Fun fact! a group of crows is called a murder!

cops*

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted murder.

The Kansas Department of Transportation (KDOT) found over 450 dead crows on I-35 this past week, and there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.

A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).

The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird'...

I thought the wind settled down a bit so I could go for a walk. Then a crow flew past my window.

Backwards.

How do you get a murder of crows to stick together?

Vel-crow

A crow was arrested an put behind bars.

His lawyer, a lawyer bird obviously, visited him.
"How bad is it?" The crow asked.

"Pretty bad." The lawyer bird replied. "They had a warrant to go through your phone."

"So what?" The crow said. "I've got nothing to hide."

"They found the texts to your friends." The lawyer b...

What do you call the bird after the 18th crow on a telephone line?

Corvid-19

I heard two crows got arrested

The charge was attempted murder

What sound does a crow make when it sees something cute?

Aww Aww Aww

Why did the cops arrest the two crows before more could arrive?

Attempted murder.

There was probable caws.

Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?

Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.

I would rather breed mice than crows

Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.

A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe movie?

“Gladiator?”

“No, I really miss her.”

Teacher asks her class, "If there's 14 crows on a fence and you shoot 2 off, how many are left?

" One little boy says, "None, the shotgun scared them all away." Teacher says, "That's not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you're thinking." Boy says to teacher, "I have a question for you." "There's 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 is licking, 1 is sucking, 1 is biting. Which on...

Did you hear about the crow that got sick?

It came down with Corvid-19

What do you call a coronavirus that targets crows and ravens?

Corvid-19

If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?

Annoying

Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?

He was fired for Just Caws

What do you called a crow that cant find his way?

A lost caws

COP: Where were you the night of the murder?

CROW: I was with a group of friends

COP: What would you call that group?

CROW: …I want a lawyer

Why was the caffeine addicted crow agitated?

Because of the caw fee.

A crow flies to a woman on the street

Crow: Miss, would you donate to my charity?

Woman: Why should I?

Crow: CAW CAW CAW CAW

Woman: What does that even mean?

Crow: Its four good caws

Crows

There once was a crow who was not like the others. He always was on the telephone line, and never went down on the road to eat roadkill like the other crows. He also warned the ither crows of oncoming cars. One day a bus hit all the crows because all the other crow knew was "caw, caw"

Do you know why you never see a crow dead in the road?

Because he has a buddy on the side yelling "KAAAA...KAAAA"

Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?

It was Mass murder

What do you call a bunch of crows who are friends?

Crow-nies.

What do you call a bunch of crows out for camping?

Murder within tent

How do you tell the difference between ravens and crows.

The long straight tail feathers on these birds are called pinions. Crows are known to have 7 pinions, while ravens have 8. So the difference between a raven and a crow is a matter of a pinion.

TIL that a flock of crows is called a murder.

Thus apparently, gangsta rap lyrics are mostly about ornithology.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

6 life lessons

6 life lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, ...

Where do crows go to drink?

The crowbar.

How come crows never get hit by cars?

Their friends are all up on the power lines yelling "caw caw!"

The difference between a raven and a crow.

A raven has 17 primary wing feathers, the big ones at the end of the wing. They are called pinion feathers.

A crow has 16.

So, the difference between a raven and a crow is basically a matter of a pinion.

A group of crows were receiving their PhDs at their college's commencement ceremony when the police showed up.

They all were arrested for third-degree murder.

A Pirate captain sits behind on the deck of his ship (long)

From the nest he hears "Captain, a navy ship is approaching!"

"Just one?" he responds?

"Yessir, Just the one!" He ponders this for a second.

"Alright, someone get me my red shirt!" So someone scurries off and grabs the red shirt and the captain puts it on. The navy ship approac...

A crow got cut in half by a wind turbine.

ow

"There are three crows sitting on a branch,

you shoot one, how many are left?" The teacher asks little Jack.
"None Mrs. Parker, because the others would've flown away after hearing the gunshot."
"The correct answer is two little Jack, but I like the way you think."
"Well Mrs. parker, I have a question for you too. There are thr...

I bought a scarecrow and even though it didn’t scare any crows , I still had to give it a great review on Amazon

Because it was just out standing

Police have begun training Crows to search vehicles.

It's easier to search without a warrant because Police Crows always have Just Cawws.

What do you call a group of crows at a planned meet up?

Pre-meditated Murder.

What do you call a group of agitated crows?

Aggravated Murder.

I will see myself out.

Intelligent Crows

When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh...

A lone crow stands surrounded by scarecrows, but he is not afraid.

He calls for his friends, as they don’t call it a murder for nothing.

What do you get when you combine a group of crows, a Hitman, and a chicken?

A murder most fowl.

Chicken Dinner

A farm family invited their new pastor over for a Sunday chicken dinner. After a delicious meal, the pastor seemed to be the only one that noticed a rooster outside crowing almost non-stop. He finally had to ask the farmer, "Excuse me. I grew up in the city and I thought roosters only made noise ...

Taking Your Bird on Holiday

What’s the most convenient bird to take in hand luggage when flying?




A carrion crow.


I’ll see myself out.

Police? I want to report a murder

Yes, there is a lot of crows here.

If a stork brings a white baby, and a crow brings a black baby; what brings no baby?

a swallow

Why do crows never check their bags at the airport?

They prefer carrion.

A crow asks a lady to donate to it's charity

'Whats your charity called?' , asks the lady.

' CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! ' , said the crow,

' It's four good caws'

What do you call two crows on a branch?

Attempted murder.



What do you call a male human's response to this joke?

Man'slaughter.

Crows are super smart

There was a study conducted on crows using cars to crack open nuts. They'd place the nut on the road during a red light, let the cars run over the nuts, and then retrieve them during the next red light.

The study also found a second interesting discovery, there were a large number of crows ...

Did you know that before the crowbar was invented

Crows would just drink at home alone

Crow joins two other feasting on a dead rat...

says - a murder, eh?!

Friendly Crow: How was your family reunion?

Antisocial Crow: It was murder...

what does a crow say when it sees a car coming?

car

Crows make black babies. Doves make white babies. What makes no babies?

Swallows.

If a group of crows is a murder...

...then a group of crows spaced evenly between two margins is a justified murder.

What did the crow say when his friend got run over by a hit and run driver?

Caw the Cawps!

Backstory - my daughter just woke up telling me about her nightmare - I was driving her down a road, and kept running over crows in the road, she would look back and would see crows mourning over their friends. We had to keep driving back and forth through the same road because...

Two ducks walk into a bar and are immediately asked to leave

It was a crow bar.

A group of ravens organized the crows' monthly meeting.

I guess you could say there was a conspiracy to commit a murder.

My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.

Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"

He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."

Whats a crows favorite drink?

Cawww-ffee

There was a study on Crows done in the UK....

As we all know, crows are very smart animals. They've learned that if they drop a nut into traffic, cars will run over it and break it open. This is usually performed by 2 crows; one to do the dropping and retrieving, and the second to signal no the first one when traffic is clear and it's safe to g...

"What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" asked the Redditor. "Ravens have seventeen wing feathers with the end feather called a pinion, in contrast to crows having only sixteen wing feathers." answered the one known as Dan.

He continued, "Therefore, it's just a matter of a pinion."

A new study has found that 98% of vehicular collisions with crows in Boston involve trucks and other large vehicles

Apparently they can all yell “cah, cah,” but not “bus, bus.”

A crow invited all his friends to come round to his house, but no-one showed up....

It was an attempted murder.

OP meets a talking crow

One day OP decides to get off reddit for a bit and go for a nice leisurely walk. After walking for a few hours he pauses at a park bench and sits down to collect his thoughts.

A crow lands on the bench beside him and takes him off guard by saying hello.

“Are... are you a talking crow?...

What do you call a couple of birds that stick together

Vel-crows

What is it called when you bid on a bunch of crow eggs on Ebay?

Attempted murder.

Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, ”can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “sure, why not!” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.


A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


**Moral of the...

Sometimes you eat a crow,

Some other times, Croatia

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

if it's true that crows have the intelligence of a 7 year old human...

How come I've never seen a crow admitted to hospital for having a lego stuck up it's arse?

Crows

One day, about a year ago, 100 dead crows were found on the side of a motorway. Upon investigation, The crows were found to have been hit by vehicles, and were covered in specs of varying paint.

After further investigation it was also found that the paint on the crows had two different types...

A flock of crows flew beak-first into window at horrifying speeds.

Experts suggest it was a murder suicide.

Why don't you ever see a crow roadkill

Because there is always another one in the tree yelling, "CAWR CAWR!"

My friend hated crows so much that he wanted to kill them. One time, I caught him staring intensely at a group of crows...

You could see the murder in his eyes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Only Australians and/or New Zealanders will get this joke

A large man walks into a bar and looks for a place to sit. Every stool and table is taken but at the end of the bar is a little man drinking a beer by himself. So, the big man walks up behind him and slaps him across the back of head and he falls to the floor.

The little man gets up rubbing h...

Guys, I just broke up an attempted murder...

But to be fair, those crows shouldn't have been gathering in the middle of the road

So I was boarding a plane the other day

And my girlfriend was worried for me going to China. She texted me: "be careful! Don't catch the corvid flu!"

I replied: "crows, ravens, jackdaws, and blue jay's don't have flu. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?"

What is a crows favorite vegetable?

Corn on the caawb.

Russell Crowe showed no remorse after cannibalising his wife.

In fact, he seemed like he was Gladiator.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spin on a joke I posted here a while back.

OG JOKE:


My Dad Told Me This One, You Might Know It

3 men are on top of a cliff. A mystical deity approaches them.

"I will grant you one wish, you just have to jump off the cliff!" His voice booms.

The first man, being power hungry, wished to be a lion, king of...

In response to the TIL about the difference between a crow and raven

Do you know the difference between a crow and a raven? Well, the feathers that are the long vertical feathers on the wings are called pinion feathers. They help the birds fly. A crow has 13 of these feathers and raven only has 12. So I guess you could say that the difference between a crow and a rav...

Jason Todd walks into a bar, where the Joker is behind the counter. He says "Jason, you know I can't serve Robins here"

Jason asks "Why?" and Joker replies "this is a CROW bar!"



Then he beats him to death.

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