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Phantom Jokes

Phantom Pregnancy

I recently learned that goats can have what's called a "phantom pregnancy." It's when their body thinks it's pregnant when it isn't.

I kid you not.

What do you call a phantom chicken that moves things around the farm?

A Poultrygeist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got attacked by the Phantom Masturbator

I never saw him coming.

What famous humanoid robot wrote Phantom of the Opera?

Android Lloyd Webber

What was Danny Phantoms last words?

Im going ghost


Im sorry

George Lucas announced that he'd like to make several changes to The Phantom Menace.

But I say let's let Qui-gons be Qui-gons.

Corny Peanuts.

A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. After his first sip, he hears a high-pitched voice.

"Hey mister! Nice pants!" it says.

He looks around, doesn’t see anything, and quickly shrugs it off. After a little bit, he takes another sip and hears the voice agai...

Pete

Pete the phantom flasher was contemplating retirement, after thinking it over he decided to stick it out for another year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My roommates keep saying that the house is haunted by a ghost

How many times do I have to tell these fuckers I’m a phantom.

After a concert at an old auditorium, the microphones started picking up whispers that weren't there...

"W-w-what was that??" asked one of the staff.


"Relax," said the manager, "it's just phantom power."

What is it called when a blonde has a headache?

Phantom pain

Obi-Wan cuts off so many limbs

he cuts off Darth Maul's legs

he cuts off Savage Opress' arm

he cuts off Grivous' hands

he cuts off many of Anakin's limbs

and so many random people in bars have lost their limbs to Obi-Wan Kenobi

Obi-Wan is a menace.

Considering that he is now dead and exis...

A chap called Ohm...

A chap called Ohm was the proud owner of a classy Rolls Royce Phantom. Now, Ohm was a very eccentric lad, so he decided to speed on the motorway with his best pal Mark. Ohm then proceeded to blaze a trail down the motorway.
After 5 minutes Ohm sped past an active police car, and eventually got ca...

Today, I decided to go and meet my good friend Chris Pine.

We hadn't seen each other in ages, but I decided to go and catch up with him for old time's sake. We went on a stroll down the park, waiting in the ice cream line as it was a hot day. Next, we went to a theater, but the phantom of the opera was showing, and the theater line was full. Exasperated, an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 15 year old girl got pregnant.

After few days she told her mother about it.

Mother: "WHO IS THE FATHER? CALL THAT SON OF A BITCH NOW".

30 minutes later, a Rolls Royce Phantom stops in front of their house.

A matured grey haired man in a very expensive suit steps out.

Man: "I am sorry for the situation....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You gota map?

An old pilot regains his desire to fly, so he acquires all of the needed certifications to fly for a popular airline. Sitting down as a first officer, waiting for the lead pilot, a younger flight officer takes a seat at a small table behind the old aviator. The old man asks "who are you" to which ...

Ghostly photos...

An enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom that lived in the spooky old mansion house at the edge of town.

When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, moaning and wailing and clanking chains....

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