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Financially Jokes

My wife and I had a huge argument last week. She called me gullible and financially irresponsible.

I can't wait to see the look on her face when I tell her I just won the Nigerian lottery!

I’m doing pretty well financially these days.

My bank just said my debt is outstanding!

A man was driving on the highway in the US when suddenly he was hit by a drunk driver, breaking his right arm, puncturing his lung, and putting him into a short coma

Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.

This is an awfully hard time for me financially.

Last month I was unable to pay the bills to my exorcist and as a consequence I have been repossessed.

I know the pandemic is causing people to struggle financially, but honestly, I'm making a fortune.

I rent out bookcases to be installed behind everyone doing a TV interview about either Covid or the Impeachment process.

Woman asks her friend "How are your kids getting on now?"

"Fine!" Comes the reply. "My oldest boy grew up to be a doctor, the second grew up to be a teacher, and my daughter grew up to be a lawyer!"

"What about your youngest boy? How's he doing?”

"Ah. He grew up to be a thief. He lives at home with us still."

"So you let your three de...

Why do Women lose interest when Men struggle financially?

Because that Man generates no *Interest*.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny's mother was upset about her son's swearing habit, so she takes him to the church.

There, the priest is waiting. After finishing her own confessions, Little Johnny's mother talks about her situation.

"I don't know what to do with my son anymore, Father," she says. "He started a while ago to say swear words, and now he is saying one in every sentence."

"Why, I have ju...

If I'd had a nickel for every time I've been financially irresponsible...

I'd probably still be in debt right now.

MBA: A course that teaches you, how the world is financially screwing you over

while financial screwing you over

A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them off to college...

"I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that.  However, I want you to appreciate it.  As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

And so it happened.  His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial pl...

Pregnant Italian lover

A married man who had an Italian lover for many years learned one day that she was pregnant. The two struck up a deal, in which she would return to Italy to give birth to their child and keep his identity secret in exchange for a large sum of money. In addition, the father would continue to provide ...

I've just had some great news.

Financially I am going to be $3. per month better off.


The boy I was sponsoring in Africa has just been eaten by a Lion.

Doctor, How long will it take for me to recover from this accident?

Doctor: Physically 6 months and financially 12 years

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder what it’s like to date a politician

Being both financially and literally fucked by the same person

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