Today I learned the fame of Albert Einstein pales in comparison to his brother whose work in cellular regeneration has been the subject of many books and several movies.

His name was Frank.

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NSFW - This guy sees his appendage in comparison to the guy next to him in the bathroom.

#NSFW
So this white guy notices that the black guy next to him at the urinal has a larger dick. It's not the first time he noticed the relationship. Finally, he summons the courage to ask. "Why are your black dicks larger than our white dicks ?"

The black guy chuckles. "It's cultura...

An interesting comparison between the love of my life and a garbage can.

Many men put their junk inside.

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A Comparison of the Different Languages

**French**: This chair is feminine. "La Chaise"

**Italian**: This chair is feminine! "La Sedia"

**German**: This chair is masculine. "Der Stuhl"

**English**: This chair is an object, I don't see how it has a gender.

**Japanese**: If you don't pronounce chair exactly righ...

Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump.

But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.

After only a week of dating my girlfriend broke up with me because she doesn't like my comparisons...

I feel worst than a turkey sandwich on a yacht.

Bernie Sanders looks and sounds like the High Sparrow from GoT, but that's an unfair comparison.

By next season, Reddit will still remember the High Sparrow.

A Comparison

What is the difference between a women's track team and a pack of gerbils?

The gerbils are a bunch of cunning runts.

What do Trump and his iPhone have in common?

You can't really tell. It's an Apple and orange comparison.

Did you hear about the Albino impressionist?

Of course, her impressions always pale in comparison to the real thing

A politician dies. Instead of going straight to heaven or hell, a spirit appears to him.

The spirit tells him that, rather than being judged for his sins, he gets to choose whether he goes to heaven or hell.

The politician replies that of course he wants to go to heaven. The spirit tells him that before he chooses, he has to visit both places so each one will get a fair chance.<...

A Russian diplomat was visiting Washington DC...

While there, he was invited to a large dinner celebration being held by members of the US government. As he entered the dining hall, he was taken aback by the decor. It was very impressive. Everyone was served fillet mignon. The plates forks and knives were real silver. A small band was playing clas...

What is the difference between Ajit Pai and Hitler?

Hitler was doing what he thought was best for his country.

Edit: I'm getting a lot of comments that the comparison is very inaccurate and Hitler was much worse than Pai. To those people, I invite you to check which sub you are currently on. The results will shock you!

Edit 2: Wow so...

Some good tips for your English class.

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It...

When your not clever enough for metaphors...

I've found literal comparisons make great fact similes.

What's the difference between a bucket and a tub?

For starters, the bucket pails in comparison.

Fidel Castro was a cigar-smoking, repressive leader who hated free speech and a free press.

Donald Trump, in comparison, doesn't smoke.

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Diplomatically Speaking!

When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British
ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honour.

At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame de
Gaulle:

"Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a pres...

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A man bought a horse whose previous owner had Tourette's [a campfire story--profanity warning]

Bear with me while I provide you with some more relevant details--the man first. His name was George. He was in the market for a fine horse, a quick horse, and one with stamina and perseverance. A horse to explore with.

The horse--The horse was absolutely ideal--he was young, he was fast, ...

A racehorse walks into a bar .....

One day, a race horse walked into a bar fresh after winning his biggest event of the year. He sits down at the bar, orders a drink and looks over to see a donkey sitting on the other side of the room. The race horse gets up from his stool and decides to say what's up, and they began talking and real...

Make me happy and sad with one sentence

A wife and a husband lies in bed and the man asks : wife, I bet you can't make me with one sentence happy and sad at the same time...

The wife replies that's easy : in comparison to all your best friends you have the biggest one 😅

Le'veon Bell is a famous football player,

However his fame fails in comparison to his older brother, Taco.

Vincent Price was taller than Katie Price, and heavier than Alan Price

I learned this on a price comparison site.

There was once a professional French soccer team whose players were all ducks

Named Le Tariat, they were so good that all other teams were amateur by comparison. This led to a lot of resentment, and the other teams all shunned them. While most simply ignored them, a few were very mean about it.

Le Tariat hatched a plan to kidnap the meanest of the players who were sh...

Two Alabamans die, and go to hell.

Satan walks by to check up on them, and notices them wearing winter coats and shivering. "What are you two doing?" He says. "This is *hell*, and you're *cold?!*" One of the Alabamans replies, "We've had much hotter temperatures out in Birmingham, this is practically an igloo in comparison!"

...

Everyone has these expansive bucket lists

Mine is a little pail in comparison

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Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

One I found this one here a while ago:

In a far a way land, there was a monastery where an angellic sounding choir would perform on a yearly basis.

One day, a young man was recruited by this choir. His beautuful tenor voice made all who herd it stop in amazement.

One thing you should know about this land is that music has m...

Did you notice the difference between Trump's inauguration and Obama's?

Trump's crowd paled in comparison.

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A guy is at a restaurant...

And he walks into a bathroom to take a piss. While he's peeing, a very short man in a green suit with bright orange hair walks in and takes the urinal next him. The first man, being naturally curious, he looks around the divider for a comparison,and sees that the short, orange haired man has a monst...

Why do men want to marry a virgin?

To avoid criticism and comparison.

What do you call Harrison Ford making a Venn diagram?

Comparison Ford.

My new bucket really does its job well.

My old one pails in comparison.

A Good Detective

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are camping together. When they go to sleep, Sherlock says, 'Tell me what you can see when you're looking up?'
'Thousands of stars,' says Watson.
'And what's your conclusion from all this?'
Dr Watson starts to think. 'If I consider it from astrological aspects,...

wee bit perfectionist

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daug...

A man is taking his family to his father's funeral...

.. He is talking with his wife as his two children sit in the backseat, the daughter fiddles with her phone charger while the son listens in.

"Honey, I don't know what I'm going to say in his eulogy."

"Well, you could make comparisons, say he was as strong as an ox."

"Yeah, that...

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Adam and eve have problems

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a
few nights, Eve became upset.

“You’re running around with other women,” she charged.

“You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You’re the only woman on Earth.” The quarrel
continued ...

People say you can't compare apples to oranges...

... always seemed like a fruitful comparison to me though.

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Beer VS. Pussy

It is time to do a comparison between two things treasured by men, beer and pussy...

A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.

Having an ice cold beer mak...

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A man is sitting next to his brother...

Looking up at the stars, and he says to his brother "Y'know, looking at the stars every night makes me wonder." "What does it make you wonder? The fact that space is basically endless? As a comparison to the vast nature of the human mind?" The brother responded. "No, it makes me wonder where the ...