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A man going on a business trip visits a witch doctor for his wife

He explains to the witch doctor that his wife has a very high sex drive and he wants to make sure she can satisfy herself while hes gone. No ordinary item will do.

The witch doctor nods and says "I have just the right thing." And he pulls out a box. "This is a voodoo dick. It is quite easy to...

An evil witch put a curse on a prince so that he could only speak one word each year.

If he didn't say anything for a year, he would be able to say two words the next year and so on.

One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her “my darling.” But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three m...

One day a bottle and a mirror were fighting of witch is worse to break.

"If you break me you get one year of bad luck" said the bottle.
"That is just one year. If you break me you get seven years of bad luck" answered the mirror.
But someone was laughing behind them. It was the condom who said "That is nothing. If you break me you get a life time of bad luck."

What do Scarlet Witch and Daredevil both have in common?

They both wear red and lost their Vision.

Why does a witch not wear panties?

Because she needs to grip the broom.

Adam meets a witch

The witch tells him: "Tell me I am pretty or you will be cursed"!

Adam: "Sorry, but I don't find you attractive."

Witch: "Take that back, or you most surely *will* be cursed!

Adam: "Nope. You're hideous."

The witch then transformed him into an ant.

Witch: "Look whe...

Did you hear about the fight at the witch's cafe?

It was bruja brew brouhaha.

What do you call a group of witches that live in a beach house together?

Sand-witches

.. worst part about the Salem witch trials....

... having to go door to door to tell neighbors you're a registered hex offender.

Which school subject was the witch’s favorite?

Spelling!

What do you call a witches comedy club in Mexico ?

A bruja-ja .

I’m not gonna tell you what happens in The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe...

It’s Narnia business!

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How does Scarlett Witch relieve Vision’s sexual tension?

Wanda Wacks-him-off.

How come witches fly solo?

Because there's no broom left for anyone else.

Had an encounter with dyslexic witch..

I am safe cause she couldn't spell.

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You and 2 friends of yours walk through a forest

after a while you lot stumble upon a hut, from which a weird old lady, resembling a witch, comes out from. She slowly says
*"...do not step on the purple flower..."*
and then goes back into her hut.

A little confused, you exchange looks with your friends, shrug, and keep walking.
...

The Four Witch Covens

There were once four powerful witch covens: the witches of the mountains, the deserts, the forests, and the seas. For a thousand years they made war with one another, casting curses and hexes and bringing all manner of malady to the land in their hatred for one another. One day, they decided the onl...

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Through a poorly-worded genie wish, a man now has a 20-inch-long penis.

While the bragging rights were good for a few days, the man soon realizes that his dick is uncomfortable and unusable, and he must find a solution. He begins asking the local enchanters and witches if they have any suggestions, and finally gets a lead that the enchanted forest over yonder is home to...

what do you call a country that's ruled by a lion, a witch and a wardrobe?

a banarnia republic

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Two wasted guys walk into a brothel...

The seasoned madam sees the wasted men and tells her girls, "These fellas are hammered! Put them in the rooms with blow-up dolls. They'll never notice the difference due to their intoxication."

The girls do as instructed and escort the men into their room. A few minutes pass, the men finish u...

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The guy with the giant penis

There once was a man with a 50 centimeter long schlong. He could not find any partners because it was too long. So he went to the Doctor’s office.

«Doctor, please help me! My penis is too long and I want it sportened, is there anything you can do?»

- «No.» said the doctor. «But.. There...

What do you call a witch that only eats sand?

Malnourished.

My friend told me that she wanted to marry a witch doctor

My friend told me that she wanted to marry a witch doctor

I asked her, “Why? What’s the appeal?”

She replied, “Pwobabwy the financial secuwity”

If two witches buy two watches

Which witch would watch which watch?

A witch finishes watching Monsters Inc...

And has an idea. Surely if children’s laughter is more powerful, then orphans crying for joy would make their tears MORE magical! So she teleports outside of a young orphans bedroom and slowly enters the room.

Inside, the young child in the bed stirs awake. “Who’s there?” He asks the figure. ...

Witches don’t fart

They cast “smells”

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A notorious womanizer left a trail of broken hearts behind him, until he betrayed the wrong woman - a practicing witch.

The morning after she caught him with another girl, he awoke with an itchy bump in the middle of his forehead. He thought it was a pimple, but it continued to grow to ridiculous proportions throughout the day. In a panic, he sought the advice of a physician, who examined the man and ran tests on the...

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There once lived the most beautiful woman any man had ever seen. Unfortunately, a jealous old witch put a spell on the woman:

For the rest of her life, a tiny gremlin would live inside her vagina, and bite the dick off of any man who tried to lay with her.

Several suitors had tried and failed, always losing their precious member to the gremlin.

Finally one day a cunning young man decided to give it a go. W...

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me: [flashlight under chin] they say a witch cursed this house 100 years ago today!

######[100 years ago...]
**witch:** fuck this house

Why can’t witches get pregnant?

Because their husbands have hollow weenies.

LETS FLY, WITCHES!

why don’t witches wear panties ?

So they can hold onto their broomsticks.

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Atti-la-lot

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.

But his snake lost its appet...

Why did the witch from Hansel and Gretel always think she was sick?

She had Munch House-n syndrome

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Pissed Off

A small, balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight."

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit worse for the wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink an...

All the witches be going to KFC tonight

They love some coven-ready chicken.

What sound does a witch's vehicle make? [OC]

Brrrrroooom brrrrroooom!

A witch was going through her recent order of newts...

... when her apprentice walked in. Noticing the witches frowning face, she asks “What’s wrong, Master?”

The witch replied, “Well, I’ve got some good newts and some bad newts...”

What does a witch bride ride?

Her Groomsdick

Along with "Antimatter" and "Dark Matter" we've recently discovered the existence of...

"Doesn't Matter" witch appears to have no affect on the universe at all.

All the nurses are dressing up as witches for Halloween!

They will be scaretakers.

Did you hear about the witch that was casting spells and driving at the same time?

She turned her car into a tree.

A bard wants to be more powerful and so he strikes a deal with a witch

The witch says she will only grant his wish if he gives her his first born son

The bard laughs and says “sure! Good luck finding him”

What did one Witch's cat say to the other

"You look familiar"

How do witches write ?

in Cursive

What's the problem with twin witches?

You never know which witch is which.

I have a Blair Witch fetish....

I want my buddy to stand in the corner and not watch.

Happy Halloween!

A prince which was in love with a princess was cursed by a witch so that he could only say 1 word each year, he didn´t speak for 4 years until he finally said "Princess, I love you" Then the princess looked at him and said

"What did you say?"







Btw, i took this from a novel i red so some might have heard it before.

What sound does a witches car make?

Broom broom

We were having so much bad luck on our cul-de-sac that the HOA thought we had been cursed. They brought in a witch doctor and druid to scribe protective symbols and runes all over the road...

...well, that's the ward on the street anyway.

all sales final: no returns

An Australian aborigine has a boomerang that won't come back to him no matter how many times he tries to throw it. Frustrated he goes to the witch-doctor for advice. The witch-doctor asks him where he got the boomerang and the abo tells him he got it from a souvenir shop at Ayer's Rock. The witch-...

What do witches do in the bathroom?

Bippity-boppity-poo.

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These three drunk guys decide to go to the brothel. The madam sees them coming and tells the girls to just throw some blow up dolls in the rooms

These three drunk guys decide to go to the brothel. The madam sees them coming and tells the girls to just throw some blow up dolls in the rooms and turn the lights out. The guys are so drunk the won't know the difference.

30 minutes later the fellas are back out on the street. The first dru...

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Once there was a man with a 15 inch penis.

He absolutely hated it, because it was too big for any woman to handle. Every time he tried to have sex, he ended up accidentally hurting his partner.

One day he went to the witch at the edge of town and asked her to help him make it smaller. "I cannot do that," said the witch, "But I do know...

What do you call a witch in the middle of the desert?

A Sandwich

Im sorry i go die now

Well, if there's one thing I've learned from my daughter's first swimming lessons,

She's definitely not a witch.

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A witch turned me into a piece of toast

but I got butter

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A Man and His Problem

A man had an extraordinary problem. He had a 15 inch penis. Naturally, it caused him great inconvenience in his daily life, so he wished to shorten his penis. He went to many a doctor, but they all confessed that it was beyond them to fix him. Having lost all hope, as a last resort he visited a wit...

What do you call a witch who can never decide between casting good or bad spells?

A trans-hex-ual.

What is witches slang for a creampie?

The leaky cauldron

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Himalayan Dick BABA

A man had a tiny penis. He went to doctors,surgeons, faith healers , witch doctors etc to try and get it larger.
All their knowledge was in vain as they could do nothing about it.
A relative of his who saw this, told him about a baba who lived on the peak of the Himalayas who had been kno...

•What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?

Brrrroooom, brrroooom.

My Mother-in-law told me she was going to a Witch and Wizard hunt in Manchester

According to my wife, “where are you planning on hiding” wasn’t the correct response.

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I sexually identify as a Witch Doctor...

I'll take a little head from anyone.

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, there was a small desert village with a single well outside town. One day a young woman went to the well to fetch water, and the well heard her crying and asked: "What's wrong?"



She stopped her sobbing and asked the well, "You can talk?"



"Yes," said t...

What do modern-day witches ride?

Vacuum cleaners

A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at ‘em all and says “I ain’t serving Narnia!”

An Evil Witch kidnaps some boys...

During a nightly raid of a local village, an evil witch makes away with a few young boys she will use for her potions (hocus pocus style)

Upon arriving back at her witch den, she proceeds to cage up the terrified young boys, and begins brewing her evil potion according to her recipe.

F...

There was an evil witch who owned a parking lot.

The sign said, "$2.50/hour, 4 hours max"

"Violators will be toad"

What happens when a witch goes for a race?

Broom Broom

Me: "A beautiful witch was hitch-hiking...

so I stopped and picked her up"

Friend: "How do you know she was a witch?"

Me: "Well she got in my car, put her hand on my leg and I turned into a motel"

What’s the difference between a witch and a warlock?

The spelling.

Where do cannibals burn their witches?

At the stake house.

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Old witch: “You won’t take the entry-level wizarding jobs that are available, you spend all your money on eye of newt and you think every little spell you cast deserves some kind of participation goblet.”

Ok Broomer.

Hermione's son: Mum, you're a witch!

Hermione: Emma Watson?

A Emo and a leaf fall off a tree witch one hits the ground 1st?

The leaf, A rope stops the Emo

Two witches were arguing about who was the better witch

One rainy day inside the coven HQ, Meredith and Wendy were arguing about who was the better witch.

"I'm the superior spellcaster", boasted Meredith. She raised her wand into the air, and conjured up a small cloud. It snowed over Wendy's head, dropping hailstones the size of marbles.

"...

A witch and her friend enter a race. When they get there, the witch’s ride is already there waiting for her. “Huh” the witch’s friend says. “I didn’t know you drive a stick.”

“It’s a broom, actually.” She says.

Why do witches trust black cats?

Because their familiar

Why dont witches wear panties?

So they can grip their broom better.


I know,I know.I posted this a few weeks back but because Halloween is coming up I thought maybe you might want to pass this around the office,bar,whatever.

Why are witches bad at giving high fives?

Their friends always leave them hanging.

They launched a ride share app for witches...

It's called BroomService

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A witch put a curse on me and now my penis has a steering wheel

It drives me nuts

What do you call a pig in a desert wearing a witches hat?

A ham sand witch.

What is it called when witches practice their spells?

Hex-ercise

What do witch doctors write their letters in?

Cursive

Why do witches wear name tags?

So they know which witch is which!

(I used to say this all the time when I was younger)

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So there was this guy who...

... Had a 50 centimeter long penis and couldn't get a woman because it was just too much for them. So he goes to a witch who tells him to go in the forest and talk to a magical frog. Whenever the frog would answer a question with a "no" his penis would shrink 10 centimeters.

He finds the frog...

A witch, a saint and a shaman all walk into a tavern...

The Witch says, "I get my powers from mixing brews and consorting with demons!"

The Shaman says, "What a coincidence! I get my power by communing with the spirits of the land."

The Saint laughs, "You are all heretics!" and burned the two at the stake in the name of his god.

Typical

An engineer is having is lunch. It is a beautiful day so he takes his brown bag lunch outside to the fountain beside the office.

He sits on the edge and is about to tuck into his sandwich when a frog hops out of the fountain and says to him "Hello! Thank goodness you're here. I am a beauti...

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