UPJOKE
bumpyrockyharshunpolisheddifficulthardgravellyruggedcrackedscratchycruderoughlynotchedfiercehilly

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[NSFW] I just learned that to proportionally be hung like a horse, a 200 lbs man would need roughly a 4-inch dick.

So that means I only need to lose about 30 lbs and grow another inch, inch-and-a-half...

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC; Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We a...

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So there is this bear hunter

So this chap is out bear hunting. He sees a large bear, sneaks up on it, takes his shot and misses!

The bear spots him and charges. The hunter runs but trips and the bear is on him. To his surprise the bear doesn't maul him to death but says:

"Look, I've eaten today but I am a bit ho...

An old Lithuanian joke (roughly translated)

Two men of which one had a really bad stutter decided to climb mount everest. They set up at the bottom, waved to everyone who came to wish them luck and started climbing... Around 8 hours of exhausting climbing later the one with the stutter goes "I-I-I f-f-f-f" the other one cuts him off and goes ...

Landmark

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system."Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when ...

Women are responsible for roughly 45% of car accidents

Which is pretty high, considering the steering wheel isn't even on their side.

If you laid every atom in the sun end to end, it would be roughly 3.0818632e+23 times the width of the universe, or roughly 1.1701458e+43 lightyears.

That’s almost as wide as your mother.

AI-Generated Joke: "What Kind of Error is a Clothes?"

"A Dress Up."




(It gives an explanation for the Joke. So apparently it's a Joke because...

mess and dress rhyme.

mess-up is a kind of error.

dress and clothes mean roughly the same.

)

Who does the work?

The population of this country is 327 million.


76 million are retired.
That leaves 251 million to do the work.


There are 48 million people who are permanently disabled.
Which leaves 203 million to do the work


There are 74 million children yo...

Houdini has just finished a magic show and walks backstage, only to be grabbed roughly, knocked out, and tied up.

When he wakes up, he's in an abandoned warehouse, and a man in a ski mask is standing over him, a sheep by his side. The sheep is using its teeth to tie him up with a very strong rope, which confuses him. Houdini smiles, remembering that he can get out of any knot known to man. He tries to untie the...

One gallon of gasoline contains roughly the amount of energy required for a human to live 56 years

Therefore, if you chug two gallons of gasoline you'll never have to eat again!

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A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot....

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the motorway.

You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
Th...

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Once upon a time, in the Wild West….

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and
tough he was, and the owner of the ...

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I have sex roughly once a week.

The other six times are much more romantic.

Which of these two jokes with roughly the same theme is better?

A. A Christian is drowning in the sea. A boat comes up the crew tries to save them, but he says "no, God will save me!" Later another boat comes up and tries to save him again, but he insists that God will save him. Later a third boat comes along. The Christian is wheezing, gasping, almost exhausted...

There are three kingdoms, one on each side of a roughly triangular lake...

One of the kingdoms is marvelous, almost every house build lavishly, the royal castle made of gold, protected by an army of shining, masterful knights. This gold kingdom is the most wealthy of the three.

One of the kingdoms is modestly wealthy, each house built to last and the castle a beauti...

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I jerk off roughly once a day.

I try to be a little more loving and gentle the other 2-3.

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What do Magic Johnson, Charlie Sheen and roughly 250,000 children in Africa have in common?

A continuing chance to create a better tomorrow.

You **sick** bastards.

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"How often do you have sex a month, roughly?

"About ten times"

"And how often gently?"

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It's a typical Saturday night in an Irish pub.

Chatter emerges from people seated around different tables enjoying their Guinness. Everyone is having a nice time.

Suddenly, at one of the tables where two men are seated, one of them raises his voice and says to the other: "Ye know, I FUCKED yer Mum last night!"

The pub goes quieter...

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How long does sex last roughly?

Less time than if you were gentle.

A tourist sees a man holding a blank piece of paper in Red Square, Moscow

Confused, he asks the man what he's doing.

The man says "I'm protesting"

"How is anyone supposed to know what you're protesting with that blank sign?" Asks the tourist.

The man scoffs "Ignorant tourists! Why would I need to put that? Everyone already knows what's wrong!"
...

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A man walks into a bar…

And he says to the barman ‘Can I have 11 pints of anything but Stella’.

Barman says ‘yeah sure mate but what’s the problem with Stella?’

The man says ‘well I had 11 pints of Stella last night and I was fucking skint the whole night’

Barman still confused says ‘yeah but 11 pints ...

OC: What does Babe Ruth and roughly 100,000 antelopes have in common?

They're both ballpark figures.

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You and 2 friends of yours walk through a forest

after a while you lot stumble upon a hut, from which a weird old lady, resembling a witch, comes out from. She slowly says
*"...do not step on the purple flower..."*
and then goes back into her hut.

A little confused, you exchange looks with your friends, shrug, and keep walking.
...

After roughly three years i finally got around to making a documentary about the nonspatial continuum in which events occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future

It's about time

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