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Tales from the front line

Back in my Army days (mid 80s) we were on a winter training exercise with the medical battalion. Our platoon was assigned the job of being casualties for the treatment company.

They assigned us our roles told us what injuries we were supposed to have sustained then dispatched us out in the Bu...

What's the difference between US and USSR fairy tales?

US fairy tales start with "Once upon a time there was"

USSR fairy tales start with "Really soon there will be"

I went to the beach yesterday and stopped at this stall with a sign that said "Lobster Tales $10".

I thought that was a good deal, so I gave the man the money and he said "Once upon a time there was a lobster..."

Daddy, do all fairy tales start with Once upon a time?

No dear, there’s a whole series of fairly tales that start with “If elected, I promise”.

Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.

One prefers to use its head, while the other relies on tales.

Little Johnny asks his mum…

“Mum, do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time in a faraway land’?”

“No darling,” says his mother, somewhat distressed.“
“Sometimes, they can begin with ‘I’ve got too much work in the office tonight, I’ll come home late.”

Eskimo Reading Fairy Tales to her son in an Igloo

Mother: "Little Jack Horner, sat in a corner -- "

Son: " -- Mom, what's a corner?"

Who writes the most frightening tales from the dark web?

... HTTP Lovecraft

"Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? "

"No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"

I have many stories about my unfortunate attempts to bring horses to a halt.

They're my tales of whoa.

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A man walks into a bar he's never visited before, and settles down to order a drink.

Before long, he notices someone sitting in the corner - a man who appears normal in every regard except that his head is a gigantic orange. Curious, the newcomer asks the bartender "What's up with the guy in the corner? The one with the-" but the bartender interrupts and says "Honestly, your best be...

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Tales of Italian Gentlemen.

A woman gets onto a bus and sits in front of a couple of Italian gentlemen. They talk very loudly but she ignores it. But a few minutes later she hears one of them say, "Emma comes first. Then I come. Then two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses come together again. I come again then ...

My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer...

I guess she'll have to flip a coin....

Heads or Tales.

Why aren't there any "old husband tales"?

There are. They just get re-branded as "logic" and "the truth".

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Cats like to walk around with their tales up so you can tell what they are

An asshole

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What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?

Northern fairy tails start with, "Once upon a time," and Southern fairy tales start with "Ya'll ain't gonna believe this shit."

I got so annoyed reading The Canterbury Tales I threw it.

Therefore I created a Flying Chaucer.

I'm AMAZED by mythology. I'll tell you about my favorite tales...

if you have a minotaur two. (amazed... get it?)

Do all Fairy Tales begin with ''Once Upon a Time''?

No........
The Best begin with ''If Am Elected''

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