What do you call a witch that only eats sand?

Malnourished.

My dad asked me why there was a lion and a witch in my wardrobe

I said its Narnia buisness

What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?

Spelling!

What did one witch say to the other at the harvest festival?

That's macabre

What do you call a witch in the middle east ?

Stoned.

An Evil Witch kidnaps some boys...

During a nightly raid of a local village, an evil witch makes away with a few young boys she will use for her potions (hocus pocus style)

Upon arriving back at her witch den, she proceeds to cage up the terrified young boys, and begins brewing her evil potion according to her recipe.

F...

What did the witch say after her broom was stolen?

"Well, good thing I can drive a stick."

Why do witches wear name tags?

So they know which witch is which!

(I used to say this all the time when I was younger)

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

A man had a 25 inch dick and wanted it smaller. So he visited a witch in the woods. She said if he wants it smaller then he'd have to go further and find the talking frog. Then he must ask the frog to marry him and when the frog says "no" it'll shrink 5 inches.

Once he found it, he says, "Will you marry me?", but the frog says "No".

It shrunk 5 inches and he was amazed but it was still too big. Again he asked, "Will you marry me?"

"NO!", the frog yells. Now it shrunk 5 more inches but he thought 15 inches was still too big. He decided 10 woul...

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

A witch put a curse on me and now my penis has a steering wheel

It drives me nuts

Two witches were arguing about who was the better witch

One rainy day inside the coven HQ, Meredith and Wendy were arguing about who was the better witch.

"I'm the superior spellcaster", boasted Meredith. She raised her wand into the air, and conjured up a small cloud. It snowed over Wendy's head, dropping hailstones the size of marbles.

"...

The Witch Doctor

After a few years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform.

He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him "This is all in your mind" and refers him to a psychiatrist.

After a few visits to the shrink, he ...

The witches in Sabrina the Teenage Witch having a cat called Salem is like...

A Jewish family having a cat called Auschwitz.

A german women and a Spanish guy get married and move to Spain...

Though she didn't know Spanish, ~~witch~~ which proved to be a problem. Each time she went to the grocery store to buy chicken's breast, she would have to point towards her own chest so the vender could understand what she wanted to buy. Things went on like this, until one day, when she wanted to bu...

A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe enter a bar; the bartender eyes them quizzically and asks, "what're you up to with all that?"

The lion responds gruffly, "Narnia business!"




... I'm sorry.

What do daredevil and scarlet witch have in common? (Spoiler)

They both lost their vision

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

A powerful witch once needed the blood of a true virgin to make a rare potion

She gets the blood of a person she assumes never had sex and gets their blood.

It doesn't work.

She tries another,

the potion still doesn't work.

Dismayed she uses a spell to get the blood of every person who's never had sex from the craziest of orthodox Christian damse...

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

A Marine, a Navy Sailor, and an Air Force Pilot are all captured by an ISIS Witch Doctor..

The Witch Doctor goes to each of the men and says "I will grant you all one wish, however at the end you will be killed and made a part of my tent."

The sailor is up first and says "I wish to see my girlfriend one last time" the witch doctor conjures the sailors girlfriend and they say goodby...

I’ve been thinking about becoming a witch for hire...

But idk if my boyfriend would be comfortable with me being a hex worker.

What does a witch doctor want for his birthday?

A little head

What do you call a witch who only eats sand?

Anything you like - she’s dead.

What time does the wicked witch have her clocks set to?

Greenwich mean time.

Why couldn't the witch get pregnant?

The husband had a Hallo-Weenie

What do you call a group of people called to testify at the Salem witch trials?

Witchnesses.

My hoooker was a witch

>The madam tell her girls "Just give those guys blow-up dolls. they're so wasted they'll never know the difference"
>
>
After when they're walking home the first guy says, "I think mine was dead; She never moved or made a sound the whole time"
>
>
The s...

Why did the witch have so many hickies?

She was dating a necromancer.

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

20 men and a witch are in a hot air balloon

One man says "We are losing air, some of us are going to have to jump out!"
The witch says "Don't worry, if you drink this potion whatever you say will appear below you, when you jump out!"
One man drinks the potion and says "Pillows" and lands in 20 pounds of pillows
Another man drinks the...

What does a witch use to bake cookies?

An Easy Bake Coven

What is a difference between wife and a witch?

5 years of marriage

Why did the witch doctor cross the road?

He’s got friends on the other side.

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

A tribesmen goes to his local Witch Doctor

TM: "I have a problem, i think i have that HIV thing that the villagers keep talking about"

WD: "What makes you think that? pretty sure the only cases so far are from the monkeys"

TM: "Im sure of it"

WD: "OK, well you must have been eating the monkeys then, you know it's against...

What did the Witch say when the Broom Salesman showed her a Vacuum?

I don't want an automatic! I want a Stickshift!

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

A sad example of the witch hunt caused by the flood of sexual abuse allegations

A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical training has been fired for one minor indiscretion.

He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying off his school loans.

This just goes to show...

What do you call a witch who uses illegal spells?

A hex offender.

A dyslexic witch cursed me!

Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

The man with a 25 inch penis.

A man who had a 25 inch long penis went to his doctor to complain that he was having a problem with this rather massive instrument and has had more than one complaint. "Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there anything you can do for me?" The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothin...

Why don't witches wear underwear?

So they can get a better grip on their broomsticks

3 witch fugitives were cornered by police

The redhead yelled "AIR" and a gust of wind carried her to safety.

The brunette yelled "EARTH" and a tunnel to safety appeared underneath her.

The blonde yelled "FIRE" so the police did.

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

A lumberjack has sex with a witch, gets his soul trapped inside a jigsaw, and seeks revenge by ruining her cheese company

*I Came. I Saw. I Con Curd.*

I searched in Google "How do I know if my wife is a witch".

You could've just asked me! - she yelled from the kitchen.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are captured by a witch

The witch tells them, "If you say something about yourself that is true, I will let you go, if not, you will vanish into thin air"

The brunette says, "I think I'm the prettiest"
*Poof!* the brunette disappears.


The redhead says, "I think I'm the smartest"
*Poof!* the redhead...

A cheerful young noble knocks on a witch's door

A cheerful young noble knocks on a witch's door and tells her that he's always wanted to become a bear, and that he will reward her handsomely if she transforms him. She accepts, and starts gathering components for her spell. The man follows her around the whole time, explaining how he had read abou...

Breaking News! Ursula the Sea Witch has taken over and destroyed the local shoe factory. There were no survivors.

Those poor unfortunate soles.

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

3 guys and a witch....

In a small village there is a long standing rumour that the nearby woods was inhabited by a witch, several missing people and some strange smoke from a seemingly abandoned hut had fuel the rumours for years.
One day three local men decided enough was enough and made way to the woods for a few day...

Why couldn't the skeleton and the witch have kids?

Because the skeleton had a halloweenie.

Why didn't the witch fall off her broom?

She wasn't wearing underwear

What is a witch's least favorite food?

Burnt steak.

King Arthur and the Witch

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out t...

Why could the witch never get the enchantments right?

She forgot to use Spell Check.

A man meets a witch.

A man goes to a witch and asks her to be liberated from an old spell.

>I can help you, I do however, need to know the exact same words of said spell

I remember, it was: *I now pronounce you, husband and wife.*

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

The Witch Doctor

There's a guy walking down the street and he comes across a Witch Doctor. The Witch Doctor tells the guy that he is able to remedy any ailment, and upon doing so he charges a $50 fee. If he cannot cure the ailment, he pays the patient $100. The guy gets the address to the Witch Doctor's office and s...

How do you know if she's a witch?

How do you know if a woman is a witch?

Throw her in a lake beaten and tied to a stone; if she floats and stays alive she's a witch if she drowns she's a normal woman.

Well we had to know our facts right?

What do we do if there is no lake or water around?

Tie her to a pole...

Did you hear about the witch that died while melting down armor?

Her last words were: "I'm smeltinggg"

A Very Short Man

A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots." Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?" The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.

The bartender asks "He ...

What's the difference between a normal woman and a witch?

The spelling

Teehee

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

The Lion, the Witch and a fabulous fashion sense

What did the Lion say to the Witch when she caught him coming out of the wardrobe?

"My sexual preference is Narnia business."

Did you hear about the witch who ate 10 packs of gum?

She had some double bubble toilet trouble.

How do you make a witch scratch?

Remove the w

How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?

Her food is potion-controlled.

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

Witch Doctor

(If this joke offends you, I'm sorry. There's the door.)

So this guy walks into a bar and orders two beers. He downs one and empties the other into his pocket. He orders a second round and does the same thing.

After a couple more rounds of this the bartender gets kinda worried and say...

When Scarlett Witch was at the Avengers HQ...

you could say she needed...adult super Vision.

she said she was a witch.

i met this woman through a dating service and so we went on a date.

we were driving along when she said, "i'm a witch."

i said, "prove it."

so she whispered in my ear and i turned into a motel.

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

A dude is pissing at a urinal, when a short shrimpy guy steps up to the urinal next to him...

The dude is about to laugh at how frail and weak the guy looks, but he happens to catch a glimpse of the dude's shlong, fat as a pepperoni and as long as a cucumber.

"Holy fucking hell!" the guy says. "Not to sound gay or anything, but that's the biggest cock I've ever seen in my life!"
<...

This joke may contain offensive words. πŸ€”

In exchange for eternal youth, Amanda promised a witch her firstborn child.

Amanda's a lesbian.

Attila's Legend.

There is a little known legend about Attila the hun.
It goes like this...Attila was known to be very fond of dangerous wild animals. He used to collect all these exotic animals that he came across in his conquests. His favorite was a big ferocious snake. He was so fond of it that he used to bring...

Did you hear about the witch who couldn't have children?

her husband had a Holloweenie.

A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe,

"Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names ~ Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?"
His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from gener...

Why did the witch have to move out of her gingerbread house?

The property taxes were gastronomical.

An old man has trouble getting it up with his wife...

He has tried pills, oils, anything he can get his hands on, but nothing works. He tells his buddy about this, and his buddy says "I know a witch doctor who has a remedy for this. Go see her, she will help you out.


The old man goes to the witch doctor and explains his problems. "I know jus...

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