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Exorcism Jokes

What's the definition of a reverse exorcism?

It's when you ask the Devil to get the priest out of your little boy

I had a priest perform an exorcism on my house.

When I couldn't pay, the house was repossessed.

Anyone heard of an anime exorcism?

It's when the child tells the priest to get out of the demon's body.

What's reverse exorcism?

When a demon commands a priest to leave the body of a child

I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism.

If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed...

Did I ever tell you about the time my friend had an exorcism and refused to pay?

He got… Repossessed.

After the priest performed a successful exorcism, Brenda refused to pay the fee.

The priest had her repossessed.

So my brother got an exorcism

Went fine until he fell arrears on the payments and got repossessed

Exorcism

Whats the difference between a normal exorcism and an Irish exorcism??
A normal exorcism you call the priest up to banish the demon out of the child.
An Irish exorcism you call the demon to banish the priest out of the child... :D

Have you heard of the Irish exorcism that happened recently?

The demon had to pull the priest out of the little boy.

The Exorcist

A family is looking to buy a house and as they are looking around they see a big stain on the ceiling and ask the real estate agent about it.

"See, a few months ago there was a family living here and this room belonged to a little girl who was possessed and a priest performed an exorcism in h...

What's the easiest way to perform an exorcism?

You beat the hell out of them

Woman could not afford to pay her exorcism bills.

Her soul got repossessed...

A man's car gets haunted by a ghost

So he decided to go to a priest to get it removed.

The priest performs the exorcism, and it works! He successfully removes the ghost from the car. He says to the man "That'll be $250." The man refuses to pay, and so a couple weeks later his car gets repossessed.

My house got repossessed

I feel like all the money I spent on the exorcism was wasted

A woman just moved into a new house and thinks it's haunted, so she goes to talk to a priest.

The priest talks her through the exorcism process and tells her what to expect. The woman says, "I don't know if that will work. You see, the ghost in my house is rather *unusual.*"

"*Unusual* how?" the priest asks.

"I have reason to believe that this ghost is... a huge pervert." ...

My girlfriend says she’s possessed.

My girlfriend has been saying she’s been having weird experiences and weird thoughts so she went to confess to a priest. The priest told me she was possessed and that she needs and exorcism. Sometimes the priest comes over to perform the exorcisms and it gets really ugly. I hear her on the bed shaki...

A man goes to see his priest.

Father, my life is terrible, I have so many problems.

The priest tells him that he needs an exorcism to cast the devil out of his life.

Can't do that father, I have 3 chidren with her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A peasant was arguing with his wife...

... when, in a fit of rage, he threw her down the well.

A week later, he goes back to the well, hoping she got calmed, and he thew down a ladder in the well.

The only thing, it's the devil who got out, and thanked the peasant.

-- Gosh, thanks! It was getting unbearable with her ...

Possession is nine tenths of the law.

The remaining tenth is exorcism.

A daughter is seemingly possessed by a demon...

Her mother frantically calls their priest, requesting an exorcism. She describes the details "She has been spinning about wildly, climbing on the walls, running on the ceiling.. moving about non-stop!" The priest replies "I don't know what you want me to do. Sounds like she's already exercising plen...

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