Which US sate has the smallest soft drinks?

Minnisoda

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those damn j...

There guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says he needs to lose 20 lbs.

The receptionist sends him upstairs, where he finds a beautiful naked woman with a sign that says "If you catch me, you can screw me." An hour later, he emerges, sated and 20 lbs. lighter. A month later, he returns and needs to lose 50 lbs. The receptionist sends him upstairs again, but this time ...

The snake in the desert

N.B. The joke only works if you use American pronunciation, but it's a long joke and I didn't want people to get to the end and complain there's no punchline.

A man named Steve is stuck in a dead end job, 9-5, 7 days a week in a little run down office in the middle of town. He hates it and h...

A guy walks into a bar and orders 3 beers.

The bartender pours them for him. He then takes equal sips from each beer and proceeds to do so until all glasses are empty. He pays and leaves. He does this every day for a week before the bartender decides to ask what that's all about.

"Why do you come in and order three beers, and then tak...

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A man was lost in the desert

With nobody by his side apart from his trusty camel. The man walks miles and miles, maintaining his needs by eating the flesh of dead animals and drinking from the oasis' scattered across the lands. However the one basic need he is unable to satisfy is the need for sex. After several days the man ca...

An Arab is lost in the desert, dying of thirst

As his eyesight begins to fade and he collapses into the ground, his fingers come across a stoppered flask in the sand. Hoping for water, he pops it open, only to see a swirl of smoke issued forth, coalescing into a giant figure.

"My deliverer!" booms the figure. "I am a long imprisoned Djinn...

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A man is shipwrecked on a deserted island...

...and spends many months alone. Just as he's reaching the point that he's starting to go crazy, he spots a ship in the distance and, all excited, lights a fire on the beach that he'd prepared for just such an eventuality.

He's overjoyed when he sees the ship change course and start heading f...

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A man walks into a sex shop... (NSFW)

During a dry spell, a man decides that usual masturbation is no longer satisfying his needs and decides to pop down to his local neighbourhood sex shop to purchase an inflatable doll with which to sate himself

Upon arriving at the store, the assistant asks "Would you like a male or a female ...

Two men in a desert

Two men are wandering the desert. They've been there for days, and can't remember how they got there; the only thing in their minds right now is that they need water to survive another day in this scorching heat.

Midday passes, and the men are succumbing to despair - but wait, what's this? Th...

An Archaeologist Found an Ancient Vase at a Dig Site...

and as he began to inspect the runes carved in it, he started dusting it off, and a genie came screaming out of it in rage.


"**Who disturbs my slumber**! I have been asleep for thousands of years, and *you* dare to wake ***me***? I should kill you where you stand!"

The archaeologis...

A man finds a genie...

The genie tells the man he gets one wish. The man thinks for a moment then says "I wish for a highway from the United Sates to Europe." The genie replies, "That's too difficult, I can't do that. Make another wish." The man takes a moment to think then says "I wish I could understand women!". The gen...

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