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Flipped Jokes

The doctor flipped the pages, and sat down next to me.

“The results just came back and I’m afraid to tell you, but… you have 6 months.”

I got up and punched him right in his stupid mouth.

Now I have 4-5 years.

I yelled "COW!" at a woman on bike

I yelled "COW!" at a woman on a bike, she flipped me off and then ran straight into the cow.

I tried!

Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your MOM has flipped"

Me: "WOW"

Last year a guy took his Blonde girl friend to the Superbowl

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked it.

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the

tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't

understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."<...

A Blonde, a Brunette, and A Red Head are sentenced to death.

They are lined up in the yard to be killed. The main guard went up to the Brunette. “You have a choice on how you would like to die: by electric chair, firing squad, or hanging. Which will it be?”

The Brunette replied, “I’ll take the electric chair.”

She was led away by two other guar...

I caught my girlfriend cheating with my best friend.

She was tired of getting beaten all the time, and he was jealous of all my money and property. I was so upset when I found out, that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

I just flipped a coin.

On one side, it landed.
On the other.. it did not.

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.

When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!" he yelled with surprising forcef...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch your...

A young man was showing of his new sportscar to his girlfriend she was thrilled at the speed.

"If i do 200 km/h, will you take all of your clothes off?"

The girlfriend felt adventurous, and said "yes, of course"

He brought the car up to the 200 km/h benchmark. However, he was unable to keep his eyes on the road and the car swerved, then flipped over. the Naked girl was thrown c...

LPT Request: My 2 year old son drew in permanent marker all over the walls

So I took a shower earlier today and left my 2 year old son in the living room with the TV on thinking he would be ok. I come out 20 minutes later and he covered the entire living room in green permanent marker that he somehow got a hold of. As you can imagine, I flipped out and immediately ran to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three sisters were all getting married within a short time period...

...Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital sex.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.

The card said nothing but: ...

I flipped a quarter

I told my girlfriend to call it. She clapped her hands and said, "come here Quarter!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I flipped out my

dick in front of this beautiful girl yesterday and asked if she liked my piercing. She stared at it for a good minute and asked where the piercing is .

I said "In my ear".

A young couple, just married, were...

in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, who was a big, burly man, tossed his pants to the bride and said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on, but they were way too big.

"I can't wear your pants," she said.

"That's right,"...

A young woman was pulled over for speeding.

An Oregon state trooper walked over to her car window while flipping open his ticket book.

The young woman said, "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the State Troopers Ball."

He replied, "Oregon StateTroopers don't have balls."

There was a moment of silence.

And t...

You know, at the Big Bang, the universe was flipped into an outright stretch.

And other energy bodies were like: "Bro, why are you so contorted?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What can you say both during sex and after a guy in traffic just flipped you off?

"Goddamn, what an asshole!"

What did Robert Palmer say to the light when he flipped the wrong switch?

I didn't mean to turn you on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man haunted by his sins went to the church for a confession with the priest...

There's a devout Catholic man who once committed a regrettable act – he gave his best friend a blowjob while intoxicated. Filled with remorse, he decided to seek forgiveness from God and headed to the church.

Inside the church, he approached the priest and says he wants to confessed his sin, ...

The 40 year old health care worker who cares for newborns started questioning her career choices, then flipped out and left town

I guess she was having a midwife crisis

My wife just flipped out at me for not being sympathetic about her time of the month

It was a complete ovary action.

Last night Philadelphia residents climbed light poles, flipped over cars, and set dumpsters on fire

Then things really got out of hand when they learned the Eagles won the Super Bowl

During wartime, the Philippine flag is flipped upside down so the red part is on top

The same thing is done with the French flag, but instead they remove the red and blue colors

At the end of a one-way street is a lever that, when flipped, will end the world...

A mailman drives there to deliver a package. He looks down at his watch for a second. When he looks up, there is a boy in the road. If the mailman were to swerve to avoid the boy, he would hit the lever and end the world. After frantic seconds of decision, he hits and kills the boy.

Moral of ...

I was angry at my friend and he sarcastically asked "what would Jesus do?"

So I flipped over the table and chased him from the building with a whip.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife was choking at dinner, so I flipped her over the table, pulled her knickers down and stuck my tongue up her arse.

The shock made her spit out the obstruction and breathe again.

Thank god I knew the hind-lick manoeuvre!

A dad walks by his son's bedroom...

And hears the kid praying. "God bless mommy, daddy and grandma. Tata, grandpa." The dad can't help but scratch his head. Still, he was glad his kid was praying. And so he went to bed.

The next morning, Grandpa was found dead on the floor of a heart attack. The dad is weirded out again, but de...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A doctor is giving a tour of a local hospital

One day a public health official goes to visit a local hospital. The doctor is giving them a tour around the hospital, bragging about what an outstanding reputation it has. He claims that they are the leading hospital in treating rare disorders and afflictions.

As the doctor and visitor pass ...

Jesus is watching you

A burglar had just broken into a house and was stealing anything he could get his hand on. Then he heard a voice. It said, "Jesus is watching you."

Thinking it's in his head he continues on his business. Then he hears it again, "Jesus is watching you."

The burglar not very religious bu...

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