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Riddle Jokes

Riddle me this:

Why do we have Batman shampoo but conditioner Gordon isn't a thing?

90% of people are unable to solve this riddle by guessing the opposite of each word.

Always



Coming



From



Take



Me



Down

riddle me this, riddle me that

What is yours but people use it more than you?

Your name.

The chicken or the egg: I have solved the riddle

The rooster came first

Teacher in class asks riddles. She asks little Johnny:

"It's a small animal with 4 legs. What is it?"

Little Johnny says: "Dog."

Teacher replies: "But could be a cat too. Alright, another one. It's a long, thin animal with no legs."

Little Johnny: "A snake."

Teacher: "Could be. But could also be an eel."

Little Johnny:...

Mu favorite series of riddles when i was in high school. Hope you all like it as much as i did <3

Give 3 steps to put an elephant in a refrigerator.
i.Open the refrigerator
ii.Put the elephant in
iii.Close it

AND THEN ASK

Give 4 steps to put a giraffe in the refrigerator.
i.Open the refrigerator
ii.Take the elephant out
iii.Put the giraffe in
iv.Close it
...

Why Bilbo had to be Male

Fun fact: Bilbo Baggins had to be a male in order for the plot of The Hobbit to work. If he was instead female, everything would have fallen apart in the goblin cave. Bilbo would have gone off wandering around in the dark and dreary caverns, found the ring, and seen Gollum fishing like in the origin...

Riddle told by a 7 year old just now...

I go up and down so you can go in and out.

What am I?









A garage door.

A blonde sits next to a professor on a plane

The flight gets longer and longer and the professor looks over at the blonde and makes a deal with her

They will tell eachother a riddle. If she can solve his she gets 500 dollars and if he can solve hers he gets only 5 dollars. The blonde feeling she has nothing to lose gives her riddle
<...

A man who is riddled with guilt confesses in a sms message to his next-door neighbor.

A man who is riddled with guilt confesses in a sms message to his next-door neighbor.

Dear neighbor, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been helping myself to your wife for some time now. It's been so good I have not been able to stop myself. Sometimes it's ...

What’s the best Harry Potter riddle?

Tom.

As a lumberjack starts his chainsaw he hears the tree begin to cry. “Please don’t cut me down!” The tree pleads, “I’ll do anything!” The lumberjack says, “Fine! If you can solve this impossible riddle that has fooled some of the greatest minds from doctors, writers to philosophers, I’ll spare you.”

The tree was stumped.

What's the difference between a joke and a riddle?

On reddit, there is none, no one laughs at either.

What's the difference between a riddle and an elephant sitting on a bun?

One is conundrum and the other is a bununderhim.

Here’s a Riddle for you

What has 4 letters, Sometimes has 9 and never has 5?

What do you call a bad riddle?

Voldemort

What did Putin say upon seeing Alexei Navalny's bullet riddled body?

"Worst case of suicide I've ever seen"

Riddle: A King has 3 cups in front of him. The first two cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name??

King Philip III

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A woman joins a country club, and when she hears some guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."


He figures the early tee-time will discourage her. The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.


They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."


She's there at 6:30 am. sharp ...

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A man got a text from his neighbor: "I'm so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.

I've been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."

The man anguished and ...

A teacher gives his pre-K students a riddle.

Teacher: A train was moving in the East direction at a speed of 100 mph. Another train was moving in the opposite direction at 200 mph.
What is my age?

Student: 70

Teacher- Right Answer! How’d you figure out?

Student: I have an uncle named Larry. He is 35 years old and only ...

So Joe, the bartender tells his regular customer Fred, "I've got a new riddle for you."

So Joe, the bartender tells his regular customer Fred, "I've got a new riddle for you." Fred says, "Gee, I dunno Joe, I'm not good at riddles". Joe says, "This is an easy one, here goes. My mother had a child, it's not my brother, it's not my sister. Who is it?" Fred says, "I dunno. I'm an only chil...

You're hungry. In the fridge there is a bag of bread, jar of jam, a can of tuna, and some milk. To answer the riddle, what do you open first?

This thread!

need help figuring out a joke.

A girl I know keeps telling my friends a joke about golf. She insists it's a joke and not a riddle but none of us get it. Here it is:

Four guys go golfing. The first guy tees up, and hits the ball super far. The second guy tees up, and hits the ball really terribly. The third guy tees up, and...

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Dirty Riddle with Clean ending

What gets longer when pulled, fits cosy between breasts, slides into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly and works best when jerked?













A seat belt

Engineer and an Academic on a plane

An engineer is getting an 8 hour business flight and next to him sits an academic. The engineer is tired and had a crammed week of line side meetings, design meeting, improvement meetings etc. he just wants to get some sleep as its a night flight and he is back in the office in the morning, so forms...

A riddle for the day

A riddle for the day

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.

Michael J. Fox has a small one.

Madonna doesn't have one.

The Pope has one but doesn't use it.

Clinton uses his all the time.

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.

Liberace never used his on women.<...

Why couldn't the tree solve the Lumberjack's riddle?

He was stumped.

What happened to the dollar. Short riddle.

Three friends have a nice meal together, and the bill is $25

The three friends pay $10 each, which the waiter gives to the Cashier

The Cashier hands back $5 to the Waiter

But the Waiter can't split $5 three ways, so he gives the friends one dollar each and keeps 2 dollars as a t...

What's flat & have 4 legs?

Dad : Here's a riddle, son. What's flat & have 4 legs?

Son: A table.

Dad : Wrong.

Son : A stool.

Dad : Wrong again, son.

Son : I don't know dad. What's the answer?

Dad : It's Mr. Whiskers, our cat which I had just accidentally ran over with the car.

Riddle me this, Batman. What do you find in an alley that has holes in it?

"M-my parents?"

"No! A bowling ball! I'm so sorry..."

I'm Full of Riddles.

Riddle A:
---
What is the longest word in the dictionary?

S**mile**s because there is a mile between the S's.

Riddle B:
---

What has hands but cannot clap?

A clock!

Riddle Cya L8ter:
---

How do you make the #1 disappear?

Add a **G** to it ...

A Whodunnit Riddle

A woman is discovered dead in an alley, beaten to death with apparent force. The police found three likely suspects: a local Asian cook, who was single, a Russian construction worker, who had a family of five, and a frail Thai woman, who had one son, and divorced her husband because of the victim....

A random riddle

A man fell out of the highest window in a building that has more than 5 stories.

He survived with hardly any injuries.

How?

Here's a riddle for you:

A teenage boy walks underneath his school and meets a ghost and his pet snake. There's your Riddle.

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An incredibly wealthy genius loves riddles.

Bored with being smarter than anyone he meets the man decides to offer his fortune to anyone who is able to stump him with a question or riddle. Thousands of people come to try and trick the man and without effort he answers every riddle and piece of trivia he is challenged with.
Finally an old...

Can someone solve this riddle?

What starts with an "E" and ends with an "E", but only has one letter?

What am I?

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The Queens Riddle

Barack Obama met with the Queen of Great Britain.

He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Obama frowned, and...

help me figure out this riddle!

a farmer has 2 sons. one is a "good boy" and the other is "a bump on a log". the farmer takes his cow into town and sells it to a butcher. then he goes to a watchmaker and buys a watch. WHO DOES HE GIVE THE WATCH TO?

this is some dutch riddle, so the "" are translated words

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This is a riddle

This is a riddle. It works well if you let the students ask yes and no questions about the situation, before revealing the answer.
Q: A man goes into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun, and points it at the customer. "Thank you" replies the customer and walks out. Wha...

Riddle me this: What's Hot N Red, Best in Bed?

A bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos cause I'm alone

Lawyer Riddle

A high priced lawyer, a low priced lawyer and the tooth fairy are sitting at a table. There is a $20 bill in the middle of the table. All of a sudden, the lights in the room go off. When they come back on, the $20 bill is gone. Who took it?


The high priced lawyer, because the low priced l...

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A boy is at school, and they start the day by telling riddles

The boy says: it goes in, it goes out! The teacher becomes red and angry. Get out! The teacher said. So the boy goes onto the hallway. There he meets the principle, who asks him what he is doing there. I got send out of class, because I asked: it goes in, it goes out! The principal get angry, and sa...

Lame Riddle

Use these four words in a sentence:

defeat, deduct, defense, detail

answer in comments

what has ears but doesn't listen?

men.

credit: -my wife

Riddle: What has wings but can't fly, legs but can't walk, and a mouth but can't speak?

A dead bird

I told a riddle to a double amputee once

Boy did it leave him stumped

A Riddle

Why did the clock go back 4 seconds?

It was hungry.

I read a riddle with a picture of an eye, a child, a finger pointing at me, and a knot

I kid you not, that's what it was

Riddle: A flat-earther and a round-earther enter a maze at the same time. They each have a compass, and both know that the exit is on the North end of the maze. Which one exits the maze first?

The round-earther exits first, because the flat-earther died of measles while inside.

What's the worst kind of riddle?

Being riddled with bullets

Soup for the Mind in riddle form

1. a rooster lays an egg at the very top of a pointed roof. which way does the egg roll??

2. A plane crashes directly in the middle of the border between Canada and U.S.A. where where the survivors buried?

3. Two babys were born from the same mother, on the same day, of the same year, ...

A riddle

Who's got orange skin, poor speaking skills, is overwhelmingly disliked and is in over his head?

Yeah, I know, too easy right?

It's Jar Jar Binks

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A professional gambler dies and goes to Heaven.

A gambler wins big and dies of an aneurysm. When he gets to the afterlife, he finds himself at the back of a miles-long line to get into Heaven.

Drawing on his experience, the gambler immediately thinks of a way to get ahead of everyone else. He taps the old man ahead of him on the shoulder.....

Riddle me this

Which does not belong:

* Nipple clamps
* Soy
* Vibrator


Answer:
The nipple clamps, the other two are meat substitutes.

What do you call a brothel riddled with rabies?

A frothel

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How is Putin like Hitler's father?

They both should have pulled out sooner.
___

I think of it as a Dad Joke, even though, this is more of a r/riddle. They don't allow political ones, there. Sorry.

The Tech Text Times We Live In

DEAR NEIGHBOUR Hi, Morris . This is Saul, next door. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell youface-to-face. When you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it athome rec...

A man walks into a bar

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an...

More of a riddle, actually.

I happen once a year, but twice a week.
You can easily find me in a store, but you won't see me in a mall.

What am I?

einstein's riddle

einstein needs to travel so he takes the plane, in the seat next to him a man looking bored is staring at the clouds, to entertain himself and make a bit of money he makes a deal with the man, einstein says with confidence : 'for every riddle you tell me that i cant answer i will give you 500 dollar...

A dark riddle.

What has four limbs in the morning, two limbs in the afternoon, and is dead by evening?


A disobedient slave.

What do you call an amputee that can't answer riddles?

Stumped

Why are riddles about trees so hard?

Because they always leave you stumped!

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The aspiring comedian (not that funny but I made it myself)

So this aspiring comedian went to his local comedy club, like he did most weekends, and to his surprise his all time favorite comedian was doing a out of the blue performance at his local comedy club.

So he bought him self a ticket and proceeded to have one of the best nights of his life, ...

I wish there was a Harry Potter MMORPG

I'm particularly interested in the idea of a Knockturn Alley mission that involves solving a TM Riddle where the answer comes in your sleep

True Story: I found a note on my doorstep today.

Opening it, I was excited to see a riddle!

It read:
"What dog has legs
But cannot run.
A tail,
It cannot wag,
A mouth,
But cannot bark,
A nose,
But cannot smell?"

I love ...

Little Johnny - Ice Cream

An elementary school math teacher asked her class one day, "If there are three birds on a wire, and a farmer shot one, how many are left?"

One little boy said two, but little Sally, realizing it was a trick question, said, "None, 'cause everyone knows that if you shoot at birds they all...

A student is failing his classes, so he goes to the teacher with a bet

"I will tell you a riddle. You have an entire week to solve it. If you do, I am giving you 500€, if you don't, you give me an A"

"I accept"

"What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?"

The teacher thinks and thinks the entire week, but d...

An old joke from Germany, when Trump jad just became President...

Trump is on Europe tour. He stops by in Germany and visits Mrs. Merkel in the german pariament; the 'Bundestag'.

He sees that everything there is working out just fine, so he asks her: "How do you do that?"
"What?", she asks.
"That everything works out so well?"

"Oh, that's easy....

My favorite Russian joke translated

An eskimo on his way home hails a taxi. As he's getting in, the taxi driver says "if you guess my riddle I'll take you home for free". The Eskimo says "ok go".

– Ok, he looks like me but isn't me.

– Hmm a raindeer?

– Nope.

– Shoot I give up.

– My brother!

– ...

If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?

Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I am their dad, more puns about bees, puns about beer, "oh I get it", and "this joke is more like a riddle"

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Two Polish guys are sitting on a park bench when a bum comes up to them.

“Hey!!" he bellows, in his hoarse voice. "I got a riddle for you two. What has two heads, four arms, four legs, and stinks like shit?"

The Polish guys look at each other, and one of them shrugs "I give up, what has two heads, four arms, four legs, and stinks like shit?"

"You and your f...

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter?

an Envelope
EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke

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A Brit, an Irishman, and an American are walking in the woods together and get lost.

They stumble upon a bridge over a deep ravine guarded by a menacing ogre.

"Halt! Stand where you are!" yells the ogre. "Only those who can answer my riddle can pass this bridge! If you get the answer wrong, you die!"

The three men are short on supplies and don't have a lot of options, ...

Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.

This might be the nerdiest joke I know. Here's a bonus mathematical nerd joke:

Why don't riddles work in octal notation?

Because seven ten eleven.

A man is sitting in a taxi in Newcastle on his way home to Sunderland. He realises he recognises the taxi driver- and with great enthusiasm mentions this. "I know you! You picked me and the missus up that time from the train station and took us to the airport! Remember?"...

The taxi driver, who sees hundreds of different people every day, smiles politely and replies "Maybe.", rather unconvincingly. A typical, though nevertheless unbearable awkwardness follows whereupon the driver says "Riddle me this...". The passenger sits up straight and prepares for thinking.
...

Town idiot got fed up of how dumb he is and decided to off himself

He hikes up the mountain to jump off the ledge. He's finally 30 feet away from the ledge when he hears an old man's voice "What r u doing up here young man?

The guy turns around and tells him about how he's the town idiot and fed up with his own stupidity and how he can't take it anymore. The...

Donald trump is having tea with the queen in Buckingham palace.

When Trump brings up the topic of telling which politician is intellegent, the queen calls for boris johnson to come into the room. A minute later, Boris opens the door and walks in. The queen asks him, "Your mother has a child that isn't your brothers or your sisters. Who is this?". Boris thinks f...

A blonde takes a taxi to the airport

While stuck in traffic, the driver offers the blonde a riddle to help pass the time. He says:

“Who is my mother’s child and my father’s child, but is neither my brother nor my sister?”

The blonde replies “I don’t know, who?”

The driver says “Me!”

They laugh hysterically,...

A daughter a mother and a grandmother walk into a bar...

She sits down infront of the bartender and says "I just heard a GREAT riddle!"

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