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An old man goes to the doctor

An old man goes to the doctor. "Doc, I need a cure for my constant memory lapses... and since I'm here, I also need something that will make my dick harden." The doctor says that both problems are solvable, but that it would better to treat only one at a time. The old man replies that, given his age...

A telemarketer called me up 15 minutes ago on my cellphone (they call every fxxking day)

He said, "We have a vehicle warranty and have noticed that you are in need of one."

I said, "How do you know that I am in need of a warranty right now?"

He said, "Your previous warranty just recently lapsed and we need to make sure that you are continually covered."

I said, "I a...

What's in a name?

A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."

Oh, no, the new mother thinks. He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"

"Denise," t...

When I resigned from my job HR offered me a Cobra...

I turned the offer down because I don’t think it’s safe to own a cobra, especially during a lapse in health insurance.

Sean Bean is walking down the street

Heard you guys like long OC.

 

Sean Bean is walking down the street, enjoying his Sunday night. Suddenly, a black paneled van pulls up next to him. Four massive dudes in ski masks wearing all black leap out and try to grab him. Sean remembers his GoT training and manages to ta...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pastor is leading a church that's running out of money, so one Sunday, he comes up with an idea.

About halfway through his sermon, the pastor reaches into his pocket and pulls out his gold pocketwatch and chain. He starts to gently swing the watch back and forth, pinching the chain between his fingers so the watch swings freely. By the end of his sermon, the normally lethargic members of the ...

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