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A man going on a business trip visits a witch doctor for his wife

He explains to the witch doctor that his wife has a very high sex drive and he wants to make sure she can satisfy herself while hes gone. No ordinary item will do.

The witch doctor nods and says "I have just the right thing." And he pulls out a box. "This is a voodoo dick. It is quite easy to...

What do you call a Dinosaur that's also a witch?

A Tyranosaurus-Hex.

The Four Witch Covens

There were once four powerful witch covens: the witches of the mountains, the deserts, the forests, and the seas. For a thousand years they made war with one another, casting curses and hexes and bringing all manner of malady to the land in their hatred for one another. One day, they decided the onl...

An evil witch put a curse on a prince so that he could only speak one word each year.

If he didn't say anything for a year, he would be able to say two words the next year and so on.

One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three m...

Why don’t witches wear panties?

To have a grip on broom.

Which school subject was the witch’s favorite?

Spelling!

Adam meets a witch

The witch tells him: "Tell me I am pretty or you will be cursed"!

Adam: "Sorry, but I don't find you attractive."

Witch: "Take that back, or you most surely *will* be cursed!

Adam: "Nope. You're hideous."

The witch then transformed him into an ant.

Witch: "Look whe...

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A notorious womanizer left a trail of broken hearts behind him, until he betrayed the wrong woman - a practicing witch.

The morning after she caught him with another girl, he awoke with an itchy bump in the middle of his forehead. He thought it was a pimple, but it continued to grow to ridiculous proportions throughout the day. In a panic, he sought the advice of a physician, who examined the man and ran tests on the...

Why can’t witches get pregnant?

Because their husbands have hollow weenies.

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me: [flashlight under chin] they say a witch cursed this house 100 years ago today!

######[100 years ago...]
**witch:** fuck this house

What does a witch bride ride?

Her Groomsdick

My friend told me that she wanted to marry a witch doctor

My friend told me that she wanted to marry a witch doctor

I asked her, “Why? What’s the appeal?”

She replied, “Pwobabwy the financial secuwity”

Where can you learn about how to be a witch?

Wicca-pedia

LETS FLY, WITCHES!

why don’t witches wear panties ?

So they can hold onto their broomsticks.

I have a Blair Witch fetish....

I want my buddy to stand in the corner and not watch.

Happy Halloween!

All the witches be going to KFC tonight

They love some coven-ready chicken.

A witch finishes watching Monsters Inc...

And has an idea. Surely if children’s laughter is more powerful, then orphans crying for joy would make their tears MORE magical! So she teleports outside of a young orphans bedroom and slowly enters the room.

Inside, the young child in the bed stirs awake. “Who’s there?” He asks the figure. ...

If two witches buy two watches

Which witch would watch which watch?

All the nurses are dressing up as witches for Halloween!

They will be scaretakers.

Witches don’t fart

They cast “smells”

We were having so much bad luck on our cul-de-sac that the HOA thought we had been cursed. They brought in a witch doctor and druid to scribe protective symbols and runes all over the road...

...well, that's the ward on the street anyway.

A bard wants to be more powerful and so he strikes a deal with a witch

The witch says she will only grant his wish if he gives her his first born son

The bard laughs and says “sure! Good luck finding him”

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There once lived the most beautiful woman any man had ever seen. Unfortunately, a jealous old witch put a spell on the woman:

For the rest of her life, a tiny gremlin would live inside her vagina, and bite the dick off of any man who tried to lay with her.

Several suitors had tried and failed, always losing their precious member to the gremlin.

Finally one day a cunning young man decided to give it a go. W...

What did one Witch's cat say to the other

"You look familiar"

What sound does a witch's vehicle make? [OC]

Brrrrroooom brrrrroooom!

A witch was going through her recent order of newts...

... when her apprentice walked in. Noticing the witches frowning face, she asks “What’s wrong, Master?”

The witch replied, “Well, I’ve got some good newts and some bad newts...”

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What does the wizard say to a horny witch?

Get a broom!

Did you hear about the witch that was casting spells and driving at the same time?

She turned her car into a tree.

What do witches do in the bathroom?

Bippity-boppity-poo.

What do you call a witch who can never decide between casting good or bad spells?

A trans-hex-ual.

What do you call a witch that only eats sand?

Malnourished.

A prince which was in love with a princess was cursed by a witch so that he could only say 1 word each year, he didn´t speak for 4 years until he finally said "Princess, I love you" Then the princess looked at him and said

"What did you say?"







Btw, i took this from a novel i red so some might have heard it before.

What sound does a witches car make?

Broom broom

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Once there was a Man with a 15 inch penis.

He absolutely hated it, because it was too big for any woman to handle. Every time he tried to have sex, he ended up accidentally hurting his partner.
One day he went to the witch at the edge of town and asked her to help him make it smaller. "I cannot do that," said the witch, "But I do know the...

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I met a sorceress in the desert once

She told me I could have all the churned dairy products and preserved fruit I could ever want, but first I had to marry her and sign a legally binding agreement that she would get it all back if we ever got divorced

Until that day I'd never believed the legends of the prenup butter and jelly ...

•What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?

Brrrroooom, brrroooom.

How do ghouls sign off a letter?

Best witches and worm regards

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The little known legend about Attila the Hun

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.

But his snake lost its appet...

My local book shop had a sale on "1/3 off all titles"

I scored a pristine hardback copy of 'The Lion, The Witch'

What is witches slang for a creampie?

The leaky cauldron

Dad: Hey why is there a lion and a witch in your wardrobe?

Son: It’s Narnia business!

What do you call a witch in the middle of the desert?

A Sandwich

Im sorry i go die now

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A witch turned me into a piece of toast

but I got butter

My Mother-in-law told me she was going to a Witch and Wizard hunt in Manchester

According to my wife, “where are you planning on hiding” wasn’t the correct response.

A man is jogging through the woods.

He comes up on a clearing where he sees a figure and as he gets closer, he realizes it is a seriously ugly witch. On her right shoulder sits an equally ugly crow.

When he is about to run past her, the witch immediately addresses him: “If you can correctly name the animal on my shoulder, you c...

A mathematician walks into a pub on Halloween.

The bartender hands him a menu with all of the holiday specials. The mathematician orders a “pumpkin porter.” When he finishes it, he orders a “witch’s brew.”

Later, he orders a pint of “Santa stout.” After paying his tab, the mathematician leaves.

An old guy sitting at the end of the...

How do witches write ?

in Cursive

A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at ‘em all and says “I ain’t serving Narnia!”

What's the problem with twin witches?

You never know which witch is which.

A Emo and a leaf fall off a tree witch one hits the ground 1st?

The leaf, A rope stops the Emo

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I sexually identify as a Witch Doctor...

I'll take a little head from anyone.

What happens when a witch goes for a race?

Broom Broom

One morning when Dorothy woke up, she walked outside and realized she wasn't in Kansas anymore.

Just then, a good witch appeared. "Welcome to the land of Oz," she said. "If you want to return home, you must follow the yellow-brick road to the Emerald City and speak directly to the Wizard of Oz himself." And so, Dorothy set off down the yellow-brick road.

Dorothy walked through a farm an...

Two old men...

...decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night out on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at the two old men and whispers to her manager, "Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. T...

Me: "A beautiful witch was hitch-hiking...

so I stopped and picked her up"

Friend: "How do you know she was a witch?"

Me: "Well she got in my car, put her hand on my leg and I turned into a motel"

A witch and her friend enter a race. When they get there, the witch’s ride is already there waiting for her. “Huh” the witch’s friend says. “I didn’t know you drive a stick.”

“It’s a broom, actually.” She says.

There was an evil witch who owned a parking lot.

The sign said, "$2.50/hour, 4 hours max"

"Violators will be toad"

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Old witch: “You won’t take the entry-level wizarding jobs that are available, you spend all your money on eye of newt and you think every little spell you cast deserves some kind of participation goblet.”

Ok Broomer.

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Old one I’ve never seen here before: A guy is over-endowed

His extremely large penis has actually been a curse to him; women see it and refuse to try. Desperate, he hears of a witch who might be able to help him so he visits her and explains his problem.

“Indeed I know of something that could help you” she says, “It’s easy and painless. Behind my ho...

I overheard a coven of witches sharing tips to keep cats off their altars.

I guess it’s a *familiar* problem.

Why dont witches wear panties?

So they can grip their broom better.


I know,I know.I posted this a few weeks back but because Halloween is coming up I thought maybe you might want to pass this around the office,bar,whatever.

What’s the difference between a witch and a warlock?

The spelling.

Where do cannibals burn their witches?

At the stake house.

What is it called when witches practice their spells?

Hex-ercise

An Evil Witch kidnaps some boys...

During a nightly raid of a local village, an evil witch makes away with a few young boys she will use for her potions (hocus pocus style)

Upon arriving back at her witch den, she proceeds to cage up the terrified young boys, and begins brewing her evil potion according to her recipe.

F...

Hermione's son: Mum, you're a witch!

Hermione: Emma Watson?

If you ever encounter an evil witch show them the periodic table

They're good at chemistry

Where do spellcasters and the undead buy their clothes?

Aberzombie and Witch.

Why do witches trust black cats?

Because their familiar

What do you call a pig in a desert wearing a witches hat?

A ham sand witch.

They launched a ride share app for witches...

It's called BroomService

What do you call a group of Amish witches?

A Dutch coven.

[salem witch trials]

**judge:** You are guilty of doing magic! What do you have to say for yourself young lady?

**woman:** It's misdirection!

**judge:** Oh sorry! *"Miss"* Direction, do you have anything to say?

**woman:** *sigh* nevermind...

Why can’t witches have babies?

Their husbands have hollow wieners!

Come on, better than why can’t fortune tellers have babies, Their husbands have crystal balls!

There once was a very stubborn witch...

She would never accept help from her friends, and insisted on fighting her enemies alone, saying she didn’t want to rely on anyone else. Because of this, she lost a fight and was trapped forever in a crystal necklace.

Now she’s really independent.

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A man had a 25 inch dick and wanted it smaller. So he visited a witch in the woods. She said if he wants it smaller then he'd have to go further and find the talking frog. Then he must ask the frog to marry him and when the frog says "no" it'll shrink 5 inches.

Once he found it, he says, "Will you marry me?", but the frog says "No".

It shrunk 5 inches and he was amazed but it was still too big. Again he asked, "Will you marry me?"

"NO!", the frog yells. Now it shrunk 5 more inches but he thought 15 inches was still too big. He decided 10 woul...

Two witches were arguing about who was the better witch

One rainy day inside the coven HQ, Meredith and Wendy were arguing about who was the better witch.

"I'm the superior spellcaster", boasted Meredith. She raised her wand into the air, and conjured up a small cloud. It snowed over Wendy's head, dropping hailstones the size of marbles.

"...

What do witch doctors write their letters in?

Cursive

What type of witch goes to the beach?

A Sandwitch

Why do witches wear name tags?

So they know which witch is which!

(I used to say this all the time when I was younger)

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A witch put a curse on me and now my penis has a steering wheel

It drives me nuts

A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe enter a bar; the bartender eyes them quizzically and asks, "what're you up to with all that?"

The lion responds gruffly, "Narnia business!"




... I'm sorry.

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A man with a 25 inch penis...

Was having a hard time getting laid so he goes to the doctor. The doctor said “No, I’m sorry but you will have to go to a surgeon”. The man goes to the surgeon and the surgeon said “ Sorry there’s nothing I can do but you can try a witch doctor”. So the man thought at this point he might as well giv...

Why did the witch have so many hickies?

She was dating a necromancer.

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A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this

She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special...

What religion did the witch DJ follow?

Wicca Wicca

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A guy dials his home phone number from work.

A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?"

"This is the maid.", answered the woman.

"We don't have a maid!"

"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."

"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"

"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with ...

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