Crow Jokes

His lawyer, a lawyer bird obviously, visited him.
"How bad is it?" The crow asked.

"Pretty bad." The lawyer bird replied. "They had a warrant to go through your phone."

"So what?" The crow said. "I've got nothing to hide."

"They found the texts to your friends." The lawyer b... read more

Annoying

Yee-caw

The bartender calls 911, "I need to report an attempted murder!"

Friend: Gladiator?

Me: No I really miss her.

The RCMP found over 2000 dead crows on Alberta hwys recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impact... read more

They charged me with attempted murder.

He had him on probable caws for an attempted murder.

A Home Owners Association.

All birds have tail feathers that help them fly called pinions. Crows have 3 pinions and ravens have 4. The difference is just a matter of a pinion.

I just got murdered.

i own a pet crow . Have you seen my crow ? i bet you didn't cause its micro

Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.

He was arrested for attempted murder

Swallows.

They charged him with attempted murder.

First Degree Pre-med Murder.


Sorry in advance. I'm in the middle of studying criminal law for the bar and know this is super dumb.

During a review of accident statistics, it was noticed that one particular intersection in Boston had an inordinately high number of dead crows, presumably killed by motor vehicle strikes. Further study revealed the oddity that in every case, the dead crow had been killed by a truck—never a passenge... read more

Everytime more than one is on set it turns into a 'murder' mystery.

A crow bar.

Must have been a murder suicide.

" One little boy says, "None, the shotgun scared them all away." Teacher says, "That's not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you're thinking." Boy says to teacher, "I have a question for you." "There's 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 is licking, 1 is sucking, 1 is biting. Which on... read more

you shoot one, how many are left?" The teacher asks little Jack.
"None Mrs. Parker, because the others would've flown away after hearing the gunshot."
"The correct answer is two little Jack, but I like the way you think."
"Well Mrs. parker, I have a question for you too. There are thr... read more

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, ”can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “sure, why not!” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.


A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


**Moral of the... read more

He was convicted of attempted murder.

a swallow

A bird watcher walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I've always wondered, what's the difference between a crow and a raven?" the bartender asks. "Well, ravens and crows both have large feathers on their wings called 'pinions'. Ravens have 4 pinions on each wing while crows only have 3," the bird wat... read more

He wanted to make a long distance caw

It's a murder scene

A tempted murder

Crow: Miss, would you donate to my charity?

Woman: Why should I?

Crow: CAW CAW CAW CAW

Woman: What does that even mean?

Crow: Its four good caws

Today I learned there are very few differences between ravens and crows. But one key difference is they have a different amount of tail feathers, so really, the difference is a matter of a pinion.



posted on behalf of my SO

One day, about a year ago, 100 dead crows were found on the side of a motorway. Upon investigation, The crows were found to have been hit by vehicles, and were covered in specs of varying paint.

After further investigation it was also found that the paint on the crows had two different types... read more

Attempted murder.

Looks like it was a murder suicide pact

Question...If a group of crows is called a murder, and a group is three or more, is two crows together considered an attempted murder? Also, as I’ve been told, crows are very intelligent, my so would a planned gathering of crows be considered a pre-meditated murder?

"KAA, KAA!"

"Stop carrion on like that," the third crow said.

The police said he was arrested for attempted murder.

Before they invented Crowbars, crows had to drink alone. :(

In Croatia.

One day OP decides to get off reddit for a bit and go for a nice leisurely walk. After walking for a few hours he pauses at a park bench and sits down to collect his thoughts.

A crow lands on the bench beside him and takes him off guard by saying hello.

“Are... are you a talking crow?... read more

That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.

A Corvette!

He had a really bad ca-cough.

So he could get crow cane from his vet

There once was a crow who was not like the others. He always was on the telephone line, and never went down on the road to eat roadkill like the other crows. He also warned the ither crows of oncoming cars. One day a bus hit all the crows because all the other crow knew was "caw, caw"

So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder

car

Crows are common in my area so it wasn't a big deal.

I said “Don’t worry. It’s a carrion.”

A murder investigation.

Caws and effect

Because they bring a lot of extra carrion luggage.

They said that couldn't do anything about crows and to stop calling.

We were raven.

### Teacher: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?

### Little Johnny: None.

### Teacher: Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?

### Little Johnny: None!

### Teacher: Can you explain... read more

All unsolved crimes are murder mysteries.

Some other times, Croatia

A biologist was asked to finally determine whether crows and ravens are really two different birds. This has been a matter of some conjecture for quite some time. Given only a cursory glance, these birds appear to be one and the same. The biologist spent considerable time watching the birds in their... read more

Because of the caw fee.

When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh... read more

The judge threw the case out. He said he had just caws.

Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.

However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.

You could see the murder in his eyes.

They prefer carrion.

'Whats your charity called?' , asks the lady.

' CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! ' , said the crow,

' It's four good caws'

Cawww-ffee

But if they are... its a murder.

There was a study conducted on crows using cars to crack open nuts. They'd place the nut on the road during a red light, let the cars run over the nuts, and then retrieve them during the next red light.

The study also found a second interesting discovery, there were a large number of crows ... read more

It depends on the traffic


(English is not my first language so sorry for any mistake)

Ow

Recently biologists have noted that more crows have been getting killed by vehicles on major trucking highways than on normal roads. After tire print and impact analysis, they determined that these crows are being killed by large trucks, not cars. One especially bright scientist came up with a hypot... read more

They fired him without caws!

Their friends are all up on the power lines yelling "caw caw!"

There were many dead crows on highways in the Rocky Mountains this year. Ornithologists suspected it was due to vehicles hitting the crows.

This was surprising because crows have adapted to feeding on carcasses by having two birds watching from the trees while two birds feed. If there is a v... read more

A crow is sitting on a telephone pole when his mate, another crow arrives.

Crow#2 asks his friend: "Hey buddy, what are you doing?"

Crow#1: "Nothing really, just sitting here and looking stupid"

Crow#2: "Sounds cool, I wanna try that, too!"

An hour later a 3rd crow arrive... read more

It's easier to search without a warrant because Police Crows always have Just Cawws.

they've been found to copulate with corpses.

NeCROWphilia.

Attempted murder.



What do you call a male human's response to this joke?

Man'slaughter.