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Why were the British salty about losing America?

They got tea-bagged

Why is the ocean so salty?

Because the land never waves back

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said my stew was too salty, was far too watery and left her with a strange metallic after taste.

Bitch... I put my blood, sweat and tears into that dish.

They say the sea is salty from the tears of sailors.

After being on a ship for months with only men, I can assure you it’s not from their tears.

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Pastor Pete looks out his window after prayers one morning and he sees old Captain Salty stumbling down the road zig-zagging back back and forth.

"Hey, you crusty old pirate," Pastor Pete yelled. "What are doing drunk already? It's not even seven a.m."

"Let me tell, ye, ye nosy busy body," Captain Salty replied, "I haven't had a drink in over twelve hours!"


"Is that so?" asked Pastor Pete. "I hope your sea legs are better...

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I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church.

My priest and I agreed to go fishing. We sat there talking and waiting for a bite until, finally, the priest snagged a large fish. As I helped him pull it out of the water I said,"This is a big son of a bitch."

The priest stopped, "Son, why such salty language?"

Wanting to save face I ...

I like both sweet snacks and salty snacks

I’m bisnacksual

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Old sailor's joke

So an old salty sailor told me this one, I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did.

There once was a sailor, who got off his ship in a distant land. First thing he does is ask where the nearest brothel is at. Once there he orders his drink, starts talking to the pretty women around, and final...

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face.

She told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!"

Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."

Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?"

Sally replied, "No, salty."

Why is the sea salty?

Because no matter how much it waves, no-one ever waves back.

The salty pizza

Mr. Jones is sleeping after a wild night from his friends retirement party.

In the morning his wife comes and wakes him, but he refuses but she still forces him to wake up and ask him,

Mrs Jones: Honey, its strange I ordered pizza last night and ate half of it and kept the other half i...

I was going to make a salty chemistry joke

But NA

I hate it when people say I'm salty

Especially cannibals

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I overheard my neighbor say she had a shitty day, so I anonymously sent her a meat lover’s pizza

She’s a vegan and I hate her fucking guts

Did you know that the ocean isn't always salty?

Sometimes it's peppery.

Depends on the season.

Why was the proud civil engineer salty?

He received constructive criticism.

Went to Costco to pick up some groceries. I am on the low carb diet but wanted something salty to snack on. Checked aisle by aisle for almonds or pistachios or cashews but they were all out.

Guess it is no nut November.

Why was the peanut so salty?

Because it got R O A S T E D

I always wondered why gun barrels tasted salty

Until I realized I'm always crying when I put one in my mouth

Salty Pete The Pirate

So, Salty Pete the pirate hobbles into the bar one night. I mean, he's so piratey. He's got a parrot on his shoulder, an eye patch, the peg leg and hook for a hand, and he for some reason has the helm of his ship stuck to his nether regions.

Anyway, he hobbles up to the bar and tosses down...

What do you call fish that taste two times as salty?

2Na

What part of your hand is the most salty?

The NaCls

A man runs into an old salty sea captain on the docks of Boston harbor and says,

"Cap'm, can't help but noticin'...you got a steerin' wheel secures to yer crotch there." Sea captain removes the pipe from 'tween his teeth and says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."

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An Old Man Get's The Attention Of The IRS For Some Suspicious Activities

The old man arrives to his appointment with the IRS representative with his lawyer.

The rep asks how he accumulated so much money without working a job or owning investments.

The old man responds: "I make all my money placing bets"

Rep: "What kind of bets do you make?"

Ol...

My wife and I went to the ocean recently and she swallowed a bunch of sea water. I was going to make a joke about her being salty....

But Na

What do you call a salty ex-marine?

A seasoned veteran.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Gunny's Gun (a military joke)...

U.S. Armed Services recruiting efforts are slipping. They've advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new recruits... all to no avail.

So, the Joint Chiefs of Staff all get together one day at a tavern in Washington D.C. to brainstorm a solution. After many hours of back an...

Every time someone asks me if I'm salty?

Na...

My doctor told me that I should avoid salty things

I'm gonna miss playing MOBAs

Is the Sea salty because the land doesn't wave back?

Someone else thought it was a funny thought of mine on showethoughts

Sperm whales

Could they be the reason the sea is so salty?

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With the way I see Asian people driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.

What snack will you always find at a KKK rally?

Salty Crackers.

Why are oceans so salty?

Because the Earth is always tilted.

What did the Hanzo main say to his salty team?

Nothing, he isn't even in voice chat

My neighbor once ordered 5 gallons of paint. They screwed up and sent him a 10 pound bucket of Sodium.

That happened years ago and he is still salty about it.

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A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are debating...

The cucumber says, "Life sucks. I've got it the worst. People grow me up to be big and strong, then they eat me".
.
.
The pickle says, "What? That's nothing. People grow me up to be big and strong, then they shove me in a small jar of salty water for a long time and then they eat me".
.<...

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...

FP Edit: Jesus RIP my inbox with "sure." Thanks for all the support and hilarious counter examples provided!

FP of Reddit! I'd like to thank all of you commenters and my dad and I love you all so much! Oh! And the ones salty about my edits, you guys really ...

What’s the difference between a slug and a gamer?

A gamer gets salty when they die, but a slug dies when it gets salty.

This is my step ladder

He’s pretty useful around the house yet I’m still salty I never met my real ladder..

Why don't cannibals eat Kansas City Chiefs fans?

They're way too salty.

I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but NA. I usually follow it up with a joke about chloride

But it makes people salty.

Wanna hear a joke about french fries?

Probably not, it might be a bit salty.

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