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A man walks into a bar with 3 ducklings. [long]

A barman standing behind the bar at his pub cleaning up glasses when a man walks in with 3 ducklings. The man sits down and asks if he'll watch the ducks while he makes a call, barman says sure and off he goes.

Barman stands there looking at the ducklings for a few seconds then jokingly asks ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Gordon Ramsey shout when he sees a baby duckling gif on Reddit?

IT'S FUCKING r/aww !

Why was the little duckling taken away from his parents?

They were quack addicts

I was sitting in the Chinese restaurant, thinking about how duckling means little duck...

So I canceled my order of dumplings.

What's a duckling's favorite drug?

Quack Cocaine.

What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling?

One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler!

^^^...

^^^I ^^^know, ^^^I ^^^know, ^^^/r/dadjokes ^^^is ^^^thataway

So I was petting a duckling the other day...

you could say I was feeling a little down.

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A little duckling got lost...

...and is walking all alone across cold and misty farmland in the early morning.
A farmer -hard at work already- suddenly notices the little duckling and sympathizes with its plight.
He looks around and sees a fresh steaming cow pie. He doesn't hesitate a moment and picks up the little ducklin...

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What is yellow and turns red when you push the button?

Duckling in a blender.

There once was a man who lived in a little hut down by the lake.

Every morning he would wake up at sunrise and go down onto the docks to feed the baby ducklings.

Each day he would bring exactly 6 slices of bread down one for each baby duckling. But as summer was starting to come to an end the man thought the ducklings could use more food.

So he de...

I went to a fowl seller and asked for a nice bird to eat

The salesman asked me if I liked Duckling, I replied, I don't know, I've never duckled!

A man is discovered dead in a public sauna with his son.

After close examination, the coroner informs the detective that the man apparently died from bleeding profusely from his genitals after they were brutally mutilated. As the little boy was the only person in the room with the man at the time, the son is interviewed by the detective.

"Son, I kn...

A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bus driver

A little boy gets on the public bus and sits right behind the bus driver. The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf. If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a littl...

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Heard this on the radio... told many times, but probably my favorite joke.

One morning before daybreak, Little Johnny scatters out onto the front porch with a handful of duck tape. He's stopped by his grandfather, who rests comfortably on an old rocking chair... his usual morning leisure. The grandfather notices the duck tape...

 

"Whatcha doin' wit...

A duck went on vacation and stayed in a nice hotel. [NSFW?]

A duck went on vacation. He flew in and got a room at a really fancy hotel. He had some time to kill, so he went down to a bar. While he was there, he met a beautiful woman. He started talking to her. Things were going really well, so he asked her if she wanted to head back to his hotel room. She sm...

So a guy walks into a bar...

... and he notices a pig playing a piano in the corner. He goes up to the bartender and says "Hey, man. What's with the pig?". The bartender replies "There's a guy down the street granting wishes, but watch what you say. He's kind of sketchy."

The man takes off and comes back a little while ...

On a warm summer morning, a family of ducks and a family of skunks are crossing a country road when...

without warning, a car barrels over a hill and into the path of the animals wiping out both families except for one baby duckling and one baby skunkling. The pair hightail it off the road and find refuge in a hole in a tree. They decide to stick together and support each other in order to survive. T...

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