why is the ocean salty?

because the land never waves back

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I overheard my neighbor say she had a shitty day, so I anonymously sent her a meat lover’s pizza

She’s a vegan and I hate her fucking guts

Once they are put in jail, prisoners spend most of their time being salty.

Probably because they spend all of their time NaCl.

Why were the British salty about losing America?

They got tea-bagged

Why are eggs so salty?

Because they didn't get to be chickens

I hate it when people say I'm salty

Especially cannibals

Why is the sea salty?

Because no matter how much it waves, no-one ever waves back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man was contacted by the IRS for some suspicious income... [Quick repost due to spelling error in original]

The old man arrives to his appointment with the IRS representative with his lawyer.

The rep asks how he accumulated so much money without working a job or owning investments.

The old man responds: "I make all my money placing bets"

Rep: "What kind of bets do you make?"

Ol...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Gunny's Gun (a military joke)...

U.S. Armed Services recruiting efforts are slipping. They've advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new recruits... all to no avail.

So, the Joint Chiefs of Staff all get together one day at a tavern in Washington D.C. to brainstorm a solution. After many hours of back an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said my stew was too salty, was far too watery and left her with a strange metallic after taste.

Bitch... I put my blood, sweat and tears into that dish.

What’s the difference between a slug and a gamer?

A gamer gets salty when they die, but a slug dies when it gets salty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church.

My priest and I agreed to go fishing. We sat there talking and waiting for a bite until, finally, the priest snagged a large fish. As I helped him pull it out of the water I said,"This is a big son of a bitch."

The priest stopped, "Son, why such salty language?"

Wanting to save face I ...

This is my step ladder

He’s pretty useful around the house yet I’m still salty I never met my real ladder..

My husband can’t cook- he always under-seasons the food.

I’m a little salty about that.

The teacher is so salty

Teacher: What is below 7 in the pH scale?
Student: Acids.
Teacher: Good. What is above 7?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Clearly you don't know the basic!

Every time someone asks me if I'm salty?

Na...

Salty Pete The Pirate

So, Salty Pete the pirate hobbles into the bar one night. I mean, he's so piratey. He's got a parrot on his shoulder, an eye patch, the peg leg and hook for a hand, and he for some reason has the helm of his ship stuck to his nether regions.

Anyway, he hobbles up to the bar and tosses down...

Wanna hear a joke about french fries?

Probably not, it might be a bit salty.

Why was the proud civil engineer salty?

He received constructive criticism.

I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but NA. I usually follow it up with a joke about chloride

But it makes people salty.

Did you know that the ocean isn't always salty?

Sometimes it's peppery.

Depends on the season.

What snack will you always find at a KKK rally?

Salty Crackers.

A man runs into an old salty sea captain on the docks of Boston harbor and says,

"Cap'm, can't help but noticin'...you got a steerin' wheel secures to yer crotch there." Sea captain removes the pipe from 'tween his teeth and says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."

A couple is buying popcorn at the concession stand in the cinema...

Vendor: Do you want your popcorn sweet or salty?

Guy looks lovingly at his girlfriend and says: I want my popcorn like my girlfriend

Vendor: Dude, we don't sell ugly popcorn

My wife and I went to the ocean recently and she swallowed a bunch of sea water. I was going to make a joke about her being salty....

But Na

What do you call fish that taste two times as salty?

2Na

What part of your hand is the most salty?

The NaCls

Which song is the most salty?

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
Hey, Jude

I ate a pickle ....

It tasted sweet
So I gave to my sister who says it's salty
So.....


I guess I'm dillusional

Why was the peanut so salty?

Because it got R O A S T E D

I always wondered why gun barrels tasted salty

Until I realized I'm always crying when I put one in my mouth

What do you call a salty ex-marine?

A seasoned veteran.

Longtime Friends - Priest and a Rabbi (LONG)

Every Tuesday for the last 25 years a priest and a rabbi have met at the local diner to have lunch and kvetch about things.


This day, while eating lunch and waxing philosophical, the priest turns to the rabbi and asks him, "We've known each other for over 25 years. All this time I'm cu...

A young marine is talking to an old, salty vet. The marine complains there is never anywhere he can have "private time", he says with a nudge. The old vet laughs, and suggests he use a silencer rather than his hand.

That way, they never hear you coming!

Why don’t cannibals like to eat millennials?

They’re too salty

Little Sally came home from school

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small,...

Is the Sea salty because the land doesn't wave back?

Someone else thought it was a funny thought of mine on showethoughts

Man with Coronavirus

Seeks salty woman with Lyme disease

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With the way I see Asian people driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.

Why are oceans so salty?

Because the Earth is always tilted.

Dear diary, day 5 of quarantine...

Enjoying the sweet salty taste of my ankle, but damn if these teeth aren’t gnawing.

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...

FP Edit: Jesus RIP my inbox with "sure." Thanks for all the support and hilarious counter examples provided!

FP of Reddit! I'd like to thank all of you commenters and my dad and I love you all so much! Oh! And the ones salty about my edits, you guys really ...

My Alg II told us this one (Part 2)

Boodro and Tibbideux were fishing on a boat when a man passes by with a boat full of fish. They ask him, "How'd you get all those fish?" And the man says "You got to go up the stream to where the salt water turns to fresh water." So they go up the stream for about 30 minutes. Tibbideux asks how they...

Have you ever wondered...

If sperm whales are the reason the ocean is salty?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a bunch of Pissed off fishermen?

Salty seamen


My girlfriend came up with this
Say hi if you want to be in the screenshot

"Mommy! Mommy! Little Johnny pulled down his pants and showed me his thingy!"

"Oh? That's... *weird*. Well, what did you think of it?"

"It reminded me of a peanut!"

"Ha ha! Because it was so tiny?"

"No. Salty."

Why Americans don’t need to feel bad when they are criticized by the British

Sometimes I hear people from Great Britain talk about how bad the education is in The US. I do get a little offended, but then I realize they are just salty because we beat them in The Civil War.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.