This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the Japanese chef ask to his boiling noodles?

Udon yet?

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

He pasta way. Although we cannoli do so much, he will forever be a pizza history. His wife? Cheese still not over it. Just goes to show here today, gone tomato. Lets send olive our prayers to the family.

Why did the chef miss his deadline?

He ran out of thyme.

Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?

**He pasta way**

I asked a chef if he ever served a steak raw..

He said yeah but it’s rare.

Did you hear about the duck and Chinese chef that teamed up to deal drugs?

They were slinging quack wok!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the French chef visit the sex therapist?

Boner Petite

If you kill a Sous Chef...

Does it count as Suicide?

Once a pasta chef sat down to talk to his wife about something important

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I know you said you wanted just two kids, but I really want three or more."

"Dear", his wife said, "are our two silly kids not enough for you?"

"Honey", the pasta chef said, "I just don't want to live having a couple silly kids. I really would like to hav...

What is the name of Asgard’s chef?

Thaw

Why was the Chinese chef banned from the department store fitting rooms?

Because of his Peking duck.

Did you hear about the French chef who died?

He lost L'huile d'olive!

What do you call a chef made of footwear

A shoe chef

A common chefs error

Is to think they must always add salt to a sauce before boiling it down. This is the fallacy of reductive seasoning.

A chef made my soup in a rush and I asked "Why didn't you add any herbs and spices?"

He said "Sorry, I didn't have the thyme".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the chef say to the exhibitionist?

Boner petit

Why didn't one chef listen to the other one speak?

Because he had bigger fish to fry.

What was the chef's excuse for missing homework?

He didn't have enough thyme

The chef overcooked the beef...

it was a misteak!

What happened when the chef got his hand caught in the dishwasher?

– They both got fired

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friend gave me a smug smile and said, 'Your slut of a wife came over last night and was my chef for the night.'

'Don't call her that, it's offensive,' I replied. 'She can't cook to save her life.'

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Why did the wizard become a chef?

He was great at saucery. Heh.

A pasta chef was caught stuffing the ballot boxes at a big Broadway awards show.

Apparently, he was trying to rig a Tony.

What do you call a professional chef whose specialty is traditional Vietnamese dishes?

He’s the Pho King, boss!

The chef didn’t die

He simply pastaway

Why are chefs in such a rush?

Theyre running out of thyme.

What is a profane chef's least favorite fish to work with?

Cod, dammit.

At my executive chef job a couple called me out to compliment me for cooking their steak thoroughly with no pink inside.

It’s always nice to be recognized for a job well done.

What did Rick say to the Chinese chef ?

More tea

What is a chef's favorite gun?

A-salt-rifle

I'll show myself out

A Korean boy, who is the head chef of a local soup restaurant, is arrested for accusingly spitting in every bowl of soup that’s made and poisoning all of the customers. The other chefs knew about it and didn’t say anything at first, but eventually couldn’t hide it any longer and told the cops.

He is punished to serious, hard work for a month, but he is always upbeat no matter what. So one day the cops decide to see if any one of them can make the boy unhappy. One decides to put the boy’s shoes in a block of cement. The boy doesn’t care, and he just does his work with no shoes. Another dec...

Did you hear about the French chef that blew up the kitchen?

They’re calling him Linoleum Blownapart

What'd the Parisian chef say when he messed up his Pancakes?

"Aww Crepe."

A good chef can have conversations with animals

Well, at the very least they should be able to make some chicken stock.

A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested.

He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a Japanese female Sous chef?

A Sous She Chef

Why did the pastry chef poison his pet parakeets?

He was trying to kill 2 birds with 1 scone.

I used to know an Italian chef.

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I feel horrible, he just ran out of thyme.

I am sending olive my love to his friends. His wife is really upset too. Cheese crying. He died fusilli reasons. I never sausage a tragic situation....

On a blind date

*a few minutes into the date*


Girl: Hey have you seen the new season of Top Chef?


Guy: No, I'm blind.

What's the difference between a chef and a beggar?

Whether there's a space between "pan" and "handler".

A blonde calls the fire department

"My house is on fire, my house is on fire!!"

Fire Chef: " Well how do we get there?"

Blonde: " Duh... big red truck..."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A nice one from my dad who is a chef.

A man goes to a fancy restaurant. The head waiter seats him and he receives the menu. The man orders a three course dinner.

The waitor comes out with the precourse which is a soup. The man couldn't help noticing the waitor having his thumb in the soup,but decides to eat the soup any way.
...

Italian Chefs can now get an exclusive software update for their Tesla

It's been named Carpatchio

Why can't sous chefs get girls?

They're all beta cooks.

How does a chef know what day it is?

He looks at the colander.

Why was the procrastinating chef’s soup always so bland?

He ran out of thyme

What did a chef cook to his angry wife?

Spaghetti Apolognese

How does the Chinese chef go to work?

He woks.

That’s the last time I lend my car to an Italian chef

The last guy left it al dente

How did Chef Gordon Ramsay lose 100 pounds in under a month?

He started a swear jar.

My friend who works as a pizza chef apparently gets paid well

He told me he's making dough.

Why don't chefs in Denmark play pranks in the kitchen?

Because no one thinks a Dane cook joke is funny.

Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?

I'm pretty sure he has Asp burgers.

I was in a restaurant last night, when all of sudden, a guy wearing white clothes and a tall white hat burst out of the kitchen. He was ranting, dribbling and touching diners as he passed by. "What the hell was that?!?" I asked the waitress.

She replied, "Oh, the chef's special."

What happened to the italian chef with cancer?

He pastaway.

A psychic told me that the spirit of an old Italian chef is haunting my house.

I'm not worried though, I ain't alfredo no ghost.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friend who is a chef got fired for getting his dick stuck in the potato peeler.

She was fired to.

What do chefs call plants that make them laugh?

Amuse Bush.

What do you call an Egyptian chef?

Gordon Ramses.

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift…

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift when his coworker called in sick. Friday nights were always busy at the restaurant and he was the only one working the kitchen. He decides to grab one of the busboys to help him cook for the night.

“Alright,” the chef says, “tonight is busy...

I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment.

It's a whisk I was willing to take.

What's a chef's favorite weapon?

A salt rifle.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s the difference between a chef and a homosexual?

One stirs today’s food and the other stirs yesterday’s.

How many chefs does it take to stuff a turkey?

One, but you really have to cram him in there.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What did the Japanese chef say to his son when he brought back his girlfriend?

“Sushi’s the one?”

A group of men are out sailing when they decide to see what the chef is cooking for dinner.

They walk in and, being that he doesn’t have a rolling pin, see him flattening biscuits with his armpit.

“That’s disgusting!” One guy says to the other.

“Yeah, well you should see how he makes donuts!”

Celebrity Chef Anthony Bourdain is to be cremated.

Gas mark 7 for about 40 minutes should do it.

What do chefs research?

Cutting-edge technology

r/Jokes has the best chefs on the Internet.

They can make copy pasta from last week without it being different at all!

Only a bad chef blames his tools, Jeremy..

Yeah, but trying to fillet a fish with a spoon just doesn't quite cut it.

What did the Sushi chef say to the bee?

Wasabi

Did you hear about the chef who spilled his herbs on the floor?

Cleaning it up was a massive waste of thyme.

Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef?

He'll dessert you!

Who was the Pharaoh's favourite chef?

Gordon Ramesses

I was unlucky to be sacked as a chef for using the incorrect fish and herbs

Wrong plaice, wrong thyme

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How do you know the Japanese mass murderer was a chef?

He spent his day cutting up vegetables

Police are searching for a fugitive chef after he killed a customer who was arguing about spices used in a dish.

They are saying it's only a matter of thyme.

Did you hear about the Boston chef who died?

They could not find the sauce of his illness

What did Bob Marley say to the chef?

What Jamaican?

I finally got to have a conversation with an Italian chef

It was about thyme.

What do you call the salad of an epileptic chef?

A seizure salad.

Why did the chef serve Eggs Benedict on a hubcap?

Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.

Why can’t short people become chefs?

Because it’s a high steaks job

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