A common chefs error

Is to think they must always add salt to a sauce before boiling it down. This is the fallacy of reductive seasoning.

I asked a chef if he ever served a steak raw..

He said yeah but it’s rare.

Why didn't one chef listen to the other one speak?

Because he had bigger fish to fry.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

he pasta- way.

The chef didn’t die

He simply pastaway

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If Jamaican chefs held a cooking competition...

... would it be called a “jerk off”?

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My friend gave me a smug smile and said, 'Your slut of a wife came over last night and was my chef for the night.'

'Don't call her that, it's offensive,' I replied. 'She can't cook to save her life.'

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What is a profane chef's least favorite fish to work with?

Cod, dammit.

A Korean boy, who is the head chef of a local soup restaurant, is arrested for accusingly spitting in every bowl of soup that’s made and poisoning all of the customers. The other chefs knew about it and didn’t say anything at first, but eventually couldn’t hide it any longer and told the cops.

He is punished to serious, hard work for a month, but he is always upbeat no matter what. So one day the cops decide to see if any one of them can make the boy unhappy. One decides to put the boy’s shoes in a block of cement. The boy doesn’t care, and he just does his work with no shoes. Another dec...

The chef overcooked the beef...

it was a misteak!

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What did the Japanese chef ask to his boiling noodles?

Udon yet?

What was the chef's excuse for missing homework?

He didn't have enough thyme

Why did the wizard become a chef?

He was great at saucery. Heh.

On a blind date

*a few minutes into the date*


Girl: Hey have you seen the new season of Top Chef?


Guy: No, I'm blind.

What'd the Parisian chef say when he messed up his Pancakes?

"Aww Crepe."

At my executive chef job a couple called me out to compliment me for cooking their steak thoroughly with no pink inside.

It’s always nice to be recognized for a job well done.

A pasta chef was caught stuffing the ballot boxes at a big Broadway awards show.

Apparently, he was trying to rig a Tony.

Why was the French chef so depressed?

He had lost the huile d'olive!

A good chef can have conversations with animals

Well, at the very least they should be able to make some chicken stock.

Did you hear about the French chef that blew up the kitchen?

They’re calling him Linoleum Blownapart

What is a chef's favorite gun?

A-salt-rifle

I'll show myself out

What did Rick say to the Chinese chef ?

More tea

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What do you call a Japanese female Sous chef?

A Sous She Chef

Why did the pastry chef poison his pet parakeets?

He was trying to kill 2 birds with 1 scone.

Why was the procrastinating chef’s soup always so bland?

He ran out of thyme

A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested.

He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.

Italian Chefs can now get an exclusive software update for their Tesla

It's been named Carpatchio

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A nice one from my dad who is a chef.

A man goes to a fancy restaurant. The head waiter seats him and he receives the menu. The man orders a three course dinner.

The waitor comes out with the precourse which is a soup. The man couldn't help noticing the waitor having his thumb in the soup,but decides to eat the soup any way.
...

How does the Chinese chef go to work?

He woks.

I used to know an Italian chef.

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.

I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation....

Why can't sous chefs get girls?

They're all beta cooks.

How does a chef know what day it is?

He looks at the colander.

That’s the last time I lend my car to an Italian chef

The last guy left it al dente

What did a chef cook to his angry wife?

Spaghetti Apolognese

A blonde calls the fire department

"My house is on fire, my house is on fire!!"

Fire Chef: " Well how do we get there?"

Blonde: " Duh... big red truck..."

What's the difference between a chef and a beggar?

Whether there's a space between "pan" and "handler".

How did Chef Gordon Ramsay lose 100 pounds in under a month?

He started a swear jar.

Why don't chefs in Denmark play pranks in the kitchen?

Because no one thinks a Dane cook joke is funny.

My friend who works as a pizza chef apparently gets paid well

He told me he's making dough.

Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?

I'm pretty sure he has Asp burgers.

I was in a restaurant last night, when all of sudden, a guy wearing white clothes and a tall white hat burst out of the kitchen. He was ranting, dribbling and touching diners as he passed by. "What the hell was that?!?" I asked the waitress.

She replied, "Oh, the chef's special."

A psychic told me that the spirit of an old Italian chef is haunting my house.

I'm not worried though, I ain't alfredo no ghost.

What happened to the italian chef with cancer?

He pastaway.

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What’s the difference between a chef and a homosexual?

One stirs today’s food and the other stirs yesterday’s.

Why wasn't the chef sad when he had a break-up?

Cause he always loves when bay-leaves.

What do you call an Egyptian chef?

Gordon Ramses.

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift…

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift when his coworker called in sick. Friday nights were always busy at the restaurant and he was the only one working the kitchen. He decides to grab one of the busboys to help him cook for the night.

“Alright,” the chef says, “tonight is busy...

What's a chef's favorite weapon?

A salt rifle.

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What did the Japanese chef say to his son when he brought back his girlfriend?

“Sushi’s the one?”

How many chefs does it take to stuff a turkey?

One, but you really have to cram him in there.

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My friend who is a chef got fired for getting his dick stuck in the potato peeler.

She was fired to.

What do chefs research?

Cutting-edge technology

A group of men are out sailing when they decide to see what the chef is cooking for dinner.

They walk in and, being that he doesn’t have a rolling pin, see him flattening biscuits with his armpit.

“That’s disgusting!” One guy says to the other.

“Yeah, well you should see how he makes donuts!”

r/Jokes has the best chefs on the Internet.

They can make copy pasta from last week without it being different at all!

I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment.

It's a whisk I was willing to take.

Only a bad chef blames his tools, Jeremy..

Yeah, but trying to fillet a fish with a spoon just doesn't quite cut it.

What did the Sushi chef say to the bee?

Wasabi

A Italian chef was diagnosed with terminal illness a year ago...

He’s about to pastaway
He cannoli do so much...

Edit:He’s a pizza history now

Did you hear about the Boston chef who died?

They could not find the sauce of his illness

Did you hear about the chef who spilled his herbs on the floor?

Cleaning it up was a massive waste of thyme.

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That chef must be sadistic.

He's always beating eggs and whipping cream.

Police are searching for a fugitive chef after he killed a customer who was arguing about spices used in a dish.

They are saying it's only a matter of thyme.

Who was the Pharaoh's favourite chef?

Gordon Ramesses

I was unlucky to be sacked as a chef for using the incorrect fish and herbs

Wrong plaice, wrong thyme

What did Bob Marley say to the chef?

What Jamaican?

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How do you know the Japanese mass murderer was a chef?

He spent his day cutting up vegetables

I finally got to have a conversation with an Italian chef

It was about thyme.

Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?

He'll dessert you!

What do you call the salad of an epileptic chef?

A seizure salad.

Why did the chef serve Eggs Benedict on a hubcap?

Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

What does the apathetic pastry Chef say?

I doughnut care.

Why didn't the chef finish his stew?

Cause he was too busy stroganoff!

Why are chefs so crazy for dough?

They don't want it, they knead it

What's a wrestling chef's signature move?

A *soup*-plex.

Why are men the best chefs?

Because with only 2 nuts, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, they can fill a woman's stomach for 9 months.

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I phoned a Chinese restaurant. A guy answered and said "Hello, I'm Wang King the chef"

I said "Don't worry, l'll call back later when you're not busy "

Did you hear about the chef that got kicked out of the comedy cook out?

Apparently he only brought hamburger puns.

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Gordon Ramsay's father-in-law jailed for six months for hacking chef's computer ...

Apparently, Gordon suspected the hacking when his computer was completely FUCKING FROZEN !!!