Someone sawed the top off of a pyramid

It was pointless..

It sure is hard to cut the top off of a redwood tree

You can't take any short cuts!

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So I met this smoking hot lady once and after a little chat, she takes her top off

Things were going great, she let me cup her tits, but the second I started sucking on her nipples she says “I’m getting my mammogram done somewhere else”

Five Things

Here are the five best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk at work: 5) "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 4) "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management course you sent me to." 3) "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You pr...

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A man is walking in the street and sees a women with the most beautiful breasts he’s ever seen.

He walks up to her and asks: “If I give you 10’000$, will you let me bite your boob?”
The woman, quite shocked, obviously says no.
The man then asks if he can bite her breast for 100’000$. The woman still says no. The man asks for 1’000’000$, 10’000’000$ and 100’000’000$ but the woman still re...

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A prostitute walks into a judge's chamber.

Looking clearly a case of physical assault the judge gave her a seat and asks , "Dear. You look battered. What happened? "

She replied, " I was with one of my clients. We had a really good time and then he thrashed me like this."

The judge asked her to explain what happened with all th...

Best things to say if you're caught sleeping on your desk...

“They told me at the blood bank this
might happen.”


“This is just a 15 minute power-nap as
described in that time management course you sent me.”


“Whew! Guess I left the top off
the White-Out You probably got here just in time!”


“I wasn’t sleepin...

As I'm working the concession stand at a movie theater, a customer comes up and asks for a refill.

I ask her, "Can you take your top off for me?"

Her boyfriend asks, "What did you say?"

"The lid, I'm not allowed to take it off for her," I reply.

And with a smile as bright as day she hands me the now topless cup and says to her boyfriend, "shut up you wouldn't have done anythi...

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On a fine Sunday the church was full...

The father was preaching while suddenly a very hot lady with big tits screams "Patrick you Bastard"
In about 20 mins she screams again "Patrick you Bastard"
This goes on through out the whole session and as people were leaving, father approaches the lady and asks her calmly to tell him what wa...

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The old old folks home.

A man and woman are in a nursing home and they start into a bottle of whiskey that the man has. He eventually talks her into taking her top off. Further down in the bottle of whiskey he is trying to talk her into taking her pants off. "Oh, i don't know. I have acute angina. " "Well I hope so! Those ...

My girlfriend is like a box of chocolates.

I want to take her top off.

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A guy runs into the sperm bank with a mask and a gun...

"Hands up, lady!" he yells.

The woman behind the counter puts up her hands. "Sir! This isn't a real bank! It's a sperm bank!"

"Never mind that! Just open the vault! Now!"

So she does.

"Get in there! Grab one of them vials!" he says, waving the gun at her.

"But the...

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A man gets home after a long day at work

He sits down on the couch and calls out to his wife "Hey babe, will you get me a beer before it starts?" She gladly goes to the fridge and gets him a beer, pops the top and brings it to him then goes into the kitchen to start dinner. About half an hour later she hears "Hey babe, will you get me a be...

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A young woman goes to see her doctor

A young woman goes to see her doctor.

"I hope you can help me out, I've been breaking out in hives lately"

"We'll see what we can do, lets take a look"

The woman pulls her top off and the doctor sees a big rash on her chest, in what looks like the shape of a big letter 'Y'
...

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O Dick NSFW, Long

A recently married soldier was coming up on the end of his leave. Although things between him and his new wife were wonderful, he worried about her loyalty while he was gone. Resolved to find her something that would occupy her time and satisfy her until he could return home, the man went into a nea...

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A dwarf lady goes to the doctors complaining about a pain down below.

She sits down and says to the doctor “I have a terrible pain in my vagina!”

The doctor looks at her for a minute then grabs a pair of scissors. He works away near her vagina for a couple of minutes and then exclaims “There you go. If you would like to stand up for me.”

She stands up an...

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After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend,

Bill remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist wud smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and top off that with abundant mouthwash.

As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.

The dentist told him to take a seat....

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It's Saturday morning at Cathy & Bill's home.

They live in a cul-de-sac. After Bill jumps into the shower, the door bell chimes. Cathy answers it in her pajamy-wams to find their neighbor Bob standing there. He gives her a long look up and down and says "You know, if you take off your top off, I will give you $500." Cathy thinks it over and che...

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A cowboy walks into a deserted saloon...

And there's no tinkling waltz on the piano, no gentle buzzing about the days activities, it's empty. A mournful bartender polishes an immaculate glass and halfheartedly waves away a fat, clueless fly.

The cowboy sidled into a stool and fished a coin out of his pocket. He flicked it with his t...

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Economist joke, the only one I know and it's lovely

An Economist, a Chemist, and a Physicist are shipwrecked on an island with little food and water. Some canned food washes up and boy are they happy to see it, however, they are pretty upset that they don't have a can opener. The Chemist says, 'hey you know, there are all sorts of chemicals and shit ...

A Engineer, a Chemist and an Economist get stranded on a island.

From the ship that crashed, some canned food washed ashore.


The Engineer says “We need to open the cans with these rocks”


The Chemist says “We could blow the top off using a combination of these minerals I’ve found”


The Economist says “Ok, so let’s assume we have a c...

To entertain his court, the Emperor invites three renowned samurai to demonstrate their prowess with a sword.

The youngest of the samurai comes out on stage and bows before the Emperor. A boy at the stage's edge lifts the top off of a small box, and out comes a fly, buzzing toward the samurai. In a flash the samurai draws his katana and returns it to its sheath. The fly falls to the stage in two perfect hal...

Why your convertible is like the best girlfriend you've ever had

(1) She enjoys when you're inside her

(2) She squeals when you're going hard and fast

(3) She takes her top off whenever you ask

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Double standards are amazing.

If I take my top off I'm called a "poser".

But if a women does it, suddenly I'm not allowed to masturbate?

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