arrested during lockdown for trying to organise a get together with many other fellow crows.
The police said he was arrested for attempted murder.
How long does it take for a crow to eat a dead squirrel on the road?
It depends on the traffic
(English is not my first language so sorry for any mistake)
Where do the Asian crows live?
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
Murder of crows
Question...If a group of crows is called a murder, and a group is three or more, is two crows together considered an attempted murder? Also, as I’ve been told, crows are very intelligent, my so would a planned gathering of crows be considered a pre-meditated murder?
Why did the police arrest the crow?
They had probable caws.
What is a female crow's favorite car?
A crow flies to a woman on the street
Crow: Miss, would you donate to my charity?
Woman: Why should I?
Crow: CAW CAW CAW CAW
Woman: What does that even mean?
Crow: Its four good caws
There was a crow outside my window this morning that would not shut up.
Turns out he way had too much CAAW-fee.
Do you know why you never see a crow dead in the road?
Because he has a buddy on the side yelling "KAAAA...KAAAA"
My roommate got in trouble with the police because he had two crows in our apartment as pets.
The cops arrested him for attempted murder.
Before they invented Crowbars, crows had to drink alone. :(
A crow was arrested today under suspicion of being involved in a murder
The judge threw the case out. He said he had just caws.
A bunch of crows live in our neighborhood so I am constantly making jokes about "(attempted) murder."
It's not that funny anymore and it's driving my wife insane, but I'm just setting up a big laugh for when the judge reads the charges against her.
If a stork brings a white baby and a crow brings a black baby; what bird brings no baby?
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Russell Crowe never really liked performing cunnilingus on a woman but after having tried it for the first time...
he was gladiator.
A joke my girlfriend told me
Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance
"See that over there? What is that?" Says the first crow
The second crows takes a long look, "That's a scarecrow. Looks authentic, doesn't it"
"How can you tell it's a scarecrow and not a...
Why didn't the Crow want to go outside?
He didn't want to catch Corvid-19!
(Thanks u/earazahs )
What do you call crows that stick close together?
What prompts most crows to commit homicide?
Caws and effect
A crow sits on a telephone pole, doing nothing - looking stupid
A crow is sitting on a telephone pole when his mate, another crow arrives.
Crow#2 asks his friend: "Hey buddy, what are you doing?"
Crow#1: "Nothing really, just sitting here and looking stupid"
Crow#2: "Sounds cool, I wanna try that, too!"
An hour later a 3rd crow arrive...
Crows make black babies. Doves make white babies. What makes no babies?
Two crows were fighting and another crow came and broke it up.
"Stop carrion on like that," the third crow said.
The crows were calling his name...
If you eat a bat, you get COVID-19. If you eat a crow, you get
Little known fact, before the crowbar was invented…
Most crows drank at home.
(Work in progress)What do you call a bunch of ravens pretending to be crows?
A conspiracy to commit murder!
Why are flights with crows often delayed?
Because they bring a lot of extra carrion luggage.
Did you hear about Russel Crow's recent problem with cannibalism? At first he expressed shame about consuming a mother of two.
But upon further consideration he was gladiator.
Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, ”can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “sure, why not!” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
**Moral of the...
what does a crow say when it sees a car coming?
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
There was a group of ravens in the park today fighting over a happy meal,
I'd never seen such a great unkindness before; I had thought they were crows until I walked closer, for a second I thought I had witnessed a murder.
OP meets a talking crow
One day OP decides to get off reddit for a bit and go for a nice leisurely walk. After walking for a few hours he pauses at a park bench and sits down to collect his thoughts.
A crow lands on the bench beside him and takes him off guard by saying hello.
“Are... are you a talking crow?...
I thought the wind settled down a bit so I could go for a walk. Then a crow flew past my window.
A crow got cut in half by a wind turbine.
What is one crow sitting next to another crow?
What do you get when a raven flies into a group of 18 crows?
Why do crows never check their bags at the airport?
They prefer carrion.
A crow asks a lady to donate to it's charity
'Whats your charity called?' , asks the lady.
' CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! ' , said the crow,
' It's four good caws'
One day, about a year ago, 100 dead crows were found on the side of a motorway. Upon investigation, The crows were found to have been hit by vehicles, and were covered in specs of varying paint.
After further investigation it was also found that the paint on the crows had two different types...
If a group of crows is called a 'murder', and two crows are an 'attempted murder', what do you call eighteen crows?
Pretty close to a pandemic in 2020.
(Corvid-18! Geddit Reddit?)
Yeah-yeah I made it up, not sorry... yet...
It's COVID-19, not CORVID-19. A corvid is of the crow family. 19 crows are not gathering to kill you...
But if they are... its a murder.
What do you call a plan to kill a bunch of crows that are hanging around on a gravestone?
A plot to murder a murder plot's murder.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
A crow was found dead by other crows and they began to search for the cause.
A murder investigation.
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
"What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" asked the Redditor. "Ravens have seventeen wing feathers with the end feather called a pinion, in contrast to crows having only sixteen wing feathers." answered the one known as Dan.
He continued, "Therefore, it's just a matter of a pinion."
How come crows never get hit by cars?
Their friends are all up on the power lines yelling "caw caw!"
In a society of crows,
All unsolved crimes are murder mysteries.
Why was the crow bitter about his job?
They fired him without caws!
Did I tell you about the time I took a bunch of crows to the asylum?
I committed a murder.
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws
What do you call a
group of Whales? A Pod
A group of Crows? A: A murder
A group of Red Herring? …
A Culture War
Sometimes you eat a crow,
Some other times, Croatia
The original red shirt story
There's this mighty sailing ship, a British frigate, cruising the Seven Seas, and one day the lookout shouts down from the crow's nest, "Captain! Captain! There's two pirate ships heading our way! They mean to attack! What should we do?"
And the captain, he says, "Bring me my red shirt."<...
When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh...
Police have begun training Crows to search vehicles.
It's easier to search without a warrant because Police Crows always have Just Cawws.
What do you call two crows on a branch?
What do you call a male human's response to this joke?