Why is the ocean so salty?

Because the land never waves back

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said my stew was too salty, was far too watery and left her with a strange metallic after taste.

Bitch... I put my blood, sweat and tears into that dish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are debating...

The cucumber says, "Life sucks. I've got it the worst. People grow me up to be big and strong, then they eat me".
.
.
The pickle says, "What? That's nothing. People grow me up to be big and strong, then they shove me in a small jar of salty water for a long time and then they eat me".
.<...

Why were the British salty about losing America?

They got tea-bagged

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church.

My priest and I agreed to go fishing. We sat there talking and waiting for a bite until, finally, the priest snagged a large fish. As I helped him pull it out of the water I said,"This is a big son of a bitch."

The priest stopped, "Son, why such salty language?"

Wanting to save face I ...

Why are eggs so salty?

Because they didn't get to be chickens

I hate it when people say I'm salty

Especially cannibals

Why is the sea salty?

Because no matter how much it waves, no-one ever waves back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I overheard my neighbor say she had a shitty day, so I anonymously sent her a meat lover’s pizza

She’s a vegan and I hate her fucking guts

The teacher is so salty

Teacher: What is below 7 in the pH scale?
Student: Acids.
Teacher: Good. What is above 7?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Clearly you don't know the basic!

Once they are put in jail, prisoners spend most of their time being salty.

Probably because they spend all of their time NaCl.

Did you know that the ocean isn't always salty?

Sometimes it's peppery.

Depends on the season.

Why was the proud civil engineer salty?

He received constructive criticism.

Went to Costco to pick up some groceries. I am on the low carb diet but wanted something salty to snack on. Checked aisle by aisle for almonds or pistachios or cashews but they were all out.

Guess it is no nut November.

Salty Pete The Pirate

So, Salty Pete the pirate hobbles into the bar one night. I mean, he's so piratey. He's got a parrot on his shoulder, an eye patch, the peg leg and hook for a hand, and he for some reason has the helm of his ship stuck to his nether regions.

Anyway, he hobbles up to the bar and tosses down...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man was contacted by the IRS for some suspicious income... [Quick repost due to spelling error in original]

The old man arrives to his appointment with the IRS representative with his lawyer.

The rep asks how he accumulated so much money without working a job or owning investments.

The old man responds: "I make all my money placing bets"

Rep: "What kind of bets do you make?"

Ol...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Gunny's Gun (a military joke)...

U.S. Armed Services recruiting efforts are slipping. They've advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new recruits... all to no avail.

So, the Joint Chiefs of Staff all get together one day at a tavern in Washington D.C. to brainstorm a solution. After many hours of back an...

A man runs into an old salty sea captain on the docks of Boston harbor and says,

"Cap'm, can't help but noticin'...you got a steerin' wheel secures to yer crotch there." Sea captain removes the pipe from 'tween his teeth and says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."

Every time someone asks me if I'm salty?

Na...

I was going to make a salty chemistry joke

But NA

What’s the difference between a slug and a gamer?

A gamer gets salty when they die, but a slug dies when it gets salty.

What do you call fish that taste two times as salty?

2Na

This is my step ladder

He’s pretty useful around the house yet I’m still salty I never met my real ladder..

Why was the peanut so salty?

Because it got R O A S T E D

I always wondered why gun barrels tasted salty

Until I realized I'm always crying when I put one in my mouth

My wife and I went to the ocean recently and she swallowed a bunch of sea water. I was going to make a joke about her being salty....

But Na

What do you call a salty ex-marine?

A seasoned veteran.

What part of your hand is the most salty?

The NaCls

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating.

The Blue Whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10% enters the female.
And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?

What snack will you always find at a KKK rally?

Salty Crackers.

A young marine is talking to an old, salty vet. The marine complains there is never anywhere he can have "private time", he says with a nudge. The old vet laughs, and suggests he use a silencer rather than his hand.

That way, they never hear you coming!

My husband can’t cook- he always under-seasons the food.

I’m a little salty about that.

Wanna hear a joke about french fries?

Probably not, it might be a bit salty.

My doctor told me that I should avoid salty things

I'm gonna miss playing MOBAs

I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but NA. I usually follow it up with a joke about chloride

But it makes people salty.

Why are oceans so salty?

Because the Earth is always tilted.

A couple is buying popcorn at the concession stand in the cinema...

Vendor: Do you want your popcorn sweet or salty?

Guy looks lovingly at his girlfriend and says: I want my popcorn like my girlfriend

Vendor: Dude, we don't sell ugly popcorn

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With the way I see Asian people driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...

FP Edit: Jesus RIP my inbox with "sure." Thanks for all the support and hilarious counter examples provided!

FP of Reddit! I'd like to thank all of you commenters and my dad and I love you all so much! Oh! And the ones salty about my edits, you guys really ...

Why don’t cannibals like to eat millennials?

They’re too salty

What did the Hanzo main say to his salty team?

Nothing, he isn't even in voice chat

Little Sally came home from school

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small,...

Dear diary, day 5 of quarantine...

Enjoying the sweet salty taste of my ankle, but damn if these teeth aren’t gnawing.

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