Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops?

Because they lactose.

I’m so poor….

That when people see me walking down the street with only one flip-flop on they say to me “ yo Juan you lost a flip flop” and I say “ no I didn’t, I found one!”

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Day 284 without sex...

Went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound

Last Christmas my parents got me a pair of flip flops with matchbox cars glued to the bottom..

Cheap Skates!

Yo mama is so fat

She went out in high heels, and came back in flip flops

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I haven't had sex in so long...

I ran across the parking lot in flip flops just so I could remember the sound.

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Police respond to a disturbance call at a house...

The cop hears loud music blaring inside and pounds on the door. A ten year old boy answers the door wearing flip flops, boxer shorts, and a sport coat There's chocolate smeared all over his face, and he's holding a beer in one hand and a cigar in the other.
Cop asks, "Are your parents home, youn...

This one was made by my 8 Year Old brother: How did the fish cross the road?

It wore flip FLOPS!

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Day 240 without sex:

Jogged around the house wearing my flip flops so that I could at least hear the sound.

What shoe can’t make up its mind?

Flip flops

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out."

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out." I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops and shot down the stairs. I was rather shocked when I got down to find our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.

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A rich man and a poor man both happen to be looking at birthday cards for their wives...

The rich man and poor man find out their wives share the same birthday.

The rich man proudly boasts what he got his wife for the special occasion.

"I got her a brand new Porsche **and** a diamond necklace. You see, if she doesn't like the car, I'll just give her the necklace! What di...

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A virgin redneck is getting married

And her father sits her down for a chat the day before the wedding. After making small talk with her daughter, asking if she was excited for the big day etc. the father eventually announces that he needed to talk about something more serious.

Father: "look I need to talk to you about somethi...

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Two men are discussing their recent wedding anniversaries

What did you get your wife? Says the first man.

"I bought my wife a 5 carat diamond ring and a new Mercedes Benz. So if she doesn't like the cut of the diamond, she can drive back to the store to exchange it. What did you get yours?"

"I got her a pair of flip flops and a new dildo. S...

There were five distinctive wet little thuds against the garden fence....

That told me mowing the lawn in my flip flops may not have been a great idea.

3 hours in the crucifixion of Jesus one of his disciples, Andrew, is wandering the streets of Jerusalem still trying to fathom what just happened

with no specific end destination Andrew just walks around in a somewhat foggy state of mind. Suddenly he hears a distant and very silent cry:

"Andreeeeew..."

First he thinks it´s his own mind playing tricks with him or maybe somehow just the wind but then he hears it again..:

"A...

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My Friend, Ving.

So in my calculus class last year in math, there were these two Chinese twins. Ving, and Ling. Ving was always super cool with me. In exchange for answers (he was super smart) I would hang out with him and be his friend and stuff. After I cheated off of him and studied with him though, I did get to ...

Hillary Clinton has become so famous that they started naming footwear after her

They call it the flip flop

What footwear does Hilary Clinton wear to the beach?

Flip flops or scandals!

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