A criminal was trying to hot-wire a car and accidentally electrocuted himself.

He got charged with battery.

A man was found electrocuted in a room with a car battery.

The battery was dead, so there were no charges.

A child died electrocuted

The parents are in shock

I just got electrocuted

It hertz

An electrical fault at the zoo saw the entire tortoise population electrocuted.

It was a turtle disaster.

Why did the F1 Racer get electrocuted after finishing 1 lap?

Because he completed the circuit.

Did you hear what happened to the kid who kept getting electrocuted?..

His dad finally grounded him


.

What did the electrician say when he electrocuted himself?

That Hertz!

Did you hear about the boy that electrocuted his family?

Everyone was shocked

Why was the stock trader electrocuted?

He shorted Tesla

I have always loved getting electrocuted

Some things you just can't let go

What happens when you electrocute a chickpea?

You'll get charged with hummuscide

i think i figured out the word for getting mildly electrocuted

shocking, right?

My pet rabbit was an enlightened thinker but was electrocuted.

Now, he's a Volt-Hare

I just electrocuted myself

How do you current-ly feel?

I'm kind of shocked

Watt, I didn't hear you

I said it hertz a lot

An electrician was working at an apartment when he got electrocuted.

He died before he even knew watts up.

I was electrocuted by the Playstation controller.

I was shocked twice.

Russian Conductor

(TL;DR at bottom, it's a long joke)

So a Russian train engineer is barreling down a track, and doesn't slow down for three people crossing, killing them instantly. He gets the electric chair as punishment. For what should be his last meal, he asks for a banana. He gets his request, and is ele...

What do you call a cow that can’t be electrocuted?

Ground Beef.

Can you be electrocuted by a news story?

The answer may shock you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once a dictator chose a musician to compose a piece of music.

The musician not wanting to displease the dictator accepted the offer.

One month after the day came. The orchestra shited in the name of music. The dictator got furious and gave him a death sentence. They gave him a spicy curry as his last wish. He sat on the electric chair. They electrocuted...

Did you hear about the orchestra that got electrocuted?

Some blame it on the conductor.

Why did the naughty child not get electrocuted when he stuck a fork in the socket?

Because he was grounded!


(I'll see myself out)

An electric engineer electrocuted by accident.

he had injuries of 60 hurts

My music teacher got electrocuted yesterday

Unfortunately he was a great conductor.

What were the yoga instructor's last words when he got electrocuted?

Ohmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Did you hear about the chef that got electrocuted?

He stood on a bun and a currant shot up his leg.

One night, three women go out to celebrate their college graduation.

They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.

She says, “I just gradu...

I really like Electricians.

They are so electrocute

Funeral of my dad

A guy named Temel was walking on road with his head down and great sadness, some familiar faces saw him and asked Temel what happened Temel said his dad died and he is going to the funeral so they asked how did he die? Temel started telling

My dad was next to the window of a 10 floored workin...

What a horrible way to die

Two guys meet up in a bar.

The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!"

"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"

"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

6 signs that you had one glass too many

1. All girls look beautiful. It doesn't matter if they have beards.

2. You can't use your fork because it has 1 tine and 4 handles.

3. Lights are out in the restroom. But it smells nice, and they have clothes hanging instead of toilet paper.

4. Someone called you an asshole. But...

LPT: Now that it is summer time, avoid swimming in waters that have strong currents, it is very dangerous..

.. you risk getting electrocuted.

Shocking

Did you know in Greece they electrocute their yogurt

Yeah it was quite a cultural shock

A Cuban man dies and goes to Hell

There, the devil informs him that every country has its own hell. However, as he had dual citizenship, he could choose which Hell he wanted to be sent: American Hell or Cuban Hell.

He visits the American Hell first. At the door, he finds George Bush Senior.

“Excuse me, mr president, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once, in a faraway land, there was this doctor who was a professional trickster...

This doctor was quite popular, but he had a big, bad secret; he deceives people. How? Well, let's just say a patient walks into his office with an illness. The doctor, after doing some checkups, gives his prescription for a medicine, which he even gives for free. It turns out, however, that the medi...

A college girl was found dead in her bathtub...

She decided to take a bath after a long day of testing. Unbeknownst to her, her roommate had a fetish of putting a 9-volt battery in the bath to give herself a small electric shock.

This time, however, she left it in the tub. The college girl decided she wanted to put some soothing bath salts...

Netflix has asked viewers to please stop referring to Ted Bundy as "Hot"

As he was electrocuted in 1989, they are fairly certain he has cooled off by now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Juan was sent to hell.

In the hell lobby, Juan is greeted by a demon. The demon showed 3 doors that contains the type of punishment Juan will receive. Of course, Juan is given the ability to choose his punishment.

The demon opened the 1st door. Juan saw a man being punished by a whip. Juan said: "No! I do not want ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a farmer who had two sons.

His wife died as soon as she gave birth to the second son. Because of this, the farmer always blamed his second son for his mother's death. But he did not fail in his responsibilities as a father. The farmer was poor but he worked really hard to get his two sons in grad school. They didn't do well e...

There was once a thug who was in the scariest gang...

His original name was Con Dria, but soon he went by a different name in his gang. They called him Mighto, and he was the thug that did most of the crimes. From dealing drugs to robbing to Kidnapping. He did whatever was necessary to help out his gang.

However, after he accidentally ran over ...

T'was a wet and rainy Christmas eve...

...when santa landed on our roof.

The slippery condition were quite treacherous,

as a reindeer missed its hoof.

Santa and his reindeers came sliding down.

I would've laffed if it was a clown.

One by one, they got tangled in the lights,

and came crashing down...

Three friends talking about their dogs.

So there were three friends talking about the intelligence of their dogs, to which one says:

My shepherd dog not only took care of my sheep when I left but also sheared them once a year.

The next says:
Ha! Mine was so smart that all he left to do was to bark.

The third sobbin...

3 guys are sentenced to death...

They say to the first one "you can choose how you want to die: shot, hanged, or with the electric chair". He says "getting shot is too violent, and I don't want to be hanged. I choose the electric chair". He sits on it, but when they turn it on the electric chair doesn't electrocute him, so he is le...

Chaos Theory

Two friends are chatting in a pub.

- Have you heard that Mike died yesterday?

-- Oh no! What happened to him?

- He was about to pass our house driving his car when he crashed into a parking car on the side of the road, broke through the wind shield, flown through straight in our...

A priest, a Teacher, and an Engineer.

3 of them are best friends and one weekend they decided to go to town to have a drink and inadvertently got drunk to a point of blacking out. Upon waking up they found themselves arrested, guiltily charged of a crime and sentenced to death by electrocution. The priest is strapped to the chair
...

...How did you do it?

There was once a train operator who had been driving trains for well over 20 years. Over the course of his career, he had experienced a number of close calls in the accident department. At long last, sadly, he hit a schoolbus full of children on its way out of the elementary school parking lot, kill...

I promised my wife the earth today…

But I gave her the live instead and electrocuted her…

Did you hear about the dress maker who went to the ATM?

She was electrocuted when she put in her pin.

Once there was this cruel maestro.....

He was very cruel and bad. Once as he was backing up his car, he rode over a little girl, killing her, but he didn't care. He was caught and sentenced to death by the electric chair. He was seated in the chair, the switch flipped, he was electrocuted, but amazingly he didn't die. So he was let to li...

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