Filling Jokes - 46 Hilarious Filling Jokes

Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong...

I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat.

Me: Doc, I have this weird dream every night that I’m filling up my house with unnecessary groceries.

Doctor: I see. You may have stock home syndrome.

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

A council worker is digging holes, while another worker immediately fills them in.

A man is watching two council workers busy in a local park. One digs a hole, moves a couple of meters and digs another hole, and so on. The other worker follows the first, immediately filling in all the holes the first worker has dug.

The man watching is furious, and approaches them saying,...

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[At a divorce filling]

Lawyer: So you said Minnie was... extremely silly?

Mickey: No, I said she was fucking goofy.

An officer is at the scene of a car accident filling out a report...

Officer: "Let's see here, driver deceased.
Cause of death? Decapitation. Location of body? Torso in gutter, head in medeon... uh... meddi... medan..." *kicks head*... "Head also in gutter."

An applicant was filling out a job application.

When he came to the question, 'Have you ever been arrested?'
He answered, 'No.'
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was 'Why?'
The applicant answered it anyway:
'Never got caught'

Do you feel Nauseous while filling up your vehicle?

Dizzy when you go in to pay?

You might be suffering from CarOwner Virus.

My dad’s palaeontology files are filling up the family computer

They’re hundreds of trilobites

I'm filling in for my friend today ...

His patients won't be happy when they learn that I never went to dental school.

A blonde gets a job at a Gas Station...

It is her first day, and her first customer drives to pump #1 in a red convertible. Super excited, she approaches the customer and says, "Hey, mister, would you like some gas?" The customer says, "Yes, that's why I am here," she immediately gets to work, filling the customer's tank.

While the...

I recently had a check up. They told me I had a cavity that really needed a filling.

So I’m looking for a new proctologist.

A man was waiting for a bus one day, when he noticed a young blonde woman digging a hole...

...and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. He watches as they move up the street doing this over and over again. The first blonde digs a hole, and the second one fills the dirt right back in. After a few minutes, he decides to ask them "excuse me, what are you ladies doing...

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A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him.

A Navy Chief rolls onto base and sees two marines, one is digging a hole and the other marine is filling in a hole behind him. He doesn’t think much of it until lunch when he goes for a walk and sees the two still at and a whole line of freshly dug and filled in holes. He walks up to them.

C...

The dentist asks, "What kind of filling do you want?"

The child answers, "Chocolate!"

A man was filling up gas in his car when he got some on his jacket

Then he went in the car and lit a cigarette and catches his sleeve on fire. The man, freaking out, gets out of the car and sees a policeman sitting nearby. So he starts waving at him and yelling at him for help, and the cop gets up in a hurry and without a second delay shoots him. The man, now on th...

If you sit on your hands 15 minutes before filling in an exam,

it feels like somebody else is disappointing for your teacher.

I'm filling in for my friend who got hung over from yesterday's drinking..

His patients wont be thrilled if they knew I never went to Dental College

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A small business owner is filling out some forms for the government.

One of the questions asks: please list the employees you have, broken down by sex.

The man replied: None. Although a few do sometimes come in late.

Back in the USSR

In the days of state control, a Russian man saved and saved and saved until he finally had enough money to buy a car.

He took the bus to the state car agency to arrange the purchase.

After an hour of filling in paperwork, he handed over the money and asked when he could pick it up....

While filling my car up, I noticed a woman smoking while filling her car up, silly thing to do, but I know better than to confront strangers about their stupidity. I see two cops on the other side of the street, they can see her but they aren't doing anything about it...

Tax dollars in action I guess.

As I am going to pay I hear this screaming behind me, like "I am dying!" type screaming.

I look around and see that this woman's arm is on fire!

She is literally running around the station waving her arm in the air!

The cops jump into action...

My friend likes to go around filling animals with Hellium.

I was going to tell him to stop, but then I thought to myself: "Hey, whatever floats your goat"

Add a touch of magic to your cold, by filling your mouth up with glitter....

Before you sneeze.

A beautiful woman was filling her car with gas...

I noticed that she wasn’t paying much attention; she was looking at her phone as she removed the pump from her car and accidentally spilled gasoline on herself.

As she got into her car she pulled out a cigarette and lit it, but the gasoline on her arm set on fire. Luckily, there was a cop a...

Al Gore's dentist had trouble doing a filling.

It was An Inconvenient Tooth.

I didn’t find the food in Budapest very filling,

so I left Hungary.

Almost got fired today for filling out a requisition form in Spanish.

No one expected it.

I believe pencils are superior to pens, especially for filling out crossword puzzles.

Does that make me erasist?

Did you hear about the golfer that went to the dentist for a filling?

He got a hole in one.

A man was filling his car up while drinking beer and later crashed

A forensic scientist, cop, and mechanic head to the wreck to determine the cause.

*"He was poisoned!"* said the scientist.

*"No! This was simply a case of drunk driving."* replied the cop.

*"You're both wrong! He crashed because he filled the gas tank with booze."* exclaimed the...

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A math professor, John, is having problems with his sink so he calls a plumber.

The plumber comes over and quickly fixes the sink. The professor is happy until he gets the bill. He tells the plumber, "How can you charge this much? This is half of my paycheck." But he pays it anyways.

The plumber tells him, "Hey, we are looking for more plumbers. You could become a plumbe...

Kids: "There isn't enough sugar in the pumpkin filling!" Dad: "Hey, cooking is an art, not a science..."

"... you can't calculate pie."

I was at a Chinese buffet filling up my plate when I noticed something move in one of the food trays.

I disregarded it and continued filling up my plate before heading back to the table.

After I finished I went up again and made sure to keep an eye on that tray and lo and behold something moved again! This time I get a better look and it appeared to be a pair of eyes pop up, see me and quick...

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Hot blond is filling out a form. Where it says "sex" she put "Infrequently". The clerk asked her....

"Is that one word or two?"

A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol.

She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.

She says "I want you to see this."

She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.

She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.

She then says, feeling that she has made ...

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I was filling out an employment application when it asked me SEX: M or F?

I wanted to be honest so I said F if I can, M as a last resort.

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So this new priest is filling in....

So this new priest is filling in while the regular one is on vacation.

He has a list of penances he can give out during confession.

The first few confessions are easy. Ten hail Mary's for cheating on a test, 15 our fathers for forgetting lying, etc.

Then a woman comes in and co...

Little Nancy, 8, was filling a hole in her garden when

the nosey neighbor peered over the fence, and asked "What are you doing?"

Nancy replied, "Well my goldfish dies so I just buried him"

The obnoxious neighbor laughed and said in a condescending tone, "That is an awful big hole for a tiny gold fish"

As Nancy used her shovel to pat...

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole...

... when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “Whatcha doing, Tim?” “My goldfish died,” replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. “And I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a ...

My family all makes fun of me for having a low-paying job filling in spreadsheets

But I like having a job where I can Excel.

Sherlock and Watson are filling in their college application.

Watson: Sherlock? Why have you skipped writing this essay?
Sherlock: It's supplementary my dear Watson

Did you hear about the guy that quit his job at a quilt filling factory?

He said he was fed up of feeling down...

I ran into R. Kelly while he was filling out a March Madness bracket.

He was picking primarily the 14s and 15s.

Turns out he’s really into #1 too.

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Everyone said it was a bad idea filling my pool with cats...

But now I'm drowning in pussy!

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The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.

The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude...

I was filling in an online survey when it asked me what state I lived in

Apparently "constant despair" isn't an appropriate answer.

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