What did the pastry chef say to his boss to get a raise?

I knead dough

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A famous chef and his wife are having marital problems

A world famous chef has been away for many months traveling the globe and preparing exotic dishes, and as his wife expects, sleeping with exotic women.

In an effort to save his skin, he pulls the wife aside and says "Honey, I know I have been away for a long time, but I promise you never lef...

Why are chefs good lovers?

Because they understand the pan needs to be hot before putting their meat in

Did you hear about the guy who took a second job as a pizza chef?

He kneaded the dough

Hey did you hear about he Italian chef that died

Yeah last night he pastaway

A man approached me and told me he was a chef

He asked if I had spices among other ingredients to make a nice dish so I obliged. He began mixing some of the said spices and I allowed it, thinking it was to make mixed spice, then he got one of them and poured it on the floor.

It was then I realized he was wasting my thyme.

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I went to a Japanese restaurant the other night and the chef was very angry...

He lost his tempura

What do you get when you cross a chef and a waitress?

A cold meal

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What did the Japanese chef ask to his boiling noodles?

Udon yet?

My Grandad, who died in the war, could only be a chef due to his dyslexia.

He went out all buns glazing.

Ever heard the one about the social chef?

I told the guy "Dude you're really good with people, and the food? It's amazing!"

The chef goes "Haha, thank you, Just wait till you see what I can do with animals!"

What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?

A pairing knife

What did the chef say when he invested all his money into his pasta restaurant?

It was worth every penne.

I went to the restroom at a restaurant and noticed the chef didn’t wash his hands.

Upon seeing me he smiled, winked, and said, “urine for a treat.”

Why did the chef miss his deadline?

He ran out of thyme.

I asked a chef if he ever served a steak raw..

He said yeah but it’s rare.

Did you hear about the Terrorist Chef?

He wrote a Menufeasto

What makes Jesus the best chef?

He breaks every yolk.

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If a bunch of Jamaican chefs got together and had a cooking contest...

Would it be called a “jerk off”?

Did you hear about the duck and Chinese chef that teamed up to deal drugs?

They were slinging quack wok!

Once a pasta chef sat down to talk to his wife about something important

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I know you said you wanted just two kids, but I really want three or more."

"Dear", his wife said, "are our two silly kids not enough for you?"

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I just don't want to live having a couple silly kids. I really would like to hav...

What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?

Doughnut hole me back.

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Why did the French chef visit the sex therapist?

Boner Petite

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way. Although we cannoli do so much, he will forever be a pizza history. His wife? Cheese still not over it. Just goes to show here today, gone tomato. Lets send olive our prayers to the family.

What gun does a military chef use?

A salt rifle

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The other day I was getting a recipe from a chef. He told me the recipe needed clarified butter...

So I asked him if he could be more specific.

A chef made my soup in a rush and I asked "Why didn't you add any herbs and spices?"

He said "Sorry, I didn't have the thyme".

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A nice one from my dad who is a chef.

A man goes to a fancy restaurant. The head waiter seats him and he receives the menu. The man orders a three course dinner.

The waitor comes out with the precourse which is a soup. The man couldn't help noticing the waitor having his thumb in the soup,but decides to eat the soup any way.
...

If you kill a Sous Chef...

Does it count as Suicide?

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What did the chef say to the exhibitionist?

Boner petit

There is one letter Chef Boyardee didn’t want in his soups

The letter was F and he said “get the F out of here!”

What do you call a professional chef whose specialty is traditional Vietnamese dishes?

He’s the Pho King, boss!

What happened when the chef got his hand caught in the dishwasher?

– They both got fired

Why did the chef get arrested?

Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!

Did you hear about the French chef who died?

He lost L'huile d'olive!

Why was the Chinese chef banned from the department store fitting rooms?

Because of his Peking duck.

What is a chef's favorite gun?

A-salt-rifle

I'll show myself out

Why did the wizard become a chef?

He was great at saucery. Heh.

What is the name of Asgard’s chef?

Thaw

The chef overcooked the beef...

it was a misteak!

What did Rick say to the Chinese chef ?

More tea

A pasta chef was caught stuffing the ballot boxes at a big Broadway awards show.

Apparently, he was trying to rig a Tony.

Did you hear about the French chef that blew up the kitchen?

They’re calling him Linoleum Blownapart

A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested.

He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.

I used to know an Italian chef.

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.

I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation....

What was the chef's excuse for missing homework?

He didn't have enough thyme

What do a wimpy cop and a bad chef have in common?

They left the stake out.

What do you call a chef who knows kung fu?

Jack Kitchen.

A common chefs error

Is to think they must always add salt to a sauce before boiling it down. This is the fallacy of reductive seasoning.

The chef didn’t die

He simply pastaway

What is a profane chef's least favorite fish to work with?

Cod, dammit.

A Korean boy, who is the head chef of a local soup restaurant, is arrested for accusingly spitting in every bowl of soup that’s made and poisoning all of the customers. The other chefs knew about it and didn’t say anything at first, but eventually couldn’t hide it any longer and told the cops.

He is punished to serious, hard work for a month, but he is always upbeat no matter what. So one day the cops decide to see if any one of them can make the boy unhappy. One decides to put the boy’s shoes in a block of cement. The boy doesn’t care, and he just does his work with no shoes. Another dec...

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What do you call a Japanese female Sous chef?

A Sous She Chef

On a blind date

*a few minutes into the date*


Girl: Hey have you seen the new season of Top Chef?


Guy: No, I'm blind.

What'd the Parisian chef say when he messed up his Pancakes?

"Aww Crepe."

A good chef can have conversations with animals

Well, at the very least they should be able to make some chicken stock.

How does the Chinese chef go to work?

He woks.

What did a chef cook to his angry wife?

Spaghetti Apolognese

Why did the pastry chef poison his pet parakeets?

He was trying to kill 2 birds with 1 scone.

Why can't sous chefs get girls?

They're all beta cooks.

At my executive chef job a couple called me out to compliment me for cooking their steak thoroughly with no pink inside.

It’s always nice to be recognized for a job well done.

How did Chef Gordon Ramsay lose 100 pounds in under a month?

He started a swear jar.

What's the difference between a chef and a beggar?

Whether there's a space between "pan" and "handler".

I was in a restaurant last night, when all of sudden, a guy wearing white clothes and a tall white hat burst out of the kitchen. He was ranting, dribbling and touching diners as he passed by. "What the hell was that?!?" I asked the waitress.

She replied, "Oh, the chef's special."

A blonde calls the fire department

"My house is on fire, my house is on fire!!"

Fire Chef: " Well how do we get there?"

Blonde: " Duh... big red truck..."

What's a lawyers favorite type of chef?

A Sous Chef!

That’s the last time I lend my car to an Italian chef

The last guy left it al dente

My friend who works as a pizza chef apparently gets paid well

He told me he's making dough.

Italian Chefs can now get an exclusive software update for their Tesla

It's been named Carpatchio

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What’s the difference between a chef and a homosexual?

One stirs today’s food and the other stirs yesterday’s.

Why don't chefs in Denmark play pranks in the kitchen?

Because no one thinks a Dane cook joke is funny.

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My friend who is a chef got fired for getting his dick stuck in the potato peeler.

She was fired to.

Why was the procrastinating chef’s soup always so bland?

He ran out of thyme

Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?

I'm pretty sure he has Asp burgers.

What do you call an Egyptian chef?

Gordon Ramses.

A psychic told me that the spirit of an old Italian chef is haunting my house.

I'm not worried though, I ain't alfredo no ghost.

How does a chef know what day it is?

He looks at the colander.

Why wasn't the chef sad when he had a break-up?

Cause he always loves when bay-leaves.

Only a bad chef blames his tools, Jeremy..

Yeah, but trying to fillet a fish with a spoon just doesn't quite cut it.

I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment.

It's a whisk I was willing to take.

How many chefs does it take to stuff a turkey?

One, but you really have to cram him in there.

A group of men are out sailing when they decide to see what the chef is cooking for dinner.

They walk in and, being that he doesn’t have a rolling pin, see him flattening biscuits with his armpit.

“That’s disgusting!” One guy says to the other.

“Yeah, well you should see how he makes donuts!”

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what did the mushroom say to the chef?

Shitake that knife away from me

What do chefs research?

Cutting-edge technology

What did the Sushi chef say to the bee?

Wasabi

What's a chef's favorite weapon?

A salt rifle.

r/Jokes has the best chefs on the Internet.

They can make copy pasta from last week without it being different at all!

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift…

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift when his coworker called in sick. Friday nights were always busy at the restaurant and he was the only one working the kitchen. He decides to grab one of the busboys to help him cook for the night.

“Alright,” the chef says, “tonight is busy...

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How do you know the Japanese mass murderer was a chef?

He spent his day cutting up vegetables

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What did the Japanese chef say to his son when he brought back his girlfriend?

“Sushi’s the one?”

Police are searching for a fugitive chef after he killed a customer who was arguing about spices used in a dish.

They are saying it's only a matter of thyme.

Did you hear about the Boston chef who died?

They could not find the sauce of his illness

I was unlucky to be sacked as a chef for using the incorrect fish and herbs

Wrong plaice, wrong thyme

What do you call the salad of an epileptic chef?

A seizure salad.

Who was the Pharaoh's favourite chef?

Gordon Ramesses

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