What do you call a failed gathering of crows?

Attempted murder

A group of dogs is a pack. A group of crows is a murder. What is a group of Karen's?

A Home Owners Association.

Dead Crows

During a review of accident statistics, it was noticed that one particular intersection in Boston had an inordinately high number of dead crows, presumably killed by motor vehicle strikes. Further study revealed the oddity that in every case, the dead crow had been killed by a truck—never a passenge...

Where do the Asian crows live?

In Croatia.

How do the crows in Texas greet each other?

Yee-caw

How long does it take for a crow to eat a dead squirrel on the road?

It depends on the traffic


(English is not my first language so sorry for any mistake)

I witnessed an actual murder in real life and didn't tell anyone about it.

Crows are common in my area so it wasn't a big deal.

How did I know the crow got sick?

He had a really bad ca-cough.

Murder of crows

Question...If a group of crows is called a murder, and a group is three or more, is two crows together considered an attempted murder? Also, as I’ve been told, crows are very intelligent, my so would a planned gathering of crows be considered a pre-meditated murder?

Crows

Before they invented Crowbars, crows had to drink alone. :(

TSA stopped me while I was boarding my flight and said “Sir, you can’t bring that crow onto the aircraft.”

I said “Don’t worry. It’s a carrion.”

(Work in progress)What do you call a bunch of ravens pretending to be crows?

A conspiracy to commit murder!

Why didn't the Crow want to go outside?

He didn't want to catch Corvid-19!

(Thanks u/earazahs )

A crow was arrested an put behind bars.

His lawyer, a lawyer bird obviously, visited him.
"How bad is it?" The crow asked.

"Pretty bad." The lawyer bird replied. "They had a warrant to go through your phone."

"So what?" The crow said. "I've got nothing to hide."

"They found the texts to your friends." The lawyer b...

The Kansas police found a large number of dead crows on the 135 outside of Witchita today

There was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varyin...

Did you hear about the crow who got arrested for trying to start a social club?

He was charged with attempted murder... I'll see myself out

A crow was arrested during lockdown for trying to organise a get together with many other fellow crows.

The police said he was arrested for attempted murder.

The crows were calling his name...

Thought Caw.

What is a female crow's favorite car?

A Corvette!

What prompts most crows to commit homicide?

Caws and effect

What did one crow say to the other after the party?

We were raven.

A bunch of crows live in our neighborhood so I am constantly making jokes about "(attempted) murder."

It's not that funny anymore and it's driving my wife insane, but I'm just setting up a big laugh for when the judge reads the charges against her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Protesting Crows

A crow march was organized online - smart little buggers. Only two showed up. Thousands bought tickets on TikToc... The two crows were arrested. When asked why they didn't wear masks they said they were not afraid of Corvid-19. They were charged with attempted murder.

Teacher asks her class, "If there's 14 crows on a fence and you shoot 2 off, how many are left ?"

One little boy says, "None, the shotgun scared them all away." Teacher says, "That's not the answer I was looking for but I like the way you're thinking." Boy says to teacher, "I have a question for you." "There's 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 is licking, 1 is sucking, 1 is biting. Which one is ...

Why did the police arrest the crow?

They had probable caws.

What did Russel Crowe say to the press when his son was convicted of cannibalism?

I was glad he ate her.

There was a crow outside my window this morning that would not shut up.

Turns out he way had too much CAAW-fee.

A crow sits on a telephone pole, doing nothing - looking stupid

A crow is sitting on a telephone pole when his mate, another crow arrives.

Crow#2 asks his friend: "Hey buddy, what are you doing?"

Crow#1: "Nothing really, just sitting here and looking stupid"

Crow#2: "Sounds cool, I wanna try that, too!"

An hour later a 3rd crow arrive...

Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?

Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.

Why are flights with crows often delayed?

Because they bring a lot of extra carrion luggage.

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted murder.

What does a hipster crow say?

“La croix! La croix!”

I whisper my sins to crows

So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder

My roommate got in trouble with the police because he had two crows in our apartment as pets.

The cops arrested him for attempted murder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russell Crowe never really liked performing cunnilingus on a woman but after having tried it for the first time...

he was gladiator.

A flock of seagulls, a herd of sheep, a murder of crows...

An Insurrection of Republicans

What is one crow sitting next to another crow?

Attempted murder.

Did I tell you about the time I took a bunch of crows to the asylum?

I committed a murder.

African Grey Parrots are famously intelligent, but studies have shown that they consistently lose chess matches against ravens, jackdaws, and other corvids.

Said one researcher, "They just have trouble weighing the crows and pawns."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer was out by his barn, repairing a fence.

A young hen came near him, pecking at the ground. He was surprised when he thought he heard a “psst”. The farm looked around and saw no one, so he continued his work.

Then he heard it, clear as day. “Hey. Down here.”

The farmer looked down and saw the hen looking at him.

“Did y...

A crow was arrested today under suspicion of being involved in a murder

The judge threw the case out. He said he had just caws.

Did you hear about Russel Crow's recent problem with cannibalism? At first he expressed shame about consuming a mother of two.

But upon further consideration he was gladiator.

If you eat a bat, you get COVID-19. If you eat a crow, you get

CORVID-19

"A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe film"

"Gladiator?"

"No, I really miss her"

Two crows were fighting and another crow came and broke it up.

"Stop carrion on like that," the third crow said.

What do you call a white crow?

A caw-casian.

What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?

A cereal murder.

If a group of crows is called a 'murder', and two crows are an 'attempted murder', what do you call eighteen crows?

Pretty close to a pandemic in 2020.




(Corvid-18! Geddit Reddit?)

Yeah-yeah I made it up, not sorry... yet...

What do you get when a raven flies into a group of 18 crows?

Corvid-19

What do you call a plan to kill a bunch of crows that are hanging around on a gravestone?

A plot to murder a murder plot's murder.

A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.

However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.

A crow was found dead by other crows and they began to search for the cause.

A murder investigation.

In a society of crows,

All unsolved crimes are murder mysteries.

A crow flies to a woman on the street

Crow: Miss, would you donate to my charity?

Woman: Why should I?

Crow: CAW CAW CAW CAW

Woman: What does that even mean?

Crow: Its four good caws

"There are three crows sitting on a branch,

you shoot one, how many are left?" The teacher asks little Jack.
"None Mrs. Parker, because the others would've flown away after hearing the gunshot."
"The correct answer is two little Jack, but I like the way you think."
"Well Mrs. parker, I have a question for you too. There are thr...

I thought the wind settled down a bit so I could go for a walk. Then a crow flew past my window.

Backwards.

Do you know why you never see a crow dead in the road?

Because he has a buddy on the side yelling "KAAAA...KAAAA"

Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...

they've been found to copulate with corpses.

NeCROWphilia.

I would rather breed mice than crows

Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.

Why do riot police wake up early?

...so they can beat the crowds

"Hello police? I'd like to report a murder"

"For the last time sir, a bunch of crows sitting in a tree isn't a threat to your security"

If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?

Annoying

A man runs into the police station one day saying he witnessed a murder.

The police quickly follow him to a field, expecting to see a body, but all they see is a crow.

The man says “There was definitely more than one crow here”

Cow is climbing up the tree..

Crow asks her -" Cow for f sake! Why are climbing on that tree?"

Cow - I want to eat some apples.

Crow - What? That's a pine!! It doesn't grow apples!

Cow - It's ok i took some apples with me.

How do you tell the difference between ravens and crows.

The long straight tail feathers on these birds are called pinions. Crows are known to have 7 pinions, while ravens have 8. So the difference between a raven and a crow is a matter of a pinion.

Crows make black babies. Doves make white babies. What makes no babies?

Swallows.

Why was the caffeine addicted crow agitated?

Because of the caw fee.

A crow got cut in half by a wind turbine.

ow

It's COVID-19, not CORVID-19. A corvid is of the crow family. 19 crows are not gathering to kill you...

But if they are... its a murder.

Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?

He was fired for Just Caws

What do you call a bird that sticks to things?

A 'vel'crow

How come crows never get hit by cars?

Their friends are all up on the power lines yelling "caw caw!"

Today I threw a gathering of crows at my friend

I murdered him

Crows

There once was a crow who was not like the others. He always was on the telephone line, and never went down on the road to eat roadkill like the other crows. He also warned the ither crows of oncoming cars. One day a bus hit all the crows because all the other crow knew was "caw, caw"

What do you called a crow that cant find his way?

A lost caws

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman peers into her bedroom mirror and sighs, deeply.

Her husband quickly asks what the issue is, concerned. She turns around, facing him, “I’m not who I used to be. My forehead is wrinkly, my nose and ears are giant, my lips are deflated and my crows feet are deepen more and more by the day! My collar bones are undefined and my arms are flappy. My beh...

Why do crows never check their bags at the airport?

They prefer carrion.

If the Stork brings good babies, and the Crow bring bad babies, what brings no babies?

The Swallow

what does a crow say when it sees a car coming?

car

A group of crows were receiving their PhDs at their college's commencement ceremony when the police showed up.

They all were arrested for third-degree murder.

What kind of birds always stick together?

Vel-Crows!!!!

Why is a crow bar the most dangerous place to be?

There always the scene of a murder.

Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, ”can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “sure, why not!” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.


A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


**Moral of the...

TIL that a flock of crows is called a murder.

Thus apparently, gangsta rap lyrics are mostly about ornithology.

Police have begun training Crows to search vehicles.

It's easier to search without a warrant because Police Crows always have Just Cawws.

OP meets a talking crow

One day OP decides to get off reddit for a bit and go for a nice leisurely walk. After walking for a few hours he pauses at a park bench and sits down to collect his thoughts.

A crow lands on the bench beside him and takes him off guard by saying hello.

“Are... are you a talking crow?...

Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of Catholic crows?

It was Mass Murder!

Intelligent Crows

When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh...

What do you call two crows on a branch?

Attempted murder.



What do you call a male human's response to this joke?

Man'slaughter.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.