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Powder Jokes

Garlic powder $5.99. Steak seasoning $14.99. Pepper shaker $9.99.

Forgetting to grab your shopping bag at the grocery store counter.......spiceless

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Itching Powder

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful queen with large breasts, Sid, the dragon slayer, obsessed over the queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Sid revealed his secret desire to his colleague N...

My roommate seemed like he was in denial when I told him I spilled all his protein powder...

...he just kept saying "no whey, no whey"

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A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes.

So he walks down to the nearby store only to find that it's closed. He goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. While at the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers together, and then one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartmen...

What do you call LSD covered in curry powder?

Tandoori trippin'

What's the difference between powdered sugar and cocain?

Exaclty, said Rasputin.

Mrs. Johnson

There was a lady who was cheating on her husband with a boyfriend. One day while they were getting intimate she hears her husband pull into the driveway. Her boyfriend says "oh no! What should we do?!" She says "hurry! Get dressed and go to the living room!" Once they're in the living room she start...

My uncle recently overdosed on protein powder

What a whey to go

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ME: honey WHY are you putting talcum powder in my shorts????

WIFE: it’s not talcum powder it’s Miracle Grow

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I crawled in bed and slid my hand up my wife's thigh,

She turned over and scoffed: "I have a headache." "perfect!" I said, "I just powdered my penis with aspirin, do you want any it orally or as a suppository?"

What do you get when you snort Kool-Aid powder?

A punchline

Forgot to bring my protein powder to the gym today

Guess I should've prepared whey in advance

Did you hear about that lorry driver that got pulled over and taken to jail for the white powder in the trailer?

It turned out to be sodium chloride, poor driver got arrested for a-salt.

Why did the body builder buy expired protein powder?

There was no other whey.

A woman and her lover were in bed, when the woman heard her husband getting back.

The woman said “Quick! Rub baby powder on you and pretend to be a statue.” The lover did that.

The husband walked into the room.
“Honey, what’s this statue doing here?” He asked.
“I saw that the Smiths got one, so I decided to get one as well.” She replied.
The husband got into bed, ...

The Mandalorian fell on hard times and had to take a job in a body building and health food shop. Turns out he was unexpectedly great at it and smashed the commission targets. He'd just direct people to the protein powder section, and say...

..."This is the whey"



(Sorry)

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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it...

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Man needs some talcum powder

Customer: Do you have talcum powder?

Pharmacist: Yes sir. Please walk this way.

Customer: If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need the talcum powder!

What did the bodybuilder say when he saw the store had sold out of protein powder?

No whey!

What did they call Tech Support before gun powder?

Trouble stabbing.

The lesser-known fourth Wise Man brought baby Jesus the gift of protein powder.

It was a whey in a manger.

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I used to do drugs until some asshole dealer ripped me off with a gram of washing powder.

I've been clean ever since.

My kids are like powdered sugar

Because they're honor roll!

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A black kid puts powder on his face and realised he looked white

So he went down to his mom and said
“Look mom I’m white”.

His mother tells him
“Don’t do that, it’s not funny now go wash up”.

The kid then goes to his dad who said
“Why are you doing stupid things. Now go clean up”.

The kid disappointed with his parents reaction say...

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BABY POWDER

It's after dinner when this guy realizes he's out of cigarettes. He decides to pop down to the corner bar for a pack, telling his wife he'll be right back.

The bartender offers him a draft on the house and he decides he has time for just one. He's nursing it along when a gorgeous blonde come...

What do call a Hispanic fella that ran out of protein powder?

No-whey Jose.

The secret to a long life

A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.

The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.

She left behind 14 children, 30 g...

Who makes baby powder?

The cremator

Did you hear about the two drug users who injected curry powder thinking it was heroin?

One got a dodgy Tikka and the others in a Korma.

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Once there lived a horny man (NSFW)

There was once a horny man, who always wanted to suck the Queen's tits. He kept fantasizing, but he knew that he could never do it. He got a friend who was in the King's Palace, so he decided to ask him for help. The Friend agreed to help the horny man to fulfill his dream, but the horny man should ...

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This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, ”Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.”

The doctor smiled and said, ”Have you tried to give him Viagra?”
The lady frowned. ”Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed.
”Well,” the doctor continued, ”Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are having beans, stir it in,...

I had a falling out with my friend over a protein powder

We decided to go our separate wheys

A blonde in a powder blue Mercedes convertible is pulled over for speeding.

"Okay" says the cop, "let's see some ID."

The blonde looks at him in bafflement. "ID? Like, what do you mean?" and he sighs: "Lady, it'll be in your purse, it's rectangular, and it has your picture on it."

So she digs through her purse, finds her compact, flips it open, the little ligh...

After noticing traces of a suspicious white powder on the ground inside the Iraqi General's tent HQ...

...I asked what his policy was on cocaine use.










He shrugged and said, "That's my line in the sand."

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Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.

The first mouse slams a shot of scotch, and pounds the shot glass to the bar, turns to the second mouse and says:
"When I see a mousetrap, I get on it, lie on my back, and set it off with my foot.
When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, and then bench press it 100 times."
The secon...

Why does the U.S. Navy use powdered soap?

It takes longer to pick up.

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I used to cut viagra with soap powder.

Just wanted to cum clean.

I asked my Mandalorian friend if his protein powder was soy, and he answered:

“This is the whey.”

When I was told Baby Powder was on sale

I said "Talc is cheap."

Some dude just rubbed me down with cocoa powder, espresso, and mascarpone cheese...

Turns out he was a tiramassuse

I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix...

Anybody got a punch line?

I can't believe plant-based protein powder exists

There's no whey

I'll never run out of protein powder

There'd be no whey!

I was going to buy a load of whey protein powder today.

It's always better to buy it in bulk.

A man smokes some weed and goes to buy some protein powder

He gets to the store but realizes that protein powder is super expensive. He decides to steal it, as it was a high whey robbery

Why did the French invent smokeless powder?

So they could remain hidden after shooting to allow more time for a retreat.

I learned the Mandalorian stays ripped by drinking his own brand of protein powder.

This Is The Whey

How do you make cocoa powder?

Throw [Milka](https://www.google.ro/search?q=Milka&biw=1024&bih=635&site=webhp&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=kp1QVejVFuP9ygPnr4GQCw&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ#tbm=isch&q=milka+cow&revid=2033489046) from the plane

A man is frustrated with his wife gaining a little weight

He tells her, “Maybe you should wash your clothes in slim fast since you won’t try anything else.”

The wife goes to bed angry. The next morning when the husband puts on his underwear, it’s full of powder. He asks his wife why she put baby powder in his underwear.

She replies, “It’s n...

My grandad lost his job after the war as a coleman's mustard powder salesman.

His boss told him to mix it with other cheaper powders like flour and chalk but grandad was an honest man, and would only ever sell genuine 100% pure stuff.

His boss fired him as he plainly didn't cut the mustard

I found a spider in my protein powder today

I politely asked him to get out of my whey.

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What do you get when you eat unsalted butter, all-purpose flour, baking powder, sugar, raw eggs, vanilla extract and whole milk?

A stomach cake!

Did you know that when you shoot different guns the smoke smells different?

For example a pistol won’t have a strong smell since it’s tiny.
An Assault rifle would smell like a lot of gun powder for how fast the bullets come out.
And apparently shotguns smell like teen spirit

An old man is walking around town sprinkling an unknown powder as he goes...

Thinking the old man is senile, some of the townspeople inform the local police to ensure his safety. A police officer approaches the man and asks, "Sir, why are you spreading powder all over the town?" To which the old man replies, "To keep the elephants away of course." Confused, the police man sa...

Once there was a dragon slayer named Nick.....

Nick was a wealthy man, due to the fact that there were many dragons around the kingdom that required killing. The king of the land used to pay a great price for every dragon killed. But Nick had a deep secret, he had a massive desire to sleep with the queen, even if it was just for a night.
One...

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Today I learned the Nazis were instrumental in the creation of Tang and other powdered fruit drinks

But it didn't get far since Hitler hated the juice.

A perpetual criminal offender is brought to the court house for trial. However the judge is a duck wearing robes and a powdered wig

. The criminal is incensed, he shouts out "I will not be judged by a common duck"
The judge says to the defence lawyer "If you don't silence your client he will be held in contempt."
The defence says "Yes Mallard"

A Belgian farmer is working on his farm

He's busy sprinkling blue powder all over the place. As he is doing so, a young boy walks past the farm and sees the farmer.

He asks the farmer: "Farmer, why do you sprinkle this blue powder all over your farm?"

The farmer answers: "This powder is elephant repellant!"

The boy r...

Went out with a bang...

A tough old cowboy with grizzled hair, chiseled featured, and hands tougher than the sharpest barbs on new wire told his grandson that the secret to living a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.

With absolute faith, the grandson did as Grandpap instru...

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Peaches

A man goes to the patent office and tells the clerk that he would like to patent a powder which you sprinkle on your wife's vagina which makes it taste like peaches.

"Get out of here.", the clerk says, "I can't patent anything like that." The man glumly leaves the office.

However, he i...

Drugs

Local addicts have taken to injecting curry powder for cheap thrills but dangerous highs. Health officials said that three young men are in hospital in a Korma.

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One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife.

Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!"

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un-rewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What...

A young couple moved into a new house.

The next morning while they were taking breakfast, the young woman saw her neighbor hanging the washing outside.
"That laundry is not very clean; she doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better soap powder.
Her husband looked on, remaining silent.
Every time her neighbor hu...

Whata country..

You might remember comedian Yakov Smirnoff. When he first came to the United States from Russia he was not prepared for the incredible variety of instant products available in American grocery stores.

He says, "On my first shopping trip, I saw powdered milk -- you just add water, and you get ...

Why is cocaine the alt-right's favorite drug?

White powder!

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What does Melania Trump do after she shaves her pussy?

She powders his cheeks and sends him off to play golf!

Excerpt from a newspaper, "Cocaine found on sidewalk"

"On Oct. 19, a small bag of a white powdered substance was found laying on the sidewalk of 50th Street and 49th Avenue in Sedgewick. The substance was determined to be cocaine.

"The owner of the cocaine is welcome to come into the Killam/Forestburg RCMP detachment to claim their property."...

Meanwhile, at the sandbox ...

A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox together. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his Mother to always be polite and don’t talk about private matters in public.


At first he holds it in for a little while because he doesn’t know what to say to the litt...

I used to feed ducks everyday.

A big group of them, but there was always one that really stood out to me - he always had very rough feathers, always shaking with wide eyes and a chipped beak. Then one day I saw him huddled in a group with a couple other ducks that looked exactly the same, and they all had little packets of white ...

Me - So, what do you do?

Otto - I'm a supervillain.

Me - What's your name?

Otto - Corrector.

Me - HAHAHA! Are you Sirius?
What's your super powder?
Wait a minion……
what the help is happy ninja to me? PLEATS
MAKE IT DUCKING STOP!

TIFU by trying to be witty at the airport...

The TSA confiscated my protein powder asking "Are you planning on building any bombs with this substance?"

I replied "No, only guns."

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Guy tells hours wife he's going out for cigarettes...

He gets his smokes and waiting to pay when the woman in front of him turns and says, "I just broke up with my boyfriend...I could use some company..."
The dude mulls it over and decides to go home with her. They have sex and he falls asleep... At 3AM, he wakes in a panic knowing his wife is going...

John wanted to kiss a princess, so he asked Paul for help.

Paul agreed, as long as they split the profits. Paul then made an itching powder and put it in the breakfast of the princess. When her mouth itched, Paul declared to the King that John had saliva that possessed healing powers. The King paid John to heal the princess, and John French-kissed the princ...

What do you call a group of drug dealers with superpowers?

The Powder Rangers.

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A bloke walks into an extremely posh restaurant, sits down and waives the waiter over. "I want to see the cock-sucking, mother-fucking boss now," he says.

The waiter is naturally a bit taken aback and replies "Excuse me, sir, would you refrain from using that kind of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the bloke says "Are you the chicken fucking manager of this bastard joint?" "Yes sir, I am", ...

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My kidnappers enjoyed torturing me

It was days before one of them allowed me to finally drink any water. When he gave me the jug of discolored water, the grin on his face had me terrified to drink it, and I instantly imagined it was full of poison. But I couldn't help myself; I was too thirsty. I drank it all.

Still I couldn't...

Grandfather: When I was your age, I used to go to the market with one dollar

...and bring home soap, rice, milk, bread, face powder etc..

Grandson: Nowadays it's difficult. There are CCTV cameras everywhere.

Astounding.

Walking down the grocery aisles I see orange juice powder, just add water. Powdered milk , just add water. Then I see baby powder and I think what a time to be alive!

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A man goes to get a few things for his wife before their party

On his way back from the store a beautiful blonde woman starts flirting with him out of nowhere. Him and his wife haven't been getting along lately and he finds himself flirting back with her, suddenly hooking up with her and finally finding himself the next morning in her apartment naked,
Desper...

"Your dad cant hold a candle to what my daddy can do."

"Oh Ya, what does he do?"
"Makes gun powder."

How did Harry Potter travel during the pandemic ?

“ flue” powder

Ruth, a young blonde woman, was driving her Ferrari waaay over the speed limit,

…so she gets pulled over be the police. The police woman, who also turns out to be a young blonde, walks over to the Ferrari and signals Ruth to roll down her window. With the window open, our blonde police officer demands to see Ruth’s drivers license and registration. After finding the registratio...

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A gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."

He did what he needed t...

Back in time

Stop me if you heard this joke:

Jimmy magically traveled back in time hundreds and hundreds of years.

He walked around the village feeling very superior to these uneducated and backward people. Saw them practicing with bows and arrows, riding horses, etc.

He walked up to the me...

Was talking to my friend last week, asked how his wife was doing and he said to me he doesn't know she went to the shop for a bottle of milk 2 week ago and hasn't come back, I asked him how he was coping

He said I've been using the powdered milk its bloody horrible

A long time ago, a father, visiting America from Europe for...

...the very first time, went up and down the aisles with his son-in-law at the local store.

He constantly asked questions about products he saw: "Vas diss? Powdered orange juice?"

"Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh 'orange juice.'"

A few minutes later, in...

What is a drug lord’s bathroom called?

The powder room

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A Japanese man, a French man, and an American are traveling the amazon...

When out of nowhere, they're ambushed by a pack of head hunters and each one of them is knocked out. When they all come to, they are tied to wooden poles, a native man, the chief, standing before them. He says, "Now before we kill you, I want to let you all know, not a single part of your body will ...

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