UPJOKE
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What do undead bodybuilders crave?

*"gaaaaains...."*

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What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?

One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

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How do you pay an undead prostitute?

With CryptHo Currency.

What do you call an undead bard?

An Instrumentalich.

A world with the undead

Imagine a world where zombies exist, but they're not dangerous. Just like you and I every day, except they eat brains.
The government has decided that humans can donate their organ to zombies for consumption.
Everything is pretty much back to normal.

A man and a woman end up going on...

The original script for Dr. Strange had an undead version of Wong battle with the living one. Ultimately they decided it didn't work.

Two Wongs don't make a wight.

Three vampires sit in a cave in the black of night, sharing a drink, laughing, and generally having a good time that one would not associate with the undead.

The night grew longer, and an observer, should they be careful enough, would learn that vampires can indeed get drunk.

Eventually, the three begin to bicker about which of them is the most powerful and deadly.

The youngest suddenly gets up, and flies off into the night. Almost instantl...

Where do spellcasters and the undead buy their clothes?

Aberzombie and Witch.

Which unit do the undead use to measure distances?

Graveyards.

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What do you call an undead shit?

Die-areha. I'll sit down now.

Having an undead teenage daughter is such a chore

All the time she rolls her eyes at me.

I have to keep picking them up and giving them back to her.

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What is SEXY and UNDEAD?

A Zombae

Happy Hallowe'en Y'all

What do you call an undead soldier that fights for Social Justice?

A Wight Knight

What do you call an undead bee?

A zombee

What do you call a undead yellow and black striped Insect...

a Zombee.

What Social Media site do the undead use?

Tomblr.

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What deal did the undead entrepreneurial cattle farmer advertise?

Shit for Brains

What do you call a group of undead police officers?

Zombie Acopalypse

What would be a great way to break the ice?

An undead dragon

I had a horrible nightmare last night

I dreamed that I was attacked by a ship of undead who were nothing but bones.

Fortunately, there weren't very many of them. It was a skeleton crew, after all.

1945. Lenin's ghost comes to visit Stalin

Stalin tells the undead Lenin: "See, comrade Lenin, you doubted that the Soviet people will follow me, but in fact they do!"
To which Lenin replies: "Increase the food rations, or else the Soviet people will follow me".

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