This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL the company Tampax donates their slightly defective tampons to women's prisons

No strings attached

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeeez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says the parrot. "Ask me anything, I'll answer whatever you want."

"Okay," the guy says. "How can you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but si...

I'm not yet sure which one of these iceboxes to mark as defective.

But I'll cross that fridge when I come to it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a firm yet defective butt?

asphalt

Husband: Why are the defective condoms lying on the sofa?

Wife: What?

Wife goes to find them and comes back angrily saying:

I will kill you, if you don't stop calling our children 'Defective Condoms'.

I came across a great movie about a semi-truck with a defective refrigeration unit that had to deliver a large shipment of meat.

Unfortunately, the trailer spoiled it.

A man has a defective clock and takes it to the German workshop.

The guy says, "My clock is busted. Instead of the usual 'tick tock' it goes 'tick tick tick'. Can you fix this?" The German shop owner says, "I see. Follow me." The owner leads the man into a dark ominous room and places the clock on a wooden chair and straps it. He then proceeds to light up a sin...

Two Parachutists

Two parachutists jumped out of a plane, they had headsets on so they could talk to each other on the way down.

One man‘s parachute opened, the other one’s didn’t.

The guy with the defective chute was falling fast but appeared to be slowly and very calmly trying to figure out the issue....

I told my friend about a defective mouse..

But he seemed unamused. I guess it just didn't click.

I bought some RGB laptop RAM but it was defective.

It was so dimm.

I was going to make a joke about a defective bomb.

But it probably won't blow up.

Two doctors are sitting on a bench at a park

They see an old man approaching with something obviously wrong on his way of walking. They take a professional interest on him:

- Look, a clear case of hip replacement gone wrong

- No, my dear colleague, that is classical sciatic neuralgia

- I have to disagree with you: that dra...

The U.S. postal services came out with a new Donald Trump stamp. Although they received many complaints that they were defective!

After polling the public on how the stamp is defective, they figured out nothing was wrong with the stamp at all!

The americans were just not spitting on the right side!

Defective Turtle

A little boy walks into a pet store carrying a turtle. He goes up to the guy at the counter and says "Meester... I bought this turtle here yesterday but he's defective". The man looks down at the kid and asks "Defective? What's the matter with him?". The boy responds, "He's got bleesters on he's fee...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I bought a defective pack of playing cards. It had only three suits and all the cards were jacks.

I'm still trying to get a refund from those heartless bastards.

I got one of those digital assistant things for Christmas, but I think it's defective

It refuses to open the pod bay doors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A soap factory had a problem.

They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the bar inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of golfers get stuck behind a really slow group

Four golfers (a doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer) are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. They start to get frustrated, so they call up the course's pro.

"Hey, how come you're letting guys like this on the course? They're hitting their balls all over the place, spending wa...

I ordered a pair of sneakers from an online shopping site and found it to be defective.

Is that an e-shoe?

I woke up to the news that I had gotten a girl pregnant!

I shouldn’t of given her boyfriend those defective condoms.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where do the Japanese store defective mannequin feet?

In bent-toe boxes.

Husband and wife are putting up Holiday decorations

when husband offers to hang the wreath. “But sweetums, you are inept and you have no tools,” says the wife. Husband shrugs and goes to Lowe’s to buy a hammer. He walks past a display for the new, Elf Steam Multi-Tool. The marketing was brilliant and it had a drill, three saws, and a sander - all wor...

[OC] Hey, Reddit. Wanna hear a joke about a defective condom?

Actually, never mind. You pricks would probably just poke holes in it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a statistician call a defective butter substitute?

A margarine of error!

If lawyers are disbarred and priests are defrocked, then...

Electricians are delighted

Corpses are decrypted

Cowboys are deranged

Models are deposed

Underwear models are debriefed

Dry cleaners are depressed, decreased and depleted

Jilted women are debrided

HVAC technicians are deducted

Tennis linemen ar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cheap parrot

Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50. Standing next to the cage the man asks, "Why is he so cheap?" "Because I am defective," came the reply. "I've got no legs." A little surprised the man asked, "Well how do you stay on your perch?" The parrot draws him closer and whispers, "I h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his new hunting dog

A man is sitting at the bar of his local gun club with a few of his buddies after finishing their trap shoot. As they enjoy a cold beer, a man and his dog enter the bar. After a few minutes of pleasantries, the man with the dog says "Yea, this dog is incredible. I don't have to sit around and wait f...

A guy walks into the kitchen

and says to his wife "Why are those defective condoms laying on the couch" Worried, she rushes into the lounge and comes back and says "That is not what we call the children"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Young naive couple

A young naïve newlywed couple from rural China decided to move to America to start a new life with nothing but big dreams and the love for each other. They arrived at their new home in rural Minnesota, and although they were happy and still in love, the first couple of months were difficult. They ...

My company makes parachutes for skydivers

We offer free refund for defective products but it seems like our customers are very generous about small mistakes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had just popped into a shop and when I came out there was a cop writing a parking ticket.

I said what the fuck are you doing?

He said the car is illegally parked.

I told him he's a pig.

So then he writes another ticket for a bald tyre.

I told him he's likes fucking hitler.

So he then writes another ticket for a defective wiper blade.

I said fuck ...

A cowboy's horse died on his way to town...

As he was walking down the dusty trail, he happened across a ranch. With a renewed sense of hope, he asked the stable keeper if he had any horses for sale.

"Sorry, I've fallen on hard times myself. I had to sell all of my horses!"

The cowboy noticed a rather strange-looking steed stand...

Just wrote this one about my esteemed profession. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the aforementioned task in a timely and efficient manner within the structure in which said bulb is housed and being dependent on the following variables:

Whereas it should be taken in to account that ceiling heights may differ significantly f...

A parachutist is plummeting to Earth

Because her ripcord malfunctioned.

As she frantically pulls at the defective cord, she passes a man atop a stove traveling the opposite way.

She yells out to him, “Hey, do you know how to fix a parachute!?”

He replies back “No! Do you know anything about repairing gas lines??”

What rank do you give an incompetent policeman?

Defective Inspector.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Computer idiots (Warning: Old)

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" k...

What do you call a broken police officer?

Defective

Two blondes decide their house needs new siding

So they go out and buy the materials and return home to do the job. They decide it would be best for the first blonde to work on the front and the second on the back.

After about an hour the first blonde goes to the back to see how it's coming and watches as the other blonde picks up a nail ...

Renting a dirty video

A blonde decides to do something she"s never done before - rent a dirty movie. She drives to the local Video Warehouse and makes here way to the adult section in the back.

After looking around at titles, she selects a something that sounds very stimulating.She drives home, lights some candles...

An infamous sleuth gets half of his deduction wrong.

He was a Defective.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tech support call.

Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."

Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"

Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."

Tech Support: "Did it not in...

Two blondes trying to light a match

After few failed attempts, the first one turned to her friend and said: maybe this match is defective
to which the first one replied: it was just working before you came

I'm the leader of a group of shoddy private investigators.

I'm a directive defective detective.

A blonde joke

A blonde goes to the store to return her TV she just bought. She takes it to the customer service desk and tells the employee that her TV is defective and would like to return it for a working model.
The employee looks at her and says "I'm sorry but we do not serve blondes".
The lady comes...

Two blonde women renovating a house...

There are 2 blonde women that decide to buy and renovate a house. The 1st thing they decide is to replace the vinyl siding. So they're working away and the 1st is watching the other and notices that she takes nail out of her tool belt, looks at it, uses it to nail up the siding, takes another nail...

One morning a guy tells his wife that he is going to chop down 20 trees...

One morning a guy wakes up and tells his wife that he is going to chop down 20 trees in the woods with his ax and that he will be done by suppertime. He works and works all day long, but can only chop down two trees. He is so tired that when he comes in for supper he goes right to sleep without eati...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American factory orders a shipment of a certain part from a Japanese factory.

They write a letter to warn their partners "Be aware of our strict standards, we only accept 3 defective parts per 10 000".

The Japanese reply: "We don't quite understand what do you need them for, but as per request, we manufactured three defective parts and attach them separately hereby"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dog Hunter

Two old friends get together once a year to go hunting. It's something they look forward to every year and it is the foundation of their decades-long friendship.

One year, one of the friends brings a hunting dog that he had just bought. He said to his friend, "Watch - he'll go out to the wo...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.