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Disrespectful Jokes

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I wanted to describe my girlfriend's aesthetic, but "big tiddy goth gf" seemed too disrespectful.

So now I say she's a wiccan thick'n ready for a dickin'.

People are so disrespectful these days, I was at the church when a woman lit up a cigarette right in front of me

I got so shocked I almost dropped my beer

My brother compared religion to ghosts, which I thought was quite disrespectful.

Ghosts never started a war.

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter "F".



Edit: *To everyone making jokes in the comments comparing politicians to pigs, please stop.
It's really offensive and disrespectful. Pigs are not all that bad.*

I asked my veteran grandfather what’s the most disrespectful question that you can ask a vet?

“Why didn’t you become a real doctor?”

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Today I snapped and spanked one of my students for being disrespectful in class.

My son better be more respectful to me during this quarantine school situation.

What do you call a disrespectful chicken?

A rudester.

Ubisoft giving out copies of Unity for free is so disrespectful

First theirs a cathedral burning everyone needs to worry about now Ubisoft is sending dumpster fires to everyone

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I saw my disrespectful co-worker today she was hot.

"Wow, words can't describe how pretty you are." I said walking up to her.


She then replied looking at me as if I was a creep: "Uh thanks.. weirdo"


"But numbers can" I smirked.


"2/10. Bitch."

My friend passed a fart while we were sitting together

He's quite disrespectful so i'd call it art

What do you call a British dinosaur?

A tea-rex!

Just kidding, calling the Queen that would be a bit disrespectful.

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A tale of two friends !!

One was a very bright student while the other one was quite dumb. The brighter one always helped the other passing exams be it a class test or end term exams. The teachers were quite furious with them and at last, called upon a meeting to discuss with the principal what could be done. All came to th...

A woman gets on a bus with her baby

The driver can't hold himself and says: "Oh my goodness, what an ugly baby"

The woman walks to the back of the bus angrily, thinking about what the driver said. She finds an empty seat next to a man and sits there. The man asks: "Excuse me madam, what happened back there, would you mind telli...

The Indian That Never Forgets

Once a man was traveling through the west on vacation, when he saw a sign that said, "Meet the Indian Who Never Forgets, Next Exit". Well, being curious, the man stops at the attraction to see the Indian. He asks the man, "What did you have for breakfast on June 9, 1978?" The Indian replies "Eggs!"<...

How many parents does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just yell at the bulb for being disrespectful.

Respect

If you use the term "respectively" respectfully or you use the term "respectively" disrespectfully, I have a lot of respect for you and I disrespect you, respectively.

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A chocolate company was making chocolates shaped like a woman's ass.

Some "upstanding citizens" demanded that they discontinue the product, as they claimed it was lewd and disrespectful. They staged a large, loud protest outside the factory.

This upset another group of citizens, who thought the company should make what they like, and the protestors should min...

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Peach = Butt

A mother was teaching her two home school kids so she drew a peach on the board and asked them what it was, they both said butt, she was furious and kept asking and getting the same answer, she called their dad and told him that the kids are being disrespectful, the dad said “ You have to respect yo...

My girlfriend thanked me for telling her a joke as she hadn't laughed since her mother died

I think it was pretty disrespectful that she'd laughed when her mother died.

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The Royal Newspaper

The King and Queen decided to get pets, so the King issued a decree: "Handsome reward for finest Royal pets."

The Queen immediately falls in love with a white, long haired kitten, bred in a faraway land. After payment, the kitten disappears and the distraught Queen sends the entire staff to l...

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A joke told by Ronald Reagan

Fidel Castro had just started one of his long, boring speeches when an older man in the crowd was heard saying, "Peanuts. Popcorn. Cracker Jack."

Castro didn't break his stride but a few minutes later, a second voice was heard but with the same message, "Peanuts. Popcorn. Cracker Jack."
...

A boy to his mother: Do you know how much suffering the poor beast had to endure for you to get this fur coat?

My boy, you mustn't talk so disrespectfully about your father.

An Army captain receives a message

The message says, that the father of one Private Miller just died. So after morning drill he yells: "Private Miller step forward!"

The private does as ordered and the captain yells: "Miller, your father died. Now get back in line so I can continue the drill!"

A general overhears this a...

Back in the early nineties, the Byrds lost two of their original band members.

Gene Clark (tambourine and vocals) and Michael Clarke (drums) died in 1991 and 1993, respectively. Not a lot of people know this, but shortly after finishing his term as our 41st president, George H. W. Bush actually joined the Byrds during a special memorial concert held in Florida, near the home o...

There were a few sandwiches sitting on the table...

Although they were quite small, they looked absolutely titillating. The sign near them said they were free, so why not?

I grabbed a roast beef one, bit into it, and suddenly I heard a little voice telling me how good I looked, and how well I was dressed. I shortly realized it was coming from ...

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Three construction workers have been on a new job together for a little over a week...

There's an Italian, a Mexican, and a Polish guy.

Every day they eat their lunch on the top floor of the building they're working on, about 30 floors up. One day when the Italian opens his lunch pail he realizes that his wife has packed him meatballs for the tenth time in ten days. The Mexic...

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