The 38+ Best Salty Jokes

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My wife said my stew was too salty, was far too watery and left her with a strange metallic after taste.

Bitch... I put my blood, sweat and tears into that dish.

Why were the British salty about losing America?

They got tea-bagged

Why is the ocean so salty?

Because the land doesn't wave back.

Do you know why the sea is salty?

It's because land never waved back

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I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church.

My priest and I agreed to go fishing. We sat there talking and waiting for a bite until, finally, the priest snagged a large fish. As I helped him pull it out of the water I said,"This is a big son of a bitch."

The priest stopped, "Son, why such salty language?"

Wanting to save face I ...

They say the sea is salty from the tears of sailors.

After being on a ship for months with only men, I can assure you it’s not from their tears.

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Pastor Pete looks out his window after prayers one morning and he sees old Captain Salty stumbling down the road zig-zagging back back and forth.

"Hey, you crusty old pirate," Pastor Pete yelled. "What are doing drunk already? It's not even seven a.m."

"Let me tell, ye, ye nosy busy body," Captain Salty replied, "I haven't had a drink in over twelve hours!"

"Is that so?" asked Pastor Pete. "I hope your sea legs are better...

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I overheard my neighbor say she had a shitty day, so I anonymously sent her a meat lover’s pizza

She’s a vegan and I hate her fucking guts

I like both sweet snacks and salty snacks

I’m bisnacksual

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With the way I see Asian people driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...

FP Edit: Jesus RIP my inbox with "sure." Thanks for all the support and hilarious counter examples provided!

FP of Reddit! I'd like to thank all of you commenters and my dad and I love you all so much! Oh! And the ones salty about my edits, you guys really ...

Why is the sea salty?

Because no matter how much it waves, no-one ever waves back.

I was going to make a salty chemistry joke

But NA

Why was the proud civil engineer salty?

He received constructive criticism.

Why was the peanut so salty?

Because it got R O A S T E D

I always wondered why gun barrels tasted salty

Until I realized I'm always crying when I put one in my mouth

I hate it when people say I'm salty

Especially cannibals

A man runs into an old salty sea captain on the docks of Boston harbor and says,

"Cap'm, can't help but noticin'...you got a steerin' wheel secures to yer crotch there." Sea captain removes the pipe from 'tween his teeth and says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."

Salty Pete The Pirate

So, Salty Pete the pirate hobbles into the bar one night. I mean, he's so piratey. He's got a parrot on his shoulder, an eye patch, the peg leg and hook for a hand, and he for some reason has the helm of his ship stuck to his nether regions.

Anyway, he hobbles up to the bar and tosses down...

Went to Costco to pick up some groceries. I am on the low carb diet but wanted something salty to snack on. Checked aisle by aisle for almonds or pistachios or cashews but they were all out.

Guess it is no nut November.

What do you call fish that taste two times as salty?

2Na

I identify as a snack.

Sometimes I'm sweet, sometimes I'm salty, but I'm always delicious.

Every time someone asks me if I'm salty?

Na...

Did you know that the ocean isn't always salty?

Sometimes it's peppery.

Depends on the season.

My wife and I went to the ocean recently and she swallowed a bunch of sea water. I was going to make a joke about her being salty....

But Na

What do you call a salty ex-marine?

A seasoned veteran.

What part of your hand is the most salty?

The NaCls

My doctor told me that I should avoid salty things

I'm gonna miss playing MOBAs

What snack will you always find at a KKK rally?

Salty Crackers.

My 2nd Parrot joke!

A woman goes to a pet store and buys a parrot. Before she leaves the owner warns her that the Parrot had previously lived in a brothel and might have picked up some salty language. When she gets the bird home he looks around and says "New house."
She puts the bird down in the house and the parro...

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Little Sally came home from school and with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frank Brown showed me his willy today!"

Before the mother could respond, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."

Relaxing with a little smile, Sally's mother asked, "Really small was it?"

Sally replied, "No...salty."

The one about he Norwegian man...

There was this young Norwegian man who always loved to go for hikes. Everyday he'd walk along the hillside, look down at the inlet below no matter rain, sleet or snow. Some years later he got a nice dog and he'd go for long walks high in the clouds just to smell the salty air and toss the ball with ...

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An Old Man Get's The Attention Of The IRS For Some Suspicious Activities

The old man arrives to his appointment with the IRS representative with his lawyer.

The rep asks how he accumulated so much money without working a job or owning investments.

The old man responds: "I make all my money placing bets"

Rep: "What kind of bets do you make?"

Ol...

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A woman sits down at a bar and asks for a drink.

"I hear you have a drink that is guaranteed to be as good as an orgasm in my mouth or my money back, I'll have one of those."

The Barkeep mixes, stirs, shakes and pours and serves the young lady the drink.

The yound lady takes a sip and spits the drink on the floor.

"Ugh, this ...

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Old sailor's joke

So an old salty sailor told me this one, I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did.

There once was a sailor, who got off his ship in a distant land. First thing he does is ask where the nearest brothel is at. Once there he orders his drink, starts talking to the pretty women around, and final...

Where's the spoon?

A man is sitting in a restaurant and calls the waiter over.

Man: Try the soup.

Waiter: What is wrong with the soup? Is it too salty?

Man: Just try the soup.

Waiter: Is the soup too hot?

Man: Just try the soup!

Waiter: Is the soup too cold?

Man: JUST T...

Why are oceans so salty?

Because the Earth is always tilted.

Sperm whales

Could they be the reason the sea is so salty?

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