Recession Jokes - 20 Hilarious Recession Jokes

Due to the recession and to save on energy costs,

the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off.

upvote

downvote

report

Recession has got so bad , I have a friend who used to live in a spare tyre ….

Then he got a puncture, now he lives in a flat

upvote

downvote

report

A man on his retirement, purchased a house situated near a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began. One afternoon early into the first semester, three young boys came down the street, beating merrily on every bin they passed.

They did this the following day and the day's after that, for a week, until the man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the boys as they banged their way down the street.

Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. In fact, I used ...

upvote

downvote

report

What is the difference between an economic recession and an economic depression?

One is when your neighbor loses their job, the other is when you also lose yours.

upvote

downvote

report

I'm really worried about this recession.

I fear that I may go bald.

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The recession is getting so bad...

wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

In these times of economic hardship and a looming recession, it's important to remember that Jesus Saves!

By using double coupons and shopping wisely.

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Recession beater.

Wife says to husband, "If you cycle to work, we can get rid of the second car." He replies, "If you take it up the arse and let me cum on your face, we can get rid of the nanny!"

What do you call Bob the builder during a recession?

Bob

(I'm sorry idk why, but I had to post this)

upvote

downvote

report

A man we’ll call “Egon Tusk” had just become the CEO of a large tech company.

The departing CEO left him with three envelopes numbered 1, 2 and 3.

"Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Egon made a lot of changes, but six months later revenues had still not picked up and was in fact lower than when he...

upvote

downvote

report

Me: I reckon if we got a dog we should call it Noodles.

Wife: That's silly, we eat noodles.

Me: If this recession gets bad enough, yes, we would.

upvote

downvote

report

What's long, hard, and waiting for you?

The upcoming global recession

upvote

downvote

report

There is currently a tomato ketchup shortage in America

If they run out of mayonnaise too, does that make it a double-dip recession?

upvote

downvote

report

What do you call it when fewer and fewer school kids go to the playground?

A recession.

upvote

downvote

report

I will not live to see that day :(

Three old men went to see God.

The first old man, an American, asked God when will his country come out of recession. "100 years," God said.
The American started weeping profusely. "I will not live to see that day"

Second man, a Russian asked God "When will my country become pros...

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"A father says to his son,"

"It's going to be tough in this recession."

The son says "Tell me something I don't know."

The father says "Your mum's ass can take my whole fist."

A donkey walks into a bar....

A donkey walks into a bar.
"Where's the horse?" asks the barman.
"Recession," says the donkey.

upvote

downvote

report

This morning I saw a homeless guy talking to his shadow...

Does that mean six more weeks of recession?

upvote

downvote

report

[Long] A successful man, working as a sales representative...

...in a large company, tells his boss one day, “If you want me to continue working for you, I need a 20% raise.
You have 24 hours to give me an answer.
I have four companies chasing me, so let me know your decision”.

The boss is alarmed. “In this recession, a 20 percent raise?
So...

upvote

downvote

report

Walking Economy

A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm just a walking economy."

His friend replies, "What do you mean?"

"It's like this: My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a de...

upvote

downvote

report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.