What do you call it when a group of crows make plans to get together?

Premeditated murder

Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?

Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.

Where do crows go to drink?

The crowbar.

A crow was arrested an put behind bars.

His lawyer, a lawyer bird obviously, visited him.
"How bad is it?" The crow asked.

"Pretty bad." The lawyer bird replied. "They had a warrant to go through your phone."

"So what?" The crow said. "I've got nothing to hide."

"They found the texts to your friends." The lawyer b...

What did Russell Crowe do when the cannibal ate his wife?

Nothing – he was Gladiator

Do you know why you never see a crow dead in the road?

Because he has a buddy on the side yelling "KAAAA...KAAAA"

How come crows never get hit by cars?

Their friends are all up on the power lines yelling "caw caw!"

A group of crows were receiving their PhDs at their college's commencement ceremony when the police showed up.

They all were arrested for third-degree murder.

"A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe film"

"Gladiator?"

"No, I really miss her"

What is the Crow having for breakfast?

Kawfee

Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?

It was Mass murder

What did the crow starting a charity say?

Would you like to support our caws?

What do you call a pair of crows?

An attempted murder.

A crow got cut in half by a wind turbine.

ow

The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the A90 near Stonehaven recently,

Initially there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying c...

What do you call a group of crows at a planned meet up?

Pre-meditated Murder.

What do you call a group of agitated crows?

Aggravated Murder.

I will see myself out.

A lone crow stands surrounded by scarecrows, but he is not afraid.

He calls for his friends, as they don’t call it a murder for nothing.

True Fact: Before the crowbar was invented

Most crows drank at home

Police have begun training Crows to search vehicles.

It's easier to search without a warrant because Police Crows always have Just Cawws.

The difference between a raven and a crow.

A raven has 17 primary wing feathers, the big ones at the end of the wing. They are called pinion feathers.

A crow has 16.

So, the difference between a raven and a crow is basically a matter of a pinion.

I bought a scarecrow and even though it didn’t scare any crows , I still had to give it a great review on Amazon

Because it was just out standing

A man tried to gather 50 crows together but was arrested and convicted after only getting two.

He was charged with attempted murder.

Jason Todd walks into a bar, where the Joker is behind the counter. He says "Jason, you know I can't serve Robins here"

Jason asks "Why?" and Joker replies "this is a CROW bar!"



Then he beats him to death.

Crow joins two other feasting on a dead rat...

says - a murder, eh?!

Friendly Crow: How was your family reunion?

Antisocial Crow: It was murder...

If a stork brings a white baby, and a crow brings a black baby; what brings no baby?

a swallow

Crows are super smart

There was a study conducted on crows using cars to crack open nuts. They'd place the nut on the road during a red light, let the cars run over the nuts, and then retrieve them during the next red light.

The study also found a second interesting discovery, there were a large number of crows ...

Why do crows never check their bags at the airport?

They prefer carrion.

"There are three crows sitting on a branch,

you shoot one, how many are left?" The teacher asks little Jack.
"None Mrs. Parker, because the others would've flown away after hearing the gunshot."
"The correct answer is two little Jack, but I like the way you think."
"Well Mrs. parker, I have a question for you too. There are thr...

A crow asks a lady to donate to it's charity

'Whats your charity called?' , asks the lady.

' CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! ' , said the crow,

' It's four good caws'

What do you call a guy who got shat on by a bunch of crows?

A murder victim

A group of ravens organized the crows' monthly meeting.

I guess you could say there was a conspiracy to commit a murder.

I called the cops about a murder on my front lawn...

They said they can't do anything about crows and to stop calling them

What’s a crow’s favourite drink?

A cawfee

Intelligent Crows

When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh...

What did the crow say when his friend got run over by a hit and run driver?

Caw the Cawps!

Backstory - my daughter just woke up telling me about her nightmare - I was driving her down a road, and kept running over crows in the road, she would look back and would see crows mourning over their friends. We had to keep driving back and forth through the same road because...

What does a Bird use to open a locked door

Crowbar

What do you call two crows on a branch?

Attempted murder.



What do you call a male human's response to this joke?

Man'slaughter.

If a group of crows is a murder...

...then a group of crows spaced evenly between two margins is a justified murder.

I tried talking to my friend who is a crow

He said he was busy and he’d give me a caw

Kid tricks the teacher badly

A teacher asks her class “If there’s 14 crows sitting on a fence, and you shoot 2 off, how many crows are left on the fence?” One little boy says, “None, the sound of the shotgun scared them all away.” The teacher says, “Thats not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you’re thinking!” Th...

what does a crow say when it sees a car coming?

car

Why did the scarecrow get a nobel prize?

Because he was out-standing in his field.

Apologies if this has been posted, it’s new to me.

Some cool facts about the names of groups!

A group of crows is called a murder.

A group of nuns is called a gaggle.

A group of Catholic Priests is called a Cell Block.

A crow invited all his friends to come round to his house, but no-one showed up....

It was an attempted murder.

My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.

Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"

He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."

I've always wanted to be a murderer...

Helping socially inept crows get together has always been a dream of mine

A new study has found that 98% of vehicular collisions with crows in Boston involve trucks and other large vehicles

Apparently they can all yell “cah, cah,” but not “bus, bus.”

What do you call a murderer who killed a serial crow killer

a murdermurderermurderer

Why was the crow bitter about his job?

They fired him without caws!

Crows make black babies. Doves make white babies. What makes no babies?

Swallows.

"What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" asked the Redditor. "Ravens have seventeen wing feathers with the end feather called a pinion, in contrast to crows having only sixteen wing feathers." answered the one known as Dan.

He continued, "Therefore, it's just a matter of a pinion."

There was a study on Crows done in the UK....

As we all know, crows are very smart animals. They've learned that if they drop a nut into traffic, cars will run over it and break it open. This is usually performed by 2 crows; one to do the dropping and retrieving, and the second to signal no the first one when traffic is clear and it's safe to g...

What is it called when you bid on a bunch of crow eggs on Ebay?

Attempted murder.

OP meets a talking crow

One day OP decides to get off reddit for a bit and go for a nice leisurely walk. After walking for a few hours he pauses at a park bench and sits down to collect his thoughts.

A crow lands on the bench beside him and takes him off guard by saying hello.

“Are... are you a talking crow?...

Sometimes you eat a crow,

Some other times, Croatia

Why did the police investigate a box full of crows?

It was a murder case.

A flock of crows flew beak-first into window at horrifying speeds.

Experts suggest it was a murder suicide.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Six Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

My friend hated crows so much that he wanted to kill them. One time, I caught him staring intensely at a group of crows...

You could see the murder in his eyes.

Crows

One day, about a year ago, 100 dead crows were found on the side of a motorway. Upon investigation, The crows were found to have been hit by vehicles, and were covered in specs of varying paint.

After further investigation it was also found that the paint on the crows had two different types...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

if it's true that crows have the intelligence of a 7 year old human...

How come I've never seen a crow admitted to hospital for having a lego stuck up it's arse?

Why don't you ever see a crow roadkill

Because there is always another one in the tree yelling, "CAWR CAWR!"

Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, ”can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “sure, why not!” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.


A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


**Moral of the...

What do you call a flock of crows eyeing a cake?

A tempted murder.

In response to the TIL about the difference between a crow and raven

Do you know the difference between a crow and a raven? Well, the feathers that are the long vertical feathers on the wings are called pinion feathers. They help the birds fly. A crow has 13 of these feathers and raven only has 12. So I guess you could say that the difference between a crow and a rav...

Russell Crowe showed no remorse after cannibalising his wife.

In fact, he seemed like he was Gladiator.

How do crows stick together in a flock?

Vel-crow

The Pope, Jesus, and an old man are playing golf.

The pope crosses himself, blesses the ball, and swings. He drives the ball 600 miles. He bows his head and gives thanks for the amazing drive.


Jesus steps up to take his shot, I holds his hand in the air, creating a tailwind, and takes a swing. He drives the ball 900 miles.


T...

Some scientists were trying to figure out why crows were dying in Massachusetts

A team of scientists from MIT saw a statistic that said 80 percent of crow deaths in the state were because the crow had been hit by a truck. They decided to investigate why that was, and the results were pretty interesting. Crows often eat roadkill, so it wasn’t surprising that they were getting ki...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a group of crows is called a murder, a group of geese is a gaggle, but do you know what a group of humans are?

Assholes. Just a bunch of assholes. Everyone of them.

Boston’s dead crows

On interstate I-95 running from Boston to New Hampshire they had a problem with crows being hit by vehicles. They were being killed by the hundreds. They hired a professor from MIT to figure out why so many crows were being hit. He discovered that when crows land to feed, they leave one crow in the ...

How did the scare crow get employee of the month?

He was out standing in his field.

How did Russell Crowe feel about cannibalizing the woman?

Well...he was Gladiator.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russell Crowe never regrets cunnilingus

He'll always be Gladiator.

I nearly ran over a couple of crows with my car today.

It was almost a murder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a crow is in the woods...

Perched on top of a tree and is relaxing smoking weed. A lizard nearby smells it an looks up and sees this crow way up on the top of this tree. So the lizard asks "hey! Wanna share?"
"Sure I don't mind, come on up"replies the crow.
"Great but let me go get some water first, one sec." Said the...

What did Russell Crowe say when he went down on his girlfriend?

I don't know, but he was Gladiator

A guide to waking up in the morning

Step 1: Buy a rooster

Step 2: Name it Russell

Step 3: Fall asleep

Step 4: Wake up to Russell Crowe

A herd of cattle... A murder of crows...

...a migraine of children...

I watched a crow land on the line out front today

it was joined by five more in a few minutes. They sat cawing softly a bit, then flew off different directions.

I think I just saw an attempted murder.

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