What do the Royal Family and Probability math equations have in common?

They are not important and nobody cares about them.

What do you call a person who uses algebraic equations to calculate coffin sizes?

A mathemortician.

Why was Gimli so interested in plotting equations on an x-y coordinate plane?

He heard it involved axes.

Did you hear about the mathematician who suffered muscle pain when writing out equations?

They had fibromyalgebra

Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a mathematician.

He made it his life’s goal to tackle one of the greatest unsolved calculus problems in history. For months he worked, filling blackboards with numbers and lines, to no avail.

After a year of struggling, he was ready to give up. He pulled out the bottle of wine that was *meant* to toast his s...

A collection of math jokes

A big, muscly man enters the bar, slams the counter and says in a deep voice: I want 10 times more beer than everyone here is having.

The bartender says: Now thats an order of magnitude


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An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first asks for...

What do you call a sudden urge to solve differential equations?

Calculust

How do people in Prague solve Algebra equations?

Guess and Czech.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations

F=ma

What do you get when you cross Russian literature with balanced chemical equations?

Tolstoichiometry

I may be willing to solve equations..

but graphing is where I draw the line!

I love quadratic equations so much I would give up my first born child for it

and that’s not a hyperbola

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better.

A mathematician and a physicist were arguing over whose field of study was better. They decided to settle the argument by posing questions. The mathematician went first, and posed a complicated mathematical problem. With a great deal of effort, several books of mathematical tables and techniques,...

How does Donald Trump keep a handle on integral equations?

He grabs them by the +c.

My friend was arrested after carving equations into blocks of quartz

He was charged with manufacture of crystal math

Einstein dies and goes to heaven

Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him,

"You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to

sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a ...

Three professors are on a hunting trip

After hours of trudging through the woods, they spot their first game of the day: a deer sleeping soundly in the middle of a clearing.

The first one, a physicist, takes out his notebook and uses the equations of motion to aim his rifle at the perfect angle. Bang! His bullet whizzes past the d...

After years of research and exploration, an Archaeologist discovered an ancient book...

The book was said to answer any question asked of it. Being a professional, the archaeologist took the book back to his prestigious university, which was home to several leaders of certain fields. To research the book's power in a controlled manner, the archaeologist rounds up three of the universit...

Man: Hi when do you use that calculator?

2nd Man: Oh, only on special equations.....

A chemist, an engineer and a mathematician were all asleep in a hotel when several fires broke out in their respective rooms....

The engineer woke up, saw the fire, ran into the bathroom, turned on the faucets full-blast, flooding out the entire apartment, which put out the fire, and went back to sleep.

The chemist woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, pulled out his CRC (chemistry handbook), and began working o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A biologist, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer...

Came up with this a while back, and found it today. I cleaned it up a bit:

A biologist, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer can't take it anymore and decide to commit suicide.

The biologist reviews some data and determines the impact velocity required to kill a human. He the...

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