Fill Up Jokes

Alfred: "Master Bruce, what's a htub?"

She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!"

I responded, "Inflation."

But whatever floats your goat.

Lake Mead

That's the price of inflation.

I just love my Asymp tote bag.

As a teenager I had a summer job pumping gas. One week an older guy drove up and said he wanted a fill-up. Then he got out of the car with an umbrella, opened it, and followed me around as I worked, holding the umbrella over my head to keep the sun off me. I awkwardly thanked him as he paid his tab ... read more

Maybe they need to lighten up

A lot.

A politician is visiting the local mental asylum, and asks "How do you decide whether someone should be admitted here?"

"Well," says the director, "We fill up a bath with water, then give the patient a teaspoon, a mug, and a bucket, and ask them to empty the bath as quickly as possible."
<... read more

At least three.

It used to cost a quarter but I guess that's inflation for you.

And I asked the director how they know if someone is insane and needs to be committed. He says ‘it’s actually very simple, we fill up a bathtub and offer the patient a bucket, a teacup, and a teaspoon and ask them to empty the bathtub’. ‘Oh I see’ I said, ‘and a sane person would choose the bucket... read more

"You mean history?" "Don't change the subject!"

~ Dog's mother.

Dinner guests: ooh? Expecting?

Husband: **looks at them puzzled as his wife starts regurgitating food down his throat**

"Alfred could you fill up the bathtub please" batman said after entering the room.
Alfred replied with, "what's a htub sir?"

Through careful studying of the building plans and months of meticulous planning, he was able to evade all the security and stole several priceless paintings.

He then loaded the paintings into his van parked nearby. Just as he was about to leave, he heard the alarm go off in the building.
... read more

... so they decide to prove that they're just as smart as anyone else.

They hold a big conference, and fill up an entire stadium of blondes. People come from miles and miles to be part of this, the stadium is filled, the city outside the stadium is packed, and millions more watch from home as... read more

She only needs a single cup of water to fill up her bath

There is a magical pond where if you screamed your favorite thing, that thing would fill up the pond as you jumped in.

A group of 4 tourists visited the pond to test it out.

The German jumped in, shouting "Beer!", and the pond filled with beer.

The Frenchman jumped in, shouting ... read more

>!If you drag 'em by the ankles they fill up with dirt!!<