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Impregnate Jokes

Anyone remember when a holiday somehow managed to impregnate a month!?

*Ya it looks like Christmas came in July!*

...





...yes I've not been invited to a party in years, why do you ask?

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All the sperm cells are getting ready for that moment when they would race down and be the first to impregnate the egg.

The day finally come, they felt vibration and began racing down the shaft. The cell in first place is so excited he could almost see the end. Then all of a sudden, he turns around, waves at everyone behind him and yells, "Turn around, turn around, it's a blowjob!"

Why couldn't the hot dog impregnate the bun?

Too many condoments.

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A rich man impregnates his girlfriend

A rich man impregnates his girlfriend, and this angers her father. To set everything right, the father invites her boyfriend over. The man arrives in a Lamborghini and steps out in a Stuart Hughes suit, and then walks into the house.

"Is this the pig that got my daughter pregnant?" The fathe...

What happend when Mia Khalifa got impregnated by an Italian man?

Mama Mia!

What happens when you try to impregnate a ape with human DNA?

You get kicked out of the petting zoo

What do you call a man who impregnated a plant?

A weed whacker

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A male honeybee's only job is to stay in the hive and impregnate the queen...

American response: "Those lucky bastards!"

British response: "Those poor bastards..."

What does a woman get if is impregnated by Satan?

Deviled eggs....

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Why God impregnated Mary?

Because instead of "Oh Joseph! Cum in me!", Mary said "Oh God! Cum in me!"

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What do you call ejaculate that successfully impregnates a women?

The mother load.

Theoretically a goat can get impregnated by a moth.

Scientists have never attempted the experiment however, as they don't want to create more goth kids.

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A little alien sits on the bus behind a couple

The alien leans forwards slightly and taps the woman on the shoulder. The guy stands up and turns around. "If you don't stop, I'll kick you in the balls!"

The alien laughs "We don't have that", and taps the woman's shoulders again.

"Stop that or I rip off your dick!"

Again the a...

Blonde and the insemination man

A blonde city girl named Amy marries a

Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows,

the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to
impregnate one of our cows, so I drove a nail into the 2x4 just above
where the cow's stall is in the barn. ...

I asked my Russian friend why he didn’t use condoms

“I’m Catholic” he explained, “And I Don’t See How I Vould impregnate my boyfriend anyway.”

A white man visits a rural tribe in Africa

A white man wants to take the trip of a lifetime, and decides on a trip to Africa. He is in a go nowhere job, with no friends or family, and is feeling down. He quits his job and decides to travel to a remote area, far from civilization. He does not like the touristy vibe that some places give off, ...

When a Queen Bee mates thousands of males gather round and try to impregnate her. Before the act of mating is done, she will have stored sperm inside her from about 30 to 50 males. This is an amazing aspect of nature.

So, much love to my man Jay-Z.

Husband: Darling, I have a huge problem...

**Wife**: Since we're now married, your problem, is our problem.
**Husband**: Seriously?
**Wife**: Yes. Because we're one family. So, what's our problem?
**Husband**: We had impregnate your sister, and we are the father.

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Farmer John and his bull

There was this farmer, Farmer John, who had a prize-winning bull.
Unfortunately, at the beginning of the breeding season, the bull had no interest in mating. Couldn't get it up at all.

Farmer John called Bill the veterinarian to come out and look at the bull. Bill checked the bull all over...

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Superman uses his X-ray vision and sees Wonder Woman nude with her legs in the air

She's moaning and her hands sometimes--comfort her. Superman enjoys the view and, well,--comforts himself. He's ready to finish but figures he'll finish in Wonder Woman. He's faster than a speeding bullet, he's an alien so he can't impregnate her, and it's better to feel the sensation in a woman...

B is just pregnant P

D impregnated her

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The sheep Farmer

A Welsh man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but...

Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?

In a moooo-tel.

I just thought of this sitting in my hotel room.

Sometimes I feel like i dad joke so hard I impregnate my girlfriend from 100 miles away.

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The Farmer

A farmer was worried that none of his pigs were getting pregnant. He called a vet and asked what he should do if he wanted more pigs. The vet told him he should try artificial insemination. The farmer, not wanting to appear stupid, answered okay and hung up the phone. Unclear on what the vet meant b...

A man spends a fortune on a horse that is supposed to be an amazing stallion

A man spends a fortune on a horse that is supposed to be an amazing stallion. He is told the horse will impregnate 20-30 fermale horses.

He brings the horse to his farm, but the horse is not doing anything, just sleeping and eating grass all day.

Some time after he meets with an old fr...

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A man goes to church every Sunday,

and every time he goes, he falls asleep. His wife asks the pastor what she can do to keep her awake. The pastor gives her a needle, and says: "If he falls asleep, poke him with this." The wife takes the needle and goes home.

The next Sunday, the husband falls asleep again. The pastor asks the...

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Farmer tries to breed pigs

A farmer bought some breeding pigs, but after several weeks, not one was pregnant. He called the vet for help. "Why don't you try artificial insemination" said the vet.

The farmer didn't have an inkling of what artificial insemination was, but, not wanting to appear ignorant, he said, "Okay, ...

Old farmer Joe just uses all his savings to buy 51 sheep...

To pass the season he plans to reproduce the 50 female sheep he bought with one ram doing the work.


To his misfortune the ram dies suddenly just after he got it. He goes to complain to his neighbor Bob about his problems and Bob, who also was a farmer, told him he had to do the job him...

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Old favorite of mine.

A man and his wife were trying to have a baby but the man just couldn't impregnate her. They decide to go to a doctor and see what he can tell them.

The doctor says "Here, take this jar home and fill it up with some of your sperm. Bring it back whenever."

The man comes back the next ...

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A group of scientists are trying to save the Albino Gorilla from extinction...

A group of biologists were working in a lab on cape horn, trying to save a rare albino gorilla from extinction. There were only two individuals left in the species.

One day, entering the lab, the scientists find the male gorilla dead. It looked to be the end of the species, until one scientis...

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Brewster the Rooster

Saw a post today about a kid with a rooster named Brooster and remembered this old joke.

A farmer decides he needs a new rooster so he can expand his chicken coop, so he buys the most virile one he can find and names him Brewster. Within a day, Brewster has impregnated every hen the farmer ow...

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Old farmers joke I learned when I was little.

Farmer John was a quiet little farmer, living on his farm with his wife and his tiny flock of sheep that only counted 8 female sheep´s and one ram.

One fall something horrible happened, he lost his ram. And since the closest sheep farmer was over 9 hour drive one way, he ran to his neighbor t...

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Heaven is a big place

Three guys arrive at the pearly gates together having all perished in different circumstances. Seeing the lineup they all wonder what separates them from access into the gates of heaven. As time goes by the line disappears and the three men find themselves next up. Peter is standing with a hand on t...

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