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Ghosts Jokes

Why are ghosts always drunk?

They’re full of booooooos.

"Do you want to hear a joke about ghosts?"

"Yes."

"That's the spirit!"

What's the difference between boy ghosts and girl ghosts?

The *boooooooobs*

On the night of his inauguration, Donald Trump is visited by 3 ghosts

Early in the night, FDR appears. Trump asks him "how can I make America great again?"
FDR replies "think only of the people; do not make laws based on hatred, bigotry, or with the thought of lining your own pockets"
Trump's face sours "FAKE NEWS!" he screams and FDR disappears. Trump falls bac...

What room doesn’t have ghosts?

Living room.

My brother compared religion to ghosts, which I thought was quite disrespectful.

Ghosts never started a war.

What do the ghosts of panda bears eat?

*bamboooooo*

Three ghosts were talking about what was keeping them from being promoted from ghoul to specter.



The first confessed, "I have a weakness for boooooooooooooobs."

The second admitted, "I drink too much boooooooooooooze."

The third said, "I lack situational awareness."

How do ghosts keep in shape?

They exorcise regularly.

what type of blood do ghosts donate?

plasma

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with ghosts

A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do an...

Where do ghosts go shopping?

They go to a Bootique

Ghosts are terrible liars.

You can see right through them.

In what key do ghosts play the piano?

In the spoo-key.

What do you call a great dane who hunts ghosts underwater?

Scuba Doo

My Girlfriend Said I Talked To Ghosts

She said I was a medium

Why don't monsters eat ghosts?

Because they taste like sheet.

I once told a bad joke about ghosts

It still haunts me to this day.

How do ghosts get drunk?

They drink spirits

Why do French ghosts smell so bad?

Zay are, ow you say, "covered in sheet".

where do ghosts live?

Boo york

How do ghosts fly?

Spirit-plane

Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?

Because it lifts their spirit.

Two ghosts were arguing...

Two ghosts had gone out for dinner at the pub and were having a great time until politics were brought up. Things got heated fast and the barman came over to the table to sort things out. Trouble was, the barman couldn't help either ghost see the others perspective mainly because he couldn't communi...

How do ghosts obtain money?

Via a polterheist. Ouch, the downvotes!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

me: I've conquered my fear of ghosts

therapist: that's the spirit!
me: oh fuck where

Why do ghosts obsess over expensive things?

Because they’re super boougie.

How do you talk to Italian ghosts?

With a Luigi board.

Ghosts, what is it with them these days?

They go round going ‘whooooo whooooo’, what is that all about. They need to get a life.

Why can't ghosts reproduce?

Because they have hollow weenies!

Happy Spooktober!

Why are ghosts banned from the liquor store?

They would steal all the boos.

How do ghosts feed their newborns?

With their bOoOoOobs

What motorcycles do ghosts prefer?

A boocati.

How do you tell the difference between Male and Female ghosts?

One has boooooobs.
The other gets full pay at their jobs.

Why do ghosts make the best lawyers?

Because possession is nine tenths of the law.

What's the main religion of most ghosts?

Boo dism

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call Viagra for ghosts?

Specter erector.

I don't believe in ghosts....

I think if they were real, they'd be more transparent about it.

What kind of magic do ghosts do?

Boodoo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy giving a lecture, on the paranormal.

Guy: "How many people believe in Ghosts?"

About 60 hands go up.

"How many have seen a ghost?"

About 15 hands go up.

"How many have spoken to a ghost?"

3 hands go up.

"How many have had sex with a ghost?"

One hand goes up, Paddy right at the back.
...

Why can’t ghosts have babies?

cause they have halloweenies.


aka. my favorite joke in seventh grade.

Why does slain Russian soldiers not turn into ghosts

It is against the law to be trans-parent

What do you call a gang of ghosts?

A hauntourage ~

happy spooky season haha

What kind of cars do ghosts drive?

Boo-gattis.

Ghosts.

I don't know when it comes to ghosts and the afterlife, I like to think I'm open minded, maybe there something in it, maybe there isn't.

Actually I recently attended a seance. The psychic who ran it told us she was delighted with the way her business was going. Absolutely booked up solid. ...

A man's car gets haunted by a ghost

So he decided to go to a priest to get it removed.

The priest performs the exorcism, and it works! He successfully removes the ghost from the car. He says to the man "That'll be $250." The man refuses to pay, and so a couple weeks later his car gets repossessed.

What do people in Seattle call a group of little kids dressed as ghosts for Halloween?

A micro-boo-ery!

Happy Halloween :)

Why do ghosts love health food

Because it’s super natural

People claim ghosts are real...

But I’ve lived in this house for 527 years and I’ve never seen one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with ghosts

A spiritualist meeting, and the leader asks the crowd, "Who here believes in ghosts?" Most of the hands go up. "Has anyone here seen a ghost?" Fewer hands go up. "Heard a ghost?" "Smelled a ghost?" "Touched a ghost?" Fewer hands go up each time. Finally, he asks "Has anyone here ever had sex...

Of course Ghosts have WiFi by now

Just think about how many dead routers there are out there!

What kind of vaccinations are required for ghosts?

"Boo"ster shots!

Why does Trump hate ghosts?

Because they can go through walls.

What is a popular search engine for ghosts?

Ghoul-gle!

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

Boo-berry pie!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a ghosts favorite type of porn?

Boo-kakke

Why are all ghosts considered alcoholics?

Because they bring Boos everywhere they go!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do ghosts like to ride the elevator?

It lifts their spirits
happy spoopy day

Where do baby ghosts come from?

We all know the girl ghosts have booooo-bies but how do the boy ghosts do anything with their hollow weenies?

If a bank gets robbed by ghosts,

then it’s a Polterheist.

Two ghosts were sharing stories of their deaths.

Juan asked first, "What killed you?"

"I was locked inside a fridge," Pedro said, "I was cold and trembling, then suffocated after an hour."

"That sucks man," replied Juan. "I got a heart attack and passed away."

"What happened?", asked Pedro.

"As I got...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We have ghosts in house

\- "I went last night to the bathroom and light turns on by itself. I finish peeing and go out only for the light to turn off by itself too."

\- "Idiot! You pissed in the fridge again."

A dwarf who can talk to ghosts escaped from prison.

The police alert said “There’s a small medium at large.”

Where do ghosts deposit their mail?

The Ghost Office!

What are ghosts favorite thing to read?

BOOks

How do ghosts become friends?

They bond over boos.





I made this up while sleep-deprived last night. I am sorry.

What do I have in common with ghosts?

Only naive people believe in me :<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you call a ghosts boobies?

Paranormal entitties.

Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?

They prefer Wight Castle.

What do fat ghosts need to do to lose weight?

Exorcise

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