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Salty Jokes

Why were the British salty about losing America?

They got tea-bagged

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My wife said my stew was too salty, was far too watery and left her with a strange metallic after taste.

Bitch... I put my blood, sweat and tears into that dish.

Why is the ocean so salty?

Because the land doesn't wave back.

Do you know why the sea is salty?

It's because land never waved back

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I overheard my neighbor say she had a shitty day, so I anonymously sent her a meat lover’s pizza

She’s a vegan and I hate her fucking guts

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I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church.

My priest and I agreed to go fishing. We sat there talking and waiting for a bite until, finally, the priest snagged a large fish. As I helped him pull it out of the water I said,"This is a big son of a bitch."

The priest stopped, "Son, why such salty language?"

Wanting to save face I ...

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With the way I see Asian people driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.

They say the sea is salty from the tears of sailors.

After being on a ship for months with only men, I can assure you it’s not from their tears.

Why is the sea salty?

Because no matter how much it waves, no-one ever waves back.

I was going to make a salty chemistry joke

But NA

Why was the proud civil engineer salty?

He received constructive criticism.

Why was the peanut so salty?

Because it got R O A S T E D

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...

FP Edit: Jesus RIP my inbox with "sure." Thanks for all the support and hilarious counter examples provided!

FP of Reddit! I'd like to thank all of you commenters and my dad and I love you all so much! Oh! And the ones salty about my edits, you guys really ...

The salty pizza

Mr. Jones is sleeping after a wild night from his friends retirement party.

In the morning his wife comes and wakes him, but he refuses but she still forces him to wake up and ask him,

Mrs Jones: Honey, its strange I ordered pizza last night and ate half of it and kept the other half i...

I like both sweet snacks and salty snacks

I’m bisnacksual

I always wondered why gun barrels tasted salty

Until I realized I'm always crying when I put one in my mouth

Salty Pete The Pirate

So, Salty Pete the pirate hobbles into the bar one night. I mean, he's so piratey. He's got a parrot on his shoulder, an eye patch, the peg leg and hook for a hand, and he for some reason has the helm of his ship stuck to his nether regions.

Anyway, he hobbles up to the bar and tosses down...

What snack will you always find at a KKK rally?

Salty Crackers.

I identify as a snack.

Sometimes I'm sweet, sometimes I'm salty, but I'm always delicious.

What do you call fish that taste two times as salty?

2Na

What part of your hand is the most salty?

The NaCls

Is the Sea salty because the land doesn't wave back?

Someone else thought it was a funny thought of mine on showethoughts

A man runs into an old salty sea captain on the docks of Boston harbor and says,

"Cap'm, can't help but noticin'...you got a steerin' wheel secures to yer crotch there." Sea captain removes the pipe from 'tween his teeth and says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."

Did you know that the ocean isn't always salty?

Sometimes it's peppery.

Depends on the season.

What do you call a salty ex-marine?

A seasoned veteran.

What did the Hanzo main say to his salty team?

Nothing, he isn't even in voice chat

Every time someone asks me if I'm salty?

Na...

Why are oceans so salty?

Because the Earth is always tilted.

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Pastor Pete looks out his window after prayers one morning and he sees old Captain Salty stumbling down the road zig-zagging back back and forth.

"Hey, you crusty old pirate," Pastor Pete yelled. "What are doing drunk already? It's not even seven a.m."

"Let me tell, ye, ye nosy busy body," Captain Salty replied, "I haven't had a drink in over twelve hours!"


"Is that so?" asked Pastor Pete. "I hope your sea legs are better...

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Little Sally came home from school and with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frank Brown showed me his willy today!"

Before the mother could respond, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."

Relaxing with a little smile, Sally's mother asked, "Really small was it?"

Sally replied, "No...salty."

My 2nd Parrot joke!

A woman goes to a pet store and buys a parrot. Before she leaves the owner warns her that the Parrot had previously lived in a brothel and might have picked up some salty language. When she gets the bird home he looks around and says "New house."
She puts the bird down in the house and the parro...

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A woman sits down at a bar and asks for a drink.

"I hear you have a drink that is guaranteed to be as good as an orgasm in my mouth or my money back, I'll have one of those."

The Barkeep mixes, stirs, shakes and pours and serves the young lady the drink.

The yound lady takes a sip and spits the drink on the floor.

"Ugh, this ...

What’s the difference between a slug and a gamer?

A gamer gets salty when they die, but a slug dies when it gets salty.

Went to Costco to pick up some groceries. I am on the low carb diet but wanted something salty to snack on. Checked aisle by aisle for almonds or pistachios or cashews but they were all out.

Guess it is no nut November.

Where's the spoon?

A man is sitting in a restaurant and calls the waiter over.

Man: Try the soup.

Waiter: What is wrong with the soup? Is it too salty?

Man: Just try the soup.

Waiter: Is the soup too hot?

Man: Just try the soup!

Waiter: Is the soup too cold?

Man: JUST T...

Dumb fisherman.

Two buddies are fishing,   but they haven't caught anything all day.   Then,   another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish.   They ask him   "excuse me,   but where did you get all those fish?"

The other fisherman replies,   "If you just go down the steam until the water isn't salty, ...

The one about he Norwegian man...

There was this young Norwegian man who always loved to go for hikes. Everyday he'd walk along the hillside, look down at the inlet below no matter rain, sleet or snow. Some years later he got a nice dog and he'd go for long walks high in the clouds just to smell the salty air and toss the ball with ...

Sperm whales

Could they be the reason the sea is so salty?

My wife and I went to the ocean recently and she swallowed a bunch of sea water. I was going to make a joke about her being salty....

But Na

My neighbor once ordered 5 gallons of paint. They screwed up and sent him a 10 pound bucket of Sodium.

That happened years ago and he is still salty about it.

I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but NA. I usually follow it up with a joke about chloride

But it makes people salty.

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Start a sentence with "I'm not racist/sexist/whatever, but..." Then say something that has nothing to do with that at all

"I'm not racist, but this soup is too salty."

"I'm not sexist, but I need to borrow a pen."

The joke is in the reactions

My Alg II told us this one (Part 2)

Boodro and Tibbideux were fishing on a boat when a man passes by with a boat full of fish. They ask him, "How'd you get all those fish?" And the man says "You got to go up the stream to where the salt water turns to fresh water." So they go up the stream for about 30 minutes. Tibbideux asks how they...

This is my step ladder

He’s pretty useful around the house yet I’m still salty I never met my real ladder..

Wanna hear a joke about french fries?

Probably not, it might be a bit salty.

During an exam, a student pokes the guy next to him and whispers, "pssst... is C the chemical symbol for chlorine?"

He whispers back, "Na, Cl you idiot!".

"OK thanks..." replies the student, "but why so salty?"

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