Flops Jokes - 34 Hilarious Flops Jokes

LeAnn Rimes put out a double CD - one was her greatest hits, and the other was her biggest flops.

It was the best of Rimes, it was the worst of Rimes.

Yo mama's so fat

she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops

My flip-flops keep disappearing all the time

That's why I call one of them Houdini and the other one dad

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Day 284 without ...

Went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound

What do you call a socialist wearing flip-flops?

Bernie Sandals.

What does a guy with 2 right feet wear to the beach?

Flop-Flops

Why don't dairy farmers wear flip flops?

Because they lactose.

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out."

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out." I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops and shot down the stairs. I was rather shocked when I got down to find our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.

Last Christmas my parents got me a pair of flip flops with matchbox cars glued to the bottom..

Cheap Skates!

What is it called when a dog has one ear that stands up and one that flops down?

Earectile dysfunction

While sitting on the couch my wife said "I feel like putting on a pair of flip-flops."

Then she changed the channel to the presidential debate.

I was just on my way down to the beach, and my wife asked me if I'd seen her flip-flops.

I hate it when she goes .

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There's a Morris Day and the Time double album for sale at my local record store.

It has their greatest hits as well as their biggest flops.

It was the best of Time and the worst of Time.

What shoe can’t make up its mind?

Flip flops

This one was made by my 8 Year Old brother: How did the fish cross the road?

It wore flip FLOPS!

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A man and his new guard dog

A guy and his dog walk into a bar. The guy orders a beer and the dog flops down on the floor and immediately starts licking its . "This is my new attack dog," the guy tells the bartender. "He's very dangerous." The bartender looks at the dog that is still flopped down, panting, licking. "He does...

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A little boy goes to the circus for the first time with his mom and dad...

His dad gets up and goes for a piss. While he's gone, one of the elephants rises up and rests his feet on a giant red ball. The little boy sees the elephant's flop down and is shocked.

"Mommy! What's that thing under the elephant, that long hanging thing?"

Embarrassed, the mot...

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I haven't had in so long...

I ran across the parking lot in flip flops just so I could remember the sound.

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Day 240 without :

Jogged around the house wearing my flip flops so that I could at least hear the sound.

Journal: As of February 5th, 2020...

... It’s been 2173 days since I’ve been with a girl... I had to go jogging in flip-flops yesterday to at least remind myself of the sound…

The Priest & the Drunkard

A man flops down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie is stained, his face is plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin sticks out of his torn coat pocket.

He opens his newspaper and begins reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turns to the priest and ...

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Police respond to a disturbance call at a house...

The cop hears loud music blaring inside and pounds on the door. A ten year old boy answers the door wearing flip flops, boxer shorts, and a sport coat There's chocolate smeared all over his face, and he's holding a beer in one hand and a cigar in the other.
Cop asks, "Are your parents home, youn...

What kind of sandals does a person with 2 left feet wear?

Flop flops

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This couple were watching Uri Geller on TV

Uri said:" I want people to put something that is broken or they want mended on top of the TV and with my mind power, I shall fix it".
The guy unzipped his trousers and flops his on top of the TV. Wife said:" honey, he's trying to fix things, not raise the dead".

A guy comes home from work,

He flops down in his favorite chair and yells, "Honey! Bring me a beer before it starts!" His wife br8ngs him a beer and he chugs it down. A few minutes later, "Honey, bring me another beer before it starts!" She reluctantly brings him a second beer and he chugs it down. Soon, he yells once more, "H...

What footwear is indecisive?

Flip-flops

Went to see the psychologist.

She asked “Do any sounds irritate you?”
“Real or imaginary?” I inquired.
“Let’s go with imaginary” She said curiously.
“A spider wearing flip flops” I said.

What is Hillary Clintons favorite type of footwear?

flip-flops

There were five distinctive wet little thuds against the garden fence....

That told me mowing the lawn in my flip flops may not have been a great idea.

Super computers are like soccer players

Tons of flops.

I was walking around Taiwan...

I was walking around Taiwan and bought some flip-flops for my feet. I said, “I wonder where these were made.”

I looked under the bottom, it said, “Just around the corner.”

No-Toe Joe was the restaurant's best waiter

Something of a local attraction, he wore flip-flops to show off his signature missing digits. Despite those, however, he was a fast worker, efficient, personable, and a generally great guy. Everyone loved to work with him, and everyone loved being served by him.

Well, almost everyone.

...

Misquoted Intentions

Two friends, a black guy and a white guy, share an apartment. The white guy's watching TV when the black guy, obviously agitated, flops down on the couch.

Black Guy: Man, I wish I could get a girlfriend.

White Guy: Well, you know what Henry Ford said...

Black Guy: What!? That is...

A man goes to his doctor

His doctor says, “your test results came back and I’m afraid I have bad news and worse news”

The guy says, “well I guess give me the worse news first.”

Well, Bob, you have cancer, you only have about a month left to live”

The guy flops into the chair, gutted.

“Oh my god, ...

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