Crow deaths

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely ...

what do you call a group of crows and a dead one

a murder mystery

If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?

Annoying

What do you call 2 crows sitting on a branch

Attempted murder

Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?

So he could get crow cane from his vet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

6 Life Lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

A crow was arrested an put behind bars.

His lawyer, a lawyer bird obviously, visited him.
"How bad is it?" The crow asked.

"Pretty bad." The lawyer bird replied. "They had a warrant to go through your phone."

"So what?" The crow said. "I've got nothing to hide."

"They found the texts to your friends." The lawyer b...

The difference between ravens and crows

Today I learned there are very few differences between ravens and crows. But one key difference is they have a different amount of tail feathers, so really, the difference is a matter of a pinion.



posted on behalf of my SO

A group of dogs is a pack. A group of crows is a murder. What is a group of Karen's?

A Home Owners Association.

When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...

That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.

A guy walks into a crow bar

It's a murder scene

Dead Crows

During a review of accident statistics, it was noticed that one particular intersection in Boston had an inordinately high number of dead crows, presumably killed by motor vehicle strikes. Further study revealed the oddity that in every case, the dead crow had been killed by a truck—never a passenge...

What's the difference between a crow and a raven?

A Raven has 17 feathers at the end of it's wing, these feathers help with flight and are known as pinion feathers. Where the Raven has 17 of them a Crow only has 16 of these feathers.

So the difference between a Crow and a Raven is a matter of a pinion.

But is it murder?

A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?" "Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."

TSA stopped me while I was boarding my flight and said “Sir, you can’t bring that crow onto the aircraft.”

I said “Don’t worry. It’s a carrion.”

How do the crows in Texas greet each other?

Yee-caw

MY crow

i own a pet crow . Have you seen my crow ? i bet you didn't cause its micro

Where do the Asian crows live?

In Croatia.

Murder of crows

Question...If a group of crows is called a murder, and a group is three or more, is two crows together considered an attempted murder? Also, as I’ve been told, crows are very intelligent, my so would a planned gathering of crows be considered a pre-meditated murder?

I witnessed an actual murder in real life and didn't tell anyone about it.

Crows are common in my area so it wasn't a big deal.

Fun fact

Before the invention of the crow bar most crows got drunk at home

How long does it take for a crow to eat a dead squirrel on the road?

It depends on the traffic


(English is not my first language so sorry for any mistake)

Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?

Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.

A crow was arrested during lockdown for trying to organise a get together with many other fellow crows.

The police said he was arrested for attempted murder.

Did you hear about the crow who got arrested for trying to start a social club?

He was charged with attempted murder... I'll see myself out

Crows

Before they invented Crowbars, crows had to drink alone. :(

How did I know the crow got sick?

He had a really bad ca-cough.

What is a female crow's favorite car?

A Corvette!

What did one crow say to the other after the party?

We were raven.

The crows were calling his name...

Thought Caw.

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted murder.

A bunch of crows live in our neighborhood so I am constantly making jokes about "(attempted) murder."

It's not that funny anymore and it's driving my wife insane, but I'm just setting up a big laugh for when the judge reads the charges against her.

Teacher asks her class, "If there's 14 crows on a fence and you shoot 2 off, how many are left ?"

One little boy says, "None, the shotgun scared them all away." Teacher says, "That's not the answer I was looking for but I like the way you're thinking." Boy says to teacher, "I have a question for you." "There's 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 is licking, 1 is sucking, 1 is biting. Which one is ...

Why did the police arrest the crow?

They had probable caws.

There was a crow outside my window this morning that would not shut up.

Turns out he way had too much CAAW-fee.

Why didn't the Crow want to go outside?

He didn't want to catch Corvid-19!

(Thanks u/earazahs )

(Work in progress)What do you call a bunch of ravens pretending to be crows?

A conspiracy to commit murder!

My roommate got in trouble with the police because he had two crows in our apartment as pets.

The cops arrested him for attempted murder.

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A man walks in to a sea shanty

A man walks in to a sea shanty and sees his old pal Long John Silver sitting at the bar so he walks over to say hello. As he approaches, he notices that his old friend has a nice new peg-leg, a shiny new hook at the end of his right wrist and a fresh looking eyepatch over his right eye. He slaps h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Protesting Crows

A crow march was organized online - smart little buggers. Only two showed up. Thousands bought tickets on TikToc... The two crows were arrested. When asked why they didn't wear masks they said they were not afraid of Corvid-19. They were charged with attempted murder.

I whisper my sins to crows

So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder

What did Russel Crowe say to the press when his son was convicted of cannibalism?

I was glad he ate her.

A crow sits on a telephone pole, doing nothing - looking stupid

A crow is sitting on a telephone pole when his mate, another crow arrives.

Crow#2 asks his friend: "Hey buddy, what are you doing?"

Crow#1: "Nothing really, just sitting here and looking stupid"

Crow#2: "Sounds cool, I wanna try that, too!"

An hour later a 3rd crow arrive...

Why are flights with crows often delayed?

Because they bring a lot of extra carrion luggage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russell Crowe never really liked performing cunnilingus on a woman but after having tried it for the first time...

he was gladiator.

"A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe film"

"Gladiator?"

"No, I really miss her"

A crow was arrested today under suspicion of being involved in a murder

The judge threw the case out. He said he had just caws.

What does a hipster crow say?

“La croix! La croix!”

Did you hear about Russel Crow's recent problem with cannibalism? At first he expressed shame about consuming a mother of two.

But upon further consideration he was gladiator.

"There are three crows sitting on a branch,

you shoot one, how many are left?" The teacher asks little Jack.
"None Mrs. Parker, because the others would've flown away after hearing the gunshot."
"The correct answer is two little Jack, but I like the way you think."
"Well Mrs. parker, I have a question for you too. There are thr...

What is one crow sitting next to another crow?

Attempted murder.

Two crows were fighting and another crow came and broke it up.

"Stop carrion on like that," the third crow said.

If you eat a bat, you get COVID-19. If you eat a crow, you get

CORVID-19

A crow flies to a woman on the street

Crow: Miss, would you donate to my charity?

Woman: Why should I?

Crow: CAW CAW CAW CAW

Woman: What does that even mean?

Crow: Its four good caws

What do you call a white crow?

A caw-casian.

Do you know why you never see a crow dead in the road?

Because he has a buddy on the side yelling "KAAAA...KAAAA"

A flock of seagulls, a herd of sheep, a murder of crows...

An Insurrection of Republicans

Did I tell you about the time I took a bunch of crows to the asylum?

I committed a murder.

What do you call a plan to kill a bunch of crows that are hanging around on a gravestone?

A plot to murder a murder plot's murder.

A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.

However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.

A crow was found dead by other crows and they began to search for the cause.

A murder investigation.

Crows make black babies. Doves make white babies. What makes no babies?

Swallows.

In a society of crows,

All unsolved crimes are murder mysteries.

I thought the wind settled down a bit so I could go for a walk. Then a crow flew past my window.

Backwards.

What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?

A cereal murder.

If a group of crows is called a 'murder', and two crows are an 'attempted murder', what do you call eighteen crows?

Pretty close to a pandemic in 2020.




(Corvid-18! Geddit Reddit?)

Yeah-yeah I made it up, not sorry... yet...

Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...

they've been found to copulate with corpses.

NeCROWphilia.

Name the movie in which Russell Crowe acts as a zombie

Glad I ate her

I would rather breed mice than crows

Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.

How do you tell the difference between ravens and crows.

The long straight tail feathers on these birds are called pinions. Crows are known to have 7 pinions, while ravens have 8. So the difference between a raven and a crow is a matter of a pinion.

How come crows never get hit by cars?

Their friends are all up on the power lines yelling "caw caw!"

what does a crow say when it sees a car coming?

car

Why do crows never check their bags at the airport?

They prefer carrion.

It's COVID-19, not CORVID-19. A corvid is of the crow family. 19 crows are not gathering to kill you...

But if they are... its a murder.

If the Stork brings good babies, and the Crow bring bad babies, what brings no babies?

The Swallow

Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, ”can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “sure, why not!” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.


A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


**Moral of the...

Crows

There once was a crow who was not like the others. He always was on the telephone line, and never went down on the road to eat roadkill like the other crows. He also warned the ither crows of oncoming cars. One day a bus hit all the crows because all the other crow knew was "caw, caw"

OP meets a talking crow

One day OP decides to get off reddit for a bit and go for a nice leisurely walk. After walking for a few hours he pauses at a park bench and sits down to collect his thoughts.

A crow lands on the bench beside him and takes him off guard by saying hello.

“Are... are you a talking crow?...

What do you called a crow that cant find his way?

A lost caws

Why was the caffeine addicted crow agitated?

Because of the caw fee.

Crows

One day, about a year ago, 100 dead crows were found on the side of a motorway. Upon investigation, The crows were found to have been hit by vehicles, and were covered in specs of varying paint.

After further investigation it was also found that the paint on the crows had two different types...

Police have begun training Crows to search vehicles.

It's easier to search without a warrant because Police Crows always have Just Cawws.

Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?

He was fired for Just Caws

A group of crows were receiving their PhDs at their college's commencement ceremony when the police showed up.

They all were arrested for third-degree murder.

Intelligent Crows

When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh...

TIL that a flock of crows is called a murder.

Thus apparently, gangsta rap lyrics are mostly about ornithology.

What do you call two crows on a branch?

Attempted murder.



What do you call a male human's response to this joke?

Man'slaughter.

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