Why didn't the Crow want to go outside?

He didn't want to catch Corvid-19!

(Thanks u/earazahs )

How do you get a murder of crows to stick together?

Vel-crow

Teacher asks her class, "If there's 14 crows on a fence and you shoot 2 off, how many are left ?"

One little boy says, "None, the shotgun scared them all away." Teacher says, "That's not the answer I was looking for but I like the way you're thinking." Boy says to teacher, "I have a question for you." "There's 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 is licking, 1 is sucking, 1 is biting. Which one is ...

Three crows planned a meeting and only two of them showed up

They were charged for attempted murder

What do you call a group of 10 chickens and 5 crows

A murder most fowl

Why did the police arrest the crow?

They had probable caws.

What is one crow sitting next to another crow?

Attempted murder.

Did you know that a group of crows are called 'murder.'

Well, technically it's only a murder, if there's probable caws.

A crow was arrested an put behind bars.

His lawyer, a lawyer bird obviously, visited him.
"How bad is it?" The crow asked.

"Pretty bad." The lawyer bird replied. "They had a warrant to go through your phone."

"So what?" The crow said. "I've got nothing to hide."

"They found the texts to your friends." The lawyer b...

There was a crow outside my window this morning that would not shut up.

Turns out he way had too much CAAW-fee.

I whisper my sins to crows

So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder

Did I tell you about the time I took a bunch of crows to the asylum?

I committed a murder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russell Crowe never really liked performing cunnilingus on a woman but after having tried it for the first time...

he was gladiator.

What do you get when a raven flies into a group of 18 crows?

Corvid-19

Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...

they've been found to copulate with corpses.

NeCROWphilia.

How do the crows in Texas greet each other?

Yee-caw

What do you call a white crow?

A caw-casian.

Do you know why you Never see a crow dead in the road??

There’s always one on a telephone line shouting CAARR CAARRR CAR

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted murder.

The RCMP found over 2000 dead crows on Alberta highways recently...

The RCMP found over 2000 dead crows on Alberta highways recently, and there was concern that they may have died from the Avian Flu. A pathologist examined the remains of all the dead crows, and to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT the Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from ...

My roommate got in trouble with the police because he had two crows in our apartment as pets.

The cops arrested him for attempted murder.

A crow was arrested today under suspicion of being involved in a murder

The judge threw the case out. He said he had just caws.

Did you hear about Russel Crow's recent problem with cannibalism? At first he expressed shame about consuming a mother of two.

But upon further consideration he was gladiator.

A crow was found dead by other crows and they began to search for the cause.

A murder investigation.

Name the movie in which Russell Crowe acts as a zombie

Glad I ate her

Two crows were fighting and another crow came and broke it up.

"Stop carrion on like that," the third crow said.

What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?

A cereal murder.

I thought the wind settled down a bit so I could go for a walk. Then a crow flew past my window.

Backwards.

A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.

However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.

In a society of crows,

All unsolved crimes are murder mysteries.

Did you hear about the crow that got sick?

It came down with Corvid-19

What do you call a plan to kill a bunch of crows that are hanging around on a gravestone?

A plot to murder a murder plot's murder.

It's COVID-19, not CORVID-19. A corvid is of the crow family. 19 crows are not gathering to kill you...

But if they are... its a murder.

What do you call the bird after the 18th crow on a telephone line?

Corvid-19

Stand up acts anyone?

So, I was on a trip staying at a hostel. You know, budget travel.
I was in Australia, a small town, and I wake up needing to use the bathroom. The catch is it was 2:30 in the morning. And I would need to walk through an outdoor area to get there. So I decide to wait.

However, while waiting...

If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?

Annoying

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Six Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

A crow flies to a woman on the street

Crow: Miss, would you donate to my charity?

Woman: Why should I?

Crow: CAW CAW CAW CAW

Woman: What does that even mean?

Crow: Its four good caws

Why was the caffeine addicted crow agitated?

Because of the caw fee.

A crow got cut in half by a wind turbine.

ow

A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe movie?

“Gladiator?”

“No, I really miss her.”

I would rather breed mice than crows

Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.

What do you call a coronavirus that targets crows and ravens?

Corvid-19

Today I threw a gathering of crows at my friend

I murdered him

What do you called a crow that cant find his way?

A lost caws

What do you call a bunch of crows who are friends?

Crow-nies.

Crows

There once was a crow who was not like the others. He always was on the telephone line, and never went down on the road to eat roadkill like the other crows. He also warned the ither crows of oncoming cars. One day a bus hit all the crows because all the other crow knew was "caw, caw"

How do you tell the difference between ravens and crows.

The long straight tail feathers on these birds are called pinions. Crows are known to have 7 pinions, while ravens have 8. So the difference between a raven and a crow is a matter of a pinion.

Crazy Story

A crow showed up at my window and he spoke to me. He said, “Your grandmother will die tomorrow”. So, I told my family, and they looked at me like I was crazy. The next day when I walked downstairs, I see my mother and father grieving. I asked what was wrong and my father told me that my grandmother ...

"There are three crows sitting on a branch,

you shoot one, how many are left?" The teacher asks little Jack.
"None Mrs. Parker, because the others would've flown away after hearing the gunshot."
"The correct answer is two little Jack, but I like the way you think."
"Well Mrs. parker, I have a question for you too. There are thr...

The difference between a raven and a crow.

A raven has 17 primary wing feathers, the big ones at the end of the wing. They are called pinion feathers.

A crow has 16.

So, the difference between a raven and a crow is basically a matter of a pinion.

Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?

He was fired for Just Caws

A man is jogging through the woods.

He comes up on a clearing where he sees a figure and as he gets closer, he realizes it is a seriously ugly witch. On her right shoulder sits an equally ugly crow.

When he is about to run past her, the witch immediately addresses him: “If you can correctly name the animal on my shoulder, you c...

Where do crows go to drink?

The crowbar.

How come crows never get hit by cars?

Their friends are all up on the power lines yelling "caw caw!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes into the confessional at church one afternoon...

“Father, I have sinned. I took the Lord’s name in vain, today.”

“My son, that’s a very egregious sin. Perhaps you could tell me the circumstances that led up to this.”

“Well, Father, I was golfing this morning- on the 16th green, two under par, when I chipped off into the rough.”
...

Two crows were flying from A to B

One turns to the other and says "Just for once, couldn't we take the scenic route?"

A crow asks a lady to donate to it's charity

'Whats your charity called?' , asks the lady.

' CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! ' , said the crow,

' It's four good caws'

Police have begun training Crows to search vehicles.

It's easier to search without a warrant because Police Crows always have Just Cawws.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Catholic Irishman is on his deathbed.

He calls for his son, and tells him "My boy, go fetch the Anglican Pastor, I wish to convert before I die". His son is shocked! The father has been one of the most prominent Catholics in the community, he made large donations to the Church every year, attended Mass every day, and was close friends w...

I saw a murder on my way home today.

I don’t know what was happening but all of a sudden there were hundreds of crows.

Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of Catholic crows?

It was Mass Murder!

Crows make black babies. Doves make white babies. What makes no babies?

Swallows.

Why do crows never check their bags at the airport?

They prefer carrion.

I bought a scarecrow and even though it didn’t scare any crows , I still had to give it a great review on Amazon

Because it was just out standing

If a group of crows is a murder...

...then a group of crows spaced evenly between two margins is a justified murder.

TIL that a flock of crows is called a murder.

Thus apparently, gangsta rap lyrics are mostly about ornithology.

A group of crows were receiving their PhDs at their college's commencement ceremony when the police showed up.

They all were arrested for third-degree murder.

What do you call a group of crows at a planned meet up?

Pre-meditated Murder.

What do you call a group of agitated crows?

Aggravated Murder.

I will see myself out.

If the Stork brings good babies, and the Crow bring bad babies, what brings no babies?

The Swallow

what does a crow say when it sees a car coming?

car

Intelligent Crows

When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh...

What do you call two crows on a branch?

Attempted murder.



What do you call a male human's response to this joke?

Man'slaughter.

Crows are super smart

There was a study conducted on crows using cars to crack open nuts. They'd place the nut on the road during a red light, let the cars run over the nuts, and then retrieve them during the next red light.

The study also found a second interesting discovery, there were a large number of crows ...

"What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" asked the Redditor. "Ravens have seventeen wing feathers with the end feather called a pinion, in contrast to crows having only sixteen wing feathers." answered the one known as Dan.

He continued, "Therefore, it's just a matter of a pinion."

Scientists have confirmed a new strain of bird flu going around

It's transmitted from crows and ravens to people. They've named it Corvid-19

Crow joins two other feasting on a dead rat...

says - a murder, eh?!

Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, ”can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “sure, why not!” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.


A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.


**Moral of the...

A group of cows? A herd.

A group of crows? A murder.
A group of guys called Richard? A bag.

My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.

Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"

He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."

If you have any doubt whether your reader will understand an abbreviation, write the term out in full.

Otherwise, he will be left in the position of the farmer who shot a crow, then noticed the tag on its leg: ``Wash. Biol. Surv.''

The next day he was talking with his neighbor about the last night's dinner: ``I followed the directions, washed it, boiled it, and put it on the table. Damn crow ...

My friend hated crows so much that he wanted to kill them. One time, I caught him staring intensely at a group of crows...

You could see the murder in his eyes.

There was a study on Crows done in the UK....

As we all know, crows are very smart animals. They've learned that if they drop a nut into traffic, cars will run over it and break it open. This is usually performed by 2 crows; one to do the dropping and retrieving, and the second to signal no the first one when traffic is clear and it's safe to g...

Crows

One day, about a year ago, 100 dead crows were found on the side of a motorway. Upon investigation, The crows were found to have been hit by vehicles, and were covered in specs of varying paint.

After further investigation it was also found that the paint on the crows had two different types...

OP meets a talking crow

One day OP decides to get off reddit for a bit and go for a nice leisurely walk. After walking for a few hours he pauses at a park bench and sits down to collect his thoughts.

A crow lands on the bench beside him and takes him off guard by saying hello.

“Are... are you a talking crow?...

A crow invited all his friends to come round to his house, but no-one showed up....

It was an attempted murder.

Sometimes you eat a crow,

Some other times, Croatia

A new study has found that 98% of vehicular collisions with crows in Boston involve trucks and other large vehicles

Apparently they can all yell “cah, cah,” but not “bus, bus.”

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