I cracked open two eggs for breakfast this morning. One had two yolks, the other had a little chunk of steak.

The double-yolker was great! The meaty-yolker was just okay.

I was supposed to pay $500 for a single chunk of metal

what a steel....

Chunks

My friend was just promoted at his job, so he wanted to go celebrate at the bar. Being the good friend, I said: "Sure, I'll be the designated driver and you can drink as much as you want!" He drank and drank and drank all night long! When he was barely able to stand up and walk, I decided it's t...

A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm

''two beers, '' he says ''one for me, and one for the road.''

Got so drunk last night I blew chunks

Chunks is my dog

A kid threw a chunk of cheddar at me today

I didn't think that was very mature.

Fortunately, it wasn't sharp.

I was so drunk last night I started blowing chunks when I finally got home

"Bro, dont worry, happens to everyone"

"Na, bro, you dont understand... Chunks is my dog"

A small chunk of cereal made its way to his best friend

"I'm going to get married!" said the cereal

"Whoa, thats cool!" said his friend, "But I gotta warn you... its hard for cereal to maintain their marriage."

"Why is that?"

"Well, it seems like you've got this in the bag, but it always, my dear friend, always breaks down."

Three guys are drinking at a bar

After several drinks, the first one gets up to leave. "Where do you think you're going?" ask the others. He says, "Guys I'd love to stay but I have to cut myself off. The last time we got together, I was so drunk. When I got home, I blew chunks right on the living room floor in front of my wife and ...

Hell of a hangover

Guy: Oh man I feel so ashamed; I was so drunk last night I came home and blew chunks.

Friend: Don't feel bad It's natural to get sick after drinking too much.

Guy: But...you don't understand. Chunks is my dog!

A man spots an empty beach as he frantically searches for a place to land his plane.

He's run out fuel but he is a skilled enough pilot to guide his aircraft down and gracefully crash into the sand. He comes in at a small angle and exits his vehicle without a scratch on him.

"Damn it, what could have gone wrong?" He ponders for a short while before he starts assessing the da...

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This pasta has AoT level writing, by the time you get to the last line everything you previously read will get whole new meaning. Enjoy

.

>!gf is prego!<

>!we like to get kinky anyways!<

>!one night things get particularly saucy!<

>!i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights!<

>!wtf it's red everywhere and she's ob...

Once upon a time on a dig in Egypt...

A few years ago I was in Egypt, on a dig site, not far from the banks of the Nile but out of the way of the Pyramids and Statues you'd associate with the usual "big finds" of the late 19th/early 20th century.

We were looking for a tomb, a new paper had raised interesting questions about a po...

A chunk of wood that can make nice beats.

Logarithms...

_Here come the down votes._

In my past life, I was a warrior for an Indian Tribe, and was madly in love with the chiefs daughter

In this tribe we were named after the first thing our mothers saw when we were born. And His daughter, Lily Petal, was absolutely beautiful, and everyday I sighed knowing there was nothing I could do to ever win her attention. I was just boring old Falling Rock, a nobody warrior.

But one day,...

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While a guy is eating a girl out he finds a pea in her vagina

He thinks to himself, “hmm that’s odd..”, but he’s really in the mood and just keeps going to town on her.

After a while he finds a piece of a carrot, and that made him think “there’s something weird going on..”, but he continues anyway.

A few moments later he finds a small chunk of ...

"Two steaks please", I asked the writer. "Rare for me, medium rare for my friend."

He brought us a lovely bit of panda and a nice chunk of giraffe.

A man is in peril, he’s just robbed a cheese shop...

And the police are closing in. From his pockets, he dumps all the Gruyere, all of the Cotswald, all of the Petit Basque. As he flees, chunks of Manchego and Ossau Iraty fly from his pockets... he flings the Roquefort, but it breaks up in his pocket and is sticky... he can’t get it out. He is stuck, ...

Co-worker 1: "I got so drunk last night I blew chunks"

Co-worker 2: "Aww man that sucks, I've done that a few times in my day"

Co-worker 1: "You don't understand though, chunks is my dog.

A man walks into a bar while carrying a chunk of asphalt under his arm....

he says, "Hey! Bartender! Two beers please." The bartender looks at him with a confused look and asked, "Why two? Are you waiting on someone?" The man responds, "Nah, I need for me and one for the road."

NSFW A guy walks into a bar

Guy: Pour me a drink

Bartender: What do you want?

G: I don’t care just anything but Gin

B: Why not Gin?

G: I drank a fifth of gin last night and blew Chunks

B: Listen man if you drink a fifth of anything your bound to blow chunks

G: Sir you don’t understand...

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What did the German general say to the fuhrer when ice chunks started to damage the planes?

Hail, Hitler!

There's a guy sneaking around in grocery stores in my town dropping chunks of dry ice in boxes of cereal.

We're being attacked by a cereal chiller!

: As told by my 5 year old.

I haven't seen this one here before

Late one Friday night, John visits the brothel. As he walks in, he is greeted by all the usual faces.

"Hey John, back again?"

"Johnny boy. Must be payday."

So on and so forth.

Then the Madame of the house spots him and hurries over.

"Mr. John. How lovely to...

A guy walks into a liquor store and ask for a case of Heineken.

The gal behind the counter replies, "Sorry. We're out of Heineken."

The guy shrugs his shoulders and says, "Fine. Make it Rolling Rock."

The woman replies, "Sorry, but the only cold beer we have in stock is Budweiser."

The man says, "Nope. No way. Last time I drank a case of Bud...

Blowing chunks

At work, three friends get into an argument over who got more wasted the night before.

"I got so drunk last night, when I got home I blew chunks," said the first man.

"I got so drunk last night, I had to sleep outside because I couldn't make it inside my house," said the second man. ...

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I tricked my construction coworker at lunch by putting chunks of concrete in his sandwich.

He shit a brick after he found out.

I signed up for my company's 401k,

but I don't think I can run that far.



Credit: Norm "Old Chunk of Coal" MacDonald

I drank so much I blew Chunks

Jon : Oh Ted, I had a terrible night. I drank so much that when I got home, I blew chunks.

Ted: Hey, thats not so bad. At least you were in the comfort of your own home.

Jon: No, you dont understand. Chunks is my dog...

The man who blew Chunks.

A man walks into a bar and sits down shaking his head in disappointment. The bar tender notices and comes over to the man and asks "What's the matter?". The distressed man still shaking his head replies "Man, last night I got so drunk that I blew Chunks." The bar tender laughs and says "Ah, that's a...

Congratulations! You successfully delivered that bell with no chips or chunks of it breaking off. Please see us to receive your...

No Bell Piece Prize

A man walked into a bar and orders a drink...

“What’ll you have?” asks the bartender

Man - Anything but a Bud Light
So the bartender pours him a Jack and Coke

After a while the man again requests a drink.

Bartender - what will it be this time?
Man - Anything but a Bud Light
After then finishing his Old Fashioned, t...

My friend got so drunk he blew chunks

Saw my friend come into work one morning looking hung over

Me: Had a rough time last night?

Friend: Yeah, I got so drunk I blew chunks!

Me: We've all thrown up after drinking, nothing to be ashamed of.

Friend: Chunks is my dog!

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3 friends go out drinking and the next day are are talking about how drunk they got.

Friend 1: I was so drunk that I blew chunks when I got home.

Friend 2: That's nothing, I pissed in my closet thinking it was the toilet.

Friend 3: I couldn't stand and ended up shitting myself in bed.

Friend 1: I don't think you understand, Chunks is my dog!

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A Joke my Dad told that Im pretty sure I heard a comedian do once

So theres these three guys on a construction crew. Every day at lunch they compare what they get. Everday the italian guy gets pizza and he says " if I get this one more timea Ima jumpa offada buildinga!!!"

The irish guy pops open his metal box, lo and behold hes got mashed potatoes loaded wi...

Chunks

A guy walks into a beer store, and asks the employee,

Guy: This is my first time buying beer, what do you recommend?

Employee: Bud Light is popular?

Guy: I'll take a 24 then. Same guy comes into the same beer store a week later and asks the same employee for a 24 of different...

Blowing chunks

Two guys are talking and one asks the other, "Hey, you wanna go drinking later, I just got promoted?"
The other replies, "Thanks, but I can't."
"Aw, come one why not?"
"Cause last time I went drinking, I blew chunks."
"That's normal, people vomit after drinking all the time."
"No, yo...

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a toothpick.

The bartender gives him one, and the guy leaves. "Odd, but okay," the bartender thinks.

A minute later, another guy walks into the bar, and asks for a toothpick. Again, the bartender gives him one, and he leaves. "Strange..." the bartender thinks.

A minute later, yet another guy walks ...

There was a hunter who lived alone in the middle of the forest, in a small house by the river..

A short distance down a slope in front of his house, he had a garden where he would grow vegetables to supplement his diet of forest game and fish.


One morning, he awoke to the sounds of a thunderstorm and rushing water. Quickly getting dressed and stumbling outside, he saw the river ...

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3 girls meet up at a cafe after a huge night out

First Girl says: "OMG, I was so drunk last night, I got home and blew chunks in the lounge."

Second Girl: "That's nothing, I fell asleep with a smoke and burnt a huge hole in my carpet."

Third Girl: "That's nothing, I ran out of money and was so drunk that I fucked the taxi driver to p...

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A ruff night NSFW

A guy walks into a bar as soon as it opens, bags under his eyes, hair all messed up and vomit on his shirt and says, "Bartender, give me the strongest shot you've got."

The bartender says, "Man, you look rough! Must have been one helluva night."

The man downs his shot and says, "Man, I...

A man is driving down a country road when he finds himself hopelessly lost.

He pulls over when he sees a farmer leaning up against a fence next to a dog. The man walks up to the farmer and asks him for directions, and the farmer kindly shows him on his way. Before he leaves, the man asks, "excuse me, does your dog bite?"

The farmer says "no he don't bite."

Th...

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A man walks into a bar and orders a Screwdriver, so the bartender hands him an apple

Confused, the man says "Bartender, I would like the drink." The bar tender shakes his head no and says "Just eat the apple."

The man takes a bite out of the apple and to his surprise he says "Wow, this tastes like vodka!" and the bartender says "Turn it around." So the man turns the apple aro...

A fat old man looks at himself in the mirror.

His insecurity rises. He’s not the same man he once was. He’s an old chunk of coal. Why, in high school he was a major athlete- the football type. All the girls wanted him and everyone respected him. He was a hunk. As he stared into this mirror now a some odd fifty years later- the juxtaposition of ...

Three women had a very late night drinking Budweiser

Three women had a very late night drinking Budweiser. They left in the early morning hours and went home separately. They met the next day for an early pint, and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.

The first gal claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight ho...

Alternative nursery rhymes

Mary had a little lamb, her father shot it dead. Now it goes to school with her, between two chunks of bread.

Man walks into a bar

Tells the bartender he needs four shots. Leaves drunk. He comes back the next day, tells the bartender "man i threw up last night!" And yet orders 4 more shots. He leaves drunk. The next day the same thing happens. "I threw up again, i need four more." Again, he leaves drunk.
On the fourth night ...

Guy calls his buddy and says, "Hey man, I'm throwing a party this weekend!"

"Gonna get a case of beer; what are you thinking?"

Buddy responds, "Anything but Heineken is cool with me. Drank a case of Heineken last weekend, and I blew chunks."

Guy says, "Dude, drinking a whole case of anything is going to make you puke."

Buddy responds, "No, man, you don'...

Three T-Rexes are walking when one of them brushes against a shiny stone.

A genie appears and grants them one wish each.

The first says
"Make a huge hunk of meat fall from the sky in front of me."
The genie clicks his finger and it happens. The first T-Rex begins eating happily.

Thinking of the possibilities the second T-Rex yells
"Make a shower ...

A man walks into a bar...

Upon entering, he notices a massive slab of meat hanging from the ceiling. He walks up to the bartender and asks, " Hey, what's up with the big chunk of meat up there?"

The bartender replies, "Its a wager. If you can jump up and hit the meat, you get an hour of free drinks, but if you miss, y...

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into his favorite bar, still hungover from the night before.

The bartender says “You don’t look so good. Want your usual?”

The man says “Yea, sure. You wouldn’t believe the night I had. It was horrible. I blew chunks.”

The bartender says “That’s no big deal; everyone...

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A woman picks up a guy at a bar... Nsfw

And takes him back to her place. They start to get busy and he goes down on her. After a couple minutes he feels a piece of rice in his mouth but in his horny state just decides to spit it out and continue. A few minutes later he feels a pea in his mouth but once again decides to spit it out and go ...

In the days of old the River Thames was once plagued with a giant wyrm.

The dread creature preyed upon any who used or went near the river, and many lives were lost, and eventually the call went out for a brave knight to slay the vile creature. It soon became apparent that this was no task for a common knight, but only the holiest and most dedicated - a living saint....

Hairstyle Competition

Hello, my name is John and I would like to tell you about the time I entered a hairstyle competition. You see, I have always loved trying out different hairstyles and colors. It is something I have put great effort into!

It was about February of last year that the idea of entering a hairstyle...

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A Panda walk into a bar.

The Panda immediately attacks the fucking hostess mauling her brutally. Screaming patrons run out side doors jump through windows all in an attempt to avoid the rampaging bear who by now is taking savage swipe after savage swipe tearing meaty chunks out of people as they run.

Finally the bar ...

You're gonna love this one

Guy walks into a bar, demands the absolute strongest drink the bartender knows how to make. The bartender warns him, "this is very strong, so sip it. It's the only drink you'll get tonight."
The man, ignoring the advice, chugs the drink in one gulp.
...falls off the stool, crawls out the do...

A joke my friend told me

3 men hung out in a bar, and got extremely drunk. The next day, they got together again and complained about what happened to them when they went home.
The first man said “I got home and blew chunks all night!”
The second man said “You think that’s bad? I got home and my wife made me sle...

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The apple of your dreams.

One day Eddie walked into the patent office. He boldly stated to the patent officer, Bob, that he’d like to patent the apple. Bob, a studious man who looked like he spent a lifetime burying his face in books, dryly pointed out “You can’t patent the apple, Johnny Appleseed already did that.”
“We...

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar, goes up to the bartender, and asks for a beer. The bartender stops him, and says "Well, before you order, let me tell you about our special."

He directs the man's attention down to the end of the bar, where there are two huge chunks of meat hanging on meat hooks.
...

The Baldwins are on a family holiday in Mississippi when Stephen catches Alec down by the lake, EATING his wife!

He screams in horror as Alec escapes into the lake leaving a bloody trail behind him. The other Baldwin brothers hear the commotion and sprint to the scene.

As they arrive they discover the body of Alec's dead wife, covered in bite marks and with chunks of flesh missing from her limbs.
<...

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The Choking Boy

While eating at an expensive restaurant all the diners are disturbed when a woman starts screaming "My son's choking!, he has swallowed a large chunk of steak and can't breath!, please anyone help." Without speaking, a man stands up at a nearby table, and walks over nonchalantly. Smiling pleasantly...

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Once upon a time, there was a teeny-tiny spider...

...and as the spider wanted to repent for its carnivorous days by becoming a vegetarian, it decided to live the rest of its days in a quiet, peaceful place to live off the land and to avoid the temptation of telling everyone about its transformation (he's trying to be better really hard, you know?)....

A night of drinking

After a night of heavy drinking at the bars, 3 girls meet up the next day to recall their drunkin night

Girl 1: I was so drunk last night when I got home I blew chunks for hours!

Girl 2: That’s nothing! When I got home I couldn’t even make it to the toilet and threw up all over my bath...

A man walks into a bar. (long)

Every night on the way home from work, a man visits his favorite bar and orders six shots of whiskey. He quietly sits at the bar, drinks each shot and heads home,

One night, the guy drinks his six shots and then tells the bartender that he's had the worst week of his life and today was the w...

3 guys go out drinking one night.....

they get absolutely hammered and eventually find their ways home.

they all meet up the following morning for coffee and breakfast.

1st guy says: Man I was so hammered last night I went home and blew chunks!!

2nd guy says: That's nothing!! I woke up naked in the local park! No id...

So, there I was buying cheese in a deli.

Me: what would you recommend?

Deli person: *describing cheeses*
Mozzarella is smooth and melts well.

Me: sounds good .

Deli person: cheddar is good for sandwiches if you're looking for a sharp tang.

Me: awesome, noted.

Deli person: Pepper Jack is like Monterey ...

The year is 2135, and the US and Russia are the only 2 remaining nations.

After a century of warfare, the two nations expanded their borders, annexing an country that stood in it's way.

Both nations, hungering for world domination, have been at war with each other for over 20 years, and have decided that the fighting would never end, as the two were so closely matc...

An elder in the tribe tells a teenage member to prove his worth...

The elder says to Flying Arrow, “to prove your worth, you must carve a totem that impresses the Chief, and you must do so with just this sharpened rock” The boy accepts the challenge and begins punching out chunks of bark and then flesh from the wood. He soon realizes that he has no vision, as he h...

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A man got a flat tire...

A man got a flat tire. After pushing the car back home, he inspected the tire and found it severely damaged. Not wanting to throw it away, he tried to patch the holes, but there were too many of them. So he called his friend, a mechanic, to see if he could fix it.

"Wow, what a mess."

"...

So, Jesus and Satan are sitting on a park bench one day

...just chilling, and Satan asks, "Hey JC, what's it called when little chunks of ice fall from the sky? It's not like I get to see it very often."

Jesus says, "Hail, Satan."

And Satan's all like, "YEEEEEAH, BOI!"

And Jesus is all like, "Oh, you."

Guy sits at the bar and orders 3 drinks..

After finishing them he walks home. The man comes by the following night and orders four of the same drinks again. The bartender asks why he ordered one more than the day before and he responds, "I just didn't get drunk enough." The man shows up and orders one more drink than the previous day for an...

Have you seen my goat?

Two guys were walking through the woods when they came upon a huge hole. They wondered how deep it was so they stared to drop things down it. They started with a stone, and listened. Nothing. Then a large log. Still nothing. Then they found a huge piece of concrete. The two of them struggled to get ...

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A car is speeding on the highway going insanely over the speed limit...

A cop spots the car and proceeds to chase him. Eventually he catches up with him and pulls him over. The cop goes to the driver's window and asks 'License and registration please?' The guy says: 'I don't have any, this is a stolen car.' The cop says: 'Let me see the glove compartment' and the guy sa...

Population Growth

A small town with a high birth rate attracted the attention of a team of university sociologists. They wrote a grant proposal, got a chunk of money, hired aides and an anthropologist, found a family planning and birth control specialist, moved to town, rented offices, set up their computers, and des...

Yo mama so fat...

It takes more than a single processor to load her chunks.

Aboriginal Rituals

A couple years back, I stumbled on a surprising reference to the astonishing longevity of Aboriginal shamans living in the Australian outback. Reliable birth records aren't available before the early 20th century, but government officials have noted an astounding number of nonagenarians and centenar...

A man is sobbing into his beer...

It being a slow night, the bartender asks him what's wrong and offers him some sympathy.

The man responds "My roommate says I should quit drinking, last night I came home and I blew chunks all over the living room."

"Harsh," the bartender replies, "But that's hardly a reason to quit dr...

I was in a chemistry class

We were dissolving a solid pill in water. While everyone else's dissolved completely, mine had a few chunks left in the water. I asked the instructor what's the problem, but she just told me "whatever it is, you dont have a solution".

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A man walks into a bar...

.... And orders a drink. As the bartender is getting it for him, he notices a jar of ten dollar bills on the counter.

"What are those for?" He asks.

"We have a competition running." Replies the bartender. "You put ten dollars in the jar and I give you three tasks. If you complete the t...

An overweight man calls a fitness company and orders their three stage weight loss course. The next day, there's a knock on the door and standing before him, an athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck...

The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her.

A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.

On the fifth day, he weighs him...

My Wife Threw My Out of the House

Guy walks into a bar staggering drunk and sobbing.
"What's wrong asks the bartender?"
My wife threw me out of the house and now she never wants to see me again," says the guy.
The bartender hands a cup of Joe to the poor guy and says, "Tell me the whole story. It can't be all that bad and ...

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A mouse took a stroll through the deep dark wood

(the African jungle, in fact) and was surprised to hear a strange noise coming from a nearby clearing. Peeping out from between the trees, he saw a female elephant weeping in distress, so he swaggered up to her and said "It's okay, chill, I'm not gonna hurt you."

And the elephant looked dow...

Obama Dies and Goes to Hell

One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.


"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my
list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here,
so I'll tell you wh...

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A bear walks into a bar

A bear walks into a beef and bourbon bar and orders a beer.

The bartender tells him "We don't serve beer to bears in beef and bourbon bars"

The bear is pissed and shouts "Give me a fucking beer!"

The bartender replies "We don't serve beer to bears in beef and bourbon bars who be...

A guy walks into a bar...

...and tells the bartender "Give me anything but a Budweiser." So the bartender hands him a beer, the man drinks it, and leaves.

Next day, man comes in and says "Give me anything but a Budweiser." Bartender gives him a beer, the man drinks it, and leaves.

Next day, he comes back with t...

A man walks into a barbershop...

...and says, "I want you to cut my hair longer on the left side and shorter on the right side. Make it uneven along the back, jagged in the front, and take out a big chunk right near the top."

The barber says, "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't do that."

The man replies, "Why not? It's wha...

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So this guy meets a girl at the bar

So this guy meets a girl at the bar and after a few drinks they go back to her place. Going hot and heavy at it he goes down on her. While he's eating her out a kernel of corn comes out. He finds it odd but keeps going. Then a piece of carrot comes out and he thinks to himself, "wow this chick is in...

Metal detectors are valuable archeological tools.

A Brit with a metal detector dug up a chunk of land along the Thames and found a few stray pieces of jewelry and copper cables buried 10 feet deep. The newspaper headlines read "Excavation proves telephony in Britain was widespread 100 years ago."

Not to be outdone, an Irishman dug up a secti...

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Some amended Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you dick...

Three best friends get together at the bar.

All three get crazy drunk and then head home. The next weekend they meet up again.

Guy #1: "Guys, my life is ruined. I got so drunk last week that I was pulled over driving home and got a DUI. I'm probably going to have to go to jail."

Guy #2: "Damn, that sucks. But my night was worse....

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Guy walks into a bar upset

Asks the bartender for a double shot of whiskey. Bartender pours it, and as fast as he puts I’d down the upset guys throws it on back.

He then asks for another double shot of whiskey. Bartender feels bad for the guy and says “This one is on the House.” Upset guy doesn’t flinch and downs it ag...

I saved my cannibal neighbor's daughter from drowning today. Her father was so grateful he gave me a hand shake.

It had some chunks, but it was delicious.

Feeding your cat a vegan diet is actually pretty easy.

The trick is to cut up the vegans in to very small chunks first.

Why you don't want to drink too much beer.

A man walks into a bar one evening and has a seat. The bartender walks up to the man...
"Whatcha drinkin stranger?"
"Gimme anything except Budweiser." said the man.
Barkeep gives the guy a Coors Light and keeps to his duties. 10 minutes goes by and the man orders another drink.
"Anything...

Jesus decides to give the apostles a bunch of gifts...

Jesus: Each one of you grab a piece of rock.

*everyone each grabbed the biggest rock they can find and rolled it back to Jesus, except for Judas who was so lazy that he just picked up a pebble.

Jesus: I shall now turn those into gold for you to keep. Now go get another piece of rock....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A middle aged woman was looking at herself in the mirror...

... And she kept talking to herself about her appearance.

- Look at your saggy boobs, I mean they used to be so perky and full and now look at these empty skin socks.

- Wow, the years have not been kind to your butt, you could have bounced a quarter off of my apple shaped bottom and lo...

My brother wanted me to go over the thumb rules of escaping a mass shooting..

- Clear out a particular chunk of the crowd,
- Shoot yourself in the foot
- Drop the gun and mix with the crowd.

a man orders a shot at a bar...

the bartender is feeling nice and offers to give him one for free. the man declines saying,

"sorry i'll blow chunks if i take that"

"oh come on, live a little" says the bartender, "everyone pukes once in a while"

"no, you don't understand" says the man, "chunks is my dog"

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