What do you call a witch that only eats sand?

Malnourished.

What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?

Spelling!

What do you call a witch in the middle east ?

Stoned.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A witch put a curse on me and now my penis has a steering wheel

It drives me nuts

An Evil Witch kidnaps some boys...

During a nightly raid of a local village, an evil witch makes away with a few young boys she will use for her potions (hocus pocus style)

Upon arriving back at her witch den, she proceeds to cage up the terrified young boys, and begins brewing her evil potion according to her recipe.

F...

Once upon a time an evil witch decided to curse a young prince into a bear. The cursed prince sought help from a good wizard, but he refused. Why?

The prince was unbearable.

What did the witch say after her broom was stolen?

"Well, good thing I can drive a stick."

Why do witches wear name tags?

So they know which witch is which!

(I used to say this all the time when I was younger)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Marine, a Navy Sailor, and an Air Force Pilot are all captured by an ISIS Witch Doctor..

The Witch Doctor goes to each of the men and says "I will grant you all one wish, however at the end you will be killed and made a part of my tent."

The sailor is up first and says "I wish to see my girlfriend one last time" the witch doctor conjures the sailors girlfriend and they say goodby...

Two witches were arguing about who was the better witch

One rainy day inside the coven HQ, Meredith and Wendy were arguing about who was the better witch.

"I'm the superior spellcaster", boasted Meredith. She raised her wand into the air, and conjured up a small cloud. It snowed over Wendy's head, dropping hailstones the size of marbles.

"...

Dad: What’s a lion and a witch doing in your wardrobe

Me: it’s Narnia Business....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man had a 25 inch dick and wanted it smaller. So he visited a witch in the woods. She said if he wants it smaller then he'd have to go further and find the talking frog. Then he must ask the frog to marry him and when the frog says "no" it'll shrink 5 inches.

Once he found it, he says, "Will you marry me?", but the frog says "No".

It shrunk 5 inches and he was amazed but it was still too big. Again he asked, "Will you marry me?"

"NO!", the frog yells. Now it shrunk 5 more inches but he thought 15 inches was still too big. He decided 10 woul...

The witches in Sabrina the Teenage Witch having a cat called Salem is like...

A Jewish family having a cat called Auschwitz.

A german women and a Spanish guy get married and move to Spain...

Though she didn't know Spanish, ~~witch~~ which proved to be a problem. Each time she went to the grocery store to buy chicken's breast, she would have to point towards her own chest so the vender could understand what she wanted to buy. Things went on like this, until one day, when she wanted to bu...

What do daredevil and scarlet witch have in common? (Spoiler)

They both lost their vision

A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe enter a bar; the bartender eyes them quizzically and asks, "what're you up to with all that?"

The lion responds gruffly, "Narnia business!"




... I'm sorry.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A powerful witch once needed the blood of a true virgin to make a rare potion

She gets the blood of a person she assumes never had sex and gets their blood.

It doesn't work.

She tries another,

the potion still doesn't work.

Dismayed she uses a spell to get the blood of every person who's never had sex from the craziest of orthodox Christian damse...

The Witch Doctor

After a few years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform.

He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him "This is all in your mind" and refers him to a psychiatrist.

After a few visits to the shrink, he ...

What does a witch doctor want for his birthday?

A little head

I’ve been thinking about becoming a witch for hire...

But idk if my boyfriend would be comfortable with me being a hex worker.

What do you call a witch who only eats sand?

Anything you like - she’s dead.

Why couldn't the witch get pregnant?

The husband had a Hallo-Weenie

Why did the witch have so many hickies?

She was dating a necromancer.

What do you call a group of people called to testify at the Salem witch trials?

Witchnesses.

My hoooker was a witch

>The madam tell her girls "Just give those guys blow-up dolls. they're so wasted they'll never know the difference"
>
>
After when they're walking home the first guy says, "I think mine was dead; She never moved or made a sound the whole time"
>
>
The s...

What time does the wicked witch have her clocks set to?

Greenwich mean time.

What does a witch use to bake cookies?

An Easy Bake Coven

What is a difference between wife and a witch?

5 years of marriage

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

20 men and a witch are in a hot air balloon

One man says "We are losing air, some of us are going to have to jump out!"
The witch says "Don't worry, if you drink this potion whatever you say will appear below you, when you jump out!"
One man drinks the potion and says "Pillows" and lands in 20 pounds of pillows
Another man drinks the...

Why did the witch doctor cross the road?

He’s got friends on the other side.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A tribesmen goes to his local Witch Doctor

TM: "I have a problem, i think i have that HIV thing that the villagers keep talking about"

WD: "What makes you think that? pretty sure the only cases so far are from the monkeys"

TM: "Im sure of it"

WD: "OK, well you must have been eating the monkeys then, you know it's against...

What did the Witch say when the Broom Salesman showed her a Vacuum?

I don't want an automatic! I want a Stickshift!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A sad example of the witch hunt caused by the flood of sexual abuse allegations

A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical training has been fired for one minor indiscretion.

He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying off his school loans.

This just goes to show...

What do you call a witch who uses illegal spells?

A hex offender.

A dyslexic witch cursed me!

Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The man with a 25 inch penis.

A man who had a 25 inch long penis went to his doctor to complain that he was having a problem with this rather massive instrument and has had more than one complaint. "Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there anything you can do for me?" The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothin...

Why don't witches wear underwear?

So they can get a better grip on their broomsticks

3 witch fugitives were cornered by police

The redhead yelled "AIR" and a gust of wind carried her to safety.

The brunette yelled "EARTH" and a tunnel to safety appeared underneath her.

The blonde yelled "FIRE" so the police did.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lumberjack has sex with a witch, gets his soul trapped inside a jigsaw, and seeks revenge by ruining her cheese company

*I Came. I Saw. I Con Curd.*

I searched in Google "How do I know if my wife is a witch".

You could've just asked me! - she yelled from the kitchen.

A cheerful young noble knocks on a witch's door

A cheerful young noble knocks on a witch's door and tells her that he's always wanted to become a bear, and that he will reward her handsomely if she transforms him. She accepts, and starts gathering components for her spell. The man follows her around the whole time, explaining how he had read abou...

Breaking News! Ursula the Sea Witch has taken over and destroyed the local shoe factory. There were no survivors.

Those poor unfortunate soles.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 guys and a witch....

In a small village there is a long standing rumour that the nearby woods was inhabited by a witch, several missing people and some strange smoke from a seemingly abandoned hut had fuel the rumours for years.
One day three local men decided enough was enough and made way to the woods for a few day...

Why didn't the witch fall off her broom?

She wasn't wearing underwear

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are captured by a witch

The witch tells them, "If you say something about yourself that is true, I will let you go, if not, you will vanish into thin air"

The brunette says, "I think I'm the prettiest"
*Poof!* the brunette disappears.


The redhead says, "I think I'm the smartest"
*Poof!* the redhead...

What is a witch's least favorite food?

Burnt steak.

Did you hear about the witch that died while melting down armor?

Her last words were: "I'm smeltinggg"

King Arthur and the Witch

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out t...

A man meets a witch.

A man goes to a witch and asks her to be liberated from an old spell.

>I can help you, I do however, need to know the exact same words of said spell

I remember, it was: *I now pronounce you, husband and wife.*

Why could the witch never get the enchantments right?

She forgot to use Spell Check.

A Very Short Man

A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots." Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?" The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.

The bartender asks "He ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Witch Doctor

There's a guy walking down the street and he comes across a Witch Doctor. The Witch Doctor tells the guy that he is able to remedy any ailment, and upon doing so he charges a $50 fee. If he cannot cure the ailment, he pays the patient $100. The guy gets the address to the Witch Doctor's office and s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's a slutty witch's favorite holiday?

Swalloween!

Did you hear about the witch who ate 10 packs of gum?

She had some double bubble toilet trouble.

An old man has trouble getting it up with his wife...

He has tried pills, oils, anything he can get his hands on, but nothing works. He tells his buddy about this, and his buddy says "I know a witch doctor who has a remedy for this. Go see her, she will help you out.


The old man goes to the witch doctor and explains his problems. "I know jus...

What's the difference between a normal woman and a witch?

The spelling

Teehee

How do you make a witch scratch?

Remove the w

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Lion, the Witch and a fabulous fashion sense

What did the Lion say to the Witch when she caught him coming out of the wardrobe?

"My sexual preference is Narnia business."

How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?

Her food is potion-controlled.

When Scarlett Witch was at the Avengers HQ...

you could say she needed...adult super Vision.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Witch Doctor

(If this joke offends you, I'm sorry. There's the door.)

So this guy walks into a bar and orders two beers. He downs one and empties the other into his pocket. He orders a second round and does the same thing.

After a couple more rounds of this the bartender gets kinda worried and say...

she said she was a witch.

i met this woman through a dating service and so we went on a date.

we were driving along when she said, "i'm a witch."

i said, "prove it."

so she whispered in my ear and i turned into a motel.

The Priest and the Frog.

One fine sunny morning, the irish priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.

"What's wrong with you?" said the irish priest.

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two drunk men walked in to a brothels m (NSFW)

Two piss-drunk men visited a brothel. The madam takes a look at them and tells her manager: Go and put inflatable dolls in their bedrooms. These guys are too drunk to notice.

After finishing their act, on their way back.........
1st drunk: I think my girl was dead as she never made a noi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In exchange for eternal youth, Amanda promised a witch her firstborn child.

Amanda's a lesbian.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and asks for 2 drinks

A guy walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like two shots of whiskey; one for me and one for my best friend."

The bartender says, "Do you want me to wait until he gets here?"

The guy says, "He's here already," and takes a 6-inch tall man from his pocket and sets him on the bar. <...

Did you hear about the witch who couldn't have children?

her husband had a Holloweenie.

A guy is walking along a road when he spots a frog looking up at him.

The frog hops towards him quickly and calls out, "Hey! Help me! I've been turned into a frog by a cruel witch! If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess!!"

The guy is shocked at first but then smiles, picks the frog up, puts it in his bag, and keeps on walking.

After a f...

A little Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe,

"Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names ~ Bill, Tex or Sam, for example?"
His father replied, "Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from gener...