Why are ghosts bad at lying ?

Because you can see right through them.

A dwarf who can talk to ghosts escaped from prison.

The police alert said “There’s a small medium at large.”

What kind of cars do ghosts drive?

Boo-gattis.

Why do ghosts use elevators?

to lift their spirits.

Do you want to hear a joke about ghosts?

That's the spirit.

Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?

Because it lifts their spirit.

What do you call someone with a lisp who murders angels and ghosts?

Ethereal killer

What do fat ghosts need to do to lose weight?

Exorcise

What room do ghosts avoid?

The living room.

Just figured out that ghosts are . . . . .

people who died trying to fold a fitted sheet.

"do you believe in ghosts?"

**Me:** lol no— even my grandma says that's dumb

"dude your grandma died 10 years ago"

**Me:** what?!

Two ghosts were sharing stories of their deaths.

Juan asked first, "What killed you?"

"I was locked inside a fridge," Pedro said, "I was cold and trembling, then suffocated after an hour."

"That sucks man," replied Juan. "I got a heart attack and passed away."

"What happened?", asked Pedro.

"As I got...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a male and a female ghost?

A female ghosts has BOObs

Why is Mario so scared of Spanish ghosts?

He’s been playing with “La Ouija” too much.

I once told a bad joke about ghosts

It still haunts me to this day.

What do I have in common with ghosts?

Only naive people believe in me :<

What is a popular search engine for ghosts?

Ghoul-gle!

Why are all ghosts considered alcoholics?

Because they bring Boos everywhere they go!

If a bank gets robbed by ghosts,

then it’s a Polterheist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a ghosts favorite type of porn?

Boo-kakke

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?

Boo-berry pie!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do ghosts like to ride the elevator?

It lifts their spirits
happy spoopy day

Why are most ghosts vegans?

Because it is super natural

Why did the ghosts contract lung cancer?

They had a three Pac a day habit.

My grandfather could communicate with ghosts, who would often ask him about his clothes sizing.

He was a medium.

People claim ghosts are real...

But I’ve lived in this house for 527 years and I’ve never seen one.

Where do baby ghosts go when their parents are at work?

To day-scare!

Dickens: I wrote a book about ghosts

**Publisher:** we need a christmas book

**Dickens:** *[adding, like, 4 words]* I wrote a book about christmas ghosts

Why can't ghosts have babies?

Because they have hollow weenies.

Priest calls a town meeting about rumors of ghosts... (long)

In a small rural town rumors start to spread that people are seeing ghosts, so the new and inexperienced priest hears about these rumors and decides to call a town meeting to get to the bottom of these rumors. After everyone arrives the priest then starts the meeting with a question: "Who here has s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On Christmas I was just minding my own business when I was visited by a few ghosts.

The plot Dickens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We have ghosts in house

\- "I went last night to the bathroom and light turns on by itself. I finish peeing and go out only for the light to turn off by itself too."

\- "Idiot! You pissed in the fridge again."

Why don't Monsters eat Ghosts?

They taste like sheet!!

A highway patrol officer...

A highway patrol officer pulls over a car going 35mph on the freeway. He walks up to the driver and sees a sweet old lady behind the wheel. Patrol officer asks the old lady why she was driving so slow, and the old lady responds that she was sure she was following the speed limit. She gestures toward...

What are ghosts favorite thing to read?

BOOks

What do ghosts drink at parties?

BOOOOOZE!

What are epileptic ghosts made of?

Ectospasm

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A traveler got stranded on a highway on a dark, stormy night

No taxi in sight, he began walking around the road to find some help.

He came upon an empty car standing a distance away, and, finding it unlocked, he decided to rest awhile there.

Suddenly, the car jerked forward, and began inching forwards into the dark night. Too scared to do anythi...

Where do ghosts deposit their mail?

The Ghost Office!

Have y'all heard about this new app that lets you see ghosts?

It's called Tinder

What kind of plant do ghosts like to hide behind?

BamBOO!

Who let the ghosts out?!

Boo, boo-boo-boo.

What religion do ghosts adhere to?

Boodhism

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