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Capitalism Jokes

What do my girlfriend and ethical capitalism have in common?

They don't exist

My boyfriend keeps talking about overthrowing capitalism in a violent revolution

Could this be a red flag?

If I had a dollar for everything wrong with capitalism

... then I probably wouldn’t be complaining about capitalism.

"Dad, what's capitalism?"

"Here, take this £5 note and go and get me a BLT with a large coca cola."

The boy left his house and took the only possible route, up a huge hill. He got to the counter and made the order.

"That'll be £7.34," said the assistant.

"I only have £5, mister," said the boy. The assist...

What is the biggest problem with capitalism?

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...and thats basically capitalism

Two man are locked in a room. There is a cake in the middle of it. The first one thinks: "I now have two options:

1. I take half of the cake and the other half is for that other guy.
2. I kill that other guy and have the cake all by myself."

He goes for the second option and kills t...

To teach my kids about capitalism...

...I made them pay for housing, food, and charged them to use the bathroom.

Then if they wanted to make any money, I had them compete against each other for who could do chores for the least amount of money.

Then when they unionised, I had the neighbour's kid do chores instead and gav...

What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, "Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?" The other one says, "Because he was afraid of capitalism."

The whole bar died laughing

You can make a capitalist poor and they’ll still believe in Capitalism

But if you make a socialist rich, you have a new capitalist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dont own this joke. But i havent forgotten about it for five years.

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

Son: "What is Politics?"

Father: "Well, let's take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". your mother is the administra...

Capitalism jokes aren't funny.

Not everyone gets them.

I thought of a joke about capitalism.

But not all of you would get it.

Difference between capitalism and communism

Q: What's the difference between capitalism and communism?
A: Under capitalism, Man exploits Man. Under communism, it is exactly the opposite.

I finally understand the difference between capitalism, libertarianism, and socialism.

Capitalists hire libertarians to say socialism is bad. Socialists say capitalism is bad for free. And libertarians will say everyone else is bad as long as they get paid.

If you want to defeat capitalism......

If you want to defeat capitalism
Then you need to rally the *lowercase*

Cybersecurity experts have found an easy way to spot North Korean hackers. They never use the shift key.

They hate capitalism.

Q: What do capitalism and communism have in common

A: Starving poor people

Capitalism is dancing at the edge of the abyss.

Socialism, of course, is one step ahead of them.

I hate capitalism,

so i always type my messages in lowercase. i also hate racism, and refuse to run 100 metres.

Ask Any Librarian, What’s The Opposite of Capitalism?

lowercasism

What do you call people who think capitalism should go unchecked?

Ownanists.

What's the difference between Communism and Capitalism?

In Communism the government owns and runs and collects everything.
In Capitalism you own and run things and the government collects it for you.

I just graded a social studies essay on capitalism

Dan, my brightest student, wrote a brilliant essay about how wages and labor are balanced to ensure that a vendor sells his product at a competitive price. I gave him A marks.

Emily wrote an essay that touched upon the fundamentals, but didn't really explain the concepts with the quality and ...

How do you get rid of capitalism?

Just get rid of the shift and caps lock keys.

You know, capitalism can be pretty complicated

But communism? Everyone gets it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Cows

**Edit: Just to make it clear, I am not taking credit for the joke(s). I just merely found it/them whilst browsing around and thought you guys would appreciate it/them.**



SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour



COMMUNISM

You have 2...

Why did Karl Marx only write in lowercase?

Because he hated capitalism.

What is the difference between Capitalism and Socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man and in a socialist one, it's the other way around.

Capitalism is like the lottery.

Every body believe they will win, but only few do.

What is the difference between Capitalism and Communism?

It's the order of events,

In Capitalism the dad goes missing and then kids report,
while in Communism kids report then dad goes missing.

I bought a book on Capitalism but returned it.

Most of the letters were lower case.

Capitalism is horrible

Buy my book to find out why!

Why are hippies against capitalism?

Because money doesn't grow on trees.

What do you call it when a white person robs you?

Capitalism.

Two men walk past a slogan in the Soviet Union

The slogan reads: "We shall liberate the people of the world from the chains of capitalism!". One of the men tells the other: "This is actually true. Remember the gold chain I had?"

Politics in terms of cows

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The state takes a high portion of the milk they produce to be redistributed.


COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and you have to get into a bread line for food instead.


FASCISM: You have two cows. The State will kill you ...

After the fall of the Soviet Union...

two Russian friends meet and one tells the other:

Friend 1: You know what? Everything they told us about socialism and communism was a lie.

And his friend replies,

Friend 2: You are right. And do you know what's even worse? Everything they told us about capitalism is true.

My russian boyfriend only writes in lowercase letters...

He doesn't like Capitalism

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